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9 Soul Mate Myths That Will Screw Up Your Love Life

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How many times have you heard someone say “I want to find my soul mate?” Since we do intuitive and other types of readings and analyses (using comprehensive handwriting   analysis, astrology, numerology and tarot) the subject of love and soul mates is a popular one; we hear it on a weekly, and sometimes daily basis.

Unfortunately, most people’s perception of the concept of soul mates is based on movies and fairytales instead of reality. It’s easy to erroneously assume that everyone has a single soul mate, and if you could just find the person, you’d have the ideal love life.
Well, this simply is false. In fact, the results of our on-going empirical research indicate that there are many misconceptions about soul mates.
In addition, after matching and observing thousands for love relationships as a matchmaker, and regressing nearly as many for past life love issues, we’ve noticed that there are some soul mate myths that repeatedly trip up even the most successful and intelligent people.

1. The “Everyone Has One Soul Mate” Myth

This myth causes plenty of problems. What if you fall in love at age 22 and then the relationship ends when you’re 25? Are you meant to be alone for the rest of your life? Is that as good as it gets?
Depending on your love karma and personal fate, maybe. But it’s always a good idea, when you’re single, to remain open for compatible love possibilities because everyone has many soul mates. A soul mate is simply someone you’ve known in a past life. Some are very compatible for love relationships, and some are not at all.

2. The “When Soul Mates Find Each Other, The Perfect Relationship Will Automatically Ensue” Myth

When soul mates find each other, they sometimes have good karma to enjoy, but more often, they have challenging karma to work through. Why, you ask? Because your soul (not your personality) contracted to return to Earth to grow and learn, and challenges involving a “soul mate” are often the perfect circumstances to accelerate your spiritual growth.

3. The “Soul Mate Relationships are Meant to Last Forever” Myth

If you think about this, it really doesn’t make much sense since everyone is always evolving, changing, improving, and sometimes regressing at different rates. Are you the same person you were 20 years ago? Of course not.
Do you expect your best friend from 6th grade to be your best friend when you’re 80? It can happen, but it’s rare. Do you expect to have your first job for the rest of your life? No. Granted, many couples can “grow old” together and are destined to do so, but often it’s just not meant to be long term. Resisting this will only cause more heartache and stress.
Acceptance of your situation and what you can’t change will allow you to cherish and be grateful for what you have now and what is to come in the future. At the same time, we do acknowledge that the deep love of many soul mate connections is developed over many lifetimes. Love is forever, but unfortunately the duration of relationships (no matter how
strong of a connection) in this incarnation oftentimes aren’t.

4. The “Twin Flame” Myth

Some believe that the “other half” of their soul was created at the same time as their soul, and if you are able to find your twin flame, you will experience a love relationship of the highest kind.
This sounds nice, but all of our findings indicate this theory is complete myth. One of the problems with this belief is that it could potentially cause people to have sky-high expectations of partners that no one could possibly meet. It’s best to just accept each partner and relationship as they are, rather than what you want them to be.

5. The “You Can Create the Love Life of Your Dreams if You Choose to do So” Myth

If we believed this hype that so many of today’s New Age and self-help authors have claimed in their books, we would be ignoring our extensive empirical research, in which we’ve found that personal fate, karma, and free will do exist. This means that you have the free will to create what you want, but only within the confines of your fate or destiny (same concepts, by the way).
You have free will to make the most of your love life, but you can’t “create” an ideal soul mate relationship if a soul mate isn’t destined to show up in your life and also be attracted to and
compatible with you.

6. The “Your Soul Mate is the Love of Your Life” Myth

One of your more compatible soul mates may possibly be the love of your life, but you don’t know that for sure until the last day of your life.

7. The “A soul Mate Relationship Failed if it Didn’t Last a Lifetime” Myth

Based on our findings, all relationships have destined beginnings and endings. Some are meant to be short-term (even if the couple chooses to stay together as, essentially, roommates), and some are meant to be long-term. In our opinion, all relationships, no matter how long they last, are successful because of what you gain from each one. Whether or not you   learned what you were meant to from the experience, not how many years you were together, is of most importance.

