dating advice – Page 28

Find Out If Your New Partner Has Ever Been Married

Did you just meet a “perfect 10” on your favorite dating site and want to know whether or not they have a past that wasn’t disclosed on their glowing online profile? You’re not alone.

Guide to Searching for Marriage and Divorce Records

There are plenty of reasons to search for marriage and divorce records, especially when it pertains to someone who you are dating or may potentially date. In the age of online matchmaking, dating has taken on more of an anonymous face. Luckily, even though online dating is evolving quickly, there are resources available to someone who wants to do a little background research on their potential partner.

Marriage records generally give basic information: who got married and when and where it happened. Divorce records, on the other hand, can provide juicy and useful information about the stated cause of the divorce, alimony agreements, and child custody just to name a few.

The rules regarding marriage and divorce documents differ from state to state. In some states, only certain people (like parents, siblings, or adult children) can access marriage and divorce records. However, in other states marriage and divorce documents are considered public records. Being public record means that anyone can access them for free.

This explains why celebrities and politicians often have scandalous details publicized during their divorces; anyone can read the divorce decree. But even though the information is available in theory, you still have to find the records, and that can be tricky.

Action Steps:

Here are the steps to take to locate and (if you want, obtain) a marriage certificate or divorce decree.

Search Offline

Marriage and divorce records can be obtained through low-tech means. If the records you are looking are local (or if you have a hankering for a road trip) you can attempt to find the records in person. Another option is to write to the appropriate place, requesting the records.

Whether you go in person or write, the tricky part of this low-tech option is finding where the records are held. Most of the time, marriage and divorce records are handled by individual states. (Sometimes, like in the case of New York City, they are handled by individual municipalities.) The correct institution to go or write to depends on the state where the marriage or divorce took place. To find out the name and address of where the records you seek are held, you can check out the CDC’s website on vital records.

Be Prepared to Pay a Fee

Writing or visiting the appropriate state agency will provide you with an official copy of the marriage certificate or divorce decree that you are interested in. However, the state governments will charge you a copying fee of around fifteen dollars (not to mention the hours of time & effort you’ve spent trying to track down one record in the vast sea of public records bureaucracy).

Searching Online

If hands-on search isn’t working, if you prefer something quicker and easier, or if you don’t know what state to search in, you can try online searching. Several websites offer marriage certificate and divorce decree searches, for a convenience fee.

Our recommended resource for marriage and divorce record searches is Public Records Search, which will let you search in any state or search the nationwide for a variety of public records.

So if you aren’t sure where a marriage or divorce happened, this is your option. Public Records Pro charges $30 for a year of unlimited searching. Public Records Pro will also give you the information on how to obtain an official copy of the marriage or divorce records, but generally speaking, if you’re just trying to check up on John Smith, aka HotStudMan69 from Match.com, you’re probably not all that interested in getting an official notarized copy of his 1998 divorce record from his 3^rd failed marriage. You just need to know that everything’s finalized and he’s ready to move on with his life. With you, of course.

So, go ahead, make sure that your date is being truthful with you by running a marriage or divorce records search.

However you choose to pursue your marriage or divorce record search, good luck and happy hunting!

Find out quickly and discreetly what your newfound online (or offline) love is hiding with a 100% confidential Public Records Search. Try it for yourself, you may be surprised what you find out…

6 Simple Ways To Let Your Date Know You’re Interested

By david

Have you ever been out on a date with someone who you really liked, but you weren’t sure exactly how to let them know that you really like them and are interested in them?

It can be hard to know how to express yourself around someone whom you don’t know very well yet.

There are LOTS of ways to let a date know you’re interested in them. You could, for instance, immediately start kissing them and have a long session of “sucking face” . . . but you don’t want to do that. While it will certainly convey your interest, it will also give them the wrong impression of you.

Clearly, then, there are better and worse ways to convey your interest to a date (with the above example being one of the “worst” options). So let’s look at some more realistic (and better!) ways that you can let your date know that you are interested.

Here are 6 great ways you can let your date know you’re interested in them

1. Lean in directly toward your date when they are talking to you.

Body language plays a huge role in what you communicate to others. This is especially true on a date, where the person you’re with will be paying a lot of attention to your body language.

So, when you’re on a date with someone who interests you, you need to let them know it with your body language. One of the best ways is to lean in towards your date. Lean in and smile. When you are leaning in, look at them directly in their eyes, so that they know you are interested in them.

2. Smile or laugh a bit when your date says something funny.

While we all know it is important to listen to what your date is saying during a conversation, it is equally important to react to things that your date says that resonate with you. For instance, when your date is saying something funny, contribute to that part of the conversation. Keep the conversation rolling when it’s on something funny and don’t change the subject.

