It’s pretty much the classic ‘pick-up’ scenario. A guy gets talking to a girl in a nightclub or a bar and they hit it off. Their conversation is fun and flirty and at the end of it they swap phone numbers. This is what most people picture when they think of ‘picking up women’.

In reality, it is one of the most common ways for men and women to meet each other, because clubs are social venues, people are dressed their best and the drink is flowing.

Possible titles:

How To Successfully Date a Woman You Meet In a Club

Do You Know How To Successfully Attract and Date Women You Meet In a Club?

How to attract and date a woman after meeting her in a nightclub or bar (original author title)

So, if you’re a guy who goes to nightclubs and bars, you should consider the possibility of meeting and attracting a woman in one of these places as a high one.

However, it’s pretty obvious you’ll never see any success unless you make a conscious effort to approach and talk to women you’ve never met before while in one of these social environments. So, what should the process of attracting a woman go like and how can you then date the woman you’ve attracted? Let’s take a look.

1. Scoping

Before you utter your first words to a woman in a bar or nightclub, you need to scope the place out. Of course, this doesn’t mean sitting in the bushes outside the place with some binoculars. Scoping means looking around you and getting a sense of what is going on.

– How many different groups of people are there nearby that contain one or more attractive females you’d like to meet? Just a couple? Dozens?

– What does the dynamic of each of those groups seem to be like? Do they look like they’re having a good time? Are they animated or looking bored?

– Are their any guys in the groups and do those guys look like they are the boyfriends of the girls? (If so, you should obviously respect that and look elsewhere.)

You should always do some scoping before approaching to get an idea of what you’re facing. Higher energy groups will require you to exhibit higher energy levels when you enter them, for example.

Bigger groups containing lots of girls will require you to engage all or most of them when you open, otherwise one or two girls could feel like you’re distracting them from their friends. You get the idea.

2. Approaching & Opening

This step is a tough one for most men, perhaps the toughest. It takes real balls to go up to a group of people and insert yourself into it uninvited. But that is what you must do. If you approach it (them) in the right way, it’ll go well.

You can’t hang around when approaching a group; you need to just head straight in there and use your opener. If they see you lurking nearby, clearly contemplating the idea of talking to them, they’ll see you as a threat or a distraction. Your chances of opening successfully will be shot.

Don’t run at them and barge your way in though. Just walk by, stop, turn to them (but don’t face them straight on, make it like you’re half about to keep on walking) and use your opener. Wait for a silence (or the best time to start talking), but don’t stand there waiting for 5 minutes for the perfect opportunity. As soon as one or two of them turn to look at you, start speaking…”Do you think it’s cool for a guy to carry an umbrella?”

Smile. Let them respond. The more positively they respond, the more you should turn to face them. Walk a little closer and create a bit of controversy to keep them hooked. “No way! I didn’t expect you to say that. [Turning to your target]You …maybe.”

When you see that they’re partially hooked (they’re smiling, facing you, talking in a lively way) you need to integrate yourself into the group more. Ask them to introduce you to their friends, etc. Go from there.

3. Conversation & Flirting

From this point onwards you need to gradually flirt with one or more of the girls and keep your flirting in proportion to the positive signals they are giving you which suggest they are attracted to you. If you flirt too much too soon, they will be put off. If you fail to flirt enough, things will go cold. Be economical. Drop in just a few really good examples of teasing as opposed to lots of weaker ones more often.

4. Closing

Closing means one of the following:

– Kissing the girl

– Getting her number

– Giving her your number

– Swapping numbers with her

The worst on that list is giving her your number but not getting hers. Avoid that. You should aim to swap numbers. Try to do this a long while before you go your separate ways. Don’t leave it until you’re just about to leave the nightclub and return to your respective homes, because it’s more likely to feel weird that way. Keep it casual.

Right after you both crack up laughing at something (a really high energy, positive moment), say, “You’re great. We should swap numbers.” Say that as you take out your phone, as if it’s a done deal…and she’ll happily comply.

5. Arrange Your Second Interaction

Forget all that nonsense about waiting 72 hours or 48 hours or two weeks or whatever it is before calling or texting the girl you’ve attracted and swapped numbers with. You’re in control. You’re a high value male, remember. Send her a text the next day which references something stupid or funny you did or said together when you first met.

This will give her the same positive emotional response when reading the text that she had that night. Enter into a short exchange of fun/teasing texts. After a while, text “You’re being very rude. When you are going to invite me for a candlelit dinner by the riverside?” It’s a playful joke, but it gets the message across in the right way.

As you can see, meeting, attracting and beginning to date a woman can be approached in a systematic way, but it’s very important that you remember what makes dating GOOD. You need to be genuine, with good intentions. Don’t be someone else; be the best version of yourself.

You’re standing in a bar. Across from you is a beautiful woman.

You make eye contact and smile. She smiles back and decides to come over.  She gets closer and closer.

You suddenly get a tight little knot in your stomach; anxiety from not knowing what will come next.  Now she is standing in front of you.  Your heart is racing.

You barely manage to get out the words, “Uhhhh Hi.”  She says “hi” back with a look of intrigue. As she begins to speak, you begin to doubt.

You wonder what she’s thinking.  How could this beautiful woman possibly be interested in me?

After a brief moment of small talk, the woman walks away.  You begin to wonder, what the hell just happened?

You can’t help but feel rejected.  You obsess over what could possibly be wrong with you.  The next thing you know, several hours have gone by and you’re a big pile of anxiety.

What turned her off?

So what repelled this woman?  It could have been any number of things.  Was it your breath? Your insecure body language?  Your shortened height? Your hideous disfigured face?  The thing is, you will never know what drove this woman away.  This is the unknown variable of attraction.

Variables of attraction

There are many variables in a person that determines whether they are attractive or not.  There have been volumes written about the science of attraction.  Even many of today’s top dating gurus are constantly seeking ways to decipher the process of attraction.  However, with centuries of research and much discussion, there always seems to be one thing, one variable, that consistently makes a person attractive – confidence.

To be free from doubt; to have belief in yourself and your abilities. This is confidence.

Why confidence matters

You can have any number of physical flaws but if there is one thing you must have, it is confidence.  People call it by different names but it all stems from the same meaning.  For example, pick up artists call it “inner game”.  Self help guru’s call it the “Law of Attraction.” Athletes call it “the zone.”  It’s all the same; to truly believe in yourself and your abilities.

If you ask any woman what she looks for in a man, you’ll almost always get “confidence” as one of the answers.  It’s something that we all know  yet few of us utilize.  Why can’t everyone simply be confident and attract the person of their dreams?  Because confidence isn’t something you get over night.  It’s something that needs to be built over time.

How do I achieve confidence?

We generally achieve confidence in ourselves when we experience success.  You start with a small success, move on to achieving a bigger success and so on.  It’s a snowball effect.  You can’t start off by making a super giant snowball from the start because you will probably fail.  If you start with a little snowball and continue rolling it, you can turn something that was little into something big.  Little successes lead to big successes.  Each success gives you more and more confidence.

This is true in attraction.  If you’ve never approached a woman before, then you probably won’t have the confidence to take home a perfect ten the first night you go out.  You shoot for a small success first, persistently trying until you achieve it, then you move on to the next step in the process.  Start with approaching, then building rapport, then seducing.  Once you have had success with all of these, then you will have confidence, and this will cause attraction.

Persistence leads to success.  Success leads to confidence.  Confidence leads to attraction.