dating advice – Page 29

The 12 Commandments Of First Dates

Thou shalt not speak of your ex or theirs

The golden rule of the first three dates is NEVER discuss your ex. I could write a whole post on this but as a guideline, if exes come up, keep it vague and move on. You should both have way more to talk about than each other’s pasts loves. Find out about each other before you even think of venturing into the shark infested ex waters.

Talking about your ex may give the impression that you’re not over them and it also may cause your date to draw, rightly or wrongly, conclusions about you. Even worse, sometimes people adjust their behavior and true character on the basis of the information that you reveal. Just don’t go there!

Thou shalt manage your expectations

Expectations, whether you have too little or too much tend to be behind a lot of problems with dating and relationships. You need to go on a first date with eyes open and with your feet firmly in reality.

If you go with too little or with too high expectations, this will not only skew your perception of the person and the date, but it is likely to cause you to ignore important signals about whether this is someone you should pursue further dates with.

Thou shalt leave your jaded, cynical, self at home

I’ve had more bad dates than hot dinners (OK slight exaggeration) but I still kept on going on dates. It’s best not to tar everyone with the same brush and if you can’t stop being negative, you shouldn’t be dating. Positive mental attitude!

Thou shalt make an effort with your appearance

It’s not all about the surface stuff but unfortunately it is the first thing that’s noticed. Hair combed, teeth brushed, breath smelling good (or at least of nothing), not too much perfume or after shave, no B.O., and avoid fashion faux-pas.

Thou shalt be a decent conversationalist

Conversation and communication is all about the exchange hence you must have a good balance of listening and talking. If all you can hear is your voice or theirs, the balance isn’t right. Be careful of spending your brain power thinking about what you’ll say next instead of listening. Ask questions but don’t interrogate, and steer clear of danger topics like religion or politics.

Oh and yes, it goes without saying that you should actually talk and make an effort to overcome your shyness as nobody wants to feel like they’re talking to themselves…

Thou shalt use your manners

There are few things worse than sitting at a table with someone who has hideous table manners or is rude to staff at the place you’re having your date. Don’t talk with your mouth full, do use the cutlery, and don’t even think of being rude to the waiter/waitress who is serving you.

Do open doors, say thank-you and just be generally polite. You don’t need to roll out the red carpet but don’t let your date end up believing that they went out with an ill-mannered person! And for God’s sake don’t burp or fart!

Thou shalt steer clear of anything overtly sexual

I beg you please, unless the sole purpose of the date is to get a shag (I have to wonder why you bothered with the date though…) you will create the wrong impression if you make the focus of the date getting into each other’s pants.

Don’t stare at their breasts/crotch all the time, don’t crowd their personal space, don’t leer, don’t touch inappropriately, and don’t talk dirty. If you kiss, don’t grope them like a randy teenager and it’s probably best not to badger them to have sex.

Thou shalt not get wasted!

I’m not trying to ruin your fun but getting really drunk where it actually impacts on your basic abilities such as walking, talking, or your judgment, is not a very good idea. I prefer to get drunk with people I know and that I’m really comfortable with.

Do you really want to wake up the following morning and be cringing over your slurring, silly behavior, or even worse, puking?

Thou shalt not display aggressiveness….or cry…

Getting angry on a first date or blubbering is a major, major no-no. Both actions show that you’re not really in control of yourself or an ideal date candidate. Being unable to control your temper or just being generally aggressive is actually a red flag and as for the crying, it is likely to make the other party feel highly uncomfortable, especially if you’re crying over someone else… It’s best to keep your emotions…balanced….

Thou shalt not eye up other people

So you’ve spotted a bit of totty – Is it a good idea to be staring at them or keeping tabs on other hot prospects in the room whilst you’re date is sitting there? Oh hell no!

Thou shalt not use your mobile phone

This is especially the case if you own a Blackberry. Put your phone on silent/vibrate and only respond to ‘urgent’ calls, preferably when you go to the toilet. Obviously don’t spend all night checking your messages! Short of actually looking bored, there is no better way to convey your disinterest if you spend the date emailing, texting, or taking calls…

Thou shalt not pretend that you’ll pay or go halves

If you have no intention of paying or splitting the bill, don’t do ‘the reach’ if you can’t follow through. Guy’s in particular find it very annoying when women do ‘the reach’ and then mark the guy down for accepting their offer!

7 Beliefs That Are Destroying Your Success With Women

By scottpatterson

I’m a big believer in self talk. Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned that the things we tell ourselves determine our outcomes. If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, then you’ll achieve quality results. On the other hand, when think pessimistically, you’ll end up with only negative outcomes.

