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Q&A: I’ve Confessed My Love – Now What?

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You’ve confessed your love to a girl, and now she’s run for the hills. What do you do? Did you come on too strongly, or is she giving you mixed signals? Dating comes with lots of questions and very few answers, but here’s what you can do when a girl you like starts giving you the slip.

Question: A few weeks ago, me and a good friend of mine setup to have a date. I have some affection towards her and I thought she felt the same way. Two days before our date, I confessed my love to her. On the day of the date, I called her up to see if she still wants to go; she didn’t pick up. Then the next day I called her to see if she still wants to go out today and she said “I don’t think that is a good idea.” So I get the idea and drop it. We still talk once in a while now, but not as much and intimate as before. But then last week, I asked her out to dinner and she came. I’m confused, what should I do?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZNGr5tfQms[/youtube]

Labeling The Relationship

Often, people who are dating are too quick to put a label on the “relationship” they have, and want to know where they stand when it comes to being with someone. This goes for both guys and girls though – it’s a common belief that women do this more than men, but it’s actually about equal between the sexes. Unfortunately, when one person in the relationship is pressing to define it, the other person gets scared and starts moving away emotionally. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t want to spend time with you or don’t like you, but it may mean that they just want to go slowly and let the relationship go where it needs to on its own.

Backtracking

If you’ve confessed your love to someone and they start giving you the slip, you may think you’ll never repair the damage that was done. That could be true, but not always. The thing to do now is to back off and let them take the lead. Don’t start calling all the time or continue to try to get them to go out with you. They may like you, but they may just need some time to air out. Take a few steps back and let them call you. Be polite and friendly when you see them, but let them make the moves. If you do want to ask them out, suggest going to a casual lunch or bowling. Whatever you do, make sure they don’t feel pressured in any way and they just might come around.

Letting A Relationship Develop On Its Own

When you start dating, it can be tempting to move along quite quickly, especially if you feel like you’re ready to settle down. Instead, try letting the relationship develop on its own. Don’t ask your partner where you stand or try to define the relationship, because often, it’s always changing. Just focus on enjoying being with the person you’re with and let the relationship move along at its own pace. Getting to stop and enjoy all stages of a budding relationship is like stopping and smelling the flowers – totally worth it.

How To Pick Up A Beautiful Woman: Eradicating Self-Limiting Beliefs

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What dictates how successful a person can become in any given field? Is it chance, fortune, good luck? No.

Take an athlete for example, regardless of their chosen discipline, they must WORK at becoming the best. Even if they got lucky with their genes, have a good build or quick reactions, it is absolutely vital they learn, understand and PRACTICE whatever sport it is they want to master.

If they don’t, they will never be number one, or even anywhere close. The very same principle applies to attracting and seducing women, quite simply, the looks or assets you were or weren’t blessed with naturally mean nothing if you cannot master the psychological side of the game.

It’s NOT About Looks

For example, there’s a guy who looks like Brad Pitt’s better looking long-lost brother, his body, hair and dress-sense are all flawless. But, when he opens his mouth…nothing.

His attitude, personality and character fall completely flat and instantly put off every woman in the room. He’s gone from being a mysterious, handsome stranger, to an unexciting and tedious guy, who’s good for nothing except looking at and admiring, which gets very boring, very fast.

Now, the reverse. There’s a guy who doesn’t immediately stand out of the crowd because of what he looks or dresses like or because of the car he’s just rolled up in. Women are fairly neutral towards him, they neither feel attracted to him or turned off. Then, he talks and it’s like a fire has been lit, he’s fun, charming and great to be around.  In short, massively attractive.

Being the Better Guy

If you want to be that first guy, I don’t know what to suggest, except perhaps painful, expensive surgery. But if you’d rather resemble the second man (as any sane guy would), you need to do something a little different. You need to eradicate self-limiting beliefs.

Self-limiting beliefs are the internal thoughts and feelings that hold you back and restrict your ability to succeed. They’re irrational and counter-productive thoughts that everyone has, but very few people try to get rid of, which is why so few men are truly successful with women. Here are a couple of examples of self-limiting beliefs:

1. “Nah, she’s too good-looking. She wouldn’t be interested in a guy like me.”

2. “Women can sense inexperience and won’t give a guy the time of day if they think he’s not sophisticated or experienced.”

3. “Girls only want sex with strings attached and would never consider sleeping with me unless I have money or a powerful job.”

4. “That girl’s way too popular. Just look at the guys who are already all over her. She’s rejecting them so would definitely say no to me.”

The Truth About Self-Limiting Beliefs

The crazy thing with self-limiting beliefs is that they only restrict YOU and you alone. They do this because they are not logical, true facts that are widely accepted as fundamental truths.

They’re manifested in your mind because you feel nervous and apprehensive. It’s your body’s way of protecting itself just like it would have thousands of years ago to stop you getting into physical danger.

