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Q&A: Can I Get Rid Of My Fetish?

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A fetish is a common thing for some people to have, and most men and women have a fetish of some kind or another. You’ve probably heard of many different kinds of fetishes, from a foot fetish to bondage and more. Most individuals indulge in their fantasy without thinking about it, but what do you do if you want to get RID of yours?

Question: I just finished watching your video about the teenager who is a macrophile, which motivated me to ask my question. I am a 16 y/o female and have been into omorashi my whole life. I don’t know when it started, but I can remember this fetish existing back to age 3. I hate it, I think it’s gross, I don’t know why it started, and I want to get rid of it. Can I do that? It is the only thing I get off on (for lack of a better term) and I don’t want it to be. I feel like a freak. Can you guys help me? Also, if I can’t get rid of it, how do I go about telling a future boyfriend/husband about this?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZ8MY7ueTSo[/youtube]

What Is Omarashi?

Omarashi is the Japanese term for a “panty wetting” fetish. It’s not necessarily the act of urinating in the underwear that is arousing to Omarashi enthusiasts, it’s the act of “waiting until you can’t hold it anymore” that is the turn on. This can also be called bladder desperation. While enthusiasts find the actual wetting arousing, they may also be sexually attracted to the feeling of having a full bladder or to someone else who is experiencing the feeling of a full bladder.

Most Fetishes Aren’t Harmful

Some people are freaked out by their own fantasy more so than they are the fetishes of others – which is saying something, considering that it’s common for them to think that their own fantasy is “normal” while what other individuals enjoy is “strange” or “weird.” However, most fetishes are actually completely harmless. Some individuals may think a foot fetish is odd (even the person with the fetish), but in all actuality, there’s nothing harmful at all about enjoying feet sexually or collecting sexy shoes and high heels.

Even “stranger” fetishes like wetting, macrophilia, infantophilia or diaper fetish, and cuckoldism among others are completely harmless, although they wouldn’t necessarily be considered “normal” by most. As long as no one is getting hurt and everything that happens is between consenting adults, there’s really nothing wrong with any fantasy that’s out there.

Don’t Let Others Judge You – And Don’t Judge Yourself

If you’re ashamed of your fantasy or prefer to keep it hidden, you probably don’t have to worry about others judging you. However, some fetish enthusiasts can be pretty hard on themselves for liking what they like – and if it’s not hurting anyone and you’re still able to lead a relatively normal and fulfilling life, there’s no reason to be so critical of what you enjoy. If you have a different sort of fantasy that might hurt someone or something like rape or bestiality, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. However, if it’s not hurting anyone and it still bothers you, try to think about what exactly it is that freaks you out about it.

What Bothers You About It?

Find out what it is about your fantasy that bothers you – what exactly is it that you find distasteful in what you enjoy? Is it because you and others see it as “dirty” or “wrong” or is it due to hygiene issues or anything else? There are tons of possible reasons as to why something that you enjoy sexually might gross you out or bother you in some way – it’s your job to dig around and find out which one it is. Once you isolate the real issue, only then can you begin to resolve it.

Getting Rid Of A Fetish Because It’s Overtaking Your Life

If you have a fantasy that is overtaking your life and you’re unable to live a normal, healthy and happy life, getting rid of it is definitely in order. Here are some signs that it’s going too far:

  • It’s all you ever think about. For example, with a masturbation addiction, masturbation will nearly consume the thoughts of the addict. How often are you thinking about your fetish?
  • You can’t afford it and it hurts you financially.
  • It affects your relationships with your friends, family and significant others.

How To Overcome It

You most likely want to see an unbiased counselor that you’re comfortable with to talk through your issues with your fantasy. A lot of people with issues they’re ashamed of won’t go see a counselor, however, it’s pretty difficult to work through something like this on your own. This goes back to not letting anyone judge you – there’s nothing wrong with seeking help, ever. If you’re seeking help for any problem that you have and you’re committed to working through it, more power to you. Don’t let anyone bring you down! Also, remember that everything that goes on at a counselor’s office is confidential.

Redirect The Energy To Something Else

Whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fantasyg, think about consciously redirecting that energy to doing something else. For example, instead of looking at porn, try to meditate or do yoga. Pick up a hobby that you really enjoy such as painting or working on cars and do that whenever you feel the urge to engage in your fetish come on. Try getting out of the house – take a walk or adopt a pet that requires a fair amount of your time and attention.

