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Q&A: What’s The Best Age For Your First Committed Relationship?

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Having a committed relationship can be challenging, and having a committed relationship over a long distance can be even more difficult. What is the best age for a committed relationship, especially for one over a long distance? Can long distance relationships really work? Here’s how you can give your relationship the best shot at success.

Question: I have a question on long distance relationships. I’ve been going out with my girlfriend for about 2 years now and we’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 6 months now. I live in Belgium and she lives in Canada. I’m 18 and she’s 16. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? Do you think we’re too young to have a committed relationship?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94_x13rta9o[/youtube]

Too Young?

There really isn’t a “set age” for how old you have to be to be in a committed relationship. However, many teens are committing themselves to relationships with their partners before they’re even ready and this can often end in heartbreak. A person’s body – both mentally and physically – really isn’t ready to have a healthy, committed and happy relationship until at least the age of 26 and maybe even 27 or 28. Mentally and emotionally, we’re still growing before then. We’re still trying to figure out who we are and learning how to live in our own skin comfortably, and that can be difficult enough without adding another person to the equation. Getting into a committed relationship before you’re really ready – and have truly accepted yourself and grown into who you are as a person – can seem fine at first but can quickly turn disastrous. While some young people do have successful committed relationships, it is often not without struggle. Before you make a real committment to another person – long distance or not – make sure you’re really ready and don’t take the decision lightly.

Long Distance Relationships

Many people make long distance relationships work, but the most successful of these types of relationships are between two people have made plans to make the long distance part of the relationship a temporary one. Having an indefinite long distance relationship can be extremely difficult, and often doesn’t end well. If you haven’t already, consider making plans – even if that requires one or both of you to make some changes – to be together sometime in the not too distant future. The biggest hurdle you are going to face during a long distance relationship is not having any personal contact with your partner. Even a hug or a kiss makes a big difference in a relationship and goes a long way in making both you and your partner feel loved and valued. To make your long distance relationship work, make sure you and your partner are completely honest with each other. Having open and honest communication with your partner daily or as often as you can is the best way to try and keep your relationship afloat. Any dishonesty or a let down in communication will easily break the threads of the relationship, much more easily than if you and your partner were in a face to face relationship.

Q&A: When She Says You Deserve Someone Better

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Asking a girl out, or telling a girl that you have romantic feelings for her, can be intimidating. If she returns your feelings, great. If she doesn’t, that’s ok too. But what if she tells you that you deserve someone better? What does it mean? Does she like you but have poor self esteem, or is she just trying to let you down easy? Here’s how you can figure out this difficult situation.

Question: What do you do when you tell her how you feel about her but she says you deserve someone better?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KEj81BkQEM[/youtube]

She’s Letting You Down Easy

Sometimes women find it difficult to let a guy down if she doesn’t return his feelings. She doesn’t want to hurt him, so she finds a way to blame herself instead of just saying that she doesn’t have romantic feelings for you. This may be the case if you’ve revealed your romantic feelings for her and she’s told you that you “deserve someone better.” She may be too afraid to tell you the truth.

She Has Poor Self Esteem

Many women have poor self esteem and if she’s told you that you deserve someone better than her, she may really believe it. She may feel like she’s worthless, or that she doesn’t deserve a healthy, happy relationship. There are many reasons that a woman may feel this way and it has nothing to do with you. She may have had self esteem issues for years, stemming from childhood. It may have to do with her parents or an old, abusive boyfriend. It may even be more than one issue that contributes to her self esteem issues. Regardless of where her poor self esteem stems from, the end result is the same – she can’t commit to a relationship or even begin dating someone because she doesn’t feel like she deserves it. It can be difficult though, to figure out whether she’s telling you that you deserve someone better because she has low self esteem or because she’s trying to let you down easy.

Ask Her To Be Honest With You

The only way to find out what her true motivations are in this situation is to ask her to be truthful with you. Don’t be angry or critical – just be open with her and encourage her to be open and honest with you as well. Tell her that no matter what, you won’t judge her for whatever is going on in her life. Let her know that even if she doesn’t return your romantic feelings and that’s why she told you that you deserve someone better, you’ll understand and that you can be friends if she wants or nothing at all. If she truly has poor self esteem, it’s important to let her know that you want to be there for her and that she’s worth a good relationship. She may not respond right away, but showing that you care for her may lead to a friendship which may turn into a romantic relationship at some point when she feels ready.

Q&A: What Went Wrong On The First Date

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So many things can go wrong on a first date – but sometimes it seems as nothing went wrong and it still ends up getting weird for seemingly no reason! This can be incredibly frustrating, especially if you feel as though the date actually went well. What do you do if it seems like all of a sudden they’re just not that into you? How can you find out why?

Question: I went on a date this guy who has been flirting with me for about a month and a half. He put his arm around me, we held hands, and we were cheek to cheek. I really like him, and I thought the date went well. But I guess he didn’t because he’s only talked to me a couple times since then, but not like he used to. Why is he doing this? What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KW2_er1NCk[/youtube]

Was There Chemistry On His Part?

Sometimes during a first date, one person feels lots of chemistry but the other may not. Even if you and your date end up holding hands, hugging or even kissing good night, this doesn’t mean that the chemistry is there for him. Often, physical things such as hand holding happen on a date just because it seems natural to do – it’s not a good indicator of whether both parties are really into each other or not. If your date isn’t calling you back or avoiding you all together, he may not just have had that chemistry with you and that’s ok. Sometimes it’s just not there.

