dating advice – Page 13

Cell Phone Etiquette

Long gone are the days of sitting beside your home phone waiting anxiously for your recent date to call you. The advent of the cell phone has done much to alter the way we communicate with those around us, including our romantic partners. Where do cell phone calls and texting fit into the dating landscape? How can you take maximum advantage of them in your relationship while still following proper dating etiquette?

Can You Answer Your Cell Phone On A Date?

First and foremost, let’s touch on a topic of frequent interest and dispute—when, if ever, is it appropriate to answer your cell phone on a date? With few exceptions (you’re a doctor or have some other on-call job, you’re expecting important news about a family member’s precarious health situation, etc.), you should put your phone on silent and forget about it. Nothing says “I’m bored with you,” faster than answering your cell or responding to a text in the middle of a dinner date. That’s a surefire way to convince your date that you feel they’re not worth your time. You’re not just hurting your date’s feelings, either—you are also distracting yourself from your own enjoyment of your time together. If you must check your phone, you can always wait until your date goes to use the restroom.

Can You Text Instead Of Call?

Another popular topic of contention is texting. In what situations is texting as appropriate as calling your significant other? A good rule of thumb is to consider texting someone to be a more casual form of communication than calling someone. If you just want to send your sweetie a sentence to let them know you’re thinking of them, or if you’re simply asking them to pick up some pizza for dinner, or sexting them something you want to do later, a text is totally acceptable. Not so if you’re asking them out on a date (especially if it’s the first or second date!), arguing, or apologizing for some sort of wrong-doing. Taking the time to call your boyfriend or girlfriend in these situations shows that you truly care. Additionally, remember that there is no good way to indicate sarcasm or sincerity in a text, so calling someone can save you from some serious (and possibly anger-inducing) confusion.

How Not To Use Your Cell Phone When Dating

There are still more hazards of cell phone use when it comes to relationships. Drunk-dialing is a terrible idea and a really good way to say something you’ll regret. Breaking up with someone over the phone is cowardly, but doing it via text message is even worse. Call things off in person and rest assured that your reputation won’t take a hit after the fact. No one wants to date the girl or guy who becomes notorious for dumping their exes in text form. Yet cell phones also have their benefits. If you’re in a serious relationship and go out of town on business, a quick check-in call or text each night can be a great way to show you care. Plus, you can use these rules to stand out in a sea of ill-mannered singles that don’t know how to behave better. Good cell phone etiquette, not unlike good manners in general, can give you an extra leg up in the dating scene. Just remember, when you use what you’ve learned here to find the person worth saying it to, that first “I love you” should be spoken in person. That means not on the phone, and certainly not in a text!

Dishing The Dating Dirt

By maryannecomaroto

Okay, so you’ve been working on getting yourself ready for your next great relationship. You’ve dealt with the demons in your past and laid them to rest, you’ve built up a strong relationship with yourself, and now all you need is someone to share your life with! Suddenly, you start feeling doubtful and vulnerable at the thought of putting yourself out there again, making yourself available for heartache and pain. But it doesn’t have to be like that, and that’s why I want to tell you about part of my tried-and-tested inner-view process. If you can learn how to navigate the sea of 1.45 million potential mates out there for you, you have a much greater chance of finding someone who might be a good match!

Key Rules For Successful Dating

Here’s something to think about: why are you single right now? It sounds like a silly question, but understanding why you want to start the process of moving toward a healthy relationship is just as important as knowing how to do it. This is certainly where we often go wrong when we meet someone we think we like.

So, the game plan, if you’re ready to get started:

Relax. This is supposed to be enjoyable, and it is!
Non-negotiables are called that for a reason – don’t compromise on the things you really want.
Don’t forget who you are and what you want, instead of spending your effort being what other people want.
You may think that The Real You is not as attractive as Seductive You, but do you want someone to get to know your seduction routine, or who you really are?

Inner-Viewing For Success

You don’t have time to get to know 1.45 million people, so how do you weed out some serious candidates? Intuition is the best way to figure out who deserves a little more of your time and who doesn’t. With 97% of our incoming information being processed pre-cognitively, you can learn pretty much everything you need to know from your gut feelings.