Accepting Your Fantasies

Your sexual fantasies may not be something you are able to rid yourself of – let’s face it, people like what they like and sometimes you can’t change that. If your fetish isn’t hurting anyone and it only involves consenting adults, consider simply accepting it. Consider not letting anyone judge you for it, including yourself! There are individuals out there that enjoy the same things you do, or enjoy things that would be complementary to what you enjoy, like with BDSM where a submissive personality and a dominant personality get together and enjoy their fantasies. If you can’t make it go away of it, learn to accept it!

Should You Try Water Bondage?

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Water bondage is form of restraint that includes playing with water in addition to ropes, ties and gags. Having sex in the pool or shower is definitely fun, and restraining your partner can be too. Should you combine the two and try water bondage? Or is it really something better left to the hardcore sex lovers?

What Is Water Bondage?

Water bondage is a type of BDSM sex act where water is used in addition to ropes, restraints, gags and other equipment. The sub in this situation is usually tied up or gagged, and either sprayed or dunked. Often, the sprays are strong and painful, as this is a part of the “torture” involved in this type of activity.

Sometimes a Houdini tank is used in professional scenarios, and in intense situations, a breathing apparatus may be used as well. Breath play involves dunking the sub underwater and forcing them to hold their breath for as long as possible, giving them the sensation of  pressure on their lungs and invoking the fear of drowning.

Is Water Bondage Dangerous?

Water bondage can be very dangerous if not done properly, especially when working with a large body of water. It’s not something that should be taken lightly – it’s a very, very hardcore form of domination and most people aren’t going to be into it. You really have to be enjoy the pain or fear factor to enjoy it. Here’s why it can be more dangerous than it is fun and why you might want to leave it to the professionals:

Dunking

Dunking can be especially dangerous, because the sub is not able to speak or make gestures to let someone know if they are running out of air. This can easily cause the sub to drown, because no one really knows how long they can really hold their breath. If the dom is particularly aroused by the dunking, he or she may be more apt to leave the sub underwater for longer than they can handle.

Spraying

Spraying is another popular form of water bondage, which includes spraying high pressure streams on the sub while they are tied up or restrained. The higher the pressure, the more it hurts, so in some scenarios, the sprays will be from high pressure, industrial type hoses. In soft core scenarios, the sprays may be from a shower head or a regular hose.

Staying Safe

While this is an extreme form of BDSM and is therefore dangerous in and of itself, there are some ways that you can try to stay as safe as possible if you decide to engage in an activity like this. Going for light bondage or sex in the water can be a great way to get your “feet wet” so to speak, without engaging in the type of activity that hardcore BDSM fans like to do.

Don’t Use Gags

While a gag can be fun during other types of BDSM play, it can take the danger level of water bondage up quite a bit. Being submerged or sprayed heavily can make it difficult or impossible to breathe. A gag also makes it difficult to breathe, and when you combine the two, it can be almost impossible for a sub to catch his or her breath properly. Choose one or the other, but avoid using both.

Avoid Submersion

Submersion or dunking is probably the most intense part of this form of BDSM and is probably the most dangerous. Some hardcore fetish websites feature women or men being chained or tied up in a tub or tank, where they are barely able to get their heads out enough to breathe. This may seem erotic, but it’s actually incredibly dangerous. Spray your sub with a hose, but avoid submerging them.

Come Up With A Safe Word/Gesture

With any BDSM play, it’s important to have a safe word picked out before you start. With hardcore play, a gesture might be in order if a gag is being used or the sub cannot speak for other reasons. If you’re using a gag, do not bind the hands so much that the safe gesture cannot be used and if the hands are bound, do not gag the mouth so the safe word cannot be used. Make sure that both the dom and the sub agree that all play stops immediately if the safe word or gesture is used!

Amateur Bondage – 8 Tools That Beginners Should Have On Hand

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Amateur bondage can be incredibly hot when you’ve never done it before. It can bring some much needed spice to the bedroom when you’ve hit a sex rut with your partner, or it can simply be exciting to masturbate in a way that you never have before. Amateur bondage will let you experience all the excitement of being tied up, spanked, tickled and manipulated, without the freakishness that hardcore bondage can have. Check out these ten must have items for beginners.

A Soft Rope Or Silk Restraints

First order of business when it comes to amateur bondage is to get yourself some form of restraints. Restraints are the cornerstone of bondage! You may think you can tie your partner up with just anything you have lying around the house, but think again! If you really want to get a feel for amateur bondage and have the most pleasurable experience possible, you’re going to want to invest in something made for this kind of play.

