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How To Cope With Unrequited Love

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Love – the unrequited kind – is something most of us have experienced at some point in our lives. You fall in love with someone, they don’t return your feelings, and you just can’t seem to let go. Logic would dictate that you shouldn’t care for someone who doesn’t care for you, but you’re so lovesick that logic no longer matters.

So how can you get over your heart break and your lingering feelings? You owe it to yourself to move forward. It’s important, not least of all because you might miss out on the person you should really be with while you’re mooning over the wrong guy or girl.

People You Can’t Pursue A Relationship With

It can be pretty difficult to see the forest for the trees when you’re head over hills for someone. When that individual doesn’t love you back, however, you need to have a reality check with yourself. Sometimes there are obvious reasons why you shouldn’t pursue a relationship with someone. No matter how attracted you are to them, if the object of your affection is married or in a happy relationship, you need to back down and look elsewhere.

If the person is your boss, your direct report, your current teacher or student, it’s inappropriate to pursue them until you no longer work together directly. When there are overt roadblocks like these, it can be easier to convince yourself to move on. But sometimes the only reason to move forward is because your crush just wants to be friends. Worse, maybe they don’t want anything to do with you at all. In either case, it’s in your best interest to spend a decent amount of time away from this person while focusing on your own happiness.

How To Deal With Rejection

You need to harness optimism in this situation, but it needs to be the healthy and not harmful kind. Move away from wishful thinking regarding the guy or girl who rejected you. There’s no point daydreaming that your married flame will suddenly leave their spouse for you, or that they’ll wake up one morning and realize they actually are in love with you.

Harness that source of hope inside yourself and direct it toward better things. Don’t sit at home and sulk night after night. Instead, enlist the help of your friends to make sure you get out of the house and have some fun. Don’t waste your time looking forward to an impossible relationship. Look forward to your fun weekend plans, to your morning run, or to completing that big project at work. Relegate thinking about love to the background for now, and you’ll find you’re able to take a step or two forward.

Moving On

The most important reason to move on is that there truly are other fish in the sea to date. If you’re busy fixating on one person, you’re missing all the other people out there who could easily be a better fit for you. If you’re out in the world enjoying yourself, you just might bump into Mr. or Ms. Right, and then you won’t give a flip about Mr. or Ms. Rejection anymore. So don’t close yourself off to the world, and don’t cling to false hope.

Instead, embrace the knowledge that there could be someone else out there a thousand times more perfect for you. Go out and live your life to the fullest, and you just might find them when you least expect it. There is no point in puppy dogging around after a lost cause. If they don’t see the value in being with you, they’re not worth it anyway.

Friend Zone Damage Control

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When dating, beware of the “Friend Zone” – we have all been in it, and it sucks. Despite all the glorious positions you can be in with a women, there is one that no man wants to be in. When placed in it by a woman, you lose all romantic interest in her eyes. You become a sexual non-entity with the arousing powers of her own brother, or a lampshade. Once you’re there, she’s not going to be interested in dating you.

As you gain more experience with women, you will find yourself in the friend zone less and less and will learn many ways to preemptively stop yourself from winding up in it. However, that is not what I am going to get into with this article. Instead I am going to share some ways that you can remove yourself once being placed in it.

Be Willing To Lose The Friendship

The first step to getting out of the friend zone is that you have to be willing to lose her completely. One thing I have learned in my years managing relationships with women is that two people who are platonic don’t sleep with each other. You will not be able to go after her if you are afraid to lose her, doing so will only plant you deeper in it. So what’s the most important step?

Make Yourself Less Available

One of the main reasons you probably got placed in the friend zone in the first place (instead of dating her) is because you made yourself overly available. You constantly made plans to hang out with her without making a move. The longer you hang out with a girl without hooking up, the higher the chance you will be placed in it. So what do you do? Get away from her. Distance yourself and for a little bit stop making an effort to hang out with her. If she is a real “friend” she should be making an effort to hang out with you. You’re soon going to realize that she probably won’t be setting up a time to hang out anytime soon.

As time goes by she will become in touch with you. If not, you can slowly re-engage but this time with a different approach. For example, do not be her therapist. Do not give her advice for how to deal with her problems. If you need listen, only do so mockingly. You are no longer a shoulder to cry on and have no need to feel sorry for her problems. She is a big girl, she will figure it out.

