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Friend Zone Damage Control

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When dating, beware of the “Friend Zone” – we have all been in it, and it sucks. Despite all the glorious positions you can be in with a women, there is one that no man wants to be in. When placed in it by a woman, you lose all romantic interest in her eyes. You become a sexual non-entity with the arousing powers of her own brother, or a lampshade. Once you’re there, she’s not going to be interested in dating you.

As you gain more experience with women, you will find yourself in the friend zone less and less and will learn many ways to preemptively stop yourself from winding up in it. However, that is not what I am going to get into with this article. Instead I am going to share some ways that you can remove yourself once being placed in it.

Be Willing To Lose The Friendship

The first step to getting out of the friend zone is that you have to be willing to lose her completely. One thing I have learned in my years managing relationships with women is that two people who are platonic don’t sleep with each other. You will not be able to go after her if you are afraid to lose her, doing so will only plant you deeper in it. So what’s the most important step?

Make Yourself Less Available

One of the main reasons you probably got placed in the friend zone in the first place (instead of dating her) is because you made yourself overly available. You constantly made plans to hang out with her without making a move. The longer you hang out with a girl without hooking up, the higher the chance you will be placed in it. So what do you do? Get away from her. Distance yourself and for a little bit stop making an effort to hang out with her. If she is a real “friend” she should be making an effort to hang out with you. You’re soon going to realize that she probably won’t be setting up a time to hang out anytime soon.

As time goes by she will become in touch with you. If not, you can slowly re-engage but this time with a different approach. For example, do not be her therapist. Do not give her advice for how to deal with her problems. If you need listen, only do so mockingly. You are no longer a shoulder to cry on and have no need to feel sorry for her problems. She is a big girl, she will figure it out.

Keep Your Options Open

In the mean time you should be talking to or dating other girls. Not to make her jealous, but to create other opportunity for yourself. Only once you have emotionally removed yourself from the girl you are in the friend zone with, will she start chasing you. Also, this is a great time to work on staying out of it with new girls.

Time is beneficial to you here and use it to your advantage. I’m talking about going months without being in touch. It may seem harsh but if you want her that bad, this is what it takes.

After making yourself scarce to her you have opened up a window to change the frame of the relationship. Start sending her mixed signals by escalating touch and showing interest in dating her. Do not be afraid to start flirting with her. You have not talked to her for a while, you want to come back seeming like a different, more sexual person.

Change Your Goals

You want to be coming from the mindset that you want her, but it does not matter if you get her. Remember, you can’t be afraid to lose her. In fact if you are doing any of this to just try and “get her,” it is not going to work. Stop trying to get her. It may take a few months to get out of the mindset where you are trying to be the guy for her, but only then will you be able to start dating her. And at that point it is up to you to decide if you really want her.

If you honestly have a strong friendship with a girl and you really don’t want to ruin it with dating, then you need to accept you will never hook up with her. But you need to ask yourself, is your spending time with her just another hope for you to hook up out of some miracle, or is for your own enjoyment. Remember, people who are platonic don’t sleep together. But if they do, they can become friends that have sex.

More On Getting Out Of The Friend Zone:

  • You have to be willing to say no to her.
  • You can ask her advice about a girl you are seeing, but more importantly talk about the sexual aspect of it. Make her see you as a someone who enjoys sex.

If you are someone that finds yourself getting into the friend zone, say things along these lines when just getting to know a girl:

  • “I speak my mind and it can sometimes get me in trouble, but that’s just who I am.”
  • “Don’t play games cause you won’t be able to keep up with me; honesty is what I am attracted to.

Q&A: How To Ask A Good Friend To Go On A Date

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Often, friends end up falling for other friends and want to move from a friendship to a romantic relationship. If you want ask out one of your good friends but don’t want to end up ruining the friendship, you’re not alone. Here’s how to tell if she likes you too and what you can do to get out of the friend zone.

Question: How do you know if a girl likes you and if she does, how can you ask her out? I have a very close friend I would like to date, but I do not want to lose her as a friend. The reasons why I think she likes me is because she has told me how ugly she thinks she is and how she will never find love. We are very close and I do not want to lose her as friend. Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpb8IJDbqNk[/youtube]

Let Her Know How You Feel

Honesty is the best way to go on this one. Pretending that you don’t like her as more than a friend or saying that you just want to stay friends because you think that’s what she wants or you’re afraid of ruining the friendship isn’t going to do either of you any good at all. Tell your friend how you feel about her and be completely honest. Let her know why you like her and why you want to be more than friends. Don’t ask for a response right away, because putting her on the spot to accept your romantic invitation may lead to a “no” because she just needs time to absorb the information. Just let her know that you’re telling her how you feel and you simply wanted her to be aware of it. Let her take it from there if she wants to. If she doesn’t make a move, you can continue being friends.