8. The “Waiting for a Soul Mate to Come Back” Myth

It’s not easy to let go when your partner wants to leave the relationship. But 90% of the time they are not coming back; they’ve already made up their mind and it’s pointless to try to manipulate the situation. It’s best to stop waiting for them, accept that it’s over, be grateful for what you experienced, and move on.
You have a choice; resist and generate more unhappiness, or accept what is and let go. Even if they do decide to return to you some day, letting go now will not interfere with that. In fact, it will allow you to see the situation clearly and if it’s really in your highest interest to accept them back into your life.

9. The “I Should Meet my Soul Mate by Age 25 (or 30 or 40 or Whatever Age)” Myth

It would be nice if you could just apply for and receive your soul mate at a certain age, much like you do a driver’s license. The reality is that some people are meant to meet a more compatible person or people early in life, and some must have a little more patience.

We are able to determine, by looking at someone’s comprehensive numerology and astrology charts and, or through an intuitive reading, when they are likely to meet that special person or special people, and everyone’s timing is different.

Considering the above soul mate myths and viewing your love life with fresh perspective should lead to more happiness, and perhaps in a different way than you first thought.

If you’re single and would like to meet a compatible soul mate, the best approach is to let go of the past, accept and learn to like being single, and remain open to people who don’t fit every one of your requirements.

If you’re involved and would like to improve your relationship, let go of the past, accept your partner as they are, and do what you can to make the most of the relationship.

How To Attract And Date A Woman After Meeting Her In A Nightclub Or Bar

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It’s pretty much the classic ‘pick-up’ scenario. A guy gets talking to a girl in a nightclub or a bar and they hit it off. Their conversation is fun and flirty and at the end of it they swap phone numbers. This is what most people picture when they think of ‘picking up women’.

In reality, it is one of the most common ways for men and women to meet each other, because clubs are social venues, people are dressed their best and the drink is flowing.

Possible titles:

How To Successfully Date a Woman You Meet In a Club

Do You Know How To Successfully Attract and Date Women You Meet In a Club?

How to attract and date a woman after meeting her in a nightclub or bar (original author title)

So, if you’re a guy who goes to nightclubs and bars, you should consider the possibility of meeting and attracting a woman in one of these places as a high one.

However, it’s pretty obvious you’ll never see any success unless you make a conscious effort to approach and talk to women you’ve never met before while in one of these social environments. So, what should the process of attracting a woman go like and how can you then date the woman you’ve attracted? Let’s take a look.

1. Scoping

Before you utter your first words to a woman in a bar or nightclub, you need to scope the place out. Of course, this doesn’t mean sitting in the bushes outside the place with some binoculars. Scoping means looking around you and getting a sense of what is going on.

– How many different groups of people are there nearby that contain one or more attractive females you’d like to meet? Just a couple? Dozens?

– What does the dynamic of each of those groups seem to be like? Do they look like they’re having a good time? Are they animated or looking bored?

– Are their any guys in the groups and do those guys look like they are the boyfriends of the girls? (If so, you should obviously respect that and look elsewhere.)

You should always do some scoping before approaching to get an idea of what you’re facing. Higher energy groups will require you to exhibit higher energy levels when you enter them, for example.

Bigger groups containing lots of girls will require you to engage all or most of them when you open, otherwise one or two girls could feel like you’re distracting them from their friends. You get the idea.

2. Approaching & Opening

This step is a tough one for most men, perhaps the toughest. It takes real balls to go up to a group of people and insert yourself into it uninvited. But that is what you must do. If you approach it (them) in the right way, it’ll go well.

You can’t hang around when approaching a group; you need to just head straight in there and use your opener. If they see you lurking nearby, clearly contemplating the idea of talking to them, they’ll see you as a threat or a distraction. Your chances of opening successfully will be shot.

Don’t run at them and barge your way in though. Just walk by, stop, turn to them (but don’t face them straight on, make it like you’re half about to keep on walking) and use your opener. Wait for a silence (or the best time to start talking), but don’t stand there waiting for 5 minutes for the perfect opportunity. As soon as one or two of them turn to look at you, start speaking…”Do you think it’s cool for a guy to carry an umbrella?”

Smile. Let them respond. The more positively they respond, the more you should turn to face them. Walk a little closer and create a bit of controversy to keep them hooked. “No way! I didn’t expect you to say that. [Turning to your target]You …maybe.”

