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Q&A: Dating A Younger Man – Is It OK?

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A lot of peole have questions about age differences when dating. Is it ok to date a younger man or a younger woman? It depends. Sometimes age differences are a big deal and sometimes they’re not. Here’s how to know if the age difference between you and your beau is a big deal, and what you should do if it is.

Question: I’m 17 and have recently developed a crush on someone younger than me. He’s about 15. It sounds really bad when I think about it but he doesn’t look 14 or 15 at all. It’s not a serious crush but I like him enough to want to talk to him. He seems to act like he likes me, but I don’t really know if he does. Is it okay to date him even if he’s that young?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXzjftuymsQ[/youtube]

When Age Doesn’t Matter

When you and your partner are older, a large gap in age generally doesn’t matter. If you’re 65 and he’s 75, it’s not as big a deal than if you have a 10 year age gap with your partner when you’re younger. Smaller age gaps matter even less as you and your partner grow older. Age gaps when you are younger, however, matter a great deal not only because of legal issues but also because you and your partner are very different emotionally and mentally. Even a two year age difference in your teens can make a big difference in emotional maturity between you and your partner.

When Age Does Matter

Age differences matter a lot when you and your partner are young. For example, if your partner is 15 and you are 20 or even 25, age gaps are a big issue. Even small age gaps, such as your partner being 15 and you being 17 can be a problem. First, think about the legal issues that come up when you date a younger person, especially if you’re bordering on 17 or 18. The laws differ from state to state, but dating a younger person could get you slapped with a statutory rape charge even if you and your partner are only a year or two apart.

Dating Without Sex

If you really want to date someone younger than you, or if you’re the younger of the couple, you can still date – without sex. To avoid getting into trouble, simply focus on getting to know your partner. Go on group dates to the bowling alley or to the movies, or go out to dinner together. Talk about your favorite things, things that mean a lot to you and encourage your partner to do the same. Really get to know each other to find out if you really want to take this relationship to the next level when you and your partner are old enough to legally be intimate with each other. Remember that there are more ways to be close to someone than through sex. Hold hands, hug and cuddle with each other without having sex. Nowadays, even sexting and sending naked pictures of yourself to your partner’s phone can get you into trouble if your partner is under 18, so be extremely careful. Practice patience until legally, you’re both ready.

Q&A: How To Cope With A Long Distance Relationship

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Long distance relationships are on of the hardest things to handle when you find someone you’re really into. If they’re moving away or you are, or if they’re in the military, facing being away from your partner for an extended period of time is nerve wracking. How can you make the most of your long distance relationship?

Question: Dan and Jen, I really need your help! I’ve found the most amazing guy, and we are currently in a serious relationship. The problem is that he’s in the Navy, and will be shipped out in only a month and a half! He keeps assuring me that he’ll never let me go, but it frightens me we might ‘slip apart’. Do you know how I can cope with him leaving?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4gLLV6FNu8[/youtube]

Stay In Contact Any Way You Can

In this day in age, it’s easier than ever to keep in contact with someone over long distances. Cell phones with text, picture and video capabilities will help you feel connected to your partner when you’re away from him physically. Send him a picture of you at the movies that says “wish you were here” or “thinking of you.” Videotape important moments and send them to him. You can also use video chat and instant messaging on your computer to have longer conversations that can even seem like you’re together in the same room. You can also use cell phones, text and video chat to keep each other as sexually satisfied as possible with racy emails or dirty sexts.

Communicate With Each Other

Being completely open and honest with each other at all times during the long distance relationship is absolutely essential to keeping the relationship stable. Often, keeping things from your partner or even telling little white lies can snowball and create a big rift between you and your partner. Tell your partner how you’re feeling and encourage him to do the same. Talk about how you’re going to handle it when the need for physical contact arises and you two aren’t together. Talk about how you can make the situation temporary and make plans in the long term to eventually be together in the same place.

See Him As Often As Possible

One of the biggest reasons that  a long distance relationship don’t work out is that it can be difficult for one or both partners to make plans to see each other in person very often. Take some time to try to work out how often you and your partner can feasibly travel to see each other and try to make plans to do so as much as you can. Physical contact – with or without sex – is an important part of keeping the flame alive in your relationship. If you and your partner don’t make the effort to see each other over several months, it makes it easier for you and your partner to start drifting apart. With time, effort and honest communication, you and your partner can make the long distance relationship work until you can have a real relationship with each other.

How To Date A Single Parent

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You are jogging in the park one sunny morning, when you find yourself keeping time with a beautiful woman. She smiles, you smile, and eventually, when you slow down, you ask her out on a date. “Sure,” she says, “but can I bring my kid along?” Eek! Don’t worry. This is not typical of single parents, although that seems to be a big fear in the minds of kid-less folks. Here’s what it’s like to really date a single parent.

Finding The Time

Regardless of whether or not you like kids, you may find yourself in a situation where you are drawn to single mom. Depending on your depth of emotion for this person, you may decide it is worth the extra time and effort. The first hurdle you’ll encounter is her abundant lack of time. As a single parent (presumably working), she is always on the go. Doing the job of two parents means doing double-duty. In order to go on dates, you need to be prepared to book pretty far in advance. Not only that, but dates may be cancelled at the last minute due to flaky babysitters or sick kids. You will have to be patient and understanding, two things that can be very hard to remember by the third rain check.

One of the most important things to remember in dating a single parent is to let them run the show where their child is concerned. Rushing them along before they’re ready for the next step will not make your relationship progress faster. It’ll make it die harder.

