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Aaaahh! Why Does She Want to Be ‘Just Friends’?

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We’ve all known someone who’s loved a woman from a distance… wanted to be with her, but wasn’t sure how to share his feelings for her, how to go up to her and ask her out.

But what’s EVEN WORSE is loving her from no distance at all… being her best friend and wanting, hoping, wishing it could be more.

Here’s a question from a man in Arizona who’s desperately wondering why the woman he loves from the barren depths of the friend zone won’t take that risk to be more than friends…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Well, I have known this girl for a while now and when we started hanging out we were getting ready to take our friendship to something more… but she got scared and left?

Now she keeps coming back in and out of my life and saying that we are good friends. I finally got the courage to ask her why she didn’t let me be the man that she can love, and she told me that we are great friends and she was scared of ruining our friendship.

Why wouldn’t she take the same risk with me that she had taken with others, including her current boyfriend? Help!

– Daniel, Arizona

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYoWES-fETs[/youtube]

Why do Some Women Torture Men by Keeping Them “Just Friends” Instead of Lovers?

Contrary to what some of guys may think, the woman of your dreams (who happens to also be your friend) probably really values your friendship. Yes, it’s possible for women to have dear friends who are men, without being attracted to them in a romantic or sexual sense.

Rampant homophobia aside, straight guys also have both male and female friends they’re very close to, without being sexually attracted to them.

There is of course also the remote possibility that she’s not aware of your feelings. This is a real long shot, and it generally implies that she’s not very observant and doesn’t listen to her intuition. You can always tell if someone likes you – all you have to do is listen.

And, maybe she wants to be with you romantically as well, but she’s afraid to approach you for whatever reason. Maybe she’s shy or afraid of rejection. Maybe she believes the man has to make the first move. Sometimes two people truly want to be together, but neither one makes the move.

Either way, it’s your move. If you want to know, you’ve got to take that first step and make a move. It doesn’t have to be a major item, but escalate things until it’s very, very clear that you are interested.

When You Finally Share Your Feelings With Her, Why Does She Not Reciprocate?

What if you’ve shared your feelings and she STILL doesn’t want to date you? And she’ll probably give you some good, logical reasons for it. But you have to find the REAL deep down reason, and it’s usually not the logical one. As human beings, we often use logic to support emotional decisions, basically a way to excuse what we really want to do.

Here are a few possible reasons…

1. She truly values your friendship more than romance

OK, this one sounds good, but it’