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You are here: Home / Archives for fetishes

Sexual Fetishes – Is My Smoking Fetish Weird?

By loveandsex

Everyone has different turn-ons, ranging from turn-ons that seem relatively mild to turn-ons that seem to be completely out there and fetishistic.

How do you know if what turns you on is normal or not? Should you continue to do what turns you on, even if other people think it’s weird?

Many people have these same questions and are wondering what to do about their turn ons. What should you do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a 59 year old male and I have always found the sight of a woman smoking a cigarette to be very arousing.  I am fortunate that my wife (an inveterate smoker) understands this and uses it to excite me but (the question is from both of us) is this weird?  Have you heard of it before?

-Marty, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9eP8QBSj_U[/youtube]

Are your turn-ons normal?

Let’s take a look at normal for a moment… Human beings can’t really be considered normal. There is such a wide range of likes, dislikes, habits and more from person to person that you can’t really pin anything down and consider it “the norm.”

That said, what turns you on is probably just fine! Do you like it when women wear high heels? Do you like to wear the high heels yourself? Do you get turned on when women are smoking a cigarette? Go with it! As long as your turn-ons don’t involve harming other people or doing anything illegal in any way, your turn-ons are perfectly fine.

Enjoy and indulge in what gets you excited!

Don’t scrutinize yourself, or let others do so.

Although people are different in so many ways, that doesn’t stop them from judging others. Human beings have a bad habit of passing judgment on their neighbors when they themselves are doing something that would be considered “strange” by someone else’s standards.

Guess what? Everybody is different! Don’t let others try to tell you that you are weird or strange, unless your turn-ons include something that would cause harm to another or that is illegal. If not, then take comfort in the fact that the person judging you is most likely insecure themselves.

On the same token, don’t scrutinize yourself.  If you think your own turn-ons are weird and they make you uncomfortable, don’t do anything about them. Chances are, however, that your turn-ons are perfectly fine to you and you should accept yourself for who you are.

Find someone to play with.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to find someone who likes to play the same way you do. Find someone who shares your interests and shares your turn-ons. If there are two of you who are turned on by the same thing, it will be more fun for you to both engage in what turns the other on! It’s a perfect give and take. It may take time and patience to find that special someone, but if you keep trying, you’ll end up winning out. You can then share all of your turn-ons with your partner, and enjoy them together.

Unless your turn-ons are dangerous, they’re fine for you. If they work for you, let them! Don’t worry so much. Everyone has their own quirks and way that they do things. Just be a good sport. If you don’t want others judging you for what turns you on, don’t judge them! You might meet someone who has a turn on that you think is weird, but remember someone else out there might think your turn on is weird too!

We’re all in the same boat. Accept your turn on and everyone else will too. What works for you might not work for someone else and vice versa, and that’s okay! Just enjoy yourself and your turn ons!

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: fetishes, kink, kinky sex, sexual fantasies, smoking fetish

Is It Normal For a Virgin to Be Into BDSM?

By loveandsex

As a virgin, it’s normal to find yourself turned on and sexually excited by many things, even if you’ve never actually had sexual intercourse.

What turns you on is going to be different from what turns someone else on, and it’s important to embrace diversity and celebrate your uniqueness!

Is there ever a point where something that turns you on would not be considered normal, especially if you’re a virgin?

Well, yes and no.  It’s a complicated situation that needs a hard, honest look.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I found your website on YouTube. I think I am into BDSM or there may be something wrong with me.  I believe I am more Sadistic than Masochistic though and I am still a virgin as is my boyfriend.  He likes to be clawed and chained (yet to let me do that though) and when I scream in pain because I got hurt or something he gets a little excited.  I have clawed him so bad I took chunks of skin out of his hips and when he screamed in pain I laughed at him.

The idea of burning, whipping, tying down, flogging, wrist/handcuffing, caging, and torturing him sounds fun.  Is there something wrong with me?

Is it possible for a virgin to be into BDSM like this?

– Barbara,  Missouri

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OxuDMsf76o[/youtube]

Virgin Into BDSM

BDSM often refers to fetishes in general, although many use it to refer to the old S&M or sadism and masochism.  Some people find themselves turned on by being possessive and powerful or submissive and this is usually completely natural.

Do you enjoy pain?  Many people do. Why else are tattoos, piercings and other body modifications so popular?  Lots of people enjoy receiving pain and even giving it, and it’s nothing new to interpret BDSM sexually, even if you are a virgin.  There is no law that says that if you’ve never had sex that you can’t enjoy giving and receiving pain and being turned on by it sexually.  It’s the same for young men that are turned on by their parent’s Playboy magazines. It is simply what turns you on.