Japanese bondage rope is great to play with because it is soft and silky, but it will keep someone restrained quite nicely. Other great options for beginners are the Sportsheets Under The Bed Restraint System or fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t opt for anything like a stockade or metal chastity devices. These are for advanced users only!

A Feather Tickler

Part of the excitement of being tied up is having your partner do things to you that you don’t know are coming or that you can’t do anything to stop. Amateur bondage players don’t necessarily want to whip their partner into submission, so creating different, unexpected sensations is what amateur bondage is all about.

A feather tickler is a perfect item for beginners, because it doesn’t hurt but it will still create incredible sensations on your partner’s skin or genitals – wherever you choose to use it. While your partner is restrained and blindfolded, alternate between lightly spanking them and tickling them with the feather tickler. Your lover won’t know what to expect next and they certainly won’t be in any position to stop you!

A Breathable Gag

Gags are popular in the BDSM community, but many of them can be quite intimidating for beginners. There are, however, a variety of breathable gags that can be used for amateur bondage so you can have the fun of using a gag without the scariness of a gag that doesn’t allow for easy breathing.

While open mouth gags and pony bit gags are more breathable than some of their counterparts, they tend to look pretty frightening, especially if you’re a beginner. A small, soft, breathable ball gag is your best bet. There are even training kits that have a variety of gag sizes so you can start small and work your way up.

A Blindfold

A blindfold is essential during amateur bondage and BDSM play, because sometimes you don’t want your lover to know what you’re doing – or what you’re going to do next. Sometimes, you want to be the one wearing the blindfold! You can use things around the house, such as a silk tie or scarf, but a blindfold purchased from a sex toy store is going to be a lot more comfortable and it’s going to fit a lot better.

When choosing a blindfold, stick to something soft, silky or fur lined. There are lots of blindfolds available on the market, ranging from pink and flirty to entire face masks that look like something out of Hellraiser. Stick to the basic blindfolds at first! They will do their job just as well, without freaking you or your partner out.

A Padded Or Fur Lined Paddle

Experiencing both pain and pleasure is another essential part of amateur bondage and BDSM play. Whether you want to give or receive, mixing pleasure and pain is an incredible experience and it’s part of why BDSM play is so popular! There are lots of devices on the market that will help you introduce pain to your lover, but many of them are just too “out there” for beginners.

Instead, consider getting a padded or fur lined paddle for spanking. Spanking can actually be very pleasurable, and the rear is a great place to direct pain since it doesn’t bruise easily and is well hidden if it does. A padded or fur lined paddle will help the giving partner experience domination, while the receiver gets to experience pain mixed with pleasure without worrying about being seriously hurt in the process.

Various Sex Toys Of Your Choice

Once your partner is all tied up and blindfolded, then what are you going to do? Have some of your favorite sex toys on hand to please your partner with. Having more than one at your disposal is a good idea, because you want to keep them expecting new and different sensations.

A vibrator is a must have for women, because you can experiment with light to firm pleasure – almost to the point where it’s too much – while they’re restrained and unable to see what you’re doing. For men, a masturbation sleeve is a good option. Alternate between the masturbation sleeve and your hand. If they’re into anal penetration, have a butt plug or anal beads with you. As always, don’t forget the lube!

Surgical Scissors

Even though you’re only experimenting with amateur bondage, it’s important that you have items available to remove your partner from their restraints as quickly as possible if something goes wrong. Surgical scissors fit the bill, because they’ll easily cut through just about any type of rope or leather restraints. If you’re using handcuffs, make sure you have the key very close by and an extra hidden elsewhere.

A Safe Word Or Gesture

Never, ever engage in any type of BDSM play or amateur bondage without deciding on a safe word or gesture first. A safe word is something that you say – that is completely unrelated to anything you might or could possibly say during play that when said or heard, all play stops immediately. For example, “purple pony,” “pink tomato” or “umbrella penguin” are all great safe words. You or your partner can use the safe word if things get to be too much, and always, always honor the safe word if your partner says it – even if you aren’t ready to stop playing.

A safe gesture is also a good idea to have, because there are times when a partner is unable to speak – for example, if they are wearing a gag. A gesture can be anything you want, as long as it can be clearly distinguished from any other hand movements a person might make when experiencing pleasure and pain. For example, the middle finger is a pretty good gesture – it’s hard to pull that one off on accident.

