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Q&A: I’ve Confessed My Love – Now What?

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You’ve confessed your love to a girl, and now she’s run for the hills. What do you do? Did you come on too strongly, or is she giving you mixed signals? Dating comes with lots of questions and very few answers, but here’s what you can do when a girl you like starts giving you the slip.

Question: A few weeks ago, me and a good friend of mine setup to have a date. I have some affection towards her and I thought she felt the same way. Two days before our date, I confessed my love to her. On the day of the date, I called her up to see if she still wants to go; she didn’t pick up. Then the next day I called her to see if she still wants to go out today and she said “I don’t think that is a good idea.” So I get the idea and drop it. We still talk once in a while now, but not as much and intimate as before. But then last week, I asked her out to dinner and she came. I’m confused, what should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZNGr5tfQms[/youtube]

Labeling The Relationship

Often, people who are dating are too quick to put a label on the “relationship” they have, and want to know where they stand when it comes to being with someone. This goes for both guys and girls though – it’s a common belief that women do this more than men, but it’s actually about equal between the sexes. Unfortunately, when one person in the relationship is pressing to define it, the other person gets scared and starts moving away emotionally. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to spend time with you or don’t like you, but it may mean that they just want to go slowly and let the relationship go where it needs to on its own.

Backtracking

If you’ve confessed your love to someone and they start giving you the slip, you may think you’ll never repair the damage that was done. That could be true, but not always. The thing to do now is to back off and let them take the lead. Don’t start calling all the time or continue to try to get them to go out with you. They may like you, but they may just need some time to air out. Take a few steps back and let them call you. Be polite and friendly when you see them, but let them make the moves. If you do want to ask them out, suggest going to a casual lunch or bowling. Whatever you do, make sure they don’t feel pressured in any way and they just might come around.

Letting A Relationship Develop On Its Own

When you start dating, it can be tempting to move along quite quickly, especially if you feel like you’re ready to settle down. Instead, try letting the relationship develop on its own. Don’t ask your partner where you stand or try to define the relationship, because often, it’s always changing. Just focus on enjoying being with the person you’re with and let the relationship move along at its own pace. Getting to stop and enjoy all stages of a budding relationship is like stopping and smelling the flowers – totally worth it.

Q&A: I Like This Girl But She Can’t Date – Ideas?

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Dating, especially when you’re young and a teenager, can be frustrating and intimidating. With parental rules and restrictions, it can be hard to find someone you like, let alone try to get to spend time with them and get to know them. What can you do when your parents don’t let you date?

Question: Hi, I really like this girl and she likes me. The only problem is her parents won’t let her date or hang out with guys. It’s a secret between the two of us that we like each other so hanging in a group might not work. Any ideas?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoZ5iBRJCFM[/youtube]

Keeping It A Secret

Many teens are tempted to keep their romance with someone else a secret. They don’t want parents to find out they’re dating, so they hide the fact that they like each other from everyone. Keeping your romance a secret from everyone is a great way to make sure you really don’t get to spend very much time with the person that you like. Many parents allow teens to hang out together in a group, and that would allow you to spend more time with your partner instead of trying – usually unsuccessfully – to get some alone time. If your romance is a secret from your parents as well as your friends, consider letting your friends know so you can all hang out together as a group. Chances are, they’ll even let you sneak in a few minutes of quiet time with your partner here and there.

Don’t Get Stressed About Time

Teens whose parents don’t approve of dating can get easily frustrated at the amount of time that they get to spend with their partners. There’s really no reason to get stressed about it though, because dating in your teens is supposed to be fun, not super serious! A big reason for teenage breakups is the arguments that are caused by not getting enough time to spend with each other – not necessarily the lack of time itself. Relax and learn to enjoy the time you do get to spend with the person you like, instead of constantly stressing about how you’re not getting enough. You’ll find that instead of arguing with each other about how to get more time together, you’re actually spending time together and enjoying each other’s company – which of course, makes it all worthwhile!

