dating – Page 54

Would You Date Someone Who’s Been Married Multiple Times? Here’s Why You Should…

It finally happened. You met someone you really like. There seems to be a connection, you have a great timetogether, and you think that maybe it’s time to take the relationship to the next level.

And then it happens. She tells you she’s been married four times. Yes, four.

So, what do you do?

Run for hills? Head to the little boy’s room never to return? Make your excuses and then “lose” her phone number?

Or do you grow up and little bit and give her the benefit of the doubt?

The cold, hard truth

The truth is she’s not a serial rapist or a serial killer or even necessarily a serial bride. She’s a woman who made some choices that didn’t quite pan out. Granted they may have been bad ones. I’ll give you that and thenask you this. So what?

There are actually a couple of things to think about here. First of all, haven’t you been in relationships that didn’t work out? How many? Uh huh, that’s what I thought. The only difference is she married them; you didn’t. Maybe she’ll judge you and consider you someone who has commitment issues based on that. Hmmm.

Relationships, and marriages, fail for many reasons. There may have been an abuse issue, an alcohol or drug issue, a control issue, or maybe even a death. Sadly, in today’s world these things happen way too often.

And remember, it takes more courage and heart to leave an abusive or alcoholic relationship than to stay in one.

Secondly, are you the same person you were 20 years ago? 10? Even 5? Do you make decisions the same way now as you did in the past? Have your values and maturity levels changed?

As we grow and mature, we gain experiences, both good and bad, that shape us into the people we are today. We make mistakes, we learn from them, and we move on tomake more decisions.

Think of it this way. When you’re dating in your 30s and 40s, you’ve been through some crap. Unless you’ve been locked in a closet for 30 or 40 years, you’ve done some things and made some choices that were less than stellar.

Do you want to be judged on the basis of just those choices?…

Slow learners

The thing is that some of us are just slow learners. It sometimes takes more than one bad decision for us to learn the lesson.

Life, however, making sure we eventually get it, has a way of giving us the same ones over and over until we finally do learn it.

And so we fall for the same wrong kind of guy again and again. At some point though that proverbial light bulb comes on and we finally get it. It’s at that point that growth occurs. Thatwe figure out not only where we’ve been going wrong, but why.

Very probably we begin to look back over our lives and make some realizations.Maybe growing up we didn’t feel loved and valued by our parents. Maybe we made one huge whopper of a mistake that made us come to the conclusion that we weren’t deserving or worthy of love.

Now, all those failed marriages begin to make sense. We figure out what it was we were looking for in those bad relationships and we realize that we have to find that within ourselves.

Why she’s not a bad risk

Guys, this makes someone a good risk, not a bad one. What you have stumbled onto here is a woman who knows herself inside and out. She knows what she wants in a relationship and, more importantly, what she doesn’t. She is now capable of creating a loving, nurturing, caring relationship.

She comes from a place other women have never been and she has learned things other women never will.

The thing is this. Those things, those decisions made her the person she is today. I know that the person I am would not exist otherwise.

And the person I am today is one helluva catch. The lucky man who discovers and accepts who I am on every level, is in for a lifetime of love like he never imagined.

Chances are she’s one helluva catch too. Are you willing to let her get awaybecause of your preconceived notions of who she ought to be?

How to Meet Women in Book Stores

By josephmatthews

There are all sorts of clichés about men picking up women in book stores but, believe it or not, it is something that can actually happen.

Of course, meeting a woman and getting from that initial “hello” to the exchange of phone numbers and plans for a meal can be a little bit tricky. You don’t want to rush things, but you don’t want to let her get away, either.

Here are a few tips on how to meet women in book stores.

#1. Visit a large bookstore.

A mall bookstore or a small store might be right on your way somewhere, but it generally isn’t a good place to meet women. Small bookstores are cramped, usually over flowing with product and the sales people are tripping over you every couple of minutes as they offer customer service to the other customers.

If the store is busy, you can forget about even being able to approach the woman who caught your eye. Too many people will manage to get in your way and by the time you get to where she was standing, she will have moved on to a new location.

Instead opt for browsing at one of the larger bookstores like Barnes and Nobles or Borders. These stores are famous for their wide aisles, their comfortable chairs and their coffee shops.