Getting Accustomed To The Child

The child presents a multitude of new issues in himself. For one thing, he may have lingering issues about his father (whether he’s absent or in the child’s life still) and who the heck is this new guy? Another situation is that the child can feel jealous of his mother’s attention (once completely wrapped around his finger) now being somewhat focused on a stranger. This all depends on the child’s personality. He may love or hate you, want to be around you all the time, or want his mother all to himself.

Many single parents are extremely protective and may choose to not introduce you to the child until you are both serious about this relationship. This will help you to determine if both of you are ready to take the next step.

Dating Another Single Parent

When you are a single father, dating another single parent can be great – or it can be the Apocolypse. When you think about how hard it is to date a woman when there is a child involved, think of how much harder it would be with two or more children involved. All of a sudden, he’s worried about her kids liking him while she’s worried about his children. To make it even more complicated, the kids may not like the other kids. It certainly adds a very complex level, yet if you can make it work, it can be turned into a unique, but loving family unit.

Q&A: Relationship Trouble – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

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Relationship problems can come in a variety of forms, and they differ greatly from relationship to relationship. Some relationship troubles can be worked out, but other, more serious issues can pave the way to a breakup. How do you know if your relationship problems can be fixed or if you just need to walk away?

Question: Hi Dan and Jenn. I need help with my relationship. I have a big problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been together over a year now and the problem we have is getting worse. I’ve told him how I feel and how much what he does hurts me and makes me feel insignificant, and when he says he’ll stop it, he does it again and again. The three main problems are:
1. He doesn’t talk or text for long periods of time because he’s too busy playing computer games.
2. He regularly shouts over top of me or interrupts me when I’m speaking, whether it’s a serious situation or not. I can be crying my eyes out talking to him and he will still do it.
3. Finally, he sometimes shouts at me, and not just raising his voice, he really shouts loudly, my parents worry about it and ask if I’m okay, and it honestly does frighten me sometimes.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mLcFPKR8Ec[/youtube]

He Won’t Change

If you’ve talked to your partner about the behavior that bothers you, especially if you’ve mentioned it more than once and communicated to him clearly how you feel, and he refuses to change, it’s time to consider the fact that he probably won’t ever change. You can’t force someone to change their behavior, you can only talk to them about how it affects you and hope that they see how much better the relationship can be if they change their ways. If he won’t change, the only thing you can do is change yourself. You can change how you react to his behavior, but stop and think before you do. Do you want to be ignoring his behavior forever?

Respect Yourself

An abusive relationship isn’t always one where one partner physically hits another. A lot of abuse is verbal and emotional. If you stay in an abusive relationship – no matter what kind of abuse you’re living with – you’re doing yourself a disservice and disrespecting yourself. Many times, if your partner can’t or won’t change his ways, you’ve got to take a stand for yourself. If he won’t respect you, you have to respect you – or who will? Don’t rely on other people to treat you with respect. Treat yourself with respect and don’t stand for any kind of abuse, be it physical, sexual or verbal and emotional.

You Deserve A Happy Relationship

No matter what you think or what your partner may tell you, you absolutely deserve a relationship that makes you happy. If you aren’t happy with who you’re with now, it’s time to find someone you are happy with. Life is too short and your time is too precious to spend it being unhappy with someone who refuses to respect you and be respectful to you. While no man can “make” you happy, you don’t have to be miserable with someone who treats you poorly. If your current relationship isn’t giving you what you want, it’s time to walk away. Take some time and think about what you do want in a relationship and start looking for that.

Q&A: Online Dating – Can You Fall In Love Without Meeting?

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There are a lot of questions when it comes to online dating, but very few answers as online dating is still new, uncharted territory for many people. Can you fall in love online, or do you need to meet them first? How can you stay safe if you do end up meeting them in person? Here’s what you need to know about love and online dating.

Question: Hi Dan & Jenn, I have an online dating question. I signed up for a dating website last week and a man, two years older than me from California e-mailed me a day later. We’ve been e-mailing each other constantly and texting/talking ever since, and he’s just told me that he wishes to be with me until he grows old- he even mentioned flying me to California whenever I wish to visit. The problem is, is it possible for a man who’s never officially met me to develop such strong feelings for me so quickly? I’m honestly really baffled by this.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU1_gfYF8Lo[/youtube]

Possible But Not Probable

While theoretically it is possible to fall in love online without having met them first, but it’s definitely not probable. There are too many unknowns when it comes to a relationship with someone online to really say for sure if you love them or if they love you. You may really like them and even have strong feelings for them (or vice versa) but is it really love? If someone tells you they love you before you even meet them, take it with a grain of salt. Often, people are unable to accurately express strong feelings for someone and may just be using the word “love” because they don’t have any other way of explaining how they feel.

In Love With The Idea Of You

When using online dating sites, there are lots of things you and your partner don’t know about each other and it’s difficult to say you love someone without knowing these things. For example, your partner may know what your favorite color is and what you like to eat for dinner, but he doesn’t know how you smell or how your hand fits in his. He’s unaware of your mannerisms, how you move and how a hug or kiss from you feels. These are all essential components of a relationship that can’t be obtained over the Internet. Generally, when someone says they love you when they haven’t met you in person it means that they are in love with the “idea” of you. Their imagination has filled in all the blank spots, and naturally they are in love with that person. But that’s not the real you! The way you kiss or hold his hand may be completely different than the way he’s imagined it.

What To Do If You Do Meet

If you do decide to meet in person, it’s important to consider online dating safety first until you’ve met a few times and have gotten to know each other. Meet him in a public place during the day for a short amount of time. A half hour coffee is probably enough to get your feet wet and allow both of you to decide if you want to meet again. At first, pay your own way so you aren’t indebted to him in any way, and make sure a trusted friend knows where you are and when you plan to be back. Take it slow and get to know them before being alone with them.