These days, the only danger is that you miss a golden opportunity to hook up with a great, sexy girl.  Here are 3 simple rules to always remember, use them to get rid of self-limiting beliefs.

Rule 1. Ground yourself in the present and don’t think about the past or potential future

If you’re in a bar looking at a girl from afar, forget about times gone by that you cocked up a first impression. Furthermore, don’t try to predict what could go wrong or awry. Your goal, of meeting and getting together with a hot female, is a positive one – so keep all thoughts before, during and after meeting her positive, too.

Rule 2. Don’t let other people mold your perception of yourself and the situation you’re in

Forget about the guys around you, all trying to impress girls and assert themselves as alpha males. When you show a care-free, easy-going attitude to how to move, talk and behave you become infinitely more attractive to women than all the men who are blatantly trying too hard.

Rule 3. Let negative thoughts and phrases, like those above, slip completely from your consciousness

Looks, wealth and social status mean little when they aren’t accompanied by a strong, attractive persona and personality. Let your words and confident body language take precedence and forget all about superficial possessions and all-too-common “good looks.”

I Dated My Friend and It Didn’t Work Out… How Do We Get Our Friendship Back?

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You’ve moved out of the friend zone and into a relationship with your best friend or another friend of yours. Sadly, it doesn’t work out for one reason or another, but you want your friend back!

Fortunately, you’re not alone in this awkward situation. What will it take to get your friend back? Can you?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf5c8FDIiuk[/youtube]

How Mature Are You And Your Friend?

Moving from the friend zone into a relationship is something that happens all the time. A great number of people do this, and a number of them move back into friend status after the relationship has run its course, regardless of whether the relationship was a week long, a month long or even a few years long.

What’s their secret? How do they do this with seemingly no effort at all?

It depends on how mature the two people in the relationship are. If you and your partner are very mature, you’ll be able to better handle moving from the friend zone to a relationship and back to the friend zone again.

If you and your partner aren’t at a high level of maturity at the point in your relationship where you want to be friends again, you might find it difficult to do so without hurt feelings, resentment and awkwardness experienced by one or both parties.

What can you do?

First, be open and honest with your friend. Tell them how you feel! Talk to them about the friendship and how you felt about it before you made the turn towards dating romantically.

Talk to your friend about how you felt while you were dating romantically and how you feel now that the relationship is ending. Talk to your friend about how continuing the friendship would make you feel and how you can best accomplish that goal without letting old feelings get in the way.

Encourage your partner to share their feelings about those topics with you too. A great deal of awkwardness after an ended relationship is one or both parties refusing to communicate with each other and harboring ill feelings and resentment towards the other. Air your dirty laundry and start with a clean slate!

It Might Be The End

Not every friendship turned relationship turned friendship works out, regardless of the level of maturity by both parties. Sometimes it’s not meant to work out and sometimes issues that were dealt with during the relationship are just too difficult to deal with afterwards in a friendship setting.

That’s okay! It’s heartbreaking, sure. It’s a tough thing to deal with, but it’s probably something you knew going into the relationship – that you might lose your friend because of it. It’s a risk you and your friend both decided to take. If you and your friend are having a difficult time moving back into the friend zone after an ended relationship, it might be time to let it go.

You should talk to your friend about where you see this going, but don’t be surprised if it’s difficult to come up with an answer. Remember that not everything works out the way you want it to, and you certainly gave it a good shot. Feel out the situation and find out if it’s time to move on and do it gracefully!

How To Ask A Shy Girl Out On A Date…

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Nothing can be more intimidating than asking out a girl you’ve had a crush on or have known since forever.  The thought of telling this amazing woman that you really like her and having her snub you sends shivers down the spine, especially if she’s shy.

It doesn’t matter how popular or confident you are, when it comes to that special girl it’s hard to find the right words. You don’t want to put her off, but what is the right thing to do?

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m a good looking, popular guy and have no trouble asking girls out – except for this one girl I’ve had a crush on since the eight grade… I walk away from a conversation with her thinking “What the heck did I just say” – I sound like a dumb jock! My Question: How do you ask out a shy girl, that you are desperately head over heals in love with? Ask her friends? Just walk up to her?

–YouTube)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqoiiELpIJI[/youtube]

There is no right way

The honest answer is there is no right thing to do. No one knows what another person will say or do. What you can’t do though, is simply let your fear hold you back from taking the leap of faith and opening yourself up to her. Sure, she might say no, which is her discretion. It’s pretty much guaranteed though, that if you just stand back and do nothing you will regret it for the rest of your life.

To start, you shouldn’t just go up and lay it on her that you’ve been in love with her forever and you desperately want to be with her.  That is a bit much to lay on someone and might even scare her a little bit.  The most important thing is to just be honest with her. Start small, like asking her out on a date not as friends but as a couple. Try flirting more and don’t hide away from her by pretending you don’t like her.