#2. Stick to what you know

Don’t try to impress women who are reading books from sections that you normally wouldn’t set foot in. If you are into anime and she is reading the newest tome from Dr. Phil, you might not have much luck in finding a good conversation starter. If you look in the sections that you normally shop in, you have a built in way to start a conversation.

You can either mention what you’ve thought about the book she’s looking at or ask her if she might be able to recommend something since you can see that she reads the same books you do.

Obviously you could do this in another section as well, but it is risky—especially if she asks you what other books in that section you have read.

#3. Approach a wanderer

It is better to approach someone who is wandering around and looking at the shelves than it is to approach someone who is already sitting down and reading through a book. If she looks like she is very into what she is reading, it is best to leave her alone.

You don’t want to start the relationship by annoying her in the middle of a good book, do you? Plus, if you talk to a woman who is already browsing, you have the built in conversation starters discussed in #2. Of course, if stops reading to look at you, you can assume that it is okay to approach her.

#4. Take the conversation somewhere else

Move the conversation into an area better suited for conversation—the coffee shop. This is why you are in the bigger bookstore—it’s coffee shop. If you have managed to strike up a conversation with an interesting woman, it is easy to move it from the book section over to the coffee shop.

All you have to do is either turn like you are about to start walking to see if she will walk with you or, if you are feeling bold, simply say “I definitely want to keep talking about this, but I don’t want to disturb the other shoppers.

Can I buy you a cup of coffee over in the café?” And with that simple question you have moved from “picking up” the woman to your first date.

#5. Make your move

At some point you are going to have to decide if you would like to talk to this woman again and if she doesn’t ask you for your phone number or initiate plans for another get together, it is going to be up to you to get things started. It might be up to you anyway as some women still wait for the man to make the first move.

If the coffee cups are empty and you aren’t even talking about books anymore, it is time to make a plan to see her again and ask for her phone number.

These are just five simple tips you can keep in mind if you are trying to figure out a way to meet women at the bookstore. The best advice we can give you is to keep it simple. Just remember to be yourself because trying to be somebody that you are not can back fire on you very quickly in a bookstore setting.

To find out more, sign up for Joseph Matthew’s free Meet Women Secrets newsletter for all the most recent tips and methods for meeting and seducing women.

Are You Undateable?

By lisaquirke

Recently I met a man online. We exchanged a few emails and I began to think that maybe, just maybe, he had dating potential.

A few emails later, he disclosed that he is currently living with his ex. Not because they are involved, but because he can’t afford to live on his own.

And besides, this way he gets to be with his son, but it does make it hard to date.

Trying hard not to judge, I agreed to a meeting which he canceled due to a work obligation. Okay, no problem. We’ll just do it another time.

Then he invited me to a movie matinee. Hmm….could be fun. The next email said he’d have to let me know. He needed to check his finances. And, big surprise, he canceled.

The next thing he suggested was that I come to meet him. At his home. With his 2-year-old son present. His ex wouldn’t be there, but he was really unable to afford the gas to come to me.

Really? By this time, I was completely turned off.

So, step by step what’s the problem here?

It’s not about money

Before you call me shallow, let me just say this is not at all about how much money the man makes or what kind of car he drives. I’m not a gold digger and I’m not looking for someone to support me. I can do that all by myself thank you very much.

But really if he can’t even afford the gas to drive 30 miles to meet me, there’s more wrong here than just his income.

In one email conversation he went on and on about how he needed to go back to college to finish his education and make some money. Yet, he still hasn’t done so and seems to only want to give the idea lip service.

Can you say lack of motivation? Lack of goals? How is that attractive?

Ummm…he lives with the ex?

How in the world is a man who lives with his ex in a position to become involved with someone else? She gave him a place to stay when he needed one and he gets to be with his son. Well, isn’t that just fabulous? I’d say girlfriend isn’t stupid.

She gets someone to help with the bills and a built in babysitter. She did him a favor? I think not.

I get that it’s important for him to be with his son. In fact, he gets points for that. However, this is really not the place for a man who professes to want to find a long term partner to be in. I mean seriously, what woman wants to date a man who can’t even take her back to his place for a romantic evening? Not this one.

And then there are the children

I don’t know about you but a man who suggests a first meet with his 2-year-old son present, worries me just a bit. Oh and did I mention that he planned to bring his 8-year-old daughter to the matinee date?

