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Q&A: Flirting Tips – How To Deal With That Awkward Silence

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It happens to everyone – you know, that awkward silence  or conversation dead zone during a date where neither you nor your partner are sure what to say next. Are silences always uncomfortable, or can it be a good thing sometimes? Here’s how to enjoy the silence from time to time, but also how to plan things to ask so you and your partner can have great conversations and really get to know each other!

Question: I want to know what to say when it gets all silent when you’re talking to girl, because I really don’t know what to say next! I feel like I’ve already talked about everything. Please help, thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1oKxT047fY[/youtube]

Silence Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

Having a few quiet moments during a date isn’t so bad, especially if you’re having a meal together. You and your partner need time to actually eat! Society conditions us to be around noise all the time, through television, radio and the Internet. Most people’s homes nowadays aren’t quiet at all – there’s always some kind of noise or talking going on in the background. So naturally, people begin to feel comfortable around constant noise and are actually made uncomfortable by being in silence. Sometimes silence is good. However, there is a big difference between that good old fashioned “comfortable silence” and the awkward kind that can go on a bit too long. Here’s how to combat the latter.

Learn More About Her

While you may be tempted to talk on and on about yourself because you’re A) not really sure what questions to ask her and B) you’re afraid of letting the conversation die, talking only about yourself on the first date is the quickest way to throw away your chance at a second date. Take some time to plan  out some different types of questions to ask your date so you can get to learn more about her. Ask her questions about her day, where she works, what she likes and what her favorite things are. Ask her what she might do in different hypothetical situations. Believe it or not, these types of questions can help you learn a lot about a person! Be prepared to answer the same questions yourself. You may find that a lot of questions open up new conversations!

Use A Cheat Sheet

 If you’re talking to your partner on the phone, having a cheat sheet full of questions you want to ask is a great way to keep the conversation going. While some dead time is almost always acceptable during a face to face date, dead time on the phone usually isn’t. Need some help thinking of questions to ask your date to keep the conversation going? Use Michael Webb’s 1000 Questions For Couples. It’s a comprehensive guide absolutely chock full of tons of questions that you can ask your partner – and not just the usual ones that you hear all the time. These questions will really get the ball rolling on a date. They’re also great questions to ask even if you’ve been in a committed relationship with someone, because many of these questions you probably won’t know the answer to even if you’ve been with your partner for years!

Q&A: Dating A Younger Woman Or Man

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Age differences between a two people who are dating are becoming more and more common. As Internet dating becomes more popoular and as people become more openminded in an evolving society, age doesn’t necessarily mean a whole lot these days. However, when does age matter when dating a younger woman or a younger man? Are there ways to keep dating outside of your “age range” safe for both you and your partner?

Question: Hey Dan and Jennifer, this girl and I have been talking and she and I both really like each other, but our age difference is substantial, however, I don’t see a problem with it. She still likes me but she is nervous to be with me. What is your advice on my situation?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBB7hmeuYjU[/youtube]

The Older You Get, The Less It Matters

When you get older, an age difference between you and your partner matters less and less. For example, if you’re 75 and your partner is just 60, it’s less of an issue than if you’re 32 and your partner is 17. If you or your partner are currently middle age, then there is even less to worry about. If you are 40 and your partner is 55, you’ll find that people are actually surprised that you’re fifteen years apart! If you’re young, however, the age difference can easily become a big deal. Even just a few years in this case can be a problem. If you’re 16 and your partner is 18 or even 19, you’ll notice that a lot of people have something to say about dating a younger woman or man.

Take It Slow

When you’re young, don’t be afraid to take it slow if you and your partner are a few or several years apart. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow and it can pose less of an issue if you and your partner are dating without being sexually active, depending on your age. This comes into play more often if one partner is under the age of eighteen and one partner is over the age of eighteen. The younger man or woman may want to wait until they turn eighteen before the couple takes the relationship to the next level. Regardless of the age difference, however, make sure you and your partner are both ready to take that step if the time comes. If you aren’t, there’s no reason to rush it!

