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You are here: Home / Archives for female orgasm

He Knows I’m Faking It! What Should I Do?

By speaksexy

Although we, as women, like to think of ourselves as Oscar winning actresses in the bedroom, the truth is we’re not!

And the number of sexually knowledgeable men out there is growing. They’re educated, well-read, and many have gained the amazing ability to spot our fake orgasmic performances every time.

(Un)fortunately for them, they’re usually good, caring men who pretend to believe our exaggerated moans in order to spare us the embarrassment of being caught in such a classic lie. The real problem then becomes how to tell us they know without hurting our feelings. Obviously this is an emotionally complicated conversation to bring up.

Just think about it. If he approaches the issue directly, you’ll probably react defensively and deny your pretended “O’s.“ If he approaches it indirectly, hoping you’ll confess, you’ll probably turn the conversation to something else rather than justify his obvious suspicions.

So if you believe your lover already knows you fake “it” and is not broaching the subject out of politeness, then the best thing you can do for your relationship is to make the first move toward clearing up the harmful unspoken questions he’s probably asking himself over and over again.

Questions such as, why are you faking it? Don’t you enjoy your sex together? Is there a physical problem he doesn’t know about? Have you ever had a real orgasm? What should he be doing differently to please you? Is the problem emotional? Should he be worried?

First, Understand Why You Do It

Sometimes women feel compelled to fake orgasms because it seems like the “right thing to do” in the moment without consciously understanding why. If you’re one of these women and you’re not exactly sure why you pretend to orgasm during sex, then this step should be an eye-opening part of the process.

Often the reasons are hidden in cultural expectations of what sex “should” be (ie – both people should orgasm at approximately the same time, sex is not fulfilling without an orgasm, if she doesn‘t orgasm it means she is not enjoying the sex, etc.), other times the reasons are more personal and related to the relationship dynamic itself.

Most Common Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

  • She believes other women orgasm during penetrative sex and doesn’t want to show her “inadequacy” of not being able to orgasm this way to her lover.
  • She is too shy to do what she knows will work in front of her lover (such as manual stimulation to her clitoris).
  • She believes her own orgasm will “take too long” in comparison to the amount of time it takes her lover to orgasm, so she fakes one at the appropriate time instead.
  • If she doesn’t orgasm she’s afraid her lover will take it personally and be offended.

Less Common Reasons Why Women Fake Orgasms

  • She’s never had an orgasm, even during masturbation, so she doesn’t understand what her body needs to achieve one.
  • She has a medical condition or is taking a medication that interferes with her ability to orgasm, but doesn‘t want to tell her lover about it or make a “big deal.”
  • She really does not enjoy sex with her lover (though this is rarely the case!).

Now That YOU Know Why You Do It, Tell Him

You’re pretty sure he already knows, so this part should go smoothly. Remember the point of this conversation is to be honest about your reasons for faking your orgasms, and to assuage his worst fears about your sex life. In all likelihood you are enjoying your sexual experiences with him, with or without an orgasm, so be sure to make a point of saying that right in the beginning.

Tell him about your embarrassments or your shyness to do certain things. Reassure him that you weren’t deliberately trying to make him feel uncertain about the quality of your sex life together. Once you’ve made your confession, both of you should feel very relieved that this collection of little lies is finally out in the open.

Moving Forward – No More Faking!

Although both of you should now understand why you’re not having real orgasms, the next step isn’t necessarily to begin a full-throttled crusade toward the big “O”. Instead, take a moment to assess any underlying issues that may need clarification, such as emotional trust and intimacy.

For example, why do you feel uncomfortable pleasuring yourself in front of him? Is having an orgasm honestly an important part of the sexual experience for you, or are you just as content not having one? It’s very common for women to report experiencing truly satisfying sex without having orgasms at all, but many of those same women feel pressured by societal expectations to have orgasms anyway (hence the prevalence of faking).

Because of this you and your lover should only begin to “fix” the “problem” if you believe sex would be more fulfilling for you with real orgasms. Otherwise it’s perfectly acceptable for you to continue having sex without them – As long as you don’t feel pressured by your lover or your culture, to fake them again!

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: female orgasm, orgasm, sex tips, sexual health

How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More – Oral Sex Secrets Exposed

By loveandsex

With all the societal and social stigma telling women they have to be “good girls”, very few feel comfortable talking openly about sex in general.

So it’s no surprise that most women won’t tell you they’d love for you to “go down on them”. Sure it can bring them immense pleasure, but it’s rare for a woman to make that request of her man.

Here’s what’s even worse. Amazingly enough, many women have NEVER experienced an orgasm! Think about that for a minute… never having had an orgasm.

Now, how would YOU like to be the one to give her that very first magical mind blowing orgasm? To give her all that pleasure.