How To Interpret Her Body Language

You may be wondering if your friend has been showing you romantic affection for awhile and you haven’t been picking it up. If a girl likes you, she’s going to give you a lot of body language that shows that she’s sweet on you. She may touch you often, face you when you speak or constantly laugh at your jokes. She may want to be close to you all the time or may want to hang out all the time. Pay close attention to your friend’s body language, because often you will be able to tell if a girl likes you simply because of the way she acts towards you.

Show Her Affection

If you like your friend romantically, it’s important that you show her affection as well as telling her the truth about how you feel. Show her with your body language that you like her. Hug her, be close to her and compliment her. Compliments always go a long way for a woman! Laugh at her jokes and be there for her. If you’re good to her, sooner or later she will see that you’re a great choice for her. But she’ll never choose you if she doesn’t know how you feel about her!

Q&A: Help! I Keep Getting Stuck In The Friend Zone

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Getting stuck in the friend zone is no fun, especially if you really want more than just a friendship with someone. But are you really looking for a serious relationship, or is it a case of like attracting like? Here’s how to find out if you’re ready for a relationship or you really are getting stuck in the friend zone!

Question: This is my first question to you guys, and i just got wind saying that you guys know your stuff when it comes to relationships. I got out of a 5 year relationship with my fiance, and its been 3 months. I’m talking to women, and it seems like all women want now is casual sex, no commitment. I feel like I keep getting stuck in the “friend zone” and that’s all women look at me as. Any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am9544xXUvw[/youtube]

Are You Really Ready For Committment?

It’s a common belief that “like attracts like” and those looking for serious relationships will actually be attracted to each other. If you’ve just gotten out of a long, committed relationship, you may subconciously just be looking for friendships right now and not know it. If you’re only attracting women who simply want to be friends and have casual sex with no strings attached, take a moment to think about if that’s really what you want too. It’s okay if you’re not ready for a serious relationship and having fun with friends is a great way to get yourself back in the dating game. Sit down and really consider what you want at this time. Are you really looking for another committed relationship or are you attracting the kind of people you subconciously want to date right now?

Don’t Rush It

There’s no rush when it comes to dating after ending a serious relationship with someone. Even if you were the one who ended the relationship, the body, mind and soul still needs to grieve for the loss and take time to adjust to a new lifestyle. Things are very different for you now, and it’s important to give yourself time to absorb it. That doesn’t mean isolate yourself, but you may want to be careful about jumping right into another committed relationship. Give yourself time to think about the relationship, but also allow yourself to think about what you want now before you take the next step.

Attracting The Kind Of Partner You Want

When you’re really ready for a committed relationship, trust that you’ll start attracting people who feel the same way you do and are also looking for a committed relationship. Focus more on having fun now, and let whatever happens happen. Time has a funny way of healing old wounds and paving the way for new and better things in your life if you let it. Constantly trying to attract a partner who wants a serious relationship when you don’t – even subconciously – will only put more stress on you and make you feel like you’re not “dateable” material. Don’t worry about it! Just have fun and build new friendships and nurture old ones. Take this opportunity to make your life what you want it to be right now and in time, the right person will come.

All Friends With No Benefits

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Spring has come around yet again, and you know what that means – less clothing, more flirting, and more fun!

Here are some tips to keep your fun from turning into disaster: First, remember to pay attention now or pay later. Keep your wits about you. Second, be honest with yourself whether the fun you’re having is worth the consequences, whatever they might be. Third, remember to use a condom! In the meantime, here are the answers to a couple of your questions.

I met this girl at school and ended up falling for her. However, at the time she had a boyfriend who was moving to France. I saw her a couple of times before they officially broke up and then asked her out on a date. She said yes, then flaked on me twice (both times legitimate-ish reasons such as her grandparents’ anniversary do and something else).

We eventually went out a couple of times and texted each other a bit, then suddenly after our second date when I kissed her goodnight on the cheek she didn’t text me for over a week and just ignored my email (I tried to contact her three times). Then she started to talk again and we have seen each other about every two weeks since. I have kissed her on the cheek a couple of times and once on the lips, but that’s it.

