Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for first date

How Do I Tell My Best Friend I Want to Be More Than Friends?

By

If you find that you’re interested in asking out your best friend, you’re not the first person to have ever experienced this.

Nonetheless, it can still be frustrating and intimidating to want to ask out your best friend and not know how or where to start.

Before you go gung-ho and start wooing your friend with wine and dinner, there are a few things you need to ask yourself first.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I like my best friend (there’s trouble there already) and I want to ask her out but I don’t know how. Many other guys like her too.

How do I make my self seem like the one she should go out with?  And how would I do that?

But please hurry! Were going to the movies tomorrow and I’m thinking of asking her out tomorrow.

– Kevin, Texas

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpsRUQJeZdk[/youtube]

Is there true chemistry there that goes above and beyond a friendship?

When you’re best friends with someone, there is a lot of chemistry there already. You both get along together great and you enjoy each other’s company. Basically, you can do anything and everything together. However, if you’re thinking about asking out your best friend, you need to really figure out if there’s more than just friendship there.

Do you feel a chemistry between you and your friend that goes above and beyond the friendship? Do you feel a sexual chemistry? If not, then you are probably better off staying friends. If you do, however, feel that there is something more between you and your friend, you have yet another question to ask yourself. Do you feel like your friend may return your feelings? This may not be something you get the answer to right away, but it’s important to consider before you ask them out.

Do you want to take the initiative and possibly get rejected?

Another thing to take into consideration is the fact that you might end up getting rejected and you might end up losing a friend too. If you suspect that this might be something that happens, consider leaving the friendship where it is at. If you simply can’t live with not telling your friend how you really feel, you need to realize that this may be something that changes the relationship forever, or possibly ends it. Make certain this is something you’re willing to risk before you take the plunge!

Avoid Getting Stuck In The Friend Zone

It generally is never a good idea to become friends with a person with the intent of becoming more than friends. Rarely does this work! Usually, you just get stuck in the friend zone. You end up being a great friend, one who they can share intimate talks with and confide in but realistically, you’re on the same level as their gay friends – someone who they care about deeply but would never consider a romantic relationship an option. If you like someone, be upfront and honest with them about your intentions rather than trying to sneak in the back door.

Telling Your Friend How You Feel

Okay, you’ve decided this is something you want to do and you’re willing to take the risk. Take your friend aside to somewhere you’re alone together and make sure there is plenty of time to tell them how you feel. Avoid cliché’s such as, “I’ve felt this way about you forever” or “I’ve always been in love with you.” These will most likely do little more than overwhelm and possibly frighten your friend!

Take it slow and be casual about it. Let them know that you’re interested in being more than friends and you’d like to spend more time together in a romantic way to see where it leads – and then leave it at that! Hopefully, a relaxed attitude will get you what you’re looking for and you never know – they could feel the same about you!

Why Having Sex Right Away Doesn’t Mean He’ll Call…

By

Okay ladies, I know most of you THINK seducing your date is the quickest way to get him to call you back but in reality it’s the worst thing you can do—especially early on!

There are many “dating experts” that will tell you differently including fellow colleague David Wygant, who by the way gives great advice about other aspects of dating.

I just totally disagree with him on this point! Come on Dave!  You’re a guy and you are in no way guaranteeing that taking it off gets a call back. It just gives the guy a great time in the moment! The problem is, the minute you leave, ladies, you are out of sight out of mind.

Why taking it all off doesn’t work 

I’m not saying be a prude and cover up from the top of your neck to your ankles. I’m saying, ladies, dress to look nice and desirable as a human being not a piece of meat on display. Men don’t fall in love because of their libido.

They fall in love when they allow themselves to give up their heart. Commitment for a man is always a conscious choice. Until a man decides to commit, he will continue to play the field, often with more than one woman at a time.

Sure, most guys will gladly sleep with you, and they’ll be quite pleased with you for satisfying them. Here’s where you will get confused. Just because he sleeps with you doesn’t mean he loves you. In fact, it doesn’t even mean he LIKES you.

It just means you were willing, he was “in the mood” (which is every guy all the time) and so you did it. It in no way means anything else, in HIS mind as far as “commitment.” Rather it will be a pleasant instant gratification moment.

Another negative about jumping in the sack with your date is that the minute sex is involved, the communication level of a developing relationship seems to just freeze. However well you’ve gotten to know each other at that point seems to be as far as the relationship “depth” goes. This is a very bad consequence if you were trying to move him along the path of committing to you.

Thinking sex right away is a good idea? It’s not just you. 

I can give you story after story, example after example to prove my case. I’ve seen the evidence all over America and I’ve seen it all through the entertainment industry (where I spent 16 years and all my single years).

I so feel bad for all these female celebrities because they are making the same mistakes many of you are and jumping in the sack, even getting pregnant, to try and catch their man. For them, the results are worse because they’ve just given the guy bragging rights for nabbing a celeb who they didn’t have to commit to first. Kudos to the guy, sympathies for the celebrity who will soon be dumped—that is if she was ever even considered a girlfriend.