Can you ever go too far?

It’s important to look at what is “too far” for you.  If you’re adamant about staying a virgin, than yes, having sexual intercourse would be “too far.”  You need to examine your beliefs and morals on your own and really look at them to determine what would be too far for you and your partner.

That said, with BDSM, it is possible to go too far with the giving and receiving of pain.  Are you and your partner getting hurt?  Are you engaging in dangerous activity that could cause infections or transmitted diseases?  If so, you may want to look at toning it down a notch, especially if anything that you and your partner are doing is illegal.  If you’re simply looking to put a little kink into your relationship, there’s generally no harm in that.

Are you normal?

Normal, by definition, is something that doesn’t really exist in humanity.  Everyone is different.  If your attraction to BDSM and fetishes feels normal to you, you most likely don’t have anything to worry about, especially if you and your partner’s actions aren’t hurting anyone.

If you find yourself really looking to hurt your partner, hurt yourself or hurt other people and you feel as though something is wrong with you, don’t be afraid to get help.  Seek counseling in an atmosphere where you won’t feel judged.

Overall, most inclinations towards BDSM are normal and perfectly healthy, even if you are a virgin.  If you do find yourself hurting your partner or allowing your partner to hurt you, it is important to stop and perhaps tone it down.  Nobody needs to get hurt to have a some good, old fashioned S&M fun.

Remember play it safe!  Have a code word that you or your partner can use if things get too rough.  Once the code word is said, everything stops.  If what you’re doing is safe and appealing to you, just have a good time and don’t worry about it!

Filed Under: Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies Tagged With: bdsm, bondage, domination, fetishes, kink, submission

Learn To Approach Any Woman Without Fear Of Rejection

By josephmatthews

Knowing how to approach women is a vital skill every man needs to know, because approaching women is the first step in creating a relationship with the girl of your dreams…

You have to know how to approach a girl in the right manner  if you want to have success with your pickup.

The following are some proven tips I’d recommend you do to help you be successful in meeting women!  Remember a situation where you were going to approach a girl, and before you could even get a single word out, she freaked out and simply rejected you?

Know this – getting shot down has little to do with what you were going to say or what your intentions were.  It’s all about how you go about actually approaching your target. It’s important to do this right the first time, because it’s hard to recover when you make a mistake right off the bat. The key to approaching women is to approach them in a NON-THREATENING manner that does not telegraph your interest.

This is known as “coming in under the radar.”

Understand: Most women have trained themselves to just REJECT men outright when they sense they are being picked up on. This is because women get hit on SO MUCH by men, they just don’t want to deal with yet another guy coming up and wasting their time.

But despite all this, the girl WILL be receptive to you if you know how to approach her in the RIGHT WAY.

So what’s the right way to approach a woman?

Act fast!

First – YOU MUST ACT FAST.

If you hesitate and let the opportunity pass you by, you’re never going to experience success.  Giving yourself time to talk yourself out of approaching a girl will never get you
anywhere, so it’s important you act quickly and JUST DO IT.

Know what to say before you say it

Secondly, know what you’re going to start the conversation with BEFORE you approach the girl.  This will make meeting women much easier because you don’t have to spend time
thinking of what to say before you feel comfortable walking up to meet her. When it comes to a situation like this, you should probably have a good, proven “pick up line” memorized that will help start a conversation.

But don’t confuse the term “pick up line” with sleazy saying like “Nice shoes, let’s have sex!”  The goal here is to be NON-THREATENING, remember?

The best lines usually engage the girl in an innocent conversation. You can do so by asking her opinion on something and then following that up with more questions. When approaching a woman, it’s important that you approach her from an ANGLE.  Most guys charge towards the girl they want to meet like they’re marching to war!  Coming in at an angle is much less  confrontational and will put the girl at ease on a subconscious level.

Practice, practice, practice

Remember: great pick ups can only happen when the girl is comfortable with you. That’s why it’s so important for YOU to feel comfortable when you’re talking to girls! If you’re not  comfortable approaching women, the best way to overcome it is to go out there and start approaching women right away! After all, practice makes perfect, right?

The sad fact is, you’re not going to get good at approaching women if all you do is sit around reading about it and studying it like a test.  If you want to get good and have success, you actually have to go out and DO IT so you can build your experience level. (The good news – it gets easier the more you do it!)