Keep Your Options Open

In the mean time you should be talking to or dating other girls. Not to make her jealous, but to create other opportunity for yourself. Only once you have emotionally removed yourself from the girl you are in the friend zone with, will she start chasing you. Also, this is a great time to work on staying out of it with new girls.

Time is beneficial to you here and use it to your advantage. I’m talking about going months without being in touch. It may seem harsh but if you want her that bad, this is what it takes.

After making yourself scarce to her you have opened up a window to change the frame of the relationship. Start sending her mixed signals by escalating touch and showing interest in dating her. Do not be afraid to start flirting with her. You have not talked to her for a while, you want to come back seeming like a different, more sexual person.

Change Your Goals

You want to be coming from the mindset that you want her, but it does not matter if you get her. Remember, you can’t be afraid to lose her. In fact if you are doing any of this to just try and “get her,” it is not going to work. Stop trying to get her. It may take a few months to get out of the mindset where you are trying to be the guy for her, but only then will you be able to start dating her. And at that point it is up to you to decide if you really want her.

If you honestly have a strong friendship with a girl and you really don’t want to ruin it with dating, then you need to accept you will never hook up with her. But you need to ask yourself, is your spending time with her just another hope for you to hook up out of some miracle, or is for your own enjoyment. Remember, people who are platonic don’t sleep together. But if they do, they can become friends that have sex.

More On Getting Out Of The Friend Zone:

  • You have to be willing to say no to her.
  • You can ask her advice about a girl you are seeing, but more importantly talk about the sexual aspect of it. Make her see you as a someone who enjoys sex.

If you are someone that finds yourself getting into the friend zone, say things along these lines when just getting to know a girl:

  • “I speak my mind and it can sometimes get me in trouble, but that’s just who I am.”
  • “Don’t play games cause you won’t be able to keep up with me; honesty is what I am attracted to.

Q&A: How To Ask A Good Friend To Go On A Date

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Often, friends end up falling for other friends and want to move from a friendship to a romantic relationship. If you want ask out one of your good friends but don’t want to end up ruining the friendship, you’re not alone. Here’s how to tell if she likes you too and what you can do to get out of the friend zone.

Question: How do you know if a girl likes you and if she does, how can you ask her out? I have a very close friend I would like to date, but I do not want to lose her as a friend. The reasons why I think she likes me is because she has told me how ugly she thinks she is and how she will never find love. We are very close and I do not want to lose her as friend. Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rpb8IJDbqNk[/youtube]

Let Her Know How You Feel

Honesty is the best way to go on this one. Pretending that you don’t like her as more than a friend or saying that you just want to stay friends because you think that’s what she wants or you’re afraid of ruining the friendship isn’t going to do either of you any good at all. Tell your friend how you feel about her and be completely honest. Let her know why you like her and why you want to be more than friends. Don’t ask for a response right away, because putting her on the spot to accept your romantic invitation may lead to a “no” because she just needs time to absorb the information. Just let her know that you’re telling her how you feel and you simply wanted her to be aware of it. Let her take it from there if she wants to. If she doesn’t make a move, you can continue being friends.

How To Interpret Her Body Language

You may be wondering if your friend has been showing you romantic affection for awhile and you haven’t been picking it up. If a girl likes you, she’s going to give you a lot of body language that shows that she’s sweet on you. She may touch you often, face you when you speak or constantly laugh at your jokes. She may want to be close to you all the time or may want to hang out all the time. Pay close attention to your friend’s body language, because often you will be able to tell if a girl likes you simply because of the way she acts towards you.

Show Her Affection

If you like your friend romantically, it’s important that you show her affection as well as telling her the truth about how you feel. Show her with your body language that you like her. Hug her, be close to her and compliment her. Compliments always go a long way for a woman! Laugh at her jokes and be there for her. If you’re good to her, sooner or later she will see that you’re a great choice for her. But she’ll never choose you if she doesn’t know how you feel about her!

Q&A: Help! I Keep Getting Stuck In The Friend Zone

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Getting stuck in the friend zone is no fun, especially if you really want more than just a friendship with someone. But are you really looking for a serious relationship, or is it a case of like attracting like? Here’s how to find out if you’re ready for a relationship or you really are getting stuck in the friend zone!

