dating – Page 41

Casual Dating or Serious Relationship? How to Know For Sure…

When it comes to dating, different couples have different ways of managing their relationships. What is healthy ranges from one extreme to the other because really, it’s not about what is “normal,” it’s about what is right for you and your partner.

Some couples take it day by day while others start planning for marriage and kids down the road. How can you make sure you and your partner are on the same page?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been dating a really sweet and generous guy for about a month now. We decided to take it day by day. Today he texted me and ask me “How do I feel about him”. What does this exactly mean? I am sort of confused.

–Tina, FL

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fyj4o3JMnQ[/youtube]

Taking It Day By Day

When dating, taking it day by day can mean a couple different things. For most people, taking a relationship day by day means living each day to the fullest and making the most of each day, while still leaving your options for the future open.

Some couples, however, take taking a relationship day by day quite literally, and consider whether they want to continue dating each day. While a day by day approach can be great for a newly forming relationship, taking it too literally may mean one partner might not be on the same page as the other.

Your partner might be wondering how you feel about them if you’re consistently re-evaluating your relationship on a daily basis to decide if you want to continue dating.

Taking a relationship like this by the week or month might be a better option, because while you’re still leaving the future open, you’re giving a little bit more of yourself to your partner without making a heavy commitment.

Whether you’re taking a relationship by the day, week, month, year or century, you and your partner won’t be on the same page unless you talk to each other about the relationship and where you see it headed. Talk to your partner and be open and honest about how you feel about them.

Talking To Your Partner

You don’t have to skirt around issues. If you can’t be honest with your partner about the relationship, the relationship probably isn’t going to last much longer anyways.

When dating, it’s perfectly fine to say, “I like you and I enjoy spending time with you. I want to continue to spend time with you, but that’s as far as I’ve gotten. Making a commitment doesn’t feel right to me right now.” Your partner should respect what you have to say and how you feel about the relationship.

You should encourage them to open up about how they feel about the relationship as well. For example, if your partner comes back and says, “I love you and I’m ready to make a commitment,” you and your partner might have some more discussing to do. It’s definitely possible to make a compromise, especially if you both really like each other.

This can never happen, however, if you and your partner don’t talk about the relationship with each other. No one likes to be left in the dark and going without talking about it because it might seem “awkward” will leave one or both partners really wondering where things are headed.

Just sit down with your partner, keep it light and casual, and give each person a turn to talk about the relationship and how they feel about it. You might find that you really are on the same page, but if you’re not, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to get there.

Five Tips for Creating Soulful Intimacy In Your Relationship

By sarahelizabethmalinak

There are times in life when we experience intimacy in natural, spontaneous ways. Consider love at first glance.

Someone who was a stranger is now in your life 24/7 and crazy about you! Suddenly, parts of your life that were private are now on display to the one you love but with whom love hasn’t been tested.

For instance, putting potato chips on your sandwich in front of him or her makes you feel awkward with the intimacy of the exposure of a funny, little detail of your life! The first time you get naked together makes you tingle all over from the vulnerability. Intimacy that is the result of love at first glance is easy.

It is when we have been in love for a while that we need to turn our attention once again to intimacy. We can create the kind of intimacy that will set our souls aflame! Following are five tips for creating soulful intimacy.

Speak and listen in a new way

Men and women communicate differently. Men like to get right to the point; therefore, they only have so much time and attention when it comes to listening. They want you to get to the point! Women, on the other hand, like to share nuances of insights and feelings when they communicate. Getting to the point for a woman might take several meandering twists and turns first.

One way to create soulful intimacy is to speak and listen in such a way that your partner feels seen and heard. When a woman gets right to the point, her man hears her in a completely new way, which is gratifying for both of them! When she listens with focused attention, he feels heard and appreciates this.

When he listens to her meandering thoughts and expressed feelings, she feels cherished. When he takes the risk to speak of his feelings, philosophy, and personal experience, she feels honored.