Remember these things about GREAT relationships:

Love is not external. You create and generate it inside yourself, and there is an endless supply. It is not something people can give or take away from you.
Intimacy is not a tool used on the first date to try to get a second date. It grows over time as two people learn to trust each other.
There is only one chance to have a first kiss with someone, and the anticipation can be just as wonderful. So don’t rush to get it out of the way. If someone is interested in a real relationship, they will wait with you until the time is right.

Questions To Ask A Potential Mate Before The Date

Here are some essential questions to ask before you give out your contact information and make the first date:

What is this person connected to? Okay, you just met, but you should be able to build at least some context around a person, even if you’ve just started getting to know them. Where did they go to college? Do they live nearby? Do you have any mutual friends? At the risk of sounding dramatic, getting basic information about a person and checking them out can be a life-or-death thing. Don’t be afraid to use Google to help you learn more about someone. Get their full name and do a little investigating.
Where do they live? Long distance relationships may sound romantic and very Hollywood, but in reality they’re extremely hard work, and usually end up either with someone relocating, or with a breakup. If you’re not up for that, then make sure this person lives in your local area before you start connecting with them.
Are they single AND available? Just because someone is paying attention to you or flirting like mad doesn’t mean they’re not married. And just because someone is not married doesn’t mean they’re ready or wanting to be in a relationship! Find out right at the beginning if someone is just playing around with you.

Asking these questions may seem corny, but it’s not difficult, and it can cut out a lot of exasperation later. If you respect yourself enough not to waste time with all the wrong people, then the right people will start respecting you in return. It’s a great way to look after both your heart and your safety.

Are You Ready To Date Again?

By melody

The truth is that most men will immediately start dating after a divorce. Ex-wives are often startled by how quickly they are “replaced”. Sometimes the ink isn’t dry yet or even, has not been laid down yet! Why is that? Surely they are not so shallow, so unaffected by the trauma of the divorce!

In fact, no, they are not shallow. Reality is, it’s the surest sign that they are miserable without you. How’s that? Well, you see, they are so hurt and lonely without you they run out to try to heal their wounds by finding someone to fill the hole in their heart since you left. Hey, they will do that before the end of the marriage if you have left energetically from the marriage. (Trust me, this is not justification, only an explanation.)

Beginning To Date Again

Those of us who cannot face jumping back in so quickly are left with the question of how in the heck do we start the process of dating again when we feel so broken and distrustful. Dating was so easy in high school. We were young and had a pool of people to choose from every day. They were all around us in our classes, and only a few already committed to someone. That’s not so true today.

From the time we are in our late 20’s to our golden years it seems the majority of the good ones are already taken. And, where the heck are the good ones that are left. It’s not like you are going to see them in study hall. Dating at work is difficult if not impossible for most of us, so where and how do we meet a potential date anyway?

And more importantly, how do you know when you are ready to dive back into the dating pool? Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Can you have a conversation with someone without mentioning your ex even once?
Have you gone through a period of mourning the loss of the marriage?
Have you worked through your anger?
Can you honestly say that the dissolution of the marriage was as much your fault as theirs?
Can you picture yourself being with someone else?
Can you picture yourself touching someone else?
Can you picture yourself kissing someone else?
Do you have a good grasp on what happened between you that didn’t work?
How about what did work?
Can you view your marriage and divorce as a “course correction” and not a dismal failure?
Do you have a clear idea of how you were responsible for what occurred?
Have you grown enough since your divorce that you can be the kind of partner that you want your partner to be?
Have you faced your own intimacy fears and blocks?
When you imagine dating someone have you already planned out your entire life with them? (If so, this is not a good sign)
Have you forgiven your ex?
Have you forgiven yourself?

When we have been betrayed, let down, disappointed, abandoned or even abused in our past relationships some of those questions can be really tough. But if you fail to work them through, you are setting yourself up to fail again and, no, you are not ready to date.

The Importance Of Self Growth

Most of us need to go through some kind of counseling or self-growth before we are ready to date again. Dating before you are ready can make dating excruciating for both people (not to mention the friends listening to our saga).

The most important questions are 11, 15 and 16. if you can answer those affirmatively then you might be ready to date, but only if you have fully grieved your marriage.

Grieving is a process that takes time, and a willingness to feel the hard stuff. And of course, like all grieving, it happens in stages and is never quite over. I remember being so glad to be out of the marriage, yet feeling a wave of grief when my ex re-married within two years of our divorce. I was confused at first, because I was clear I didn’t want to be married to him. But the truth is, seeing him marry reminded me of all the hopes and dreams I had of our marriage in the beginning. I had to grieve the loss of those hopes.