When you see that they’re partially hooked (they’re smiling, facing you, talking in a lively way) you need to integrate yourself into the group more. Ask them to introduce you to their friends, etc. Go from there.

3. Conversation & Flirting

From this point onwards you need to gradually flirt with one or more of the girls and keep your flirting in proportion to the positive signals they are giving you which suggest they are attracted to you. If you flirt too much too soon, they will be put off. If you fail to flirt enough, things will go cold. Be economical. Drop in just a few really good examples of teasing as opposed to lots of weaker ones more often.

4. Closing

Closing means one of the following:

– Kissing the girl

– Getting her number

– Giving her your number

– Swapping numbers with her

The worst on that list is giving her your number but not getting hers. Avoid that. You should aim to swap numbers. Try to do this a long while before you go your separate ways. Don’t leave it until you’re just about to leave the nightclub and return to your respective homes, because it’s more likely to feel weird that way. Keep it casual.

Right after you both crack up laughing at something (a really high energy, positive moment), say, “You’re great. We should swap numbers.” Say that as you take out your phone, as if it’s a done deal…and she’ll happily comply.

5. Arrange Your Second Interaction

Forget all that nonsense about waiting 72 hours or 48 hours or two weeks or whatever it is before calling or texting the girl you’ve attracted and swapped numbers with. You’re in control. You’re a high value male, remember. Send her a text the next day which references something stupid or funny you did or said together when you first met.

This will give her the same positive emotional response when reading the text that she had that night. Enter into a short exchange of fun/teasing texts. After a while, text “You’re being very rude. When you are going to invite me for a candlelit dinner by the riverside?” It’s a playful joke, but it gets the message across in the right way.

As you can see, meeting, attracting and beginning to date a woman can be approached in a systematic way, but it’s very important that you remember what makes dating GOOD. You need to be genuine, with good intentions. Don’t be someone else; be the best version of yourself.

Do You Feel Responsible For Other People’s Feelings? You Have to Read This…

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Many people actually believe that they are responsible for other people’s feelings. The truth is our feelings are caused by our own thoughts and actions.

Consider these examples:

“My wife is so upset that I have to travel more on my new job,” Chuck told me in our phone counseling session. “She feels so alone and lost when I’m gone. When I talk with her she is either crying or angry. I feel so badly and guilty but I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you feel responsibility for her feelings?” I asked him. “Do you feel that you are the cause of her feelings?”

“Yes.”

*****

“I’m just starting to date again after my divorce and I’m having a hard time with it,” Jeanette told me. “I just don’t know how to let a man know that I’m not interested in dating him any more, or in pursuing a sexual relationship with him. It feels like such a sticky situation.”

“Is it sticky because you are worried about his feelings?”

“Yes. The last man I dated hung his head and looked so distressed when I asked him to leave. I know that he was really attracted to me and I wasn’t at all attracted to him. I felt so awful that he was so hurt.”

“Did you feel responsible for his feelings?”

“Yes.”

*****

“My 14 year old daughter is so angry at me for the divorce, even though she knows that we are divorcing because of all my husband’s affairs,” Alissa told me. “I feel so guilty, even though I am not the one who had the affairs.”

“Do you feel responsible for her feelings?”

“Yes, of course!”

*****

The Truth About What Causes Our Feelings

Do you believe that you CAUSE others’ feelings, and are therefore responsible for them?

This is a major false belief. Some of our feelings, such as grief from losing a loved one, or helplessness over others, or loneliness when we want to share love with another and no one is available, are caused by life events. But most of our feelings, such as anger, anxiety, depression, hurt, guilt, or shame, are caused by our own thoughts and actions.

If Chuck’s wife is abandoning herself by not attending to her own feelings, or by judging herself, or by making Chuck responsible for her, then she will feel alone and angry at Chuck. It is not Chuck who is abandoning her. It is she who is abandoning herself.

Since there is nothing Chuck can do about the fact that his wife is abandoning herself, he cannot possibly take responsibility for her feelings. But he CAN take responsibility for his own feelings. As long as Chuck is telling himself the lie that he is responsible for his wife’s feelings, he will feel badly and guilty. His guilt is his inner guidance’s way of letting him know that he is telling himself a lie.