3. When your date says something that intrigues you, comment on it.

When your date starts talking about a topic that is in an area of interest of yours, respond with questions and get more involved in that topic. Say, for instance you feel really passionate about an upcoming election and your date says “Well, I really don’t think I’m going to bother voting.” You can respond with something like “Wait a second. Why are considering not voting?”

Then let the conversation flow from there. Asking questions when a date says something relating to an area of interest of yours is a great way both to get into deeper conversation with your date while also showing them you are interested in what they’re saying.

4. Challenge them a little bit.

Challenging your date just a little bit will lead to a stimulating conversation. It shows you’re date you’re interested and engaged in the conversation, and that you’re not just a puppet who just nods and agrees with everything they say.

5. Keep your body language open at all times.

Do not fold your arms. Do not pick at your nails when you are telling a story or talking. Look at your date directly in their eyes. Don’t look in other directions. If you don’t keep eye contact, your date will not only think you are not interested in them, but that you are looking at somebody else.

6. Bring your date “into your space.”

When you catch yourself leaning back really far, lean back in towards your date. When you tell a story, be animated. Whenever you talk to your date, use hand gestures and use your body language. Face them and bring them in, holding your hands directly out in front of you. By doing all of this, you’re bringing your date in to your sphere. They will notice this too and know you’re interested.

So many things about a date are subliminal. You can listen, be a good conversationalist, talk all day long, and get along easily with people. Doing all of these things, however, may still not mean that someone with whom you are out on a date will know that you are interested in them. It is necessary to more clearly express your interest (so that a date will know you are not just being friendly).

If you struggle with knowing how to naturally and effectively show a date that you’re interested in them, then following these tips will really help you to break through many of the challenges you’ve had in the past. You will also be pleasantly surprised at how much differently those interesting dates will act towards you!

5 Phone Rules In Dating That Everyone Ought To Know

By david

You know, it’s funny how differently people conduct their dating life from every other aspect of their life.

Do you realize that if you conducted your dating life like your business life, that you would probably be a far more successful dater? Think about it – your follow-ups would be better, your memory would be better . . . and your manners would be better.

Not only that, but how you come across to others would be better because you would not be so emotionally-driven and attached to every single outcome.

One of the most common dating situations in which people always seem to lose their “business skills” is deciding when to return the phone call after someone leaves them a message. A lot of people seem to feel it necessary to create some super-special strategy to decide when to return that phone message. This is the most ridiculous thing in the world!

So let’s go into it so we can settle this issue once and for all. In the area of dating, when do you call someone back after they have left you a phone message?

Here are 5 phone rules that everyone should following when dating

1. Be Prompt When They’re Prompt.

If you gave out your phone number and somebody calls you within 24 hours, then you should call them back within 24 hours. There should be none of this “waiting four or five days to call” business. When someone has called you within 24 hours, that’s called momentum. It’s called momentum for a reason, and so many people in dating lose that momentum very quickly by not promptly returning phone calls.

Even if you’re busy, call the person back promptly to let them know that you’re busy and tell them you will connect with them in a few days when your schedule settles down. To wait four or five days to return a phone message, however, to me is simply rude. You would never do this in your business life, yet that is what so many people do in their dating life.

2. If They Waited, You May Also Wait.

You’ve given your phone number to someone, and that person waits four or five days to call you. As far as I’m concerned, when that happens you are entitled to wait four or five days to return that person’s call. That person did not make you a priority, and they played games.

Although the person decided to call you, what they were likely actually doing during those four or five days was debating whether they wanted to call you. This shows lack of interest. I know that when I get a woman’s phone number and I wait four or five days to call her, that I’m really not that interested in her and I really don’t care whether or not she calls me back.

3. It’s OK To Call Right Back.

If someone calls you promptly after you’ve given them your phone number, then you should call them back within 24 hours – but it is even perfectly fine to call them back the same night they call you. It doesn’t look desperate. It looks like you actually have manners, that you’re someone who pays attention to detail, and that you’re someone who respects other people’s time.

Think about this for a second. When someone calls you, they are taking time out of their day to talk to you. So it is not only “ok,” but really simple courtesy, to acknowledge this with a promptly returned phone call. This is something we do in business every day without ever thinking twice about it, but we don’t do this in our dating life because we conduct it with emotionally-based decisions.

4. You Can’t Manipulate Someone Into Liking You.

So many people think there needs to be some “strategy” in making the decision when to return someone’s phone call. They’ll think things like “Oh, let me think when I should call them back. Should I wait four or five days so I’ll seem busy and not too available? If I call back today will I seem desperate?” It doesn’t work that way!

This is simply a matter of courtesy and being a mature adult. If someone called me in my business and left me a message about wanting me to coach them, I will call them back as quickly as possible NOT because I’m desperate for business but because I respect the fact that the person took the time to contact me.