Give yourself time to heal, and to face your own part in what occurred between you and you will be ready to date again. For some of us it’s a matter of months, for others it may take years. Don’t let anyone rush you into it either. Friends feeling our pain may want us to get back on the horse again. But you are the only one who knows when you are ready. That said; don’t let fear keep you from riding the horse again. If you have worked through all the questions above, you should get back in the saddle regardless of how scared you are. You deserve to have the love you are capable of giving.

How To Create A Connection That Will Last Before Having Sex

By drbonnieeakerweil

Earlier, I looked at a recent study by the University of Iowa that found that relationships that start with a spark and not much else aren’t necessarily doomed from the get-go. However, in the study, UI sociologist Anthony Paik found that average relationship quality was higher for individuals who waited until things were serious to have sex compared to those who became sexually involved in “hookups,” “friends with benefits,” or casual dating relationships.

It just takes a bit of common sense to figure out that rushing into things sexually before knowing a few of the basics about someone probably won’t end favorably unless you’re lucky. And because basing a relationship on luck isn’t a great idea either, here are a few ways to bring up some initial compatability issues before making a physical or sexual commitment to someone.

Address These Issues With A Potential Mate Before Hopping In The Sack

Talk about money. Yes, it’s a touchy subject and I’m not suggesting you delineate how much each person makes, but finding out where financial priorities lie can be important. Talk about how money has been used in their family: worries, abandonment, shame, blame around money. Questions like this will eliminate any problems or irreconcilable differences, and is a way to see who is flexible and who is not, in reference to money and power, and struggles over money. I talk about the importance of this discussion and further techniques in my book, Financial Infidelity.

Embrace conflict. Another important tip in the compatibility of a relationship is to make sure you fight fair. Even new, exciting, young relationships have their share of conflict as you get to know eachother, and while you may not face intense, knock-down, drag-out fights early on, it is essential to walk in your partner’s shoes rather than trying to be right. Instead of shame and blame you should give three solutions, and your partner has to pick at least one. Fighting fairly creates the tension that gives you passion and makes you feel safe.

Make the first move! I suggest women should make the first move in connecting for a first date and getting past that possible lull of uncertainty. If you like him, tell him! (But, PS, texting and emailing during the day can actually deflate the spark of in-person romance!)

There’s a happy medium between putting off physical intimacy forever (unless that’s something you’ve mutually decided on) and jumping in right away. These techniques can help you get to know each other better in the interim and ensure that you’re ready for the next step, when you get to that point.

Internet, Love And Marriage

By drbonnieeakerweil

It may be hard to believe that there are any households out there nowadays without internet connectivity, but there are, and if you’re single and living in one of them, you’re less likely to be in a relationship. After all the feedback we hear on how the internet can hurt our relationships, it may seem counterintuitive but the data is there, at least for now.

Does The Internet = A Greater Chance At Finding Love?

A new study shows that adults who have Internet access at home are much more likely to be in romantic relationships than adults without Internet access. And it’s not just because people spending lots of time on the internet are meeting their significant others there, although that factors in. In addition to finding that people are more likely to be in romantic relationships if they have Internet access in their homes the study revealed that the Internet is the one place that gaining importance as a place where couples meet. This study, called “Meeting Online: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” proves that Internet access has an important role to play in helping Americans find mates.

“With the meteoric rise of the Internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University and the lead author of the study.

How To Keep It In Check

This should come as no surprise, as most of us have a desire for connection with someone else – as well as a readily-available internet connection! But online dating can be played out in a negative way if we’re not careful, through what I call the bio-chemical craving for connection. I discuss this more in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which encourages a healthy view interaction within our selves and with our partners. It can become a particular factor in people who are used to constant stimulation and change – much like what we see on the internet!

This craving starts when stress causes thrill-seeking behavior. This behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities. You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down.

So no matter where you meet your significant other – online, in person, through friends, wherever – keep in mind that all the search for constant stimulation is great in our culture and can cause stress and thrill-seeking behavior. Of course, this craving can be harnessed for good as well as evil! Instead of allowing the desire for companionship and intimacy take you to thrill-seeking behavior that results in a “high” and then a crash, turn the desire into a search for healthy relationships.