You’ll Get More Time In The Future

As a relationship builds and you grow older, you and your partner are going to get more privileges. You may even get some dating privileges too! The best way to get dating privileges though is to keep your grades up, keep your room clean and pick up after yourself and generally prove to your parents that you are a responsible individual. They may not concede in a week, but if over time you prove to them that you are responsible enough to handle dating – and that it won’t interfere with school, sports or other extra-curricular activities – they might be willing to give you a little bit of leeway in that area. The same goes for your partner.

Q&A: I’m Still Friends With My Ex But It’s Awkward

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Breaking up is hard – but dealing with your ex afterwards can be even more difficult. During the awkward time after a breakup, it’s hard to tell if you should try to stay friends with your ex or cut off all communication completely. Here’s how to handle the situation if you want to try to stay friends with your ex.

Question: I have been out of a relationship now for 3-4 months and am over my ex – but I somehow I feel I owe something to her and should build a friendship again. I still feel awkward talking to her even though it’s small talk – any tips?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coL7aFoDoMk[/youtube]

It’s Always Awkward

If you’ve just broken up with someone or have just been broken up with, the period directly following the breakup is always awkward. If you’re feeling as though things are strained between you and your ex and it just doesn’t feel right, join the club! Most people feel strange after a breakup, especially if they’re often around their ex. For example, if you and your ex work together or share many of the same friends, coming into constant contact with each other after the breakup can be just plain weird. It’s totally normal to feel awkward after a breakup and it can take some time for you and your partner to reach a totally platonic state.

You Don’t Owe Your Ex Anything

Many people leave a relationship feeling like they owe their ex something, especially if they’re the ones that did the breaking up. Even people who leave a relationship in the best possible way can feel bad about hurting the other person. Here’s the thing – you don’t owe your ex anything. Each person reserves the right to end a relationship if they feel it’s not working out in their best interests. It’s kind of like at will employment. Either party can terminate the relationship at any time for any reason of their choosing. Your ex may be hurt after the breakup, and things may be awkward, but don’t hold it against yourself. Staying with a person that you’re not happy with just because you don’t want to hurt them never works out. You deserve to be happy, so learn to let it go.

Time Heals Most Wounds

Even though the relationship with your ex is awkward now, time heals just about anything. You may feel pressured to have small talk with your ex now, or to try to force a friendship but it may be that you and your ex just aren’t ready for that yet. After a break up, most people need some time to think and process what happened in the relationship. If a friendship just isn’t there for you and your ex yet, time may be what you need to get there. Give yourself – and your ex – some time and space to sort out what happened. If you or your ex are very emotional after the break up – for example, if you two were in a long term relationship – you will each need some time to sort through how you feel about the break up. Just relax and let time do its thing.

Q&A: She Thinks I’m Gay! How Do I Ask Her Out?

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Asking a girl out is intimidating, but it can be even scarier if your crush thinks you’re gay! Did you do something to make her think that you’re gay? If you did, how can you reverse it? Is she just not interested in you, or does she really think you’re into guys instead of girls? How can you ask her out and prove to her that you’re not gay?

Question: I need help because I like this girl, so I asked my friends how to approach her about going out and they told me to just go up to her and be nice. I did exactly that but I think I must have been too nice and friendly because now she thinks I’m gay. How do I prove that I’m not to her and show her how I feel?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1WFYLJP9NY[/youtube]

How She’s Using The Term “Gay”

While most people are beginning to realize that using the word “gay” as slander – like using the word “retarded” as slander – is just not appropriate, some people still loosely use the term “gay” in conversation and it has nothing to do with sexuality. Many people still use the word “gay” like they might use the word “lame” or “uncool,” in regular conversation. If your crush said that she thinks you’re gay, can you be sure that she meant homosexual? She may not have. Consider the possibility that she’s just not into you and used the term “gay” as slander.