Bondage 101: How To Get Started With Bondage

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Bondage can be fun, but how do you begin if you’ve never tried it before? It’s easy to get intimidated when you start checking it out, because there is some seriously hardcore stuff out there. But don’t think you have to go overboard right away – in fact, bondage is better when you start slowly and work your way up. Check out these great tips for BDSM beginners!

Hi Dan and Jennifer – loving the great advice! My girlfriend and I want to try some bondage, but we’ve never done it before and don’t really know where to start, any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8GU4mAGJKA[/youtube]

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

No, you don’t have to go out and buy yards and yards of heavy duty rope to begin with a little BDSM. Lots of companies make excellent beginner’s bondage kits that have everything you need to get it on. While there’s probably some stuff you could use at home such as a spatula for spanking or a silk tie as a rope or a blindfold, a kit is going to be a lot more fun – and a lot sexier. What is great about the beginner’s kits is that they’re pretty softcore, so they’re really not going to scare anyone off.

Our Recommendations:

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Bondage Set

Comes with 4 velvety soft cuffs with silky ties, a feather tickler, 2 romantic candles and a satiny smooth blindfold so your partner doesn’t know what you’re going to do next!

Fetish Fantasy Series Pleasure Bondage Set

This one also includes soft ankle and wrist cuffs, but the cuffs can be connected using a sturdy O-ring. An inflatable pillow and a silky blindfold come with, but those who want to get a little freakier will enjoy the soft, breathable gag.

Play Sex Games

Playing sex games with your partner can be a lot of fun, and it can not only lead you and your lover to a night of intense passion, it can also teach you more about what you and your partner like in bed. Sex doesn’t always have to be serious, and that’s why playing a game can be so much fun – it lets you remember that sex is all about having fun, laughing and enjoying your partner. Go on a sexy scavenger hunt or play a game of titillating truth or dare. You’ll be amazed at how much you can discover about yourself and your lover when you play sex games together.

Our Recommendations:

Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games

Straight from the sexperts from Cosmopolitan comes 118 super fun cards that will spark your imagination with tons of sexy new ideas for things you can do together.

3 Deck Sex Pack

Get three decks of sexy card games and never run out of ideas for new and exciting things you can do with your lover. Included are card games Sex, Porn and Naked! Compete to see who owns the most porn or the classic-but-always-fun strip poker.

Bondage At Home

There are definitely some things at home that you can use for BDSM, but many of them aren’t recommended. It’s much better to use things that are made for what you’re doing (such as lube instead of spit), and even though it’s a little more expensive, getting great, high quality sex toys that you can use over and over again is well worth the investment. Nevertheless, here are some things you can use at home:

  • A silk tie can function as a blindfold or hand/feet restraints
  • A spatula can make a great paddle
  • A feather duster (wash it first!) makes a neat tickler

How To Know When To Stop

When you really start getting into BDSM, role play and domination and submission, the word “stop” doesn’t always mean stop. When you’re getting into kinky sex, it’s so important to have something called a “safe word.” A safe word functions as the word “stop,” meaning that if the safe word is used, all activity stops immediately.

Before you and your partner get it on, agree on a safe word to use. Make sure that it’s not something that you would normally call out during sex play, and words like “no” or “stop” aren’t going to work. Try something like “purple pony” or “turkey sandwich” so there’s no mistaking that the play needs to cease immediately if the word is used. Always honor the safe word, even if you think that everything is fine and nobody is getting hurt. Part of having a great time with BDSM and kink is to be able to completely trust and let go with your partner – so make sure that if the safe word is used, you cool it right away.

Top 10 Extreme Viewer Questions

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As sex gurus, we get asked tons of questions about sex, oral sex and everything in between. Some of the inquiries are pretty basic how-to stuff, like how to give a great blowjob or the best way to have anal sex. However, we do get a lot that are pretty interesting! Since sex pretty much comes in every flavor, you can imagine we’ve gotten some that lean more towards dark chocolate than vanilla. Here’s the ten most extreme things we’ve been asked by our audience.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3Kxw4VZu_E[/youtube]

10. I’m Attracted To Girls – How Can I Share A Threesome With My Husband?

She’s attracted to girls – but she’s married? Can she share a threesome with her husband, or would it destroy their marriage? We weighed in on this one, and her fears are legitimate – she’s afraid she’ll never be able to live up to a threesome when she has sex with her man by herself. We recommended starting slow with talking about it first and then possibly moving on pictures or videos of women having sex together, then working their way up to a threesome. Our advice is that a threesome is never all or nothing. You can do as much or as little as you like!