Playing games and trying to make someone think certain things about you (like that you’re busy or not desperate) by waiting to return a phone call will NOT make someone more interested in you than they would otherwise be. All you will accomplish by doing this is to make the other person think you are rude and uninterested.

5. Being Busy Is No Excuse.

So many of us are busy being busy. As busy people, we get how busy everyone’s life can be. Returning a phone call and leaving a voicemail message, though, takes only about 15 to 30 seconds. Returning a call to let the person know that you’re busy and will call them in a few days takes barely a minute.

It’s better to return the call promptly and let them know you’re busy and will call them in a few days after things settle down (with work, kids, or whatever it might be), then to put the phone call off and to think about it. The longer you wait to call somebody back, the less likely it will be the person will still have the interest in you that they had in the first place.

These are all tips that you should follow in navigating the phone calls you receive from someone you’re newly dating. These tips are equally applicable to men and women, and the rules contained in them apply to both sexes. So remember to follow these rules, and when someone calls you – call them back!

Learn To Approach Any Woman Without Fear Of Rejection

By josephmatthews

Knowing how to approach women is a vital skill every man needs to know, because approaching women is the first step in creating a relationship with the girl of your dreams…

You have to know how to approach a girl in the right manner if you want to have success with your pickup.

The following are some proven tips I’d recommend you do to help you be successful in meeting women! Remember a situation where you were going to approach a girl, and before you could even get a single word out, she freaked out and simply rejected you?

Know this – getting shot down has little to do with what you were going to say or what your intentions were. It’s all about how you go about actually approaching your target. It’s important to do this right the first time, because it’s hard to recover when you make a mistake right off the bat. The key to approaching women is to approach them in a NON-THREATENING manner that does not telegraph your interest.

This is known as “coming in under the radar.”

Understand: Most women have trained themselves to just REJECT men outright when they sense they are being picked up on. This is because women get hit on SO MUCH by men, they just don’t want to deal with yet another guy coming up and wasting their time.

But despite all this, the girl WILL be receptive to you if you know how to approach her in the RIGHT WAY.

So what’s the right way to approach a woman?

Act fast!

First – YOU MUST ACT FAST.

If you hesitate and let the opportunity pass you by, you’re never going to experience success. Giving yourself time to talk yourself out of approaching a girl will never get you
anywhere, so it’s important you act quickly and JUST DO IT.

Know what to say before you say it

Secondly, know what you’re going to start the conversation with BEFORE you approach the girl. This will make meeting women much easier because you don’t have to spend time
thinking of what to say before you feel comfortable walking up to meet her. When it comes to a situation like this, you should probably have a good, proven “pick up line” memorized that will help start a conversation.

But don’t confuse the term “pick up line” with sleazy saying like “Nice shoes, let’s have sex!” The goal here is to be NON-THREATENING, remember?

The best lines usually engage the girl in an innocent conversation. You can do so by asking her opinion on something and then following that up with more questions. When approaching a woman, it’s important that you approach her from an ANGLE. Most guys charge towards the girl they want to meet like they’re marching to war! Coming in at an angle is much less confrontational and will put the girl at ease on a subconscious level.

Practice, practice, practice

Remember: great pick ups can only happen when the girl is comfortable with you. That’s why it’s so important for YOU to feel comfortable when you’re talking to girls! If you’re not comfortable approaching women, the best way to overcome it is to go out there and start approaching women right away! After all, practice makes perfect, right?

The sad fact is, you’re not going to get good at approaching women if all you do is sit around reading about it and studying it like a test. If you want to get good and have success, you actually have to go out and DO IT so you can build your experience level. (The good news – it gets easier the more you do it!)

If you’re worried about being rejected, just look at it as a game. The ONLY thing you’re doing is approaching women. You’re not asking her out, you’re not trying to get her into
bed, your only goal is to carry on some type of conversation.

That’s all you need to do!

See how many girls you can talk to in one night, and keep trying to beat your score.

Using time constraints

One last note – try and use a “time constraint” whenever you approach a woman. This is as easy as saying you can only talk for a minute before you have to run.

Effective use of time constraints will better engage the woman you’re talking to, because she won’t feel that she’s committing to a time-consuming endeavor. Instead, you’re only a momentary “distraction.” This helps eliminate any reason to reject you right off the bat.

If the initial approach goes well and the conversation continues, she will eventually forget you said you can only talk for a “minute” and you can talk as long as you want. The whole point is just to get your “foot in the door.”

The dating game is a numbers game. The more women you’re able to meet, the greater your chances at finding a great girlfriend, and possibly even a future wife.

To find out more, sign up for Joseph Matthew’s free Meet Women Secrets newsletter for all the most recent tips and methods for meeting and seducing women.

