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Afraid To Talk To Your Partner? Here’s a Step By Step Guide to Overcoming Your Fears…

By loveandsex

Certainly love means many things but one of the critical components is the ability to be courageous and indeed honest in your communications with your partner.

This is perhaps one of the most difficult of tasks because of the many fears that step in one’s way. It may not seem surprising that these fears are also those that eventually spell the demise of a relationship.

So what are some of these fears and how does one transcend them in order to establish a healthy and truly loving relationship?

Fears in Communication

First the fears; they include such things as:

  1. I fear I will be rejected if I speak my truth to my partner.
  2. I fear I will hurt my partner with my truth.
  3. I fear I will feel guilty and be unable to forgive myself.
  4. I fear I will have to justify my feelings or beliefs to my partner.
  5. I fear my partner may get angry with me.

Clearly capitulating to such fears means suppressing your own truth. That is accompanied with feelings of frustration, dishonesty, needing to constantly be on guard that one’s truth is kept under control, and a decreasing degree of true intimacy.

It may also lead to feelings of becoming emotionally and sexually distant from one’s partner, possibly the sharing of such information with third parties in order to vent one’s frustrations, sexual affairs and so on.

The tendency for all of these is to undermine the relationship anyway.

So if you’re feeling caught between the proverbial “rock and the hard place” how does one find a way to nurture a truly healthy, loving and sustainable relationship? Well, to summon up the courage to be honest and truthful when the circumstances call for it!

Summoning Up the Courage to Communicate

Of course in order to do so one must transcend the catastrophic beliefs i.e. the potential for rejection, being hurtful, feeling guilty etc., that are fed by the fears that I have listed above.

Here is a powerful way to accomplish this.

Let’s take the first item above i.e. the fear of rejection as an example that you can walk through with me.

Overcoming Fear Step by Step

Now contemplate the following question: “What is the benefit to you of having the fear of rejection living inside you?” Initially one may say that it protects one from getting rejected,

If this is the case, then supposedly how would you feel knowing that you were being protected in this way? Well, you might say that you might be feeling safe, secure, calm, relaxed, confident and resilient to the reactions of others to whatever you might say.

So to summarize one could say that: The fear of rejection causes you to feel safe, secure, calm, relaxed, confident and resilient to the reactions of others to whatever you might say.

Is That Really Your Truth?

Is that, however, the truth? Clearly not because this fear actually makes one feel anxious, weak, fragile, tense, and leads to secretive behaviors that make one feel guilty, insecure and in fear of being found out.

This is clearly the opposite of the summarized conclusion above espousing the supposed benefits of the fear. So, can these opposite statement be simultaneously true? Clearly not!

Determining the Truth for You

Well then, which one is the truth for you? If you look closely at it I think you’ll see that the fear is not beneficially acting for you.

Well that means that the statement above that ” The fear of rejection causes you to feel safe, secure, calm, relaxed, confident and resilient to the reactions of others to whatever you might say” is false!

If you see this, do you want this false belief to be residing in your mind or body? If not then simply ask, from your heart, to have this belief purged from your life now.

Next, you’ll notice that the fear itself is clearly toxic to you as it undermines how you feel and your behaviors in your relationship so do you want it living inside you? If not, then again speaking from your heart ask it to be purged from your life now.

Now contemplate how you would rather be or feel in relation to being able to speak your own truth with your partner. This might look something like: feeling calm, confident, resilient, relaxed, loving, honest, and so on.

If this new way of being, as you have delineated it for yourself, feels desirable then again assert this to yourself as you speak this through your heart.

Now that you’ve come this far simply notice how you feel inside and how you feel about and towards your partner. You may be pleasantly surprised at how wonderfully positive loving moments will emerge through your new found freedom to be open and confident in this way.

Filed Under: Relationship Advice Tagged With: dating, intimacy, Relationship Advice

The 10 Worst Online Dating Headlines And Why They Suck

By dylanalexander

Don’t underestimate the power of your headline.  Next to your photo, it is one of the most powerful marketing tools of your online dating profile.

