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Is It Wrong To Stay With Your Cheating Boyfriend?

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Should you dump your cheating boyfriend?

Hmmm… The answer to that one is not as easy as it sounds.

Should you listen to your friends and family?

Well, that depends on your friends and family. While it’s really easy to sit on the sidelines and say, “Yeah, dump him!”, it’s oftentimes not so easy when you’re the one doing the dumping.

People cheat for all kinds of reasons and it’s really important to understand those reasons before making a rash decision that you may regret for the rest of your life.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Well my ex and I were dating for a while but then he cheated on me. I still like him a lot and he likes me but I cannot trust him.

My family thinks I should not date him because he cheated on me. What should I do?

–Dylan, Florida

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib8BgG4i81A[/youtube]

Should You Dump Your Cheating Boyfriend?

So, your boyfriend has cheated on you. Does that mean you should leave him and stop dating him all together?

This is one of those questions that doesn’t really have a simple yes or no answer.

Our definition of cheating is a “breaking of trust” between two people. Cheating is often a symptom of deeper relationship problems, not the cause of them.

People cheat for many different reasons, but the most common reason is that they are trying to fill an emotional void of some sort. They normally feel that they’re not getting something from their current relationship.

To help your relationship move forward, it’s important to understand why that person cheated.

So we immediately have several questions that  you should answer before you consider leaving him.

Questions To Ask Yourself Before Making A Decision

Why did he cheat?

Was it a one night stand or an ongoing relationship?

Was he feeling lonely or neglected?

Did he succumb to temptation?

What was the state of your relationship before he cheated?

What is the state of your relationship now that he has cheated?

Are you able to talk about the circumstances that led up to him cheating?

Is he honest with you about his feelings?

Did he tell you that he cheated to come clean, or did he get busted? (You know, did he come up and say, “Hey I have really screwed up and I’m sorry”?)

Should We Break Up Or Not?

As you can see, the answer to whether you should or should not break up is not as black and white as many people make it out to be. There’s a lot of gray area that you and your partner need to talk about between the two of you.

As a couple, it’s critical to be able to talk openly and honestly about your feelings. That may be difficult to do when you’re hurt, but try to put aside your anger and resentment and truly listen to what he has to say.

If you’re not able to do it on your own, and this relationship is truly important to you, then I recommend seeking a professional counselor. The reason for this is that he or she can serve as a mediator in identifying the issues that are going on between you, and in many cases prevent an all out brawl.

A counselor can serve as an objective third party to help you come to a mutual decision about staying together or breaking up, rather than making a decision out of anger and other negative emotions.

Dating Is Not Marriage

It’s one thing to date someone casually and a completely different thing to consider marrying someone. It’s entirely possible to have a casual relationship and be able to accept the fact that they may or may not cheat on you again.

If he did it once, he’s very likely to do it again unless the two if you are able to work through the issues that caused him to cheat in the first place.

While casual dating is not the same thing as marriage, honesty is critical for any successful long-term relationship. If you are even considering getting married to this person, then it’s even more important to work through these issues now.

I would never recommend marrying a person that you do not trust 100%.

Suspect Your Boyfriend or Husband of Cheating? What If You Could Track Exactly Where He Goes and When?

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Do you know that agonizing feeling, when you suspect your loved one is cheating on you, but you just can’t put your finger on why? The panic, the fear, the self doubt, and then the inevitable denial… because nobody really wants to face that possibility and it’s implications.

Cheating is a betrayal of trust, which is what makes it so painful to be on the receiving end.  And the only thing worse than being cheated on is not knowing for sure, just suspecting that SOMETHING may be going on.

Don’t you sometimes wish you could just follow him or her around like a fly on the wall, to know once and for all if you’re just making this up or if it’s real?

Well, technology has come a long way in the last years, and today you can actually do just that. The technology to actually digitally monitor someone’s movements through GPS is available today, from companies like LandAirSea.

The GPS Tracking Key from LandAirSea is basically a small spy gadget that is small, easily concealable, and can track where a person goes, for how long, and even how fast. The pocket sized GPS Tracking Key receives signals from the twenty-four Department of Defense GPS satellites orbiting the earth. It’s internal computer accurately determines the GPS location of the device within 2.5 meters and records this data every second. The data can then be downloaded and viewed in Google Earth simply by plugging the Tracking Key into the USB port of a computer.

Think of it as a video recorder for your (or his) car. Silently recording everywhere it goes, without anyone being the wiser.

In fact, this type of tracking technology has even been used to solve crimes, like this murder case. Here’s the NBC report on how this hidden GPS tracking device worked in a surprising real life situation.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpM1wJ-AXZs[/youtube]

Suddenly, you CAN know for sure if he’s really coming straight home after work, or taking a little “detour”. Ideally you could just ask him and have an open and honest discussion on the situation, but this is pretty unlikely in most infidelity situations.

So isn’t it a little creepy and “stalkeresque” to follow your significant other around with a hidden GPS tracking device? Well, yeah, sure it is. But it really sucks to suspect infidelity and not know. Facing just about any situation is much easier than worrying and being afraid of it… not knowing is always the worst. So either you end the relationship because something “may be happening”, or you find out for sure.

