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You are here: Home / Archives for dating

5 Phone Rules In Dating That Everyone Ought To Know

By david

You know, it’s funny how differently people conduct their dating life from every other aspect of their life.

Do you realize that if you conducted your dating life like your business life, that you would probably be a far more successful dater? Think about it – your follow-ups would be better, your memory would be better . . . and your manners would be better.

Not only that, but how you come across to others would be better because you would not be so emotionally-driven and attached to every single outcome.

One of the most common dating situations in which people always seem to lose their “business skills” is deciding when to return the phone call after someone leaves them a message. A lot of people seem to feel it necessary to create some super-special strategy to decide when to return that phone message. This is the most ridiculous thing in the world!

So let’s go into it so we can settle this issue once and for all. In the area of dating, when do you call someone back after they have left you a phone message?

Here are 5 phone rules that everyone should following when dating

1. Be Prompt When They’re Prompt.

If you gave out your phone number and somebody calls you within 24 hours, then you should call them back within 24 hours. There should be none of this “waiting four or five days to call” business. When someone has called you within 24 hours, that’s called momentum. It’s called momentum for a reason, and so many people in dating lose that momentum very quickly by not promptly returning phone calls.

Even if you’re busy, call the person back promptly to let them know that you’re busy and tell them you will connect with them in a few days when your schedule settles down. To wait four or five days to return a phone message, however, to me is simply rude. You would never do this in your business life, yet that is what so many people do in their dating life.

2. If They Waited, You May Also Wait.

You’ve given your phone number to someone, and that person waits four or five days to call you. As far as I’m concerned, when that happens you are entitled to wait four or five days to return that person’s call. That person did not make you a priority, and they played games.

Although the person decided to call you, what they were likely actually doing during those four or five days was debating whether they wanted to call you. This shows lack of interest. I know that when I get a woman’s phone number and I wait four or five days to call her, that I’m really not that interested in her and I really don’t care whether or not she calls me back.

3. It’s OK To Call Right Back.

If someone calls you promptly after you’ve given them your phone number, then you should call them back within 24 hours – but it is even perfectly fine to call them back the same night they call you. It doesn’t look desperate. It looks like you actually have manners, that you’re someone who pays attention to detail, and that you’re someone who respects other people’s time.

Think about this for a second. When someone calls you, they are taking time out of their day to talk to you. So it is not only “ok,” but really simple courtesy, to acknowledge this with a promptly returned phone call. This is something we do in business every day without ever thinking twice about it, but we don’t do this in our dating life because we conduct it with emotionally-based decisions.

4. You Can’t Manipulate Someone Into Liking You.

So many people think there needs to be some “strategy” in making the decision when to return someone’s phone call. They’ll think things like “Oh, let me think when I should call them back. Should I wait four or five days so I’ll seem busy and not too available? If I call back today will I seem desperate?” It doesn’t work that way!

This is simply a matter of courtesy and being a mature adult. If someone called me in my business and left me a message about wanting me to coach them, I will call them back as quickly as possible NOT because I’m desperate for business but because I respect the fact that the person took the time to contact me.

Playing games and trying to make someone think certain things about you (like that you’re busy or not desperate) by waiting to return a phone call will NOT make someone more interested in you than they would otherwise be. All you will accomplish by doing this is to make the other person think you are rude and uninterested.

5. Being Busy Is No Excuse.

So many of us are busy being busy. As busy people, we get how busy everyone’s life can be. Returning a phone call and leaving a voicemail message, though, takes only about 15 to 30 seconds. Returning a call to let the person know that you’re busy and will call them in a few days takes barely a minute.

It’s better to return the call promptly and let them know you’re busy and will call them in a few days after things settle down (with work, kids, or whatever it might be), then to put the phone call off and to think about it. The longer you wait to call somebody back, the less likely it will be the person will still have the interest in you that they had in the first place.