He Wants To Avoid The Situation

It may be hard for a guy or girl to admit that although the first date seemed to go really well, that they just didn’t click with you. Often, they’ll just try to avoid the situation all together such as avoiding calling or talking to you. This can be incredibly frustrating though, and leave you wondering just what exactly you did wrong to deserve being given the cold shoulder. Don’t take it personally! It’s unlikely that you actually did something wrong during the date or upset them in some way – it’s more probable that your date is avoiding you because they’re afraid to tell you that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

If You Want To Know, Ask

If you want to know if you really did do something during the first date that pushed them away, or if you want to know if it just didn’t click for them, just ask! It may seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. There’s nothing wrong with casually asking what happened. Tell your date that you just don’t want it to be weird and it would be better if it were out in the open. If they didn’t have that chemistry with you, that’s fine. You can be friends if they want, or nothing at all. But there is nothing wrong with simply asking them what is going on because you deserve to know! It doesn’t have to be complicated if you don’t make it complicated.

Being Single On Valentine’s Day

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A couple of days ago a reporter asked if I would help him with a column he was writing about Valentine’s Day. He started off by asking, “If you’re single, where should you go to meet people?”

Well, that’s a question that’s impossible to answer without more information. I mean, where should you go to eat if you’re hungry? First you need to specify what kind of food you like, or you may end up at completely the wrong restaurant! If you don’t outline your preferences and desires, then it’s like saying that any random relationship will do, when obviously that’s not the case. I mean, you can show up at any bar and meet someone, but will they be someone who is right for you?

I told the reporter, “Finding the right person to start a relationship with isn’t just about meeting someone. If you approach it that way, then you’re relying on luck, which can waste a lot of time and emotion. If you don’t want to waste time trying out a lot of different options, then you need to focus on what you really want, and be clear about that. Then you need to hang out at the places where you think that type of person will be. It’s surprising how little effort you actually have to put in when you set a strong intention. Or, if you prefer some of the excitement of chance, you can mix with the sort of people you get along with, and see what happens. Your choice.”

The Secret To A Great Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

He then asked about coping strategies for singles on Valentine’s Day. This is a pretty simple attitude adjustment, and works like any other aspect of life – you can either celebrate what you have, or bemoan what you don’t. There’s no reason not to treat yourself like royalty on Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter. You’ll find that life will mirror how you treat yourself, and Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to turn over a new leaf of loving yourself more and more everyday. The sooner you start doing this, the more people will want to be around you.

But the reporter still wasn’t getting it. “So, where’s the best place for people to look for romance?” he asked.

The truth is, there is no magical place to look for love, except inside yourself. The world reflects only what you put out there, and if you’re giving love then you’re bound to get it in return. So quit looking for some special venue where you think the love is, and start getting things align within yourself instead. Focus on what you want, and that focus will carry you to where you need to be to meet the right person. You’ve already tried it the other way around, by just looking for “someone” and ending up with whomever you found. How did that work out for you? Instead, try doing the things that make you happy, and hanging out with the people who reflect that happiness.

In other words, the key is not trying to meet someone, but rather finding out who you are and being clear about what you’re looking for.

Q&A: Personal Question For Dan And Jennifer

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 People who have gotten to know us through our website, through YouTube and through Facebook often wonder what we’re all about. Why do we do what we do? Do we have kids? Do we talk to them about sex? Here are some answers to your most personal questions.

Question: I have a question that’s been burning on my mind ever since I started following you on YT. You guys have kids, right and you guys are American, I take it. So, how do you reconcile what you do on YT (and as a job, I think?) and the kids? Do they know, do they mind or… well, what’s the deal? Anyway, great job, I love your channel. Cheers!

–YouTube Question

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZysGX7PcwI&feature=channel[/youtube]

Our Mission

One of the reasons that we do what we do is because we really believe in it! Our mission on Ask Dan & Jennifer is to educate people about love, sex and relationships in a totally non-judgemental way. We believe people should have a resource for love and sex, without the judgement that often comes with the territory. We want them to have a safe environment where they can ask questions about sex and get an informative answer without criticism – no matter what. We want to address the topics that everyone else is afraid to talk about, like teen sex and contraception or how to have safe and clean anal sex, because there just isn’t enough good information out there about many of the topics that people want to know about. We want people to be able to make informed decisions about love, relationships and sex instead of making decisions blindly and having to deal with the consequences – not because they were afraid to ask, but because someone was afraid to answer them.

Answering Your Most Asked Questions

Do You Have Kids?

Many people want to know – do we have kids? How do we justify what we do with our children? Yes, we do have kids – two girls, ages 8 and 10. We feel like what we do on YouTube and on Ask Dan & Jennifer is important and we really, really believe in it. Our children get the privilege of growing up with parents who are happy together, love their work, and who are trying to change the world. I can’t think of a better example for our kids.

How Much Do Your Kids Know?

So how much do our kids know? Do we talk about the topics we discuss on YouTube with our kids? Yes, in a way. In a very age appropriate way. They know that we talk about love and sex, that we help people with relationship troubles, and that they will get to read all of it when they get older.

Do You Discuss What You Talk About On YouTube With Your Kids?

We don’t discuss the specific topics, but we freely answer any questions they may have in an age appropriate way. They currently have a basic understanding of what sex is, that it’s something that grown ups share when they are in a loving relationship, they know what a condom is and where it goes, and that we will answer any questions they may have in the future without judgement. We not only believe in educating and informing the world about sex and relationships in a responsible way, we also believe in educating our children about sex and relationships responsibly.