When It Becomes A Legal Problem

Legally, eighteen is the age in which people can give consent to have sex. If you or your partner are under the age of eighteen and one of you is over, it can become a legal issue when sex becomes involved. A vindictive parent may decide they want to press charges for “statutory rape” or “corruption of a minor” even if the “victim” is just a few weeks or even days shy of being eighteen. Parents can press charges even if the “victim” was fully consenting of the sexual act. The statute of limitations on this kind of charge is long enough that you could be in trouble well after your partner turns eighteen. If both partners are under the age of eighteen, the issue becomes less of a problem as both parties involved are considered minors. However, once one partner turns eighteen, legally you and your partner can get in more trouble than it was worth. The best thing to do in a situation like this is play it safe and wait!

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date

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So guys, you got her number, you set it up, and here you both are. On the first date. Congratulations! Not! Any idiot can get a date with a woman, but what if you want to be dating her? How do you get from the first date to the second? Well, let’s start with what NOT to do. One step at a time, grasshopper.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What She Said

How could a man screw up a first date? Oh, let me count the ways! John’s going to hate this, but I’m gonna say it – if a man asks a woman out on a first date and doesn’t pay, it’s a huge turnoff. Show me some effort, show me respect – and don’t show up late. Once again, I’m not saying it comes down to how much you spend – in this case it’s truly the thought that counts. That said, let me countdown the proverbial “Top Ten:”

1. See above. Have plan and have your wallet on hand. You don’t want to pay? There probably won’t be a second date. The last thing I want to hear the first time out is, “How ya doin’ for cash?” How am I doing? Fine, thanks to the $20 I have in my purse that I’m using to take a cab home.

2. Ogling other women. You want to eye that waitress’s ass? Do it on your own time. I’m not crazy enough to think you’re never going to look at another woman, but the first date isn’t the time or place.

3. Pressing for sex. If there’s a mutual attraction, it’ll happen in its own sweet time. A first date is different from a one-night stand. Know the difference.

4. Expecting your mind to be read. Did you have a great time? Call and say so! Guesswork isn’t sexy.

5. Talking about the ex. This is our time to get to know each other. Chatting about another woman isn’t high on my list. Keep the ex-girlfriend information to yourself until the relationship deepens.

6. Cell phone. Keep the cell phone in your pocket. Stopping to take a call, text or check your email? Not cool. Eyes and ears akimbo. If you’ve got a busy phone, enjoy the buzzing in your pocket and check your messages later.

7. Getting drunk – like really, really drunk. Do a few beers make you a little chatty? Great. Nothing wrong with a warm glow, as long as safe transportation is arranged. Irish Car Bombs and a Taco Bell run? No excuse for this behavior, unless your next stop is AA.

8. Referring to yourself in the third person. It’s not wrong – but it creeps me out. It makes me wonder what other personality tics you have tucked away.

9. Showing up with another person. It’s a date, not a party. Save the chaperone for the 8th grade dance.

10. Talking too much. Do you loooove the sound of your own voice above all others? Then you might as well skip the date and stay home with your mirror. Talking incessantly due to nerves is one thing. Extolling your virtues via a monologue is another.

Top Things Men Do To Screw Up A First Date – What He Said

It’s funny that Jenna said guys need to show up on time. I love showing up late for dates. I do it purposefully, because most women are always late, and I figure, I’ve got extra time, and why not make HER wait for ME? Anyhoo, here’s the list:

As a guy, you have to realize the cold hard facts. A man doesn’t choose a woman. A woman chooses a man. If you want a girl that’s a “10,” that’s fine, but why should she choose you? You have to provide her with something that no one else does. That starts with being interesting. Have opinions. Voice them, without being overbearing or close minded. Be someone she can’t figure out. Be mysterious, yet open. Chicks love that stuff.