When we are out we have such a good time and get along great, and although there is not much physical contact she flirts back. She has since then invited me to go on holiday with her and her family. I’m just not sure where I stand. Are we going out? Her old bf is in a relationship but she isn’t going out with anyone else and never talks about other guys with me. On Valentine’s Day I gave her a card and chocolates, and she gave me the same. She lets me pay for coffees and other things like that. But my question is: Who am I to her, a friend or a boyfriend?

—James, UK

Ah, James, it’s so cute to hear about people giving each other cards and chocolates on Valentine’s day… if those people are kids! You’re an adult now, so it’s time to start using your words to say what you mean, and to find out where you stand. All you have to do is ask her what she wants, and be straightforward about what you want. She’ll appreciate you not playing games, and in the process you’ll learn whether there’s any mileage in pursuing her or not. But here’s a tip: if you’re not getting any clear signs from her, chances are it’s because she’s not that into you, so prepare yourself.

Every time I meet someone and we wind up liking each other, it always turns out she just wants me as a friend. Even though they all tell me they would date me. Is there any way I can stop winding up the “best friend?”

—Nick, US

There are so many benefits to having a girlfriend, including all the public displays of affection, hugging, kissing, and the wonderful feeling of having someone you’re exclusive with. To get that, you need to look at what you’ve done so far, and compare it to what you should be doing if you want to get that extra step further. Knowing what to do differently can be tricky with women, mostly because our concern for our own safety over the past two millennia has prevented us from having the liberty to come out and say exactly what we want.

Ensuring success in dating is not that different from ensuring success in any other area. You have to define what you want, make a clear plan for getting it, and execute your plan. Remember that what you want is a dating relationship with one girl who meets your criteria – not friendships with a lot of different girls. So find a girl that you’re interested in dating, and ask her on an actual DATE. Girls are keenly aware of the the difference between a date and just hanging out, so if you use that specific word, she won’t be in any doubt as to your intentions. After a few dates, she should have given you a real kiss, or at the very least some very clear signs as to whether or not she’s into being more than friends.


Q&A: Help! I Like This Girl But She Has A Boyfriend

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When you like someone and they’re already involved with someone else, your first instinct may be to simply let it go. But what if they’re giving you signals that they like you too, and you really would like to date them? Can you “steal” them away from their current relationship or should you still let it be and move on?

Question: I know this girl who I really like and I think she likes me too. She gives me these signs like laughing at everything I say, complementing me on my clothes, and smiling charmingly at me – but she only does it with me. Here’s the problem – she has a boyfriend and he treats her like shit. She’s like a pet to him, but I’m not the kind of guy who steals a girlfriend. I really like this girl though. What do I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxTym3O4SGc[/youtube]

Make Sure You’re Reading The Signals Correctly

One of the biggest misunderstandings between men and women is interpreting flirting and friendliness the wrong way. If you like someone, you may be all too eager to assume their polite smiles and friendly conversation means that they like you as more than friends. If someone who is already in a relationship is giving you these signals, make sure you’re interpreting them correctly before you make any kind of move. Make sure you’re not stuck in the “friend zone” and she’s not just using you to vent about her current relationship.

Relationships Aren’t Ownership

When we’re involved with someone, whether we’re dating or married, we tend to put these labels on our significant others as though we “own” them. Human beings can’t be “owned” by anyone though – we are free to spend our time with who we choose. If someone is in a relationship but wants to hang out with someone else and have a good time, they are perfectly within their right to do so. You are also free to spend time with them as well, regardless of their current relationship attachments. Although we are free to spend time with who we want at our own discretion, there can be consequences to those actions. Their partner may choose to end the relationship if they’re uncomfortable with the situation and they are, of course, free to do so as well. But remember that no one can “own” or “control” anyone else and force them not to spend time with someone or to stay in a relationship.

Follow Your Heart

When it comes to dating and relationships, it’s important that you follow your heart and you allow the person you’re interested in to do so as well. All may end well with a new, happier relationship but there is also the possibility that the other person’s heart leads them to stay in their current relationship for one reason or another. The most important thing here is to be true to yourself, and communicate your feelings honestly with the other person without being critical of them or their current relationship. What happens after that is anyone’s guess, but being true to yourself is an incredible feeling regardless of what happens later.