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Domination 101 – The Basics

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Domination is something that is enjoyed by millions of people around the world. It is usually associated with whips, chains, leather and latex. Although these can be a part of this sex activity, the concept is more of an emotion than a physical object. Using a black leather whip and beating somebody to death is not the purpose of it. One of the biggest issues with this is safety. Making sure that you and your partner are safe and comfortable is critical to having a good experience in the bedroom. If you have an interest in domination, there are a several things that you should know beforehand. Here is a short guide to help you out.

What Is Domination?

Domination is a very basic term. You have probably already experienced this and didn’t even know it. The dominant partner is the one who is steering the experience. The antithesis of dominance is submission. If you tend to steer the experience or initiate sex more often then you are the dominant one in the bedroom. This is much different than the other aspects of your relationship. One of you could be dominant in the bedroom but submissive with everyday decisions like where to eat. The more dominant person in bed will be the one who changes the positions or sets the pace for the sexual rhythm.

The Appeal

There are a lot of reasons that people are into this. For some people with high paying jobs or social anxiety it’s easier to allow somebody to make all of the decisions for them. Giving away control is one of the biggest turn-ons for people who are into it. When you are making decisions all day, having somebody come in and tell you what to do is a change of pace that takes your mind off the pressures of work, school or other aspects of your life. Domination is an aspect of every part of society. It doesn’t matter who you are, you always answer to somebody. Having someone answer to YOU in the bedroom is an erotic way of letting loose and relieving the pressures of life.

Safety Matters!

When people first start out, they usually don’t take safety as seriously as they should. Safety is an essential part of every sexual experience, but it’s especially important with domination. Sex has a way of escalating. When you are comfortable with one aspect of sex you or your partner might try to implement something that you aren’t ready for simply because you’re caught up in the moment. Take precautions by implementing a safe word. A safe word is something that you would not normally say in the bedroom. “Falcon” is an example that could be used because you would probably never say this in the middle of sex. When you or your partner says the safe word you will know that they are uncomfortable with the situation or that they are in pain.

Trust Is Important

Trust is another issue with this, as you must trust your partner to not take the experience too far. Many people get off on finding a stranger to dominate them, but this isn’t recommended. Having a loving relationship with a little kink in the bedroom is healthy. Meeting somebody on Craigslist to tie you up and spank you incessantly is not a recommendation to endorse. Make sure that your partner are comfortable with everything by talking about it beforehand. Find out what they are not comfortable with so you know before you have sex. This is also a way to find out what really turns them on.

It is a great way to easily add a little spice to your relationship. It’s only natural for one partner to be more dominant than the other in the bedroom. If you or your partner is more dominant and it turns you on, talk to your partner about exploring the possibility of taking the dominance to the next level. There are very simple forms of domination that can be effective without the use of straps or whips. Holding your partners hands down or light spanking in the moment are effective without being too “out there.”

It’s important to remember that we experience domination every day through work and other aspects of our life. Getting off on it doesn’t make you strange. Bringing your fantasies to the forefront of your relationship can improve communication and your sex life. Talk to your partner about implementing more of this into your sex life and you will see a vast improvement in your closeness.

Best Kink, Fetishes & BDSM Articles Of 2011

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Kink, BDSM and fetishes are becoming more popular as people are indulging their “dark sides.” More and more couples are looking to kinky sex in an effort to spice up their sex lives, while other players are simply seasoned lovers of BDSM and kink. Check out our favorite naughty articles of the year and have fun trying out all the tips!

Don’t miss out on our all time, most popular BDSM, kink and fetish articles!

We’ve also had a lot of fun this year trying out different sex toys – we’ve been reviewing them so we can give you the lowdown on what toys are super hot and which ones are definitely not. Take a few minutes to check out our favorites for bondage, domination or just plain kinky sex!

How To Turn Her On By Just Touching Her Hair!

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Foreplay is an essential first step to great sex with a woman, but did you know you could arouse a woman just by fondling her hair?

Hair plays a significant role in most cultures. Elaborate wigs were introduced as a sign of social status in 17th century Europe. Geishas spent years learning how to create intricate styles that reflected their success.

In the 1960s men grew their hair long as a sign of rebellion, and then in the 70s women cut theirs short when androgynous was the style. In the new millennium, almost every actress and model uses hair extensions to create flowing, Lady Godiva locks. With hair so much at the forefront of our consciousness, it’s a wonder that it’s so widely overlooked as a tool for erotic pleasure.

Whether it’s long, short, curly, straight, light, or dark, your woman probably has hair. In fact, it was probably one of the first things you noticed about her. Since then, you may have begun to view it as that thing that gets in your mouth when you’re making out and chokes you during sex. Well, it’s time to reclaim the hair as a source of pleasure! Here are a few tricks you can use to amp up the eroticism.