Most single parents understand that introducing the children right away is not a good plan. Children of single and divorced parents are often vulnerable. Introducing them to someone you don’t know or who may or may not become a part of their lives is just irresponsible. Not to mention, it’s just bad parenting.

Bottom line

Be in a position to date. Period. The dating pool is full of deadbeats and losers. If you’re going to get the girl, you need to be attractive to the girl.

Have something to offer. Be the guy that every girl wants to be with. Get your priorities in line and learn what attracts women. Then be that!

How to get there from here

Go to school. Yes, college is expensive. Motivation and drive, on the other hand, are girl magnets. I want a guy who knows what he wants in life and knows how to get it. Get a student loan, get a grant, get a move on dude!

Ditch the ex. So you’re working your butt off and now you’re back in college, good for you. Money is tight, apartments are expensive. Uh huh. So what? Get a roommate or rent a studio apartment. To get the girl, you need your own space.

Your night with the kids? Fabulous. Women love men who love their children. So wait for another night for your date. Find someone who wants to trade babysitting. Doesn’t cost you a dime that way. Putting your children’s needs first attracts women like crazy.

And seriously

Dating is hard enough. As the old saying goes, you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince. Don’t make it more difficult by being the guy no girl in her right mind would go out with.

6 Tips For Handling Rejection

By lavalife6

If You’ve Ever Been Rejected, This is the Article for You!

You’ve had a date or two with someone you thought was interested in you, then they drop the bombshell that they don’t feel a connection. Ouch!

You wish you could control the overwhelming feelings of anger, embarrassment, anxiety and/or hopelessness but you can’t.

Rejection is a fact of life. It’s how you handle it that makes all the difference.

Here are some strategies that may help you cope with life’s — and love’s — inevitable knock-backs.

Don’t Take it Personally

In many cases, the so-called rejection may have nothing to do with you at all.

For instance, someone may reject your advances because you remind them of someone from their past (not your fault), they are having a career crisis (not your fault) or are dealing with some other pressing personal issue that they elect not to explain (again, not your fault).

"I really liked this guy and we dated a couple of times before he told me he didn’t have time for me. I felt awful," says Jess. "I ran into him a year later and he told me that his father had been sick with cancer — he later died — and all this was happening when we had first met," she says. "I had thought he just wasn’t interested in me but the truth was that it had nothing to do with me."

Silence your Inner Child

The Inner Child often overreacts and feels the whole world has turned thumbs down and that true love will never come (insert high-pitched wail here). Our adult selves know this is simply not true yet the words of our Inner Child ring in our ears.

Recover from rejection by silencing your Inner Child and reminding yourself that ‘never’ is not a realistic concept. To get yourself back on track, try making a list of all the people in your life who do love you and let the sting of rejection melt away.

Don’t Let it Rattle You

Don’t let a negative response shake your confidence. "If I didn’t get a second date with a guy, I’d spend literally days running through out first meeting wondering what I did to put him off," says Sue.

"One day I had a revelation: You can’t be everyone’s idea of a perfect match, so it’s only natural that you will have first dates that don’t eventuate into second ones. And that’s fine. If we all met the man of our dreams the first time, there would be no single people and there are lots of single people out there…"

Think of It as a Favor

If your first or second date didn’t turn into something more, in some ways you should be thankful. It may be uncomfortable to hear, but getting a firm, clear-eyed grasp on incompatibility early rather than later is a huge time-saving plus. The early brush-off allows you to chalk it up to experience and move on.

Turn It into a Positive

Sounds cheesy but you can make rejection work as a motivator for self-improvement. "Knock-backs aren’t fun, that’s for sure," says Phil, "But if I get a ‘no’ from someone I was interested in,

I always use the opportunity to work on myself — do a course, work out more at the gym, go on a health kick, that sort of thing. I figure if I am the best I can be that I will find the best person for me. And if it takes a few ‘nos’ to get there, so be it."

Don’t Dwell on It

Sometimes the fact that we have been rejected is so painful and all-consuming that it becomes the only thing we talk about. Friends hear how badly we’ve been treated or listen patiently to our complaints that we will never find true love.

Other singles rally around us offering rejection anecdotes, all of which seem to confirm our worst fears — that there are no decent men/women left and we will never find Mr/Ms Right.