And no cheater is going to admit anything if you don’t have blatant, obvious evidence. Even then, you’re unlikely to get a plain admission.

At the end of the day, trust is the most important component in a relationship. Suspicion, lying, and any kind of deception is a sure way to destroy your relationship. Once you start lying to your partner, it becomes easier and easier… and soon thereafter the trust is broken, and so is the relationship. So stay honest with those you love.

But if you get that nagging feeling in your gut that something is just not right, and you really want to know for sure if he’s seeing someone else and lying about it, do yourself a favor and find out for sure.

Depending on your specific situation and the local laws in your jurisdiction, something like the GPS Tracking Key may well be an option for you.

That type of fear and uncertainty is no way to live. One way or another, put your mind at ease so you can move forward and enjoy your life again.

This article is brought to you by LandAirSea Systems. To sponsor an article on AskDanAndJennifer.com, click here.

How Can He Love Me And Still See Her On The Side?

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What would you do if you started dating a man and the relationship seemed perfect. Except for one little thing… You find out that he hasn’t really ended his last relationship. He’s still seeing his ex while dating you.  He sees her, he takes care of her emotionally and financially, and he won’t tell her about you.

How would you handle this situation? Before you jump to any conclusions, stop and think for just a minute… Is it possible to love two people? How many of you have found yourself in a situation where you love two different people for two different reasons and you’ve been forced to choose? In my opinion, whichever choice you make, you’ll never be happy because you’ll wonder what you left behind…

Here’s a desperate plea from a woman whose heart is breaking.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I began an intimate relationship with a man when he broke up with his ex-girlfriend.  We love each other, and share our common goals and values in life.  This seems to be such a perfect partnership.  The misery came when I realized his relationship with his ex-girlfriend is not over. He still has an intimate relationship with her.  Because of this, we have arguments all the time. He said he loves me, and he can’t live without me.

Whenever I ask him about his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, he tells me he needs to take care of her.  They can be friends, and I have no objection.  The problem is his care is excessive and unnatural.  He won’t let me to meet his ex-girlfriend and he has no courage to end their intimate relationship.

Now he is not happy when I’m around, because he has less opportunity to contact her.  He claims that he is losing his freedom. I’m confused.  Where is his love?  Where is his promise?  How can our relationship survive with so much doubt?  I have sacrificed everything for this love, and I wonder what else can I give to save our relationship? I appreciate your kind advice.

— A broken heart

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQZjSuMmvKk[/youtube]

Why is he no longer with his ex?

Understanding this is crucial…

It’s obvious he hasn’t let go of his past which is now jeopardizing your future together.

The big question to ask is this, “If he loves her so much and wants to take care of her, why did they break up and why are they still semi-together?”

That doesn’t make sense if he still loves her so much – why are they not together?

Why is there a need to find another partner?

Understanding this is crucial to your relationship survival. If he can’t be honest with you then you really have to ask yourself what he’s hiding…

The way we see it, there are two options here.

Option #1: Accept and share – he may actually love two people.

He needs to be completely honest about both relationships with both people or it won’t work. If he can’t be honest, then you’ll never trust what he’s feeling.

There’s a very interesting question here ‘Is it possible to love two people?’ A lot of people will say ‘NO’ but I disagree. I thoroughly believe that it’s absolutely possible to love two people. Although this is not socially accepted, you can certainly and absolutely love multiple people. You love your mom, you love your kids, you love your dog, you love your best friend!

So yes it is indeed possible to love multiple people.

The problem occurs is when people start confusing sex with love, and they think they can own their partner. Then jealousy rears it’s ugly head. That’s why it’s an issue.

Having said that, complete honesty is a must if you’re even going to attempt this kind of relationship.

Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it’s to survive everything life can throw at it. Once you accept and understand that it’s possible to love two people, the next thing you need to accept is to share. You need to ask yourself if you’re willing to share his love for you and the other girl. This is called unconditional love, and it’s a rare trait these days…

Option #2: Run as fast as you can!

If Option #1 doesn’t sound like a fit to you, then it’s time to end this relationship as soon as possible.

Honesty is vital to the health of all relationships. Mutual trust, openness, and understanding are the key contributors to feelings of friendship and intimacy. Conversely, it is very hard to be in a relationship with a person who distorts or withholds information critical to that relationship.

Now the interesting part here is that he is NOT being honest. He is not being honest with his ex girlfriend, and he is also not being honest with you, his current girlfriend.

And that’s bad. That really stinks! You can’t have dishonesty in a healthy relationship. It negates the trust that’s absolutely needed for a healthy relationship.

What he needs here is to be completely honest with himself and with both on what he actually wants, or it will never work.

If he can’t do that, it’s time to run as fast as you can! Find someone that will be honest with you and show you the respect and love you deserve.

Commitment Issues… And Another Woman!

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I think we’ve probably all been in, or have known someone in this situation…

You meet someone really great, you have a lot in common, you have so much fun together, you really click. There’s just one little problem. He already has a girlfriend! The particular type of man that I’m referring to says that leaving the other woman. He just won’t say when. He tells you to hold on, it’ll be worth the wait and you’ll be together soon.