9. Q&A: What Is Your Opinion On Fetishes And Bestiality?

We get asked what our opinion is on a lot of stuff when it comes to sex – but this is definitely the most interesting so far. There are lots of fetishes out there that many people might think are “weird” or strange, but don’t actually hurt anyone. Then, there are other fetishes that absolutely cross the line. Bestiality, for example, is one of those. We’ve always said that the golden rule is this: As long as whatever you’re doing involves only consenting adults (and animals definitely don’t fall into that category) and it doesn’t hurt anyone, you’re good to go.

8. What Are Crabs And How Do You Get Them? Dangerous Sex Toys?

This question came from a virgin girl who got crabs – but couldn’t figure out where she got them. She was sharing a vibrator with her sister, but her sister doesn’t have crabs either. What happened? Crabs can be transmitted a number of ways – through sex or even through the sharing of unwashed underwear. Regardless of where the crabs come from, it requires a trip to the doctor. Our recommendation here? To get individual sex toys – or at least clean them thoroughly with hot, soapy water or a special toy cleaner.

7. Is Cross Dressing A Turn Off To Women?

Like we said, everyone has their fetishes. This guy enjoys cross dressing, but he’s not sure if women will actually go for it or not. While the majority of women probably wouldn’t consider cross dressing a turn on, there are some out there who could really get into it. Our advice her was to look online – either at fetish or online dating websites – so he can find out up front whether a girl is interested in cross dressing or not.

6. MILF Fantasy – Should I Have Sex With My Ex’s Mom?

A guy with a MILF fantasy broke up with his ex girlfriend and had now has a clear window to her single, beautiful mother. He offers her a massage, she says yes – and thanks him with a passionate kiss. However, he may have missed the golden opportunity by not acting on the kiss right away. He wants to have sex with her, but can he get her back in the same mood or has she already had too much time to think about it? Our advice was to re-create the opportunity and see if she reacts the same. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always end well and he may have missed out on his chance for good.

5. Cuckold Fantasy: My Wife With Another Man – Why Do I Like It?

This guy wants to see his wife having sex with another man – but isn’t sure if his fantasy is too weird. We give this guy props – most guys would turn green with jealousy if they saw their wife even flirting with another man, let alone getting it on with him. He wants to see his wife enjoy herself and have a great orgasm, whether he’s the one giving it or not. Our advice on this one? We told this guy to relax and have fun.

4. Q&A: My Girlfriend Wants To Do Me With A Strap On

Lots of girls (and guys) want to bring sex toys into the bedroom, but this girl wants to do her guy with a strap on dildo! If he’s into it, that’s one thing – but he wasn’t, and the idea of anal sex (on him!) downright gave him the creeps. We recommended that he communicate with his partner and let her know that he just wasn’t feeling it. If she doesn’t respect him (it’s his body after all), he might need to move on to someone who does.

3. Help! My Husband Is Forcing Me To Make A Porn Video!

We’re all down for making amateur porn if both partners are interested, but this wasn’t the case here. This woman’s husband threatened to leave her if she didn’t let him film her having sex with other men. She’d done it before, but decided it just wasn’t for her. They constantly fought about it and he said that if she loved him, she would do it. On this one, the advice was really easy to give – it’s time for her to get out of there! If someone is trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to do (especially when it comes to sex), you’re better off moving on. Period.

2. Desperate Housewife – Husband REFUSES Oral Sex!

Most guys love getting a blowjob – but this guy doesn’t. Problem is, she’d really like to give it! We suggested that she talk to her husband openly about how much she’d love to give him head. Communication really goes a long way with situations like this. However, if he just won’t buy into it, she may need to learn to accept his sexual preferences – especially if it’s his religion or moral beliefs that is involved in his decision making process.

1. My Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With A Donkey

There’s a few things that are just outside of our box and this is one of them. This woman’s husband wants her to have sex with a donkey – on film – and he’s threatening to leave her if she doesn’t comply. Not only is her husband manipulating her to try to get her to do something she doesn’t want to do, he’s also putting himself and her into possible legal trouble by participating in bestiality. This woman needs to get out and fast!