Without trying to morph into the opposite sex’s viewpoint, just every once in a while speak and listen the way he or she does. As simple as it sounds, doing so will make you feel you are taking one of those risks that makes you feel the kind of vulnerability that creates a fresh spurt of intimacy in the air between you.

Get imaginative with touch

Think of times when you are together on a regular basis other than when you are making love. Watching television together, preparing a meal, grocery shopping…things like this.

Consider where you might touch your lover in a place that usually goes ignored. The inside of the arm, neck, ears, and small of the back are possibilities. Perhaps it has just been too long since you were in the habit of resting your hands on each other’s thighs when sitting together.

Make a habit of reaching over and touching each other in ways that communicate, “You are my beloved, I am yours, and that is wonderful.” Always take a moment or two and be present with your touch. Look at him or her and feel your love and appreciation for the privilege of loving each other.

Lighten up and have fun

If life has been weighing on you and making you far too serious too much of the time, find things for you and your lover to laugh about. Learning to laugh at yourself, admitting to your flaws in humorous ways, acknowledges the fact that the two of share intimate knowledge of one another that goes beyond the physical. It heightens your sense of togetherness.

Be sensitive, though. Be sure to laugh with your partner, not at them. Invite their compassion, not their competitive edge.

Find reasons to genuinely appreciate your lover’s extended family

Perhaps it is so that we will move out there and start our own families, but most people have a difficult time dealing with each other’s extended family members. An easy and even lazy way for couples to create intimacy is to gossip and put down their own and each other’s family members.

A better way is to discover what you can truly appreciate in at least one member of your lover’s extended family and communicate that to your lover and the family member. When you genuinely care for those he or she loves, your lover feels appreciated too. Whenever we feel seen or appreciated, soulful intimacy grows.

Be present for sights, sounds, scents, tastes, and textures

When you are in that love at first glance relationship, everything about your lover is new, mysterious, and desirable.

The way his skin tastes, the scent of her body, the curve of her hips, the light in his hair, the way her pinky toe lies at a different angle from the rest, and his “innie” belly button are just a few of many things that capture the attention, the heart, and the kundalini! With all your senses heightened, you are present for everything.

In the beginning, it can be overwhelming. As time goes on, it can seem to disappear forever. It doesn’t have to.

Simply be present the next time she undresses in front of you and let yourself relish how you admire her beauty. Be present the next time he gets out of the shower and relish how you admire all his masculine features. Breathe softly through your mouth and feel your body relax and open to your lover.

When you practice just these five tips for creating soulful intimacy (not to mention the many more your own imagination can discover), closing the gap for even greater physical intimacy is sure to follow!

How To Stop Playing Games And Just Be Yourself

By loveandsex

So here you are meeting a new and special person tonight. What thoughts are going through your head?

Well, “ What can I do or say to make myself look attractive to this other person?” for one.

In words you are likely thinking more of creating an image of yourself that is other than your true authentic self. Why is that?

Are You Comfortable With You?

If you reflect on this you may find that you’re not completely comfortable with who “you” are. It’ sad to say but most individuals find themselves in this situation. Hence they find themselves “putting on a mask” or another way of saying this is “playing games” that in truth are manipulative.

Why manipulative? Well, because by playing such games you are trying to get the other person to believe that you are someone other than who you are. In other words, you are lying to them as well as to yourself.

How Do You Feel?

Now stop for a moment and notice how that realization makes you feel about yourself? Not good I would imagine.

Would it therefore surprise you if I said that the negative feelings about one’s self that cause them to pretend to be someone else in part originate in the “game playing” behavior they choose to adopt.

So it’s a bit of a vicious cycle i.e. the game playing makes one feel bad about one’s self and the feeling bad about one’s self leads to the need to pretend to be someone else and hence more game playing!

Is There A Way Out Of The Cycle

So is one forever destined to be caught in this loop or is there a way out?

Well indeed there is a way out and this will allow you to begin to feel at home in your own skin as what I call your True Authentic Self. This is an experience of self that is associated with self confidence, self esteem, honesty, inner peace and calm, resilience, joy, contentment, clarity, feeling totally alive, spontaneity and much more.