These are all tips that you should follow in navigating the phone calls you receive from someone you’re newly dating. These tips are equally applicable to men and women, and the rules contained in them apply to both sexes. So remember to follow these rules, and when someone calls you – call them back!

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: dating, dating advice, phone dating

How Do I Tell My Best Friend I Want to Be More Than Friends?

By loveandsex

If you find that you’re interested in asking out your best friend, you’re not the first person to have ever experienced this.

Nonetheless, it can still be frustrating and intimidating to want to ask out your best friend and not know how or where to start.

Before you go gung-ho and start wooing your friend with wine and dinner, there are a few things you need to ask yourself first.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I like my best friend (there’s trouble there already) and I want to ask her out but I don’t know how. Many other guys like her too.

How do I make my self seem like the one she should go out with?  And how would I do that?

But please hurry! Were going to the movies tomorrow and I’m thinking of asking her out tomorrow.

– Kevin, Texas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpsRUQJeZdk[/youtube]

Is there true chemistry there that goes above and beyond a friendship?

When you’re best friends with someone, there is a lot of chemistry there already. You both get along together great and you enjoy each other’s company. Basically, you can do anything and everything together. However, if you’re thinking about asking out your best friend, you need to really figure out if there’s more than just friendship there.

Do you feel a chemistry between you and your friend that goes above and beyond the friendship? Do you feel a sexual chemistry? If not, then you are probably better off staying friends. If you do, however, feel that there is something more between you and your friend, you have yet another question to ask yourself. Do you feel like your friend may return your feelings? This may not be something you get the answer to right away, but it’s important to consider before you ask them out.

Do you want to take the initiative and possibly get rejected?

Another thing to take into consideration is the fact that you might end up getting rejected and you might end up losing a friend too. If you suspect that this might be something that happens, consider leaving the friendship where it is at. If you simply can’t live with not telling your friend how you really feel, you need to realize that this may be something that changes the relationship forever, or possibly ends it. Make certain this is something you’re willing to risk before you take the plunge!

Avoid Getting Stuck In The Friend Zone

It generally is never a good idea to become friends with a person with the intent of becoming more than friends. Rarely does this work! Usually, you just get stuck in the friend zone. You end up being a great friend, one who they can share intimate talks with and confide in but realistically, you’re on the same level as their gay friends – someone who they care about deeply but would never consider a romantic relationship an option. If you like someone, be upfront and honest with them about your intentions rather than trying to sneak in the back door.

Telling Your Friend How You Feel

Okay, you’ve decided this is something you want to do and you’re willing to take the risk. Take your friend aside to somewhere you’re alone together and make sure there is plenty of time to tell them how you feel. Avoid cliché’s such as, “I’ve felt this way about you forever” or “I’ve always been in love with you.” These will most likely do little more than overwhelm and possibly frighten your friend!

Take it slow and be casual about it. Let them know that you’re interested in being more than friends and you’d like to spend more time together in a romantic way to see where it leads – and then leave it at that! Hopefully, a relaxed attitude will get you what you’re looking for and you never know – they could feel the same about you!

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: ask a girl out, date ideas, dating, first date, just friends

How Can I Get My Ex Back?

By loveandsex

You’re in a relationship and suddenly, before you even know what is happening, it’s over.

You mourn the loss of your relationship and your partner and you wonder where you went wrong.

If you’re lucky, you’ll figure it out, because some people never do. If you’re able to understand what happened to cause the relationship to end, will you be able to get your ex back?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hi! I discovered your videos on YouTube, and figured you could help me out. I had been with my ex-girlfriend for just over 18 months. Everything was going great for the first 12 mos. We broke up a couple of weeks ago, and I was devastated.  She said things had gotten boring and that the past few months she didn’t really feel like a couple. She said she still wanted to be friends and needed time to think. I haven’t heard anything from her since then. I’m getting worried that she’s forgotten about me and never wants to see me again. I’ve realized where I went wrong.  I just want to know if my ex-girlfriend will ever come back to me and if it’s possible how I can get my ex-girlfriend back. Can you help me!