If you’re worried about being rejected, just look at it as a game. The ONLY thing you’re doing is approaching women. You’re not asking her out, you’re not trying to get her into
bed, your only goal is to carry on some type of conversation.

That’s all you need to do!

See how many girls you can talk to in one night, and keep trying to beat your score.

Using time constraints

One last note – try and use a “time constraint” whenever you approach a woman.  This is as easy as  saying you can only talk for a minute before you have to run.

Effective use of time constraints will better engage the woman you’re talking to, because she won’t feel that she’s committing to a time-consuming endeavor.  Instead, you’re only a momentary “distraction.”  This helps eliminate any reason to reject you right off the bat.

If the initial approach goes well and the conversation continues, she will eventually forget you said you can only talk for a “minute” and you can talk as long as you want. The whole point is just to get your “foot in the door.”

The dating game is a numbers game.  The more women you’re able to meet, the greater your chances at finding a great girlfriend, and possibly even a future wife.

To find out more, sign up for Joseph Matthew’s free Meet Women Secrets newsletter for all the most recent tips and methods for meeting and seducing women.

Filed Under: Seduction Tips Tagged With: approach women, dating advice, fetishes, flirting, how to flirt, pick up lines, seduction

7 Beliefs That Are Destroying Your Success With Women

By scottpatterson

I’m a big believer in self talk.  Over the last couple of years, I’ve learned that the things we tell ourselves determine our outcomes.  If you fill your mind with positive thoughts, then you’ll achieve quality results.  On the other hand, when think pessimistically, you’ll end up with only negative outcomes.

There’s an expression that best sums up this outlook- “Garbage in, garbage out”

What this means is when you fill your mind with negative thoughts, you severely limit your success in life.  The funny thing is we men use self-talk so much that it’s become a major part of our dating lives.  We often “convince” ourselves that we’re not “worth” dating the truly desirable women.

Negative thoughts often take the form of a “Self-Limiting Belief”.   The definition is simple- A self limiting belief is any sort of self-talk that limits your ability to achieve something.

It’s called “limiting”, because you literally limit your capacity to do well in life.  And in the dating sense, a self-limiting belief is any thought that prevents you from succeeding with women.

In my experience, there are a number of beliefs that hold men back.  In order to improve your success with women, it’s important that you identify these thoughts, then actively eliminate them.

Here are 7 of the most common self-limiting beliefs:

#1- “I want somebody to love the REAL me…”

I’m going to be honest here.  Guys use this belief as an excuse to be lazy.  Many secretly desire a change to their life, but don’t want to make any effort.  So they think that coming up with some line about “being themselves” will somehow make them morally superior to the men who seek outside help.

The truth is, many guys require some guidance with meeting women.  Don’t make an excuse about wanting a woman to love the “real you”.  Instead, try to understand that life should be about constant improvement.  If you want success with women, you need to get out there and find out what really attracts them.

#2- “Love will find me…Eventually”

I once heard a great story about a man who prays to God every day about winning the lottery.  After weeks of having nothing happen, he finally screams at God and asks why his prayers go unanswered.  Seconds later, he hears a booming voice that says: “Buy a lottery ticket!”

The belief that “love will find me eventually” is another excuse that limits your success.  Don’t sit around waiting for the “dating lottery ticket” to arrive.

In order to improve your life, you must be willing to get out there and put yourself in a position to meet women.  It won’t happen if you believe the woman of your dreams will magically show up with little to no effort on your part.

#3- “I’m not good-looking…”

This is one of my favorites!  We men have it lucky in the dating game.  While our attraction to a woman is built primarily on HER looks, they look for something completely different.

A woman’s attraction starts when she makes an emotional connection to a guy.  Sure, looks are an important element.  But, any guy can improve his conversation skills to the point where they can transcend a deficiency in his looks.

#4- “I never have anything interesting to say…”

Guys often let nervousness and anxiety affect their conversations with women. The end result is their mind goes blank and they have trouble thinking of things to say.

The truth is we ALL have interesting things to say!  But sometimes, it takes a little coaxing to get them out.

A technique I recommend to my readers is to cultivate a unique personality through the art of storytelling.  Women are strongly attracted to things like health, status, adventure, leadership, wealth, and preselection.

When you craft a story from your own life, with these traits in mind, you’ll have plenty of material to use when there’s a lull in the conversation.

#5- “Some guys are just naturally successful with women…”

This self limiting belief is another personal favorite.  A lot of guys think there’s no way they can change their success with women.  What they don’t know is this is an area of their life that is like any other skill.  It involves a process that’s easily learnable and predictable.