There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”

What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life. The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives. We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.

Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”. The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.

It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life. And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.

In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back. In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.

Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:

#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”

I’m going to be honest here. Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy. Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort. So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.

The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women. Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”. Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement. If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.

#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”

I once heard a great story about a man who prays to God every day about winning the lottery. After weeks of having nothing happen, he finally screams at God and asks why his prayers go unanswered. Seconds later, he hears a booming voice that says: “Buy a lottery ticket!”

The belief that “love will find me eventually” is another excuse that limits your success. Don’t sit around waiting for the “dating lottery ticket” to arrive.

In order to improve your life, you must be willing to get out there and put yourself in a position to meet women. It won’t happen if you believe the woman of your dreams will magically show up with little to no effort on your part.

#3- “I’m not good-looking…”

This is one of my favorites! We men have it lucky in the dating game. While our attraction to a woman is built primarily on HER looks, they look for something completely different.

A woman’s attraction starts when she makes an emotional connection to a guy. Sure, looks are an important element. But, any guy can improve his conversation skills to the point where they can transcend a deficiency in his looks.

#4- “I never have anything interesting to say…”

Guys often let nervousness and anxiety affect their conversations with women. The end result is their mind goes blank and they have trouble thinking of things to say.

The truth is we ALL have interesting things to say! But sometimes, it takes a little coaxing to get them out.

A technique I recommend to my readers is to cultivate a unique personality through the art of storytelling. Women are strongly attracted to things like health, status, adventure, leadership, wealth, and preselection.

When you craft a story from your own life, with these traits in mind, you’ll have plenty of material to use when there’s a lull in the conversation.

#5- “Some guys are just naturally successful with women…”

This self limiting belief is another personal favorite. A lot of guys think there’s no way they can change their success with women. What they don’t know is this is an area of their life that is like any other skill. It involves a process that’s easily learnable and predictable.

Think of it this way. Everything you’ve learned in your life started out as something you didn’t know how to do. Only through learning and practicing were you able turn it into a skill.

Learning how to attract women is the same way! With the right kind of information, you can easily become proficient at meeting interesting girls.

#6- “I have no confidence around women”

A lack of confidence is common among single men. What’s unfortunate is this is the one quality that’s incredibly unattractive to women. So, in order to improve your success with women, you must overcome the notion that you can’t be confident when meeting a new girl.

Confidence comes from competence in a skill. In the last belief, I discussed how you can improve your success simply through learning and practice. As you work on your “dating skills”, you’ll discover it’s easy to dramatically improve your self-esteem. While you might feel that you lack confidence now, this is something that can be easily fixed through repeated success!

#7- “I’ll start tomorrow, or maybe next week…”

This belief is the creed of all serial procrastinators. Almost every single guy in the world feels he’s missing something in his life. Some might say they want to make a change. But most of the time, they’ll put off doing something about it.

If you want success with women, then it’s time to do something about it. Don’t delay. Do something right NOW! Even the simple step of writing down a plan of action can have a dramatic effect on your dating life. The only thing that’s holding you back is allowing limited thinking to prevent you from making a change!

Self limiting beliefs can restrict your success. When you allow negative thought patterns to be in control, the opportunities to date quality women will be quickly diminished.

Here’s some simple advice. ANY time you experience one of the negative thoughts I’ve just described, immediately challenge it! You’ll discover that the simple act of working through your self-talk will have an immediate effect on your success with women.

How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl

By loveandsex

If you’ve never had a crush on a girl or boy and have felt a little shy about asking them out – well, you’re not human.

Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love. But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

— Georgis, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7iudMsWt_w[/youtube]

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

The biggest reason people don’t ask out their crushes is that they fear getting rejected. Rejection sucks. It hurts – everyone knows that. Sometimes it is difficult for people to grasp that rejection does not shape who they are and in no way does it put a sign on your forehead that says “not good enough.”

First and foremost, you need to know that you are okay just the way you are. Other people don’t decide that you’re okay – you do. You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re you and you’re fine how you are – no one can change that, rejection or no rejection. When you come to terms with that, you’ll be confident enough to approach anyone without the sweat beading up on your forehead and your knees turning into Jell-O.

Making the Approach

Almost every girl (or guy, really) will say, “No” if you walk up to them and introduce yourself by asking them out. Hard as it is to believe, that really is the way it works. Even the smoothest pick-up lines will not work.