– Matt, Cumbria, England

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnE7-O5GVys[/youtube]

Realizing the mistakes.

It takes many people a long time to realize their relationship mistakes and even then, the realizations are sometimes biased or one sided. Some people never understand why their relationships end, and this can be frustrating!

You may find yourself in a situation where a relationship has ended and you’re wondering what happened. Take time to really sort out what happened between you and your ex, and what role both of you played in the ending of the relationship. A relationship’s untimely demise is seldom the result of just one person’s actions.

Take a look at what your ex contributed to the relationship’s end, but beware of placing blame all on them. You also need to examine what you contributed to the relationship’s end. If you are able to get to a point where you can truly admit the part you played in what broke you and your ex up, consider yourself better off for it!

Learning from your mistakes.

You’ll never get anywhere if you realize your mistakes but never learn from them. If you’ve figured out what you’ve done that wasn’t right, or that helped bring your relationship to a close, make sure it’s not something that you continue to do in other relationships.

If you and your ex get back together, make certain it’s not something you continue to do in that relationship! You’d be surprised at how many people end up repeating the same mistakes over and over again. It’s important that you use your mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn.

No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. Part of being in relationships is making mistakes, learning from them, and stopping the behavior in its tracks.

Moving on.

You may be tempted to try to get your ex back, and it’s certainly worth a good try. It’s never certain if you’ll be able to mend what was broken, but you’ll never know unless you give it a shot. Try to contact your ex and let them know that you’ve come to a point where you understand how you contributed to the end of the relationship. Find out if they’ll talk to you and if they’ll accept your resolve to make things different the second time around.

This doesn’t always work, however, and sometimes your partner may not want to pick up where you left off. That’s okay. It may be frustrating and even hurtful, but if your ex doesn’t want to resume the relationship, there’s really nothing you can do about it.

Take this time to cherish what time you and your ex had together and then put it to bed. Learn from your mistakes and take the opportunity to turn something that didn’t happen the way you wanted into something good. Make the next relationship even better! It’s all about growing and learning, and moving on if you have to. Just make sure you’re not repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

Filed Under: Get Your Ex Back Tagged With: breaking up, dating, divorce, fighting, Get Your Ex Back, marriage

How Letting Go of the Past Can Help You Hold On To The Future

By loveandsex

The past can be a tricky thing. It always seems to haunt us, especially when we really need to learn to let it go.

When you enter into a serious relationship with someone, you tend to take on their pasts as well, and it can be difficult to accept what may or may not have happened in their lives before you came along.

This can put a serious damper on your relationship! How can you learn to let go of your partner’s past so you can move forward with them?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for just over six months now. I feel quite serious about him, but I have issues with past relationships. I was married for 7 years and divorced. Things went well with him up until I found out about and saw pictures of his ex-girlfriends. This seemed to trigger some sort of obsession which I believe was the catalyst of our break up. I needed to find out more about them. Which led to my self esteem plummeting, I believe I wasn’t worthy of his affection. Now with my new boyfriend, I can see a similar pattern emerging. This result in me being distant and pushing my boyfriend away in fear of destroying another relationship, which is the last thing I want to do. Please help.

– Vicky, UK

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2F-8p2_IK4[/youtube]

The past is the past.

First of all, you need to understand that your partner has a past, just like you do. They probably dated around and had their fair share of exploits and relationships that didn’t work out, just like you did.

While your partner’s old partners can seem like they’re in the present, they’re not! They’ve moved on and your partner has moved on. If you find yourself obsessed with your partner’s past partners, you may be the only one who hasn’t moved on! You need to realize that your partner is with you and not with their former partners.

That’s what matters most! When you begin to understand that you’re the one your partner loves and wants to be with, you can begin to let go of their pasts and look towards the future.

Dealing with serious issues.