At the root of breaking out of the negative loop I mentioned above and achieving this new state of being is a new process I developed over 10 years ago called the Mind Resonance Process®(MRP). Let me orient you to the MRP experience briefly here.

One of the reasons why game playing takes place is because of a poor self image which results from having been rejected, humiliated , embarrassed or shamed in early life. If you have had such an experience I ask you to recall it briefly right now.

The Memory

Let’s call this experience “My Memory of Poor Self Image”.

What is the benefit to you of having this memory stored inside you? Initially you may say “nothing” however I ask you to reflect on this for a moment. Although there may be many reasons you can come up with I will choose a common one for illustration purposes which I’m sure you’ll resonate with.

So a primary reason that might make the Memory beneficial is that it teaches you to avoid exposing yourself in ways that could potentially lead to a repeat scenario.

Hence one could conclude that the Memory has some protective purpose i.e. it protects you from getting hurt once again.

If this is so then one should be feeling safe, secure, calm, self assured, relaxed, content, peaceful and resilient in one’s interaction with others as a result of having the Memory “on board” so to speak.

Is that however the case? Well of course not because whenever you think about the Memory (and even when you don’t because it’s always inside you, isn’t it?) it makes you feel anxious, poorly about yourself, unattractive, defective or deficient, less than others, afraid of being exposed or found out, and so on.

Hence the Memory is toxic to you, correct?

So that makes the conclusion above that “the Memory causes you to feel safe, secure, calm, self assured, relaxed, content, peaceful and resilient in one’s interaction with others” is false.

Release The False Belief

So if you wish to release this false belief from within you (and I suggest you try this to experience the effect) then simply ask as if speaking from your heart that it be permanently released from your life now.

Next, if you wish, ask that the Memory itself be released from your life.

Finally, envision and feel how you would rather be in your interactions with others and if that feels good to you then assert to yourself that this is where you’d rather be.

Notice now how you feel. If you’ve followed me so far I know that you will be feeling better about yourself and within yourself than you have in a long time.

How Dating Is Different After Divorce Or The Death Of A Spouse…

By elainewilliams

Is there a difference in dating after loss of a spouse or following a divorce? Each occurrence is a major life change, subject to emotions of loss and anger or perhaps betrayal and abandonment.

Some who have lost a spouse may argue that death is worse, being final and out of your control, while divorce is a choice. I disagree.

How Death & Divorce Are Similar

If the spouse you love has divorced you, the choice has been taken away from you, similar to losing someone to death. You also have the added complication of perhaps feeling as if you’ve been thrown away, an understandably devastating experience.

I have experienced both divorce and death, and the aftermath in each instance is neither pretty nor painless. Aftershocks in each case can be experienced years later.

Both situations involve pain. Does death hurt more than divorce? When you lose the person you love, however that occurs, it is a permanent wound on the heart. Loss of any kind is never easy.

Dating After Death or Divorce

Dating after major life changes such as divorce or death, many times holds the same difficulties and rewards. One thing remains the same irrespective of your previous relationship status; dating again after being in a long term relationship means taking your time and re-entering the dating world with the mindset of proceeding slowly.

Start a relationship with no expectations other than starting as friends and see what may develop. If the relationship doesn’t enhance your life, be prepared to move on.

If you’ve lost your spouse and are considering dating, you have to be mindful of not falling into a trap where you’re looking for an exact replica of your previous partner. Your loss has changed you, so you’re no longer the same person with the same needs.

Divorce can carry its own burden of loss and changes. In the aftermath of divorce or death, neither life experience should be rushed through or downplayed. Both take time and energy in which to heal.

After the death of a spouse, there’s a period of time where you may be unwilling to allow another person into your life. Emotionally, you’re on an up-and-down swing with the grief process, and adding another facet to your life such as a new partner is sometimes untenable. If you’ve been out of dating for many years, expect dating to have changed.

Be Sure You’re Ready to Date

If you’re not sure you’re ready to date, you may be open to making poor choices in a new relationship. Whether divorced or widowed, sometimes we think we’re healed but in reality we’re just lonely and want to fill the empty void. In either situation, give yourself time before making any big lifestyle changes.