Taking Responsibility For Our Own Feelings

If Chuck or Jeanette or Alissa were to take responsibility for their own feeling instead of someone else’s, they would say to themselves, “I WANT responsibility for causing my feelings of guilt. What is the lie I am telling myself that is causing my guilt? Oh, I’m telling myself that I’m responsible for the other person’s feelings (the wife, the date, the daughter), and the fact that it is causing me to feel badly is letting me know that this is not true.”

Then they would open to learning about the truth – that we cannot take responsibility for others’ feelings. We can certainly be kind, gentle, caring and considerate, which is part of taking responsibility for ourselves, but no matter how loving we are, we cannot take responsibility for what others tell themselves that cause their fear, anxiety, aloneness, emptiness, anger, hurt, or depression.

What would change in your life if you decide that you WANT responsibility for your feelings and not for others’ feelings? If you really made this decision, you would stop being a caretaker, taking responsibility for others’ feelings, and you would stop being a taker, making others responsible for your feelings.

You would be free to be truly loving to yourself and share your love with others. Imagine the possibilities of that!

Why You Should ALWAYS Pay Attention to Your Inner Feelings When You Meet Someone

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A friend of mine recently said to me, somewhat in awe, “I’m just discovering that energy is everything!”

Right, it is, but what does this mean, exactly?

What Is Energy Exactly?

Our energy is the frequency, or vibration, that automatically emanates from our being, and is a result of our intention. Each of us is always radiating energy. Energy operates on a continuum from extremely negative to wonderfully positive, and reflects our intent from an extremely unloving controlling intent to an extremely loving intent.

Whenever our intent is to protect ourselves with some form of controlling behavior, our energy is of a low frequency – heavy, dark, difficult to be around. Whenever our intent is to be loving and to learn about love, our energy is lighter and easier to be around. Learning to discern the differences in our own and others’ energy is very important regarding being loving to ourselves.

Understanding Energy in Regard to Relationships

Let’s take an example. Richard, 28, fell in love with Rachael, also 28, an extraordinarily beautiful woman with a winning smile. Richard is a very kind, caring and compassionate person who tends to be a caretaker. Richard believed that everyone was basically like him, kind and caring.

Richard also believed that anyone this beautiful on the outside must also be beautiful on the inside. Instead of caring enough about himself to discern who Rachael really was, Richard allowed lust to determine his decisions and married Rachael.

In time he discovered that Rachael was a really hard, cold and calculating woman, who was really in the marriage to be taken care of financially. The marriage eventually ended in a difficult divorce, with Richard losing much financially.

Had Richard tuned into Rachael’s energy instead of being dazzled by her looks, he would have quickly discovered that Rachael came from fear and neediness, not from caring and kindness. Had he been willing to go within to his own inner, feeling experience of Rachael, he would have known that she was operating from a much lower frequency than he, and was not a good match for him. Had he been willing to experience Rachael with his heart and soul, rather than his mind and genitals, he would have known that she was not for him.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings

How often do you ignore your feeling experience of someone, instead of allowing your surface experience to govern your choices? It is only your feelings that are capable of discerning a person’s energy. If you feel a kind of inner uneasiness, pay attention to it. It might be telling you to be cautious. Even if a person appears on the surface to be open and friendly, the deeper intent is always betrayed by the energy.

If the deeper intent in being open and friendly is to control, you can feel it in your body if you tune in. However, if your intent is also to control, you may not be able to accurately discern another’s energy because your ability to discern is affected by your own intent. When your intent is to learn about what is loving to yourself, then you can tune into your inner experience and discern another’s intent.

The Importance of Energy

Energy is everything. How people look, what they say, or how they behave does not really tell you anything. It is the energy behind their behavior and words that really matter. A person can say, with the softest voice, “I love you,” and the energy behind these words can be totally different, depending upon the intent.

If the person’s intent in saying “I love you” is to get something, approval, sex, money, time, attention, and so on, the energy will not feel good inside you. You might feel pulled on or even drained by the expression of love.

If the person’s intent is to share love with no agenda in mind, it will feel very good inside you. Your job is to stay open to learning about loving yourself so that you are open to learning about another’s intent. You will feel safe inside and create loving relationships when you become a discerning loving adult, instead of reacting as a needy or lustful adolescent, willing to know the truth about another’s intent and resulting energy.