Question: This is my first question to you guys, and i just got wind saying that you guys know your stuff when it comes to relationships. I got out of a 5 year relationship with my fiance, and its been 3 months. I’m talking to women, and it seems like all women want now is casual sex, no commitment. I feel like I keep getting stuck in the “friend zone” and that’s all women look at me as. Any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am9544xXUvw[/youtube]

Are You Really Ready For Committment?

It’s a common belief that “like attracts like” and those looking for serious relationships will actually be attracted to each other. If you’ve just gotten out of a long, committed relationship, you may subconciously just be looking for friendships right now and not know it. If you’re only attracting women who simply want to be friends and have casual sex with no strings attached, take a moment to think about if that’s really what you want too. It’s okay if you’re not ready for a serious relationship and having fun with friends is a great way to get yourself back in the dating game. Sit down and really consider what you want at this time. Are you really looking for another committed relationship or are you attracting the kind of people you subconciously want to date right now?

Don’t Rush It

There’s no rush when it comes to dating after ending a serious relationship with someone. Even if you were the one who ended the relationship, the body, mind and soul still needs to grieve for the loss and take time to adjust to a new lifestyle. Things are very different for you now, and it’s important to give yourself time to absorb it. That doesn’t mean isolate yourself, but you may want to be careful about jumping right into another committed relationship. Give yourself time to think about the relationship, but also allow yourself to think about what you want now before you take the next step.

Attracting The Kind Of Partner You Want

When you’re really ready for a committed relationship, trust that you’ll start attracting people who feel the same way you do and are also looking for a committed relationship. Focus more on having fun now, and let whatever happens happen. Time has a funny way of healing old wounds and paving the way for new and better things in your life if you let it. Constantly trying to attract a partner who wants a serious relationship when you don’t – even subconciously – will only put more stress on you and make you feel like you’re not “dateable” material. Don’t worry about it! Just have fun and build new friendships and nurture old ones. Take this opportunity to make your life what you want it to be right now and in time, the right person will come.

Q&A: Staying Friends After A Break Up – Is It Possible?

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Breaking up sucks, no matter how you try to think of it. If you and your partner were together for a long time, you may still really care about them and don’t want to see them leave your life, even though things aren’t working out with you romantically. Is it possible to stay friends after a break up, or is this the end?

Question: My girlfriend and I just broke up. She stills wants to be friends. I still love her so I am asking if I should try to win her heart again or try to be just friends?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7J9dnTMEDfc[/youtube]

Be Honest With Yourself – And Your Ex

If you want to win your ex back, be honest with yourself. Don’t try to be just friends with your ex if that’s not what you really want to do. You can’t hide under the ruse of being friends with your ex if you really want to be together again. First, be honest with yourself and admit to yourself that you don’t want to be just friends and that you want your relationship back. Then be honest with your ex too. Let them know you want something more, and you want to give it your all. Don’t half-ass this one. This is one thing you need to do with all your heart and soul. If you want your ex back, go get them back. Do what you need to do to make it happen.

Taking A Break

Your ex may not want to go another round in the relationship ring and if that’s the case, back off a little. Take a break from the emotional upheavel that you and your ex just experienced from the break up and relax a little. Let the air clear and let your emotions settle. If you or your ex are particularly upset or emotional about the break up, trying to be friends without giving yourself adequate time to heal can be a disaster. After you and your ex have had enough time apart to approach each other with a possible friendship, try to be just their friend. Nothing more, nothing less. See where it goes.

Letting Go

Unfortunately, not everything works out the way we want it to. If you want to win your ex back, they may want no part of it. They may not even want to be friends, or it may be vice versa. You may want to move on and your ex may still want to be in a relationship with you. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to work and it won’t, no matter how hard you or your ex try. If you feel like this might be the case, it’s time to let go. Let go of your ex, or move on from them. If you can’t make a relationship work and you can’t be friends with your ex, it’s just simply time to let go, move on and prepare yourself for better things. Letting your ex go so both of you can be happy is hard, but it’s the only way you can have a satisfying relationship in the future if you and your ex can’t work things out.