You have to let her know you like her or you’ll be forever stuck in the friend zone, the terrible place where relationships never grow and nothing ever changes. You should have the courage to tell her directly because it’s going to mean a whole lot more if it comes straight from you.

You can make it happen

If you want anything to happen, you have to make it happen. You can’t sit around and make excuses and hope that one day she just falls in your lap. The world seldom works that way outside of Hollywood.

If you get up the courage to ask her and she says no, then at least you can take pride in the fact that you owned up to how you felt and actually made that first step. Keep in mind though, that a “no” now may not be forever. As time passes, she might actually change her mind and decide you’re not such a bad guy to go out with after all.

Hearing a “no” is better than hearing nothing at all because you never made that first step. Don’t let your fear control you, work past it and change that dream into reality. As scary as hearing a “no” might be, just think of how amazingly fantastic hearing a “yes” would be! Don’t focus on the negative, work towards the positive.

Just think that if you’re friends, you probably know her better than most of the guys she has or will date.  You have an edge in knowing many of the things she likes and dislikes already which is valuable knowledge when it comes to dating.  There will never be the perfect time to ask, so just go for the gusto and make it happen. When all is said and done, you’ll look back and be glad you went for it no matter the outcome.

Aaaahh! Why Does She Want to Be ‘Just Friends’?

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We’ve all known someone who’s loved a woman from a distance… wanted to be with her, but wasn’t sure how to share his feelings for her, how to go up to her and ask her out.

But what’s EVEN WORSE is loving her from no distance at all… being her best friend and wanting, hoping, wishing it could be more.

Here’s a question from a man in Arizona who’s desperately wondering why the woman he loves from the barren depths of the friend zone won’t take that risk to be more than friends…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Well, I have known this girl for a while now and when we started hanging out we were getting ready to take our friendship to something more… but she got scared and left?

Now she keeps coming back in and out of my life and saying that we are good friends. I finally got the courage to ask her why she didn’t let me be the man that she can love, and she told me that we are great friends and she was scared of ruining our friendship.

Why wouldn’t she take the same risk with me that she had taken with others, including her current boyfriend? Help!

– Daniel, Arizona

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYoWES-fETs[/youtube]

Why do Some Women Torture Men by Keeping Them “Just Friends” Instead of Lovers?

Contrary to what some of guys may think, the woman of your dreams (who happens to also be your friend) probably really values your friendship. Yes, it’s possible for women to have dear friends who are men, without being attracted to them in a romantic or sexual sense.

Rampant homophobia aside, straight guys also have both male and female friends they’re very close to, without being sexually attracted to them.

There is of course also the remote possibility that she’s not aware of your feelings. This is a real long shot, and it generally implies that she’s not very observant and doesn’t listen to her intuition. You can always tell if someone likes you – all you have to do is listen.

And, maybe she wants to be with you romantically as well, but she’s afraid to approach you for whatever reason. Maybe she’s shy or afraid of rejection. Maybe she believes the man has to make the first move. Sometimes two people truly want to be together, but neither one makes the move.

Either way, it’s your move. If you want to know, you’ve got to take that first step and make a move. It doesn’t have to be a major item, but escalate things until it’s very, very clear that you are interested.

When You Finally Share Your Feelings With Her, Why Does She Not Reciprocate?

What if you’ve shared your feelings and she STILL doesn’t want to date you? And she’ll probably give you some good, logical reasons for it. But you have to find the REAL deep down reason, and it’s usually not the logical one. As human beings, we often use logic to support emotional decisions, basically a way to excuse what we really want to do.

Here are a few possible reasons…

1. She truly values your friendship more than romance

OK, this one sounds good, but it’s pretty unlikely. People take just about any risk imaginable for the very possibility of finding true love, closeness with another, and of course, amazing sex.

2. She just doesn’t like you that way!

While this is NOT what you want to her, it’s by far the most likely situation. You may WANT her to like you as a lover, but she only likes you as a friend.

Think back… surely at some point in your life, maybe back in school, you had someone attracted to you, but you didn’t feel that way about them. You may have liked them as a person, but you didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings about them. Now, this same thing is happening with you.

Moving On – Letting Go and Finding the RIGHT Woman for You

Hanging out in the friend zone is no way to live. She thinks you’re just being a friend – of course she probably knows very well that you want it to be more, but doesn’t want to lose your friendship. And you’re unhappy because you’re trying to make this relationship into something it just isn’t. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to her.

And by keeping her in your life and WANTING it to be more, you’re literally stopping the RIGHT woman from entering your life. It’s time for you to move on and actually find a woman that WANTS to be with you romantically and sexually, not “just friends”. Decide that you’re ready to find someone new, and open yourself to the opportunity of finding that perfect someone.

Approach other women, talk with them, ask them out, and have fun!