Here’s a question from Marie who is in this exact situation.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met this man online a year ago. I flew out to spent a few weekends with him knowing that he had a girlfriend. He keeps telling me he’s going to end it, to hang on that it’ll be worth it… But the last time I was there, he couldn’t tell me how he feels about me. So I said “OK,it’s time to walk away”, but now he keeps calling and texting me. I don’t get it. He’s all I think about. He’s 51 and never been married and I’m not 20 any more! Please, it’s driving me crazy. I really like this man. We have fun, laugh a lot, and really have a lot in common. So what’s the problem? Oh, I might add that he’s still on the same dating site where we met. I know because I go on to chat with others while I wait for him. Thanks for any truthful advice you can give.

— Marie

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO8klHdq2Dw[/youtube]

Dump him – he’s stringing you along!

I’m usually flexible on these things but on this one I say… “Dump him” – he’s stringing you along. That’s all it is, he is playing you like a fiddle. Leave now before it’s too late. Obviously he wants you around to boost his ego and to get a little on the side.

One of the most difficult things we can face in a relationship is deciding when to cut our losses and simply walk away. And at this point you’re on the losing side… So it’s time to move on and make room for the right person to come into your life.

Make room for the right person to come into your life.

While you’re holding on to this man, you’re preventing the right man from coming into your life. Let this one go and create room in your life for the right person. Find the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with and who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

Trying to start a new relationship over a long distance is hard enough without the added complexity of another woman and his obvious commitment issues.

He’s never been married and his current girlfriend is there all the time. He’s not likely to leave her – she’s a sure thing – and what’s more she got there first. That’s a rough one… He may be be coming up to see you all the time and truly enjoying your time together, but you have to see that he’s not putting any effort into this. If you just want to play around and have some fun that’s one thing, but it sounds like you want a relationship. And if that’s true, then he’s not the guy for you.

You may not be 20 anymore, but you’re not dead either.

Don’t make decisions out of fear that the clock is ticking or the fear of being alone.

Just take one day at a time and live your life in a joyful and fun way. The right person will come along for you.  Whenever we feel that we NEED something, we actually create more ‘need’ and push away the things that we think we need. Choose to be happy either way!

It is easy to say that I’m getting older so why not settle for this guy. He’s not that horrible anyway…

That sucks! That’s not the way to do this. “Oh My God I need to land somebody before I get any older so we can grow old(er) together. Don’t think thatway… Your only 47 – that’s still young! If you settle for this guy and he turns up to be a real loser, guess what? Now you’re 57 and you’ve spent 10 years of your life waiting for this guy to change. Don’t do that. You’ll only regret it later.

As long as you cling to the wrong guy, there’s no room in your life for the right one who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

Move on and live your life, one day at a time… You are worthy of love and you will find the right man for you!

My Girlfriend Is Acting Distant – Is She Cheating?

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If your girlfriend is acting distant, does that mean she’s cheating, or even that she’s planning to break up with you?

Here’s a scenario…

Your girlfriend goes off for the weekend to celebrate her birthday but does not invite you, and she was extra nice to you the week before she left – unnaturally nice. This by itself is enough to raise some red flags, but what if she stops returning your calls and text messages while she’s away? Now that’s enough to drive most men crazy!

There are two possibilities here…

Most likely, she did hook up with someone else while she was away. That’s why she suddenly stopped responding – she doesn’t want the new guy to think he’s unimportant.

The second possibility is that for some reason or other, she’s intentionally putting distance between you. Maybe she’s thinking of breaking up or maybe it’s just moving too fast for her. Maybe she just needs some space.

Either way, this isn’t looking so good for you.

So what can you do?

First, be honest with her and let her know that her recent behavior hurt your feelings and that you feel neglected. It’s very important to be honest, but NOT judgemental or accusing. You need to create an environment where she feels safe being honest with you. That is if you REALLY do want the truth…

And when she does tell you the truth, be supportive and understanding – even if what she says makes you angry. Face it – you cannot control how she feels or what she does. Read that again. You cannot control how she feels or what she does. The only thing in this life that any of us can really control is our actions and our emotional responses to others’ actions. Period.

So take a deep breath and tell her how you feel.

Here’s a question from Ty in Nebraska who is facing this troubling issue right now.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Yeah so my girlfriend had her birth this weekend and I have been having issues not trusting her lately for some reason or and other. Well she went out of town back home for her birthday and she didn’t invite me! She has been real lovely talking to me lately like she is trying to cover up something it seems. Well I talked to her yesterday afternoon at about 2:30 and she said she would call me back so i waited it out all night and I texted her about 9:30 and never heard from her and then texted her happy b-day at 12:00 am this morning wishing her happy b-day and no hear back from her!

This is totally not like her because she is a text message freak and she has been calling me like crazy the last couple of days! I am starting to wonder if is being unfaithful or just ignoring me or what’s up I don’t know how to confront her on her birthday? I need to say something because it really is bothering me big time!

Lets hear back soon.
Thanks, Tyler

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B0rWppyVac[/youtube]