So now that we’ve thrown your entire foundation for dating out the window, we’re going to share with you how to really pick up your crush.

Let them get to know you in a normal, pressure-free way.

You’ve heard about how people meet through being friends and it turns into this wonderful relationship, right? That’s honestly the best way to go about it – building a relationship on friendship creates bonds that last a long, long time. So let your crush get to know you before asking them out. Ask them for help or their opinion about something and strike up a conversation. When you’ve got a pretty good footing you can transition the friendship into something more.

Getting Rejected

Yes, rejection is a possibility. You need to know that a lot of the time, it has nothing to do with you. For example, if you approach your crush and they have just failed a test, broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend or had some other mood altering life event, you’re probably going to get rejected and it won’t be your fault in the least.

It’s also okay if you are flat out rejected. Remember that part about you being okay no matter what? Play that card and you’ll feel a lot better. If you get rejected, nothing will happen. The floor won’t turn into a spinning vortex and suck you in, destroying your life as you know it. You’ll go home and everything will be the same as it was before you asked your crush out. So take the chance and keep trying until you find that special someone.

Top Ten Tips For Dressing For Dating Success

By nml

I’m all for individual style and taste but if you want to ensure that you don’t send the wrong messages, there are some style tips that you can’t afford to miss.

Groom from the inside out

I don’t care how hard you’ve worked, how little time you have, and bla, bla, bla, there is absolutely no excuse for lacking in personal hygiene and grooming. Your date doesn’t think “Oh…poor thing, they’re so busy” they just think “Hmmm, not a great first impression”.

This means that you should be clean smelling (don’t put deodorant or perfume over sweat or other dubious body odors), snowflake free (I know that people have dandruff but you don’t need to wear it like a shawl over your shoulder), teeth brushed, breath checked, and bogeys cleaned out of your nose.

To tan or not to tan

If you want to bronze up for your date, I’d steer clear of looking like an Oompa Loompa. Go for your tan the day before so that you don’t rock up to your date looking like a lobster or being in so much pain from sunburn that you can’t enjoy yourself.

Go easy on the fake tan because unless your date shares the same penchant for looking seriously orange, you’re gonna look dayglo….

Don’t try to kill your date with your perfume/aftershave or clown face

Heaven help your poor date when you douse yourself in so much scent that you can be smelt in outer space. A dash of scent is a lot better than eye wateringly, nose bleeding, brain wrenching levels of scent. If you need to take off your makeup with a trowel, it’s too much! Wear the appropriate amount of makeup for the date

Dress your breasts

I’m pleased that you’re proud of your breasts whether they’re real or fake, but if I had a pound for every woman who ever complained about guys spending half the date staring at their breasts, I’d be sitting back counting my cash instead of writing this.

If you don’t want your breasts to be the focal point don’t make them the center of attention by not leaving very much to the imagination. That doesn’t mean cover up like a nun but if your top is something closer to a nipple cover, or you might as well not have bothered with a top at all, you’re wearing too little!

Make. An. Effort

I don’t mean turn up looking like the dog’s dinner in black tie (unless this is actually the dress code) but if you roll up looking like you literally rolled up, you send a very clear message that you are lazy and that you don’t care about what your date thinks of you. This means wear clean clothes, don’t be full of creases or rumples, and basically look like you tried.

Wear clothes that fit

There is nothing worse than finding yourself on a date in too tight shoes, crotch strangling trousers or even worse camel toe, waist pinching attire that only gets tighter the more that you eat, or clothes that make you look like you have a few tires hidden underneath.

It’s not just because it’s more flattering when you wear clothes that fit; it’s actually a hell of a lot more comfortable. Do you really want to be sitting there being petrified of standing up and revealing that you’re literally letting it all hang out? Oh and be careful of trying out new shoes. I have enough experience of barely being able to walk to know that you should not let the date be their first outing.

Don’t be a walking fashion faux-pas

I suggest you rethink any of the following:

White socks, black shoes – If in doubt stick with black, navy, or grey socks.
White bra, black top – So distressing, it hurts to type it…
Socks and sandals – Why wear sandals with a pair of socks?
Spandex – Just say no!
Medallions – There are some that are actually in fashion but if you look like you’re competing with Mr T or your local pimp, you’ve gone too far.
Too short trousers – Do you want to be mistaken as a schoolboy?

Knickers, Knickers, Knickers

It’s not sexy when you show your thong so don’t parade it and keep baring string and bum! Likewise, knicker lines or visible panty lines depending on how bad they are can actually ruin the line of your outfit.