Here are some surprising facts about women and oral sex

  • there are 8,000 nerve endings in a woman’s clitoris?  More than on the head of a penis or any other part of the human body?  With something that sensitive, you better know what you’re doing before you go poking around, especially with your tongue.
  • 88% of married women say cunnilingus is their preferred form of sexual activity?
  • 81% of women regularly achieve orgasm from cunnilingus, versus
  • only 25% from traditional vaginal penetration?
  • only 60% of women say they enjoy vaginal sex at all?
  • only 7.7% of women who experience more than 21 minutes of properly rendered foreplay fail to reach an orgasm?  That’s over nine out of ten women who do experience an orgasm when their lover understands a woman’s body and how to drive it to new heights of ecstasy

So what role SHOULD men play here?

Of course men don’t usually think twice before asking their woman to give them oral sex, or even try back door sex with them, which is now often referred to as “the new oral”. But here’s the rub. Considering everything she does for YOU, to get YOU excited, isn’t it about time you went out of YOUR way to give HER an amazing orgasm or two?

It’s time to step up and surprise your woman with the gift of orgasm and oral sex from her man.

Today, it isn’t about you, it’s about HER. And if you’re not doing the right things to really get her excited, then what’s the point?

Here’s our review of Oprah Love Expert, Michael Webb’s excellent Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More.

This book is a revealing step by step guide at oral sex and female orgasm from the master of romance. It’s about time we heard from a man known as a true romantic on the real sexual needs of a woman.

Most guys have SO much difficulty actually talking openly to their lovers about anything having to do with sex. Men don’t have trouble asking for one sexual favor or another, their problem is getting into intimate details with their partner… finding out what SHE really likes without getting the male ego bruised.

But it CAN be done, and the results should really improve your sex life – by satisfying the desires of BOTH partners.

Michael walks you through ALL the questions you need to ask your lover – so you REALLY find the right spot and bring her insane pleasure. Better yet, keep it fun – make this into an erotic date night game!

This book actually goes into the touchy details, like…

  • how to make her comfortable talking about RECEIVING oral sex from you
  • how to build the trust so she’ll welcome you
  • how to break through her self-consciousness barrier while overcoming your own inhibitions about cunnilingus
  • how to recognize and navigate the 8 components of the female genitalia with your tongue, and make them love it
  • how to tell if she’s enjoying herself just by watching and listening
  • 8 questions to ask to determine what she really wants
  • 9 tips for getting her ready for you, and for it
  • 5 ways to set the romantic stage for cunnilingus
  • 4 techniques to prepare her body for your most intimate attention

Summary: 

One thing we didn’t like about Lick by Lick – How to Go Down on a Woman and Have Her Begging for More was the long and extensive focus on safe sex, sometimes to the point of taking all the fun out of it! Your mileage may vary of course. Fact is, Michael just added all that information so that you’re informed and you have it if you want it.

Overall this book is a great guide to pleasuring your woman and we highly recommend it.

A lot of men could score some serious points with their ladies for just THINKING about bringing them this type of pleasure – not to mention actually downloading this guide and mastering the techniques. It’s not hard, it just takes a little initiative. 🙂

Get your copy right now before you get busy and forget. Surprise your woman with the gift of oral pleasure… Isn’t she worth it?

Filed Under: Oral Sex Tagged With: cunnilingus, female orgasm, oral sex, orgasm, sex tips

Female Orgasm and Oral Sex? What’s a Girlfriend to do?

By loveandsex

OK, so you’re in a great relationship and the sex is great too…

Except for the fact that there are one or two sexual positions or techniques that you just can’t seem to get ‘right’.  Is it really important to be able to have an orgasm in certain positions or while performing certain acts such as oral sex?

That’s what today’s question is all about…

Dear Dan and Jennifer.

Hi, I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 21.  We’ve been having sex for almost a year now.  We have GREAT sex.  He’s given me multiple orgasms during intercourse.

There’s just one thing he has never been able to get me to orgasm on and that is when he gives me oral sex.  We’ve tried many things like whipped cream, hot chocolate, and ice.

I feel bad because he thinks that he’s just not doing it good enough to please me.  I don’t know what to do because he’ll ask me what I like and I really don’t like it that much. I don’t masturbate so I really don’t know what I like.  I have tried it but it’s just something I really don’t do.

Is there something wrong with me that I just can’t get an orgasm from oral sex.  Or are there some things or techniques you could advise me to try out with him.  I just don’t know what to do anymore and I could use some advice.

Thank you,
Amy

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ay45L_aHIAg[/youtube]

Here’s a resource we recommend for helping women achieve orgasm every time:

  • Check out our review of The Female Orgasm Black Book. You’ll be very surprised by the percentage of women who have NEVER had an orgasm with a man – we certainly were.

Filed Under: Orgasm Tagged With: female orgasm, oral sex, orgasm, sex tips

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