Get a grip. Turn this apparent catastrophe into a chance to make a change. Get back online, update that profile and optimistically look toward the future.

Brought to you by Click By Lavalife.

To learn more about Dating and Personals check out our Singles & Dating Channel for tons of great articles and videos.

Click here to meet sexy singles near you at our recommended online dating & personals website.

Top 10 Most Common Online Dating Mistakes

By nml

Not having any luck dating online?

You may be making these mistakes.

1. Being a Winking, IM’ng, and Email Whore

Imagine if you went to a club and winked at someone all night, maybe even leered at them and you hadn’t introduced yourself yet?

Imagine that you kept knocking on someone’s door or leaving umpteen messages for them even though they didn’t so much as know your name?

Yes…they probably would think you were strange and potentially a stalker….

Dating online on one hand puts distance between people but in another way creates an immediacy and intensity that can become very uncomfortable when you don’t know or barely know the person.

Slow your roll and don’t bombard. Remember that all you have seen is a photo, read a profile, or even had a brief bit of communication.

2. Using Sexual References in Profile Names

I don’t care how big your penis is, how great you are in bed, how big your boobs are, or anything else to do with sex. Would you wear a sign around your neck broadcasting these things in the ‘real’ world? Oh hell no!

Using sexual references in your profile name set the tone from the outset and establish you as someone who is on the pull, looking for sex. Whilst you may think that it helps you stand out, you will do, but it won’t be for the right reasons.

3. Not reading the profile – RFTP

This is what I call ‘Read The Effing Profile’! Let’s take it back to the real world again. Imagine that I advertise to fill the position of ‘Software Engineer,

Must have 3 years experience minimum and be proficient in X, Y, Z’ and I get inundated with people who have never done this job, are proficient in A, B, and C, but not X,Y, and Z. It is annoying!

Now I know that this is dating and we’re all hoping that that special someone will give us a chance, but considering that the very basis of online dating is filling out a profile and stating your criteria, it seems very redundant that the bulk of people don’t bother to read the profile…

4. Focusing on sexually charged conversation

I am amazed at how quickly people go from winking, to talking about sex and flashing their private parts over email! If you were having this type of contact so quickly in the ‘real’ world, it is likely that things wouldn’t go anywhere serious very fast…and it’s the same in the virtual world.

If all you want is some sexual fun, knock yourself out, but be wary of engaging in this type of sexual banter if you are genuinely on the lookout for a relationship because it does set the tone.

5. Lousy Photos

Either use a decent one or don’t bother. Out of focus, fake ones, pictures of anything but you, confusing ones with kids and other women or men in them. You get the picture.

Choose a photo that has you looking at your best. You are effectively advertising yourself to a prospective date and whilst it isn’t about the superficial, once you decide to use a photo, use a good one because it is likely to be what is used to determine whether to read the profile (yes some people do this) or make contact.

6. Bad spelling and grammar

Do you want prospective dates to think you’re illiterate or younger than their shoe size? Whilst we all make slip-ups, if you’re entire profile is littered with grammatical and spelling mistakes, it implies that you haven’t made an effort.

If in doubt, put it through a spell check on Word or get someone else to check it for you. Remember: this is how you sell yourself!

7. Writing in CAPITALS

IT’S VERY CONFRONTATIONAL WHEN YOU SEND EMAILS TO PEOPLE THAT YOU DON’T KNOW DEMANDING THAT THEY GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU OR LOOK AT YOUR PROFILE. Nuff said…

8. Assuming that we’re all cut from the same honesty cloth

People, people, people! You cannot, and really shouldn’t assume that because you have been truthful that everyone else around you is. There are a lot of liars out there and you need to get your spidey senses on high alert and be a bit of a sleuth.

Learn to look for the contradictions and gaping holes in people’s ‘stories’. Take off the lust glasses for long enough so that you can be on high alert for red flags and little eeeny, weeny lies…that eventually become bigger problems.

9. Unsolicited (or even solicited) Sexual Photos

Sending photos of your private parts or semi-naked self to people that you don’t know or have had some contact with online, is like flashing…

10. Desperado…please come to your senses

Desperation actually can sell, especially if you’re a man because there are a lot of women out there that will think “Hmmmm…I’ll make him feel better…”, but it is wise to steer clear of being desperate and using your tales of misery as conversation pieces. It’s kinda depressing.