A divorced person getting back into dating could also be emotionally grieving the loss or abandonment of a spouse. Perhaps you should ask yourself if you’re ready to pursue a new love interest or do you really need some time to remain single.

One of the most important things in resuming dating, no matter what the past scenario may be, is to allow someone into your life who shares the same values emotionally and psychologically as yourself. Don’t settle into a relationship just to have someone in your life.

Being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely, not if you enrich your life with people and activities you enjoy. Don’t depend on another partner to make or keep you happy, because you’ll be doomed to disappointment. Ultimately, what’s inside fulfills us and adds to who we are; no matter if you are divorced or widowed.

Online Dating Photos: Is One Enough?

By dylanalexander

Here is a common mistake a lot of people make in their online dating profiles:

They have a photo. One. Single. Photo.

Almost all online dating sites give you space, or a “backstage” photo gallery, where you can usually add at least 6-10 more, above and beyond your main one.

Out of all the online dating profiles out there, less than 10% actually fill up this backstage gallery with photos.

And these people say, “I have a photo. They can see what I look like. That’s good enough.”

If you are happy with being “good enough”, that’s okay. But if you want to be in the elite 10% of people who get 90% of the attention to themselves, you’ll need to maximize this huge asset.

Here are 3 good reasons why you should fill your backstage photo gallery:

Reason #1

It will get the eyes of people who search for profiles with backstage photos (on websites which have this search function). A lot of people search this way because they know people with backstage galleries are usually more serious about online dating.

Reason #2

It will keep people looking at your profile longer. Scanning through a page of photos takes time, and the more exposure someone has to your profile, whether it is photos or text, the more likely they are to commit to emailing you.

Reason #3

It allows you to give your readers a much deeper impression of your life, and creates a much stronger connection with their subconscious. This gives you that all important lasting impression. This is the most important reason by far.

You are familiar with the expression “a picture is worth a thousand words”, right? This is a fantastic opportunity to give your reader a few thousand extra words about you without the effort of writing them!

Here are a few examples of what you can accomplish quickly and effectively by creating an extended photo gallery:

Display your sense of adventure – post photos of you somewhere exotic or doing something exciting.
Display your sense of culture – post photos of yourself at a play, art gallery, or museum.
Display your sense of style – post a few photos wearing your best threads!
Create comfort – post photos of you with your friends or family (just not ones that make you look like you are with an ex!)
Display a sense of fun – post photos where you are smiling, laughing, or hamming for the camera.
Display your sporty side – post photos of you actually doing the sports you enjoy, instead of just listing them in your profile.

Why photos are so important

If you can do all these things with photos instead of having to write about them, do it! People relate much better to what they see than what they read. Photos make a sensory connection with the subconscious mind, which is a much deeper and stronger connection than you can make by writing about the same thing.

This will make your readers remember you much more vividly, which in the competitive world of online dating, is a very good thing.

Here are a few other tips to consider when adding backstage photos:

Try to be smiling in all your photos. It conveys much more personality than photos where you aren’t.
Photos where you are making eye contact with the camera are always stronger than photos where you aren’t.
Never post photos where you look like a dork. Yes, it is important to convey a sense of fun, but not at the expense of displaying a sense of class.
Don’t use cropped photos where people can see your ex’s severed arm around your shoulders. If it is a clean crop, it’s fair use. A good photo is a good photo.
If you have the space, try to post a photo for every trait that you talk about in your profile. Backing up your words with pictures is always good.
Fill up your backstage gallery with as many photos as you can. Ask your friends to take photos of you for your profile (you don’t have to tell them what it is for) while you are out having fun. Bring your own digital camera with you if possible. A full backstage gallery will help your online dating immensely.

One last thing. The photos should all be different. 10 nearly identical takes of the same scene really does nothing for your profile. Don’t fill it for the sake of filling it, fill it with quality photos. The people coming to your profile will love it.

Happy dating!