Okay, okay, enough ranting, let me close in just telling you there are many other ways to capture that man’s heart than taking it off and using your body, no matter HOW amazing your body is.

Victorya Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date. To learn more about Victorya Rogers, visit ManToKeep.com.

Top 10 Dating Questions for Singles

By

Dating can be tricky business. However, by following the below 10 dating tips, you can increase your chances of having a positive experiences.

1.  How do you start dating again?

Return to the dating scene at your own pace.    Just get up and socialize in whichever ways you feel comfortable with.  The worst thing you can do is move too fast so take your time no matter which route you choose to find your dates.

2.  What should you do?

In this dangerous world of dating, you should be careful not to give out too much of your personal information in the beginning.  Take things slow, ask a lot of questions, research your dates past, and/or do a background check.

An ounce of prevention can prevent a lifetime of heartache.  Learn as much information about your date as possible which will, in turn, help the conversation flow to topics of interest.  Information about their families, pets, favorite food, birthdays, favorite movies, etc. make wonderful topics and usually you can learn enough to know if you will be compatible.

3.  What should you never do?

Don’t talk about your exes or intense commitment on the first date.  It’s important to have fun and not take things too seriously in the beginning.  Don’t have sex until you’ve done your homework on this person.  If they are interested and enjoy your company, they’ll call back.  Don’t brag about yourself and your accomplishments.  Instead, focus on your partner’s interests.

4.  Where can one find people of the same age?

Take a new class, join a club, have your friends set you up, try on-line dating, go to sporting events, church, school, socialize at parties, adopt a dog and go to the park, join a gym.  Most importantly, be active and get out there.

5.  How do you introduce yourself?

Simply be friendly and be yourself.  Smile, shake hands and most importantly, have manners.

6.  What should you do if you have a date?

Take time to groom yourself, be polite, be punctual and relax.  This isn’t a job interview.  If it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world.  Pick an activity that you both enjoy.  Nothing can ruin a date like an activity that one person isn’t interested in.

7.  When should you run away?

Red flags would be talking about an ex repeatedly or negatively, discussing serious topics like marriage and children on the first date, excessive bragging or coming on to strong sexually on the first date.

8.  How long should you wait to call them?

There is no set rule on how long you should wait to call the other person.  If they phone you first, return their call within a 24 hour period.  If you don’t hear from them after the date, wait a few days and then phone to see how they are doing.

9.  How long should you wait to have sex?

You should definitely not have sex on the first few days because this makes the other person assume you are easy and do this with everyone.  Take your time and get to know the person.

Don’t drink or use drugs on your date because this will lower your inhibitions and you, in turn, will make poor decisions.  A good rule to follow is the longer you wait to have sex, the more special it will be.

10.  What other tips are important?

Smile, have fun and don’t be too serious.  If your are too serious or pushy, you’ll come across as desperate.  Split the bill 50/50 so both parties don’t feel any pressure.  Be friendly and confident.  There’s nothing more attractive than charm.

Met Someone New? How Long Should You Date Before It’s OK To Have Sex?

By

You’ve met someone new. You have a great connection and things look great. So when is it okay to have sex for the first time?

There are those who believe it’s okay to have sex on the first date. Others think the third date is the right time, but still others believe you should wait much longer. Perhaps as long until after the wedding.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

How long should I date a man morally speaking before we have sex??

And so it will be a better relationship if that’s what is meant to be…

–Erica, California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCUON2MefyU[/youtube]

The morality of sex

Morally speaking, there is no right or wrong answer to this question – which is what makes it such a great question.  People who are uncertain about what boundaries they have when making the decision to have sex with the person they’re dating might be a little surprised to learn that the only boundaries they have are the ones they set for themselves…

Some people feel that it’s perfectly fine or natural to have sex with someone on the first date, or even shortly after meeting.  Others certainly might not agree, but it is ultimately up to the couple in question.  If both parties involved feel that it’s okay and feel confident about having sex soon after the relationship begins, by all means – go for it!

Other people feel that sex is only for those who are married.  Whether it is due to strict religious beliefs or purely philosophical ones, this approach works well for many couples.  They are committed to each other before getting physical and when they finally do the deed, they feel more comfortable with each other.

Then there are those who wait until they gain their footing in a relationship and start to feel comfortable before getting sexual with their partner.  Some people abide strongly by the “three date rule” and others wait a few months, but not forever.

When is the right time to have sex?

There is no magic “time” that would make it morally right to engage in sexual activity with your partner and unless you feel otherwise, there’s no magic “time” that would make it morally wrong either.  It’s all up to you and your partner.  If you are both consenting adults, you’re free to engage in sexual activity whenever you like.