Dating the Wrong People? Change Your Dating Ideal

By lavalife7

Rachel had a problem. A serial dater of musicians, she’d finally had enough of their broke-ass, wannabe rock star ways.

The Rock Star

Substance abuse issues, financial woes, and ceaseless yammering about plans for their bands had given her a bad case of the “what-am-I-doing-with-my-life?” panic. At 35, the fashion-and-lifestyles writer for a big-city daily newspaper realized that, if she was ever going to have a family, the way to go about it wasn’t risking her hearing and sanity at noisy dives ’til 2 in the morning.

The object of desire that had seemed so exciting in her 20s and early-30s — the non-committal man who was always the center of attention and could hold his own in a conversation about Exile on Main Street — suddenly seemed like a dead-end. It was time for a change.

But deciding to make such an alteration is one thing. Actually following up is quite another. After all, Rachel was a rock ‘n’ roller at heart who had worshiped at the altar of Mick Jagger for most of her life.

What was she going to do with a stable and financially secure 9-to-5er who golfs on weekends? But then she met Ben — a secure, older guy whose idea of a wild time was speaking Klingon at a Star Trek convention. More on him later.

Most of us have an ideal in mind, a list of desirable qualities we carry around with us. These may be traceable to all manner of formative experiences — childhood attachments, pop culture milestones, sub-conscious archetypes (if you follow Jung).

Is it purely physical?

On the surface, this could mean a preference for hair color, body type and/or foreign accents. For instance, Madeline, like Rachel, has had a predilection for the bad boy/rock star type, but says, “I’m not sure it’s so much what they do as how they look.”

The 34-year-old philosophy professor traces her preferred physical type back to reruns of the old Little Rascals TV show. “My first crush was on Alfalfa,” she says. “I still like that type, I guess — dark hair, pale skin, kind of gaunt-looking.” Which, it just so happens, matches the look of a couple of musicians she’s dated.

Or maybe it goes a little deeper?

On another level, one might demand someone with similar interests, whether it be kayaking, off-track betting, or sharing ideas.

Jeremy, a 37-year-old software developer with a fine arts background, always had the intellectual type in mind — someone with whom he could discuss the novels of Vladimir Nabakov. And if she looked like Kate Winslet, so much the better. “I let a lot of great women go, just because they didn’t conform to this idea I had in my mind,” he says.

Changing the ideal

As we live and learn, however, our criteria changes, whether consciously or unconsciously. “I don’t have an ideal, but I have some guidelines,” says Jennifer, a 27-year-old yoga instructor and dancer.

For instance, she doesn’t want to date someone with a kid again or who’s been married before. And she’d prefer someone older, “but not too much. And I used to not like blondes, but I’ve opened up on that idea.” Loosening up on that strict list of criteria can open a whole world of dating possibilities you might never even have considered.

Jeremy’s ideal also changed over time. “I hate to sound all New Age-y and crap, but it suddenly hit me that I was chasing something I’d never find,” he says. “Or that I might find it but that it wasn’t what I necessarily wanted. Or needed.

“Now, he says, he’s keeping an open mind. “As long as she doesn’t smoke. Well, a couple of cigarettes at a party are okay. And it would be cool if she could hold her own at Grand Theft Auto.”

Change your priorities

In Rachel’s case, she decided she had to alter her priorities if she was ever going to get the life she wanted. Unfortunately, the experiment with Ben didn’t lead to a baby shower.

“We were just too different,” she says. “I still like him, and he’s a super-nice guy, but it just didn’t work.” Still, she feels she’s learned something. “That I can’t make such a radical shift — it’s a bad idea. I went from rock ‘n’ roller to what I thought was geek chic. It was too different.”

Her next date turned out to be no more suitable. “He was so effeminate and nerdy and totally opposite of what I like. And he turned out to be gay,” which is very difficult for a woman to work with.

She’s optimistic, though. “I’m online now, and I saw a guy in a Motorhead T-shirt with the opening line: ‘Can cook, need critic.’ That’s my dream guy — someone who cooks and knows a little about music. Someone who doesn’t ask me, ‘Whose version of “Crazy” is this?’ when it’s by Willie Nelson, who only has one of the most distinctive voices ever!”

Madeline’s predilection for the rock star type has led her through a short relationship with a now popular indie rocker and a more recent long-term association with a producer/musician. But now she’s skewing older, wealthier, and preferably with a summer place in Cape Cod.

“I want someone who’s going to look at me and say, ‘Wow, what a hottie,'” she says. “And who’s not going to be out chasing strippers.”

That said, Madeline had a date all lined up after our interview. She was excited, because he has an accent. Not that that’s part of her ideal. But he does sound “like a cross between Robyn Hitchcock and Syd Barrett,” she says, naming two rock stars. But at least this guy owns his own place.

Click here to meet sexy singles near you at our recommended online dating & personals website.