Think of it this way.  Everything you’ve learned in your life started out as something you didn’t know how to do.  Only through learning and practicing were you able turn it into a skill.

Learning how to attract women is the same way!  With the right kind of information, you can easily become proficient at meeting interesting girls.

#6- “I have no confidence around women”

A lack of confidence is common among single men.  What’s unfortunate is this is the one quality that’s incredibly unattractive to women.  So, in order to improve your success with women, you must overcome the notion that you can’t be confident when meeting a new girl.

Confidence comes from competence in a skill. In the last belief, I discussed how you can improve your success simply through learning and practice.  As you work on your “dating skills”, you’ll discover it’s easy to dramatically improve your self-esteem.  While you might feel that you lack confidence now, this is something that can be easily fixed through repeated success!

#7- “I’ll start tomorrow, or maybe next week…”

This belief is the creed of all serial procrastinators.  Almost every single guy in the world feels he’s missing something in his life.  Some might say they want to make a change.  But most of the time, they’ll put off doing something about it.

If you want success with women, then it’s time to do something about it.  Don’t delay. Do something right NOW!  Even the simple step of writing down a plan of action can have a dramatic effect on your dating life.  The only thing that’s holding you back is allowing limited thinking to prevent you from making a change!

Self limiting beliefs can restrict your success.  When you allow negative thought patterns to be in control, the opportunities to date quality women will be quickly diminished.

Here’s some simple advice.  ANY time you experience one of the negative thoughts I’ve just described, immediately challenge it!  You’ll discover that the simple act of working through your self-talk will have an immediate effect on your success with women.

Filed Under: Seduction Tips Tagged With: approach women, dating advice, fetishes, flirting, how to flirt, pick up lines, seduction

How to Get Over Shyness & Fear of Rejection to Get the Girl

By loveandsex

If you’ve never had a crush on a girl or boy and have felt a little shy about asking them out – well, you’re not human.

Everyone has had their run-ins with “hard to get” guys and girls and sometimes asking them out is a heck of a lot easier said than done. If you’ve got someone special that you just can’t take your eyes off of but your lips seem glued together whenever they come around, we’ve got a few things that will make it a little less stressful for you to actually ask them out.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

There is a girl I love.  But I am to shy to even talk to her and I want to ask her out but I don’t really now how.

— Georgis, Alberta

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7iudMsWt_w[/youtube]

Recognize the Fear of Rejection and Kick It to the Curb

The biggest reason people don’t ask out their crushes is that they fear getting rejected.  Rejection sucks.  It hurts – everyone knows that.  Sometimes it is difficult for people to grasp that rejection does not shape who they are and in no way does it put a sign on your forehead that says “not good enough.”

First and foremost, you need to know that you are okay just the way you are.  Other people don’t decide that you’re okay – you do.  You need to come to terms with the fact that you’re you and you’re fine how you are – no one can change that, rejection or no rejection.  When you come to terms with that, you’ll be confident enough to approach anyone without the sweat beading up on your forehead and your knees turning into Jell-O.

Making the Approach

Almost every girl (or guy, really) will say, “No” if you walk up to them and introduce yourself by asking them out.  Hard as it is to believe, that really is the way it works.  Even the smoothest pick-up lines will not work.

So now that we’ve thrown your entire foundation for dating out the window, we’re going to share with you how to really pick up your crush.

Let them get to know you in a normal, pressure-free way.

You’ve heard about how people meet through being friends and it turns into this wonderful relationship, right?  That’s honestly the best way to go about it – building a relationship on friendship creates bonds that last a long, long time.  So let your crush get to know you before asking them out.  Ask them for help or their opinion about something and strike up a conversation.  When you’ve got a pretty good footing you can transition the friendship into something more.

Getting Rejected

Yes, rejection is a possibility.  You need to know that a lot of the time, it has nothing to do with you.  For example, if you approach your crush and they have just failed a test, broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend or had some other mood altering life event, you’re probably going to get rejected and it won’t be your fault in the least.

It’s also okay if you are flat out rejected.  Remember that part about you being okay no matter what?  Play that card and you’ll feel a lot better.  If you get rejected, nothing will happen.  The floor won’t turn into a spinning vortex and suck you in, destroying your life as you know it.  You’ll go home and everything will be the same as it was before you asked your crush out.  So take the chance and keep trying until you find that special someone.

Filed Under: Dating Tips Tagged With: approach women, dating advice, fetishes, flirting, how to flirt, pick up lines, seduction

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