A good headline can draw crowds of people, even if you don’t have a photo.  A bad headline however… can make you all but invisible.

In no particular order, here are the 10 worst headlines out there… so common and boring that people don’t even see them as they skim through ads.  Use these and fail.

Number 10

HEADLINE: “Insert funny headline here.”
WE THINK: “Wow, people are still using this tired old line?”
This wasn’t funny years ago, and everyone has seen it dozens of times since.  Be creative. If you’ve seen it somewhere before, it’s old news.

Number 9

HEADLINE: “Clever headline #28492”
WE THINK: “Ugh, at least it isn’t ‘Insert funny headline here!’”
This lame old headline just won’t die.  Do you really want something this boring and unoriginal to be the first thing people read about you?

Number 8

HEADLINE: “how abot diner and drniks”
WE THINK: “You can’t even spell properly in your headline? Is our first date going to be at Chuck E Cheese?”
There is NO excuse for spelling errors in your headline, and yet it is so common.  First impressions are everything, and your headline counts.  The “dinner and drinks” headline itself is also overused.

Number 7

HEADLINE: “Love to laugh.“
WE THINK: “So? Who doesn’t?”
People write this as if it makes them unique… but have you ever known anyone who didn’t enjoy laughing?  Although this headline intends to display value by making you look special, it actually reduces your value by showing that you are average.

Number 6

HEADLINE: “I’m looking for someone special.”
WE THINK: “Wow, I’ve just been hanging out here waiting to show myself to someone who was LOOKING for someone special! Now that you’re here, I’m saved!”
Because you are looking for someone special, does it mean that the truly special people should come check you out?  Nope.  No one cares what you are looking for, they only care what they are looking for.  Use your headline to build your own value.

Number 5

HEADLINE: “Hmm, I don’t know what to write here.”
WE THINK: “Stumped already? Our first date is going to suck.”
If you can’t think of your own headline, you’re either heavily medicated and should not be out dating or you lack any thought processes at all.  There is no excuse.  None.  Steal something off the front page of Yahoo if you have to.

Number 4

HEADLINE: “I’ll fill this in later.”
WE THINK: “Too lazy to even write a headline? I can’t imagine how much fun our relationship will be…”
If you can’t be bothered, why should anyone else bother with you?  Seriously, laziness is one of the biggest turn offs there is.

Number 3

HEADLINE: “One last try…”
WE THINK: “One last try… because you’ve struck out so many times already?”
Showing weakness or failures is never a great way to get anyone attracted to you.

Number 2

HEADLINE: “Single and looking.”
WE THINK: “Really?  On an online dating site? Shocking.”
This redefines redundant, and tells the reader nothing more than that you are exactly the same as the other 50,000 people reading the site that day.

Number 1

HEADLINE: “Hello,” or “Hi.”
WE THINK: “Nice to meet you, I’ll be going to read some INTERESTING headlines now.  Bye!”
This is definitely one of the most common and boring headlines out there. It is completely uncreative and lacking any effort. People won’t even see it listed amongst the other interesting and funny headlines out there.

And there you have the top 10 most useless online dating headlines.  These also fail as subject lines for first emails.  The rule is, always be interesting, exciting, funny, or fascinating.  Never, ever be average.

Happy dating!

Filed Under: Online Dating Tips & Advice Tagged With: dating, online dating

How To Meet Women? Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone!

By bradhoward

Are you finding it to be tough to get started in a new venture?  Are you working out enough or have you put it off completely?

Are you afraid to walk up to a beautiful woman and start a conversation with her because you’re afraid of being rejected?

Are you alone?

As I’ve discussed time and time again, the mind only truly reacts to either intense pleasure or intense pain.  Feeling one of these two emotions will get you to make a change in your life instantly.

Are you in a comfort zone?

Think about it. Are you in a “comfort zone”?

Have you thought about making some changes but life is too comfortable right now?

Are you one of those people that would rather look back and say, “I KNOW I could have done it… but I just didn’t…”?

I see this phenomenon in many instances but the most prevalent revolve around relationships and personal growth. How many people do you know that are in stale relationships but won’t move on because of the comfort level? How many have talked about new business ventures or making more money only to stave off because of the comfortable life they have at the moment.