Feeling Needy? Have A Clingy Partner? Find Out How To Bring Balance To An Unbalanced Relationship

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Have you ever called someone else or been called a “stalker?”  Using the term or having it used on you is a frustrated or mean way to say, “I’m sorry but I don’t love you and I need you to understand this and give me my space!”

Sometimes calling someone a “stalker” comes after several failed attempts at communicating the disparity in feelings.  Other times, used early on in that person’s affection, it is meant to belittle and humiliate.

One of the problems inherent when a person is actually stalked is the stalker invades that person’s personal space: physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and even spiritually.  The stalker is in the person’s life without invitation and without permission.

Similarly, when a person has someone in her life that has fallen in love with her and is desperate to be seen by her, this potential lover’s attention can feel needy, clingy, and invasive because he is requesting admittance at a deep level without invitation or permission.

Imbalance In Relationships

Within an established relationship, if one member of the couple is usually needier or more clinging, resentment can start to build for both of them.  For instance, if I am going through a period of insecurity and fear and I pull on my husband for reassurance repeatedly,

I resent my weakness as well as the extra power he has as the more secure one.  If I am so needy that he never has the opportunity to relax much less share his own insecurities here and there, he can resent having to be the strong one.

An imbalance of need or desire can suck the life right out of either an established, potential, or even non-existent relationship!  How do you turn the tide when you find you are the needy one and what can you do to help yourself and the relationship if you are the stronger one?

Balancing the Imbalance

The short answer to both sides is self-love!  At those times in life when you find yourself the needier, more insecure one, self-love is an incredible cure.  If you have found yourself in the needy position for what seems like most of your life, self-love is crucial!

By nurturing yourself, giving yourself your own unconditional high regard, thereby valuing who you are from the core of your being to the tips of your fingers, souls of your feet, and top of your head, you give yourself a sense of security from within that no one else can give you.  Furthermore, no one else can take it away.

Self-Love is the Answer

If you are in the position of having someone need you in a dysfunctional way, your own self-love can be the answer there too.  Your self-love will be the answer when you know that you are responsible for everything that shows up in your life.

If someone is in your life pulling on you and making life uncomfortable, or even unsafe, taking the stand that you attracted this to you, even if you do not know why, can make a difference in 1) how quickly the situation resolves itself and 2) whether or not you create the same situation again.

Why Doesn’t Matter

You do not have to know why you “created” this situation.  It may be you do not even have to do anything with or about the other person.  If you are willing to take responsibility and say to yourself, “I created this.  I do not want this situation in my life. I love myself enough to release the need for this type of dysfunction!” and really own those words, then the situation will either resolve itself or you will find opportunities to resolve it appearing.

Accepting that kind of responsibility takes courage, inner security, and love – love of self and love of other.  There are needs and desires in our lives where once met add to our lives.  Lovers’ bodies and souls longing for each other, needing each other’s touch, and desiring sexual expression is life giving!

The Danger of Allowing it to Continue

However, allowing someone to need or desire you with a desperation that strangles and threatens to snuff out life isn’t an act of love.  It is rather supporting of dysfunction that, if allowed to continue for too long, can wreck a relationship or even a life.

Unconditional positive regard of both the other and the self demands the tough love that says, “I created this…I love myself enough to release the need for this type of dysfunction.”

If you ever find yourself calling someone who has taken an interest in you a “stalker,” stop and give it some thought.  Perhaps you are being too callous with someone who chooses to risk this level of vulnerability because he or she finds you irresistible.

If they are legitimately annoying, take your attention off the other person and put it on yourself.  Take responsibility and love yourself enough to release whatever it is in you that created this situation.  Give taking that level of responsibility a try and see what happens.

The next time you find yourself needful in a way that you suspect is hurtful, take some time for yourself and love you.  Sit in front of a mirror and say, “I love you,” like you mean it!  Play music and light candles.

Make it a sacred time to give yourself your own, genuine unconditional positive regard.  The more you do it, the more your inner security will rise to the surface to guide and protect you!

You are worthy of love that helps you live a better life.  You can begin getting that kind of love by giving it to yourself.