Before doing anything, however, you should take a deep look at your own religious or moral beliefs.  Do you feel it would make you uncomfortable to have sex with your partner before the one month mark?  Does your partner?  Are you completely comfortable having sex with them after only a week?  How would it make you feel if you did?  Really think about it and don’t be afraid to come to terms with how you feel about the situation.  You have the right to decide when and if you’re ready to “do it” and with who you’re ready to “do it” with.

When it comes to figuring out your own personal rules, you are free to be as strict or as lenient with yourself as you like.  Do whatever works for you.  Don’t do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable or make your partner uncomfortable.  No one should ever be pressured into having sex.  Don’t be afraid to fly by the seat of your pants either – if you’re with someone and feel comfortable with the idea of having sex with them, you’re welcome to throw any ideals you previously had out the window.  Or you can stick to your guns – it’s up to you.  Remember, the only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself.

4 Ways Nerves Can Wreck A First Date

By

First dates can be excruciating to your nerves.  You want to make a good impression – no, a great impression, so that this person will see everything that is fabulous about you and call you the next day for a second date.

This could be “the one” after all, and too many times our nerves get to us and cause us to do some, well, less than attractive things.

I’ve listed the top 4, in no particular order, and some solutions that can help you overcome the nerves and just be you… calm & confident.

Nervous Habit #1: Eating.

Believe it or not, this is one of the most common signs of nervousness.  Picture it: you’re sitting there with a fantastic person across from you… it gets quiet for a moment… nothing brilliant comes to mind to break the silence with, so you reach for a roll and comment on the restaurant’s atmosphere.

Reaching for a roll isn’t the problem… but if you’re not careful, you’ll find that your mouth is constantly full of food.

Just take a deep breath, and be okay with silence.  Look at what’s on the table in front of you and make a quick decision to eat only what is appropriate.  Then pace yourself.  The key is to not allow yourself to get so uncomfortable that you reach out for food.

Some people tend to eat because they are uncomfortable with attention, and they focus on the food in an attempt to draw attention away from themselves.  In this case, just relax and enjoy the attention.  If it’s creepy, just end the date earlier than normal and you won’t have to see that person again.  There’s no sense going home with a disappointing date AND a few extra pounds of food!

Nervous Habit #2: Talking –  or NOT talking.

This is perhaps the most damaging sign of nervousness, because it can really affect the way a new person thinks about your personality.

If you are someone who seems to go quiet and blank when you are nervous, then you might want to rehearse your date.  You might feel silly doing it, but if you visualize over and over again asking specific and interesting questions, or bringing up unique conversations that fit your personality and interests, it won’t be very difficult at all to get those conversations started.  And soon enough, you’ll be comfortable with this person and will not have to visualize the conversations in advance.

If you’re someone who seems to talk fast and incessantly when you’re nervous, you’re going to have to also do some prep work.  Wear a piece of jewelry that will remind you to listen to yourself speak.  Anything that is slightly intrusive on your awareness level will work great.

Throughout the evening, as you notice that piece of jewelry, notice how long you’ve been talking.  If you’ve been rambling for a while, smoothly close your thought out before asking a question.

So, for example, if you are going on and on about your friends and how you met them, you might catch yourself and then say something like, “so as you can see, my friends are a big part of my life.  Tell me a little about your friends.”

This gives your date the opportunity to speak, and once they begin speaking, remind yourself to just listen.  When you hear a phrase that triggers a response, force yourself to only smile and nod for a little while, to give them a chance to speak.

And laugh.  A lot! Laughter is key to easing nerves.

Nervous Habit #3: Fidgeting and body movements.

We’ve all done it, and we’ve definitely all seen it.  You know, that whole bopping of the leg thing, or drumming of fingers on the table top, or my personal favorite, the knee shake.

There is nothing more distracting than a body part moving compulsively when you’re trying to have a good conversation to get to know someone better.  And this one is perhaps the most difficult to avoid, usually because we do these body movements so subconsciously.

So my best advice here is just to be aware of your body.  Be aware of your legs, your feet, your hands, your face.  If you feel yourself starting to compensate for nerves by moving or fidgeting, just force yourself to stop and focus on the conversation.

Nervous Habit #4: Drinking.

Do you hear that?  It’s an obnoxious laugh from across the room – probably someone who had a few too many drinks.  Do NOT let yourself become that person on the first date.  Please, I beg you.

Have a drink or two, and enjoy them.  But the worst thing you can do to calm yourself down when you’re nervous is to drink too much too fast.  The next thing you know, you’ll be laughing at every statement the other person makes, bragging about your past love life, getting topless or vomiting.  Yikes.

If you’re going to get topless on the first date, you want to do so with a controlled mind and a true desire to connect physically… not because you had five tequila shots and are now dancing on the bar.

The bottom line throughout this list has been confidence.  Know who you are, love who you are, and don’t get hung up on whether or not the person you’re sitting across from approves of you or wants to see you again.

If it’s right, it’s going to be amazing and you’ll love to see each other again.  If it’s not a good fit, it’s okay.  You’re fabulous, and the more you reinforce that to yourself the less you’ll have to deal with nerves on a first date.