Making A Choice

In this situation, you have a decision to make. You can either ask her out or let it go. If you let it go, you’ll never know what she really meant. But by letting it go, you can avoid any further hurt feelings. You can also choose to simply ask her out. It’s entirely possible that she’ll say no – whether she truly believes you’re homosexual or just thinks you’re lame – but you’ll never know for sure unless you ask her out. She may really believe that you are gay, and may be pleasantly surprised to find out that you aren’t. However, if she turns you down for whatever reason, it’s ok. Continue dating and move on to the next girl that catches your eye and do your best to make a good impression on her. Regardless of the possible outcome and how much each one may intimidate you, it’s important not to sit on making a decision and never choose to either ask her out or let it go. Waiting too long to make a decision because you’re too scared to choose isn’t going to get you anywhere!

Making The Best Impression

When you want to make the best impression on a girl, it’s important to be yourself and let your true personality shine through. Not everyone may like it, and some people might think you’re gay, straight, bisexual or make some other assumption about you, you will feel much better in the long run if you’ve stayed true to yourself. You’ll also end up finding a partner who is into the real y0u, and not somebody you’re pretending to be!

How to Attract A Woman: The Best Ways to Handle Physical Contact

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Touching/physical contact is an absolutely vital component of seduction. You can’t successfully pick-up a girl without first establishing a basic level of mutual tactility.

Establishing Touch

In other words, before you can move in for the kill by kissing and/or sleeping with her, you MUST first have a regular, healthy amount of touching that works both ways: she flirtatiously puts her hand on your knee, you encircle her waist with your arm and pull her a little closer, whatever form the physical contact takes, it has to be present for you to achieve your final goal of actual seduction.

And that right there is where the problem for many men lies: how can a guy get the ball rolling when it comes to tactility and physical closeness? If the girl’s not being tactile, how can a guy develop mutual physical closeness without freaking her out or scaring her away?

Often men just “go for it” and consequently end up making the girl feel uncomfortable or even slightly violated because of their rushed attempt at physical closeness. Other men decide they don’t want to risk putting a girl off, so they hold back any kind of touching or bodily contact.

Doing so usually sends out the wrong message, that the guy is either not interested in the girl, or that he’s simply too timid to show it, neither of which are attractive scenarios in the mind of a good-looking, fun-loving girl. Okay, so what’s the solution to this awkward problem?

Basic Rules of Physical Contact

Quite simply, you just need to follow a few basic rules or procedures, all of which conform to the personal boundaries of most girl (and therefore don’t appear uncalled for or rushed) but at the same time clearly indicate that you’re a confident guy who’s not afraid of getting to know girls and even showing it through casual, relaxed physical contact. So, let’s take a look.

Touching is NOT a No-No!

Many men think that touching a girl in any way when they first meet them is an absolute no-no. But that’s simply not true.

To form a positive, strong first impression and create an immediate bond with a girl when you first introduce yourself or get talking, casually and gently touch the outside of her right arm while at the same time verbally expressing something.

The outside of a woman’s arm is not intimate enough a place for the touch to feel strange or out-of-place, but at the same time it’s a clear-cut sign that you’re a personable, socially adept kind of guy. Don’t be afraid to give it a try. You’ll notice the benefits immediately.

Stealth Tactility

Once you’ve started a conversation with a girl, or when you randomly find yourself chatting to a woman you really like the look of, it’s important to keep up the physical contact. Doing so helps maintain the bond and rapport you’ve already created and also helps build it further, into mutually felt sexual attraction.

You can use something called ‘Stealth Tactility’ to do this. Quite simply, stealth tactility involves making physical contact with the girl in a disguised way.

For example, if she wants to go to the bar or bathroom but doesn’t know the way, you can use stealth tactility by placing your hand on her shoulder, drawing her in a little closer, swiveling both of your bodies round until you face in the right direction, then point past other people or obstacles with your other hand to where she needs to go.

Use A Contact Close

Lastly, always try to use a ‘contact close’ when you finish your conversation with a girl. For example, after swapping numbers or arranging to meet again, give her a kiss on the cheek or a hug and a kiss.

Many men think that the hard work’s been done once something’s been arranged for a later date, but making physical contact before you part with a girl is always a great way of ensuring she remembers you and really cannot wait to see you again.