1. Not taking the lead. It’s a man’s job to lead. Period. Most women (assuming they are feminine and not masculine in nature) want to be led. That doesn’t mean be a dick, but it does mean you are the director of the experience. As Chris Rock once said, “anything you mutter ain’t getting done.” Saying “Where do you want to go?” won’t get you anywhere. Saying “Oh my god. You totally need to try the Margaritas at [X], meet me there Sunday at 7:30” will work. If she can’t make it, she’ll let you know, but she wants a man, damn it. Be the man.

2. Being predictable. Ever wonder why women love those bad boys? It’s because they don’t know what’s coming next. They have absolutely no idea what to expect, and they love that. They need that. They crave it. It’s something primal for them, almost. Now I’m not advocating treating women like crap, but if you can offer them the best of both worlds, she’ll eat that up. Be mysterious. Tell her to pack a bag for the weekend, and refuse to tell her where she’s going. Always keep her guessing. She should never know everything about you. Always keep a little bit hidden.

3. Treating it like a job interview. I’m not saying don’t get to know her. I’m just saying I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people out on dates, and they have all the sexual chemistry of a job interview. In Utah. I’m not saying you have to take her in the bathroom and do her, but you have to let her know you have sexual desire for her, and not be too shy about it, but not be too forceful either.

If I’m on a date with a woman and I don’t generate some sexual electricity, I will wind up in the friend zone (that is, if I am ‘lucky’).

4. Listening to her words, and not her body. Before you cut my head off, let me explain. Listen to her words yes, but pay extra attention to what she’s saying WITHOUT words. Often times her mouth will say one thing, but her body will say another. I remember going out with a woman on a first date and I thought it was going horrible. Why? Because she kept telling me how full of shit I was. Kept telling no, but her body was SCREAMING yes. Her eyes were super dilated, as if she was forcing them open to take all of me in, kept “accidentally” bumping into me, playing with her hair etc. I was shocked when I got a second date, because I was so clueless on the first.

5. Going too sexual too fast. Jenna said don’t force sex on the first date. I agree, but I don’t think there’s a set time frame for when sex is appropriate. The right time is when it feels right for her. That can be ten dates from the first time you meet, or ten minutes from the time you meet. It all boils down to how you do it, no pun intended. A one night stand is different that relationship sex. The difference can be summed up in one word: comfort. She needs a different comfort level for relationship sex. She wants you to want to want her, but for more than just booty. She needs to know that

6. Not setting up the second date. If you want a second date with this person, it should be set up long before you ask for it, midway through the first date ideally. Make plans for the second one, subtly. Start by dropping hints about amazing places to take her, restaurants that you know of (one’s that she’s never tried, of course), things like that. Relationships are all about planting seeds (not like that, you pervert). So sew them well.

Q&A: Do You Lose Your Friends When You Fall In Love?

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When many people fall in love, the relationships they have with other people (such as their friends) start to fade. Is this something inevitable that happens whenever people fall in love and commit themselves to a relationship with one other person, or is it something that can be avoided? Can you keep your friends after you fall in love?

Question: Do you lose your friends once you fall in love?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_IGxiy4xfM[/youtube]

All Relationships Require Nurturing

Every single relationship requires “care” and “feeding.” Whether it’s a friendship, a committed relationship, a work relationship or other type of relationship, each one will require you to nurture it for the relationship to last. A friendship cannot last if you do not spend time with your friends or stop calling them. Each relationship requires a certain amount of give and take. If your friends are doing all of the giving and you’re not giving them anything back, your friendships are going to fizzle quickly.