Be careful of flashing as well which tends to happen if you wear things that are literally skimming your crotch…

Easy on the excess body hair

Although this falls under grooming, it needs a place of it’s own. I’m not talking about a bikini wax or sorting the ‘ole back, sack, and crack… This is more for the ladies but unless you know your target audience, I’m not sure that visible hairy armpits should join you on the date. Likewise, if you have really obvious leg hair, wear trousers!

Dress to impress

Even if you have to go straight from work, jazz up your outfit with a different top or shirt, change your shoes, remove a jacket and look like someone who wants to create the first impression. Don’t wear a tracksuit (unless your date is at the gym) and do try to inject a bit of color rather than looking like you’re off to a funeral. Jeans are a very safe bet as they go with a hell of a lot things and can be dressed up or down.

Enjoy!

Tips for Dating a Cheapskate

By lavalife6

Is your guy so cheap he squeaks when he walks? Is your girl so thrifty she uses tea bags thrice? I feel your pain.

I too was a long-suffering companion of a date who felt that a root canal was preferable to spending money.

Allow me to introduce him. We’ll call him Rob. (I’ll call him the most miserly, tightfisted Scrooge to ever walk the face of the planet.) Let’s have a look at some of Rob’s endearingly frugal ways, penny-pinching behavior that bought our relationship to an untimely end.

Restaurant dates were for special occasions only. Lucky me, my birthday counted as special enough to warrant forking out the cash for dinner. But tightwad Rob would insist that we order main courses only — no dessert or starters. And he would hound the wait staff to replenish our bread, which he then wrapped in a napkin and stuffed in his jacket pocket. For breakfast.

On the rare occasion we would stay in a hotel (usually when someone else, such as my work, was paying) he’d load up on all the toiletries from the bathroom and then call housekeeping to replace them. This would go on every day during the stay and we’d depart with a suitcase full of crappy miniature shampoos.

Sound familiar? Perhaps you’ve got your own special brand of skinflint in your life who is forever calculating the cost of things, bemoaning spending money on things that aren’t considered essential or practical and basically ruining the romance by being so damn cheap.

How do you get your stingy date to see that splashing the cash now and then isn’t such a bad thing? Our tips will help your prize open his steel-trap wallet or loosen her purse strings — if only for a moment.

Pay Your Way

The classic cheapskate hates the idea of spending good money on food in restaurants when you can cook for yourself at home. True but not very romantic. Tightwads, particularly guys, are wary of restaurant dates because they feel the onus is on them to pay. Put your Scrooge’s mind at ease by offering to split the cost of eating out and letting them choose a restaurant with prices they are comfortable with — and no, McDonald’s doesn’t count as a date-worthy restaurant.

Discount Vouchers

There’s nothing the money minder loves more than discount coupons. Use these to your advantage by collecting as many offers and two-for-one deals as you can, then when you next want to see a movie or go to an exhibition and your honey whines that it costs too much money, you can whip out one of these babies and show them that you’re actually saving them money. Watch their little eyes light up as they do the math. Then sit back and enjoy your date.

Flower Power

Love having the odd bunch of flowers to brighten your day but your date is too stingy to spring for the occasional bouquet? To be fair, florists can get pretty expensive, with some retailers charging for flowers by the single stem and bouquets costing more than your weekly grocery bill. Instead of fighting a losing battle with your lovable miser, take matters into your own hands and steer them towards a local growers’ markets where garden-fresh blooms can be had for a fraction of the retail price.

Note to Cheapskates: If cut flowers seem like a waste of money to you (they only wither and die, moneygrubbers protest), buy your loved one a potted plant instead. You’ll win big points for your romantic gesture and you get to keep your wallet firmly closed for many months to come since potted plants last well past their cut-flower counterparts.

Speak their Language

Penny-pinchers watch their spending like the proverbial hawk and know exactly how much money is in their wallets at any given time, and you know it’s going to take something pretty special for them to cough up for something they see as an unnecessary purchase or expense. Show your date that you care about saving money.

For example, on Sunday morning, have breakfast at home: Two coffees, orange juices, scrambled eggs on toast, the morning newspaper, some sliced fruit. After your breakfast, lean over and whisper to your cheapskate date, “Honey, we just saved $40 dollars eating breakfast at home this morning.” This is music to their stingy little ears. Follow this up by purring “Now we can afford to see a movie this afternoon, aren’t we clever?” Try it. It’s like feeding candy to a baby.

Now if you can just rustle up some discount vouchers for the cinema, you just might be able to wrench a serving of popcorn out of them, too.

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