Remember, growth only occurs when our mental boundaries expand.

Get uncomfortable!

If something you haven’t done makes you a little uncomfortable (not scares the heck out of you), just think about the positive impact on life the new thing brings to you. Try to push yourself each day.

Try to conquer, yes conquer, something new everyday.

Visualize it!

The easiest way to accomplish this is through visualization (and that’s a whole other article in itself)

What are some of your personal hot buttons?  What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you?

Let’s suppose that being “a loser” is high on your totem pole of worst possible things.  If you want to lose weight, just say to yourself when you need an extra push, “Only LOSERS are overweight.  I am not a loser; therefore, I’ll go to the gym today.”

Or… “Only LOSERS are afraid of talking to women… I’m not a loser; therefore, I’m gonna go talk to her.”

Of course, this represents a generic example.  Other examples could be instances where you’ve seen something very disturbing (like a ruined heart on TV).  You can then use that to “influence” you.  You obviously don’t want your heart to look like that, do you?

Using positive experiences

You can also use positive experiences to help.

Suppose you were in the best shape of your life in college and there was one particular spring break trip that you remember vividly.  Let’s just say you had a “great time.”  If you are looking to get back into that type of shape, just continually reflect on that particular time of your life whenever your motivation subsides.

Or… maybe you “got lucky” and hooked up with a beautiful woman ONCE before.  If you want to get to a point of that happening more… just picture and reflect on that instance when you are afraid to talk to another beautiful woman.

(or just picture the time you had a one night stand with the ugliest person that you can think of, ha, ha)

These examples are completely fabricated but you can definitely understand where I’m coming from.

Don’t get stuck in the comfort zone!

The “Comfort Zone” may be the worst place to be. Some may argue, in the case of personal growth, that rock bottom may be a better place.  The pain that a person can feel when they are this low will push many people to go places they’ve never dreamed, simply because now they feel like they have NOTHING TO LOSE.

In order to break out of your “Comfort Zone” and see some meaningful changes, employ the pleasure-pain technique.  If the pleasure or pain you associate with the situation is great enough – the results are only a thought away.

Getting the proper proportions is simply a matter of applying the number one physical attraction metric for men… The Adonis Index.  To find out how to use the Adonis Index to generate subconscious physical attraction, visit the Adonis Effect website.

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: ask a girl out, dating, dating advice

5 Tips For an Amazing Relationship

By loveandsex

Here are 5 tips to help you make yours a truly amazing and happy relationship…

1. Make Time For Your Relationship

Time and time again, people tell me my ideas are wonderful, but they feel they can’t be as loving or romantic as I am because they don’t have enough hours in the day.

I have the same amount of time given to me each day as everyone else does. It’s how I prioritize the time that might be different. Besides my relationship with my Creator, my time spent with Athena is most important to me.

More important than my job. More important than the money I make. More important than exercise. More important than my friends or other family members. And yes, even more important than Ashton, my darling little son.

I am not against nice items for those who can afford them and don’t have to work insane hours to attain them. But I am slightly perplexed by those who work too many hours or have a long daily commute just so they can have “things,” not realizing they are losing something that is even more valuable and precious.

2. Share Secrets Together

I’ve got a secret and I’m not sharing. Actually, I have a lot of secrets. There are a lot of things that are only known to Athena and me that keeps us close.

I like it when Athena shares things with me that she doesn’t share with others. It makes me feel special and unique in her eyes. I tell her things that I don’t tell my friends or family. It’s not like these are horrible things we have done that we can’t tell others. I just want Athena to feel like she knows me better than anyone else.

Make your sweetheart feel special. Always share important things with them first. Let some things remain a secret between the two of you for a little while before letting the rest of the world know all about your personal life.

3. Have Date Nights

Without special time together, relationships can pull apart or simply become stale. But you can’t simply replace doing nothing with doing the exact same thing week after week. The oh-so-predictable dinner and a movie can be all right if mixed up with some other types of dates.