Why New Relationships Cause People To Lose Friends

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. When you’re in love with someone, you naturally want to spend all your time with them. Any free moment that you get will be spent with them, while everyone else waits on the sidelines. Of course, not everyone will wait for you to find some time in your schedule for them and will soon go about their business. Pretty soon, you won’t have anyone sitting on the sidelines waiting for you. Unfortunately, this happens all to often with new relationships. People don’t take the time out they need to for their friends, instead they spend almost all of their time with their new boyfriend or girlfriend. Eventually, they’ll notice that they really don’t have any friends left. This can even happen to the deepest, longest lasting friendships. Even if you have been friends with someone since kindergarten and you have seen each other through everything, if you don’t devote some time to your friends, you stand a very good chance of losing them.

Find Time For Your Friends

While you may be tempted to spend the majority of your time with your boyfriend or girlfriend because everything is so new and feels so wonderful, it’s important that you make time for your friends too. Schedule a regular “girls” or “guys” night out once a week or every couple of weeks. Take some time to connect with your friends, talking about what is going on in your life and asking them about theirs. You may also be tempted to talk your friends’ ears off about how great your new boyfriend or girlfriend is, but make sure you listen to them talk about their lives too. You may devote plenty of time to your friends, but if all they’re doing is listening to you go on about your life, they’re going to start coming up with excuses as to why they can’t do girls’ night this week. Ideally, your friendships should stay the same no matter what type of relationships you’re going through. Whether you’re in a relationship, out of a relationship or playing the field, your friendships should be the rock you can rely on throughout everything.

Dating A Stripper – The Pros, The Woes, And The Hos

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It would be both unfair and inaccurate to say that one can’t have a successful relationship with a stripper. To start, no two strippers are alike: they have different upbringings, different philosophies and ideals, different motives, and even different entrance songs. However, there are relationship problems which are specific to people working in this industry. These are not meant to dissuade you from dating Ms. Right-Up-On-Stage, but rather, to help you decide if you will be compatible.

Why Is She Stripping?

The first thing you must consider is her reason for stripping. This can be a telling factor in whether you may want to stay with her or not. If, for example, she is just working her way through college (as the tired cliche goes), then it may be possible to temporarily set aside any misgivings you may have. Yet if she strips because it gives her power or makes her feel desirable, be prepared for a low self-esteem and a whole lot of baggage.

What are her future plans for stripping? Is it a gig or is it a career? While you may not begrudge her for doing what she has to do for a couple months, will you be as accepting after several years? Think of if/when you decide to have children. There is no maternity leave for strippers, no Bring Your Child to Work Day. Moreover, in the event that she is laid off or fired, many strippers find it difficult to transition into a regular job not only because of the drastic difference in compensation, but also, commonly, because of their lack of job skills. Knowing how to hang upside down on a pole will not fix a jammed printer or create a spreadsheet.

Is There Intimacy Between You And Her?

Then there is the joke about how the sex life of both gynecologists and strippers dwindle because they don’t like bringing their work home. Yet there is a bit of truth to it. When a stripper spends every night forcing intimacy with strangers, it can become difficult to not force it at home, as well. Also, after feeling objectified by lusty men night after night, she may less than stoked to find an amorous boyfriend waiting at home.

What about the pros, you ask. There may be some benefits to dating a stripper. To start, she has to at least be somewhat attractive, right? Probably has a nice body and decent sense of rhythm. If she goes into the industry with a rational mind, she will have entertaining stories to tell. And frankly, let’s face it: you get to have what hundreds of guys want.

Are There Really Pros To Dating A Stripper?

But what about the other kind of pros? I’m talking about the professionals, the strippers who take their craft to the next step as a way to rake in even more money. This stereotype holds more than just a nugget of truth: there are many strippers who have sex or perform other physical acts with clients. Unfortunately, this is a large part (albeit unofficial) part of the lifestyle. Not every stripper will succumb to this impromptu pay-raise; but let’s face it, she will be exposed to it.

What a bummer, I know. It doesn’t sound nearly as sexy or glamorous as it did in your head when you and your buddies saw her dancing last Friday. Nevertheless, if you feel none of this is a dealbreaker, give it a try. Don’t let this dressing down steer you away from what could be true love.