Sometimes, people who are unable to let go of their pasts or their partner’s pasts have some inner issues that are causing this obsessive behavior. It could be underlying self esteem issues that make you feel like you aren’t as good as your partner’s former flames were or it could be other issues that arise from childhood. If you suspect that you have some baggage that you need to check before moving forward in your relationship, it’s time you do so before you end up pushing your partner too far away.

Really take a look at yourself outside of the situation you’re in and see where you’re at. Don’t compare yourself to your partner’s past partners. The important question is how you feel about you. Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you feel like your inability to let go of the past is something that comes from deep inside of you.  A good counselor or therapist can help you work through your inner issues to learn to be happy with who you are now.

When you are confident and happy with yourself, you can be confident that your partner is happy with you too, and then your partner’s former flames won’t matter so much!

No matter what the real issue is, if you find yourself obsessed with your partner’s past or even if you’re stuck in your own past, you may be serving only to push your partner away.  Unless that’s what you’re truly going for, it’s important to nip the behavior in the bud before it gets any worse!

Take the time to work through your problems and don’t forget to let your partner in during the process.  They can be a huge pillar of support for you and if you’re open and honest with them, they can be understanding as you work to move through your inability to let go of the past.  With time and effort,  you can learn to be comfortable enough with yourself to let go of your partner’s past, and you’ll both be happier for it.

Filed Under: Relationship Advice Tagged With: dating, singles

My Girlfriend Says She Needs Space – What Does That Mean?

By loveandsex

Who hasn’t found themselves in a relationship where one partner wanted space?

It’s a totally normal and healthy thing unless you’re not the one asking for space. Then it gets uncomfortable and sometimes even awkward when your partner wants space but you’re content with closeness.

What does it mean when your partner asks for a little breathing room? Are they trying to play the field or do they really just mean what they said?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am seeing a girl who left her marriage one year ago and had been in another one year relationship directly following the breakup of her marriage. About 2 weeks following the breakup of her relationship I started seeing her and things are actually going very well or were going well.

We had a discussion about how we are spending a lot of time together and she had made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t get into a serious relationship right away. I took this as she wants to play the field and not see me. What do you think?

– Steve, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RS-XD0vMcs[/youtube]

There are many reasons behind asking for space.

A person might ask for space in a relationship for a variety of reasons. The key to figuring out what your partner really means when they ask for space is trying to understand what is behind the need for space.

Did your partner just get out of a string of serious relationships and would perhaps want to take the next relationship slowly? Is your partner going through a troubling emotional time right now where they would need some time by themselves to think things through? These are all good, legitimate reasons that someone would ask for space in a relationship.

If your partner is going through anything like that, chances are their request for breathing room is just that – a need for space. It probably doesn’t mean that they don’t want to be with you anymore or that they’re trying to play the field. Although this is a possibility, it’s actually very rare.

If you suspect that your partner is trying to play the field (and by suspect, we mean have real reason to believe) then you should just talk to your partner about it. Air out your feelings and let your partner have their say too. Chances are, if you talk about together in a non-judgmental way, you’ll get to the bottom of the situation in no time.

Give your partner space.

If your partner asks for space, there’s not a thing you can do about it but give them space. As frustrating as it might be, especially if you’re not on the same page as your partner, you really don’t have a choice. It’s your partner’s choice.

If they want to slow down, or take some time to be by themselves, it’s important that you let them! Chasing after your partner will only serve to push them away. Remember the saying that if you love something, let it go and if it comes back, it’s yours? Even though it’s cliché, it certainly applies to this situation. If your partner asks for it, let them have as much time and space as they need to deal with what they’re dealing with. Make it clear that you’re there for support if they need it, but otherwise, steer clear! If they truly care for you and want to have a relationship with you, they’ll find their way back to you.

If your partner really is playing the field, they’ll go down a different path and you might be all the better for it. Just remember to take everything in stride. Give your partner space if they need it and just hang out until further notice. Chances are, if what your partner says about needing space and taking it slow is to be taken at face value, you’ll end up back in a solid relationship again and your partner will have worked through some of the issues at hand, making for a better relationship in the end!

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: dating, fighting

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