Be Gentle And Sweet

Brush the loose hairs out of her face when kissing her. There doesn’t actually have to be anything there, but the gesture shows that you are considerate of her. Feeling valued by you is key to her physical attraction to you. If you show that you’re paying attention to her welfare, even in minutia, she will feel closer to you, and therefore happier to let you get inside her.

Use her locks to tickle her face, neck, and wherever else you can reach. Slow and light caresses with the ends of her hair will both relax and entice her. It will mimic the feeling of being stroked with a feather. But don’t let her have all the fun. Have her do the same to you, only she’s not limited to just your upper body.

Moving Towards Being More Aggressive

Go ahead and pull it! Now, before diving right in and taking a handful, double-check with your partner to make sure there’s no weave action you may be yanking out. When you’re passionately kissing, grab a handful at the base of her head. Yank it back, and kiss her neck. Make sure this is firm but gentle.

You don’t want to pull any hairs out, as that will interrupt the erotic energy. Also, if you’re inside, or even hitting it from behind, go ahead and yank on her mane. Make sure you know your girl well before attempting this move. If she has any issues with dominance, she may feel degraded. However, if she has dominance fantasies, that one will send her over the edge and straight to orgasm!

Bondage 101: What Every Player Needs To Know!

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Bondage is a sexual practice that involves restraints and the immobilization of a submissive partner for sexual gratification. Although it can be done for art, as in the case Shibari (Japanese rope bondage), but it is largely practiced during sex. It can be done with a number of mediums, including handcuffs (of both the metal and fuzzy variety), rope, Japanese silk rope, masks, gags and more.

Why Is It So Popular?

Bondage is popular for many different reasons. For some, the act of tying their lover up or being tied up is in some way liberating. Part of the appeal is that there are two very different roles required to make it happen – the dominant one, or the “top” and the submissive one, or the “bottom.” People are naturally inclined to be either a little more submissive or a little more dominant – and whichever role they seem to lean towards appeals to their inner desires in a bondage scenario.

How To Introduce It To A Nervous Partner

If someone who really enjoys the bondage and fetish world lands in a relationship with someone who has never tried it before, it can be quite nerve wracking. The partner with expertise in the area often wonders how to introduce their fantasies to their newbie lover, and they are of course, terrified of scaring them off or freaking them out.

The best way to introduce any type of sexual fetish, including bondage, to a person that has never tried it before is to start small and work your way up. Don’t bring in a huge ball gag and frightening looking metal cuffs for the first time.

Try a little light restraining with something benign like fuzzy handcuffs. Pair the restraint scenario with a favorite sexual activity of theirs that you know they absolutely love – like oral sex. Associating something new with something they already love sexually is a great way to put a positive spin on something that could otherwise be really “outside their box.”

As your partner gets more and more into it, you can talk to them about their fantasies (you’ll definitely want to give them the opportunity to express and act out their own sexual fantasies too) and gradually work your way up to whatever level of restraint you and your partner are most aroused by and comfortable with.

Experimenting With Restraints During Sex & Masturbation

Lovers of bondage as well as those who are new to it can play during sex with a partner or alone, during masturbation. While restraint scenarios are much easier to get into when there’s a partner involved, singles don’t have to give up their BDSM lives during their singledom just because someone else isn’t there to tie them up. Try wearing a ball gag or handcuffs during masturbation.

There are also lots of great places to meet fellow bondage and fetish enthusiasts, especially if you live in a larger city. If you’re single and are either looking for a romance with a dom or sub, or just want to engage in some casual play, there are tons of resources out there.

How To Get Started

If you’re new to bondage, whether you’re interested in experimenting with it on your own or have a partner that wants to get you into it, it can be a little intimidating getting started from scratch. Your first order of business is to invest in a few good tools of the trade. A basic silk rope or a restraint kit is perfect for beginner’s arm and leg restraint. A feather tickler and a paddle are also fun ways to get started with pain and pleasure play.

What’s New In Bondage & Fetish?

There is always something new and exciting in bondage & fetish, because the whole idea is to push the boundaries of what is acceptable and what isn’t. BDSM enthusiasts are always trying to push the envelope, so there’s always something different to find.

Recent adult films and many fetish-centric websites show some of the never before seen, don’t-try-this-at-home restraint scenarios, while many adult toy stores are starting to shelve some of the newest and sexiest bondage gear out there.

No matter what you’re looking for, whether it’s a beginner’s kit and a very vanilla video or a leather whip and a ball gag that you definitely wouldn’t want company to see, it’s out there. Bondage is sex, it’s art and it’s loved by many!

Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun

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BDSM and rape fantasies can be fun when no one gets hurt. Real rape is no joke – if you want to engage in this type of fantasy, it needs to be between consenting adults who are comfortable with pushing the boundaries. Here’s how to indulge in your BDSM fantasy without going too far.

Question: Hey guys, I am a BDSM master. I’ve had a lot of people ask me about rape fantasy sex with their partner. I’ve told them, just like an BDSM act, it has to be discussed beforehand and have a safe word chosen. Would you please do a video on this subject? Thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV4jvsT8Wgk&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

What Is A Rape Fantasy?

A rape fantasy, in the right context, is actually just a domination/submission role play game. Some people enjoy being dominant over their partners while others enjoy being submissive. When you have a couple where one partner wants to dominate the other and the other enjoys being dominated, you can have a lot of fun with BDSM play.

Domination and submission is actually incredibly popular, although a lot of it stays underground for fear of being judged on sexual preferences. Rape is forced sex, and a rape fantasy is where you pretend to force someone to have sex or pretend that you’re being forced to have sex. It can be fun and enjoyable if it’s under the right circumstances and safe for everyone involved.

Communicate With Your Partner

While communication during sex is important no matter what you’re doing, it becomes essential when you’re doing something that is so far towards the edge of what is okay and what isn’t okay. You want to make sure you’re on the same page with your partner about what crosses the line and what doesn’t, because if the line is crossed, someone can get hurt, even if neither partner meant for it to happen.

Talk to your partner about what is okay and how far you can go, while also discussing where you don’t want to go and how far is too far. Talk about it beforehand – don’t wait until you’re doing it to say “Hey, I’m not sure I like that.” You and your partner both need to know exactly what you can do and what you can’t do before you ever get started. This is one of those situations where you don’t push the envelope past what you and your lover previously agreed to.

Also, make sure you’re with someone you trust. You don’t want to be acting out a BDSM rape fantasy with someone you just met at a club – because it very well could turn into real rape or you could get hurt. Make sure you and your lover both know and trust each other well before engaging in any activity of this nature.

Come Up With A Safe Word And Gesture

During any BDSM act, it is important to have a safe word or gesture prepared in case one partner wants the play to stop immediately. If it hurts, or you’re getting scared and just aren’t into it anymore, it’s important that you have a word you can say that lets your lover know that all play needs to stop right then and there. A safe word is something you don’t say very often, especially not in the bedroom.

“Stop!” or “No, don’t, that hurts!” are very bad safe words, because for doms and subs, this type of language is actually erotic. A safe word can be anything like, “purple pony,” “fried tomatoes,” or “Troy Aikman” – anything that you wouldn’t normally use in a sexual conversation is perfect. That way, your partner knows you want to stop ASAP.

A safe gesture is also a good thing to decide on before trying out a rape fantasy, especially if you and your partner enjoy using gags of any kind. A gag will prevent someone from speaking, so although they may be shouting “purple pony!” to try to get you to stop, it may only come out as gargled moans – which can be erotic if you’re a dom. So choose a safe gesture as well. It could be flipping the bird or the Vulcan salute – anything that can’t be confused with random movement of the hands. If your partner sees you make the gesture, they need to stop immediately, just as they would with a safe word.

How Do You Get Started With A Rape Fantasy?

Even if you’re experienced in the world of BDSM, it’s generally not a good idea to jump right into a rape fantasy. This is definitely something you want to start slow with, and work your way up. Start with some light domination, or a little bit of bondage and then gradually work your way up to more bondage and restraint, while adding in sexual language that is suggestive of pretend forced sex. You can also find your boundaries this way – going slow and working your way up to bigger things will allow you to find out if you’re comfortable with something or not before really diving head first into it.

What To Do If It Goes Too Far

Even though you’re just pretending, it can be really easy for a rape fantasy to go too far, too quickly. Don’t ever be afraid to use your safe word or gesture, and don’t be afraid to stop. Don’t think that your partner likes it so you should keep going – if YOU don’t like it or it’s hurting YOU, it’s important that you stop the play right away! You can always try again later if you really want to.

If your partner uses the safe word, make sure you’re the one stopping. That’s where trust comes in during BDSM and rape fantasies – you have to trust that your partner will stop immediately if the safe word is used and your partner has to trust that you’ll do the very same.

Real Rape Is No Joke

Although it’s perfectly fine to enact rape fantasies and play pretend when you’re with a partner you trust, real rape is not a joke! It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, gay, straight, male or female – if you’re forcing someone else to have sex or sexual contact against their will, it is rape! If you have fantasies or feelings about actually raping someone against their will, talk to a counselor. Seek help, because these are not safe or natural feelings to have. You could hurt yourself or someone else, and get in a lot of trouble in the process. If you’ve flirted with the idea of actually raping someone, talk to a counselor right away!