Here are a few suggestions: Bookstore, library, museum, zoo or park date, or together collect clothes for a shelter.

4. Spice Up Your Love Life

If you find that sex is becoming very sporadic in your relationship (and you are not happy with that) consider scheduling “sex nights.” Just like date nights, schedule one or two days each week for physical intimacy. Some people find the idea of planned sex off-putting at first, but later come to anticipate the weekly ritual. Having sex planned in advance makes for prolonged foreplay!

5. Get Your Debt Under Control

If you want to have a blissful relationship, you will need to get your debt under control (or at least a plan to do so). Otherwise, your debt will control you and affect you physically and psychologically.

When you get a paycheck, the first thing you should do is set aside money for charity/church. Doesn’t seem logical, but it works. Sit down with your partner and discuss all aspects of your family budget.

Only when you analyze your spending habits will you fully realize where you are wasting money. It’s a great opportunity to talk about your goals and dreams. Realize that frivolously spending money can be a sign of disrespect for your marriage and mate.

If you would like a bigger diamond ring or a fancier car, ask yourself why. Take a quick inventory of all the items you own but could really live without. Consider how much you paid for them. What if you didn’t buy those items and had all that money in savings instead? Would it make a difference in how you view your job, your family and your future?

Filed Under: Relationship Advice Tagged With: dating, love, Relationship Advice, romance, sex tips

I’m In Love With My Best Friend. How Do I Tell Her?

By loveandsex

If you find yourself in love with your best friend, take heart. You’re not the only one! It can be intimidating, however, to think of ways to tell your best friend how you feel without risking losing your best friend.

You might be tempted to feel the situation out with your friend’s friends, or you might prefer the idea to keeping quiet. How do you approach your best friend if you have feelings for them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I really like this girl, I think I love her… But she’s one of my best friends and I don’t want to tell her about my feelings because I’m afraid that I will lose my friend. I told her friend about my feelings and I think she told her. Since then she’s gone all weird with me and doesn’t go out with me anymore. She always says that she’s busy or something. What should I do? Please help.

–Fizwan, England

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFrom_1KQaU[/youtube]

The Friend’s Friends

Bouncing the idea of hooking up with your best friend off their friends’ might sound appealing. You get an opinion that is as close as possible to your best friend’s opinion without actually being their opinion. Sure, it sounds great but in reality, this plan tends to backfire the most. What usually happens is the friend never keeps it quiet and approaches your best friend with the info.

While that’s scary enough, the friend usually puts whatever spin on it they like, based on how they feel about you. If that friend dislikes you or thinks you aren’t a good match for her friend, your best friend might hear a convoluted story. It’s not always this way, but if you tell your best friend’s friend your feelings, you can pretty much guarantee that your best friend will hear about it too.

Keeping Quiet

Risking losing your best friend over your feelings might sound like it’s too much to handle and it might be tempting to just stay quiet rather than risk the end of the friendship.  Sure, if you stay quiet, you won’t risk losing your best friend over your feelings. But you might also be living an unfulfilled life.

What if you grow out of the friendship and end up going separate ways anyway, but you never got to tell your best friend how you felt? Think long and hard about whether you truly want to stay quiet. Make sure it’s a decision you really want to make.

Telling Your Best Friend

You might decide that you want to let your best friend know that you have romantic feelings for them. It takes some guts, but in the end, you might be better off. Just make sure to tell your friend directly how you feel instead of letting someone else do it for you. It’s much better when they hear it straight from you!

If your friendship ends over it, you might want to consider the fact that perhaps your friendship wasn’t meant to be in the first place. Who knows though, your friend could secretly be nursing a crush on you as well!  The only tried and true way to find out if you can make a relationship work with your best friend is talking to them, one on one.

Take It Slow

If you end up being lucky enough to start a romantic relationship with your best friend, you might want to take it slow. Don’t skip the dating process just because you already know each other well.

This might cause you to move to fast and end up crashing and burning later down the road. Take the time to get to know each other in a different way. You might be surprised at how much new things you learn about your best friend!

Filed Under: Love & Romance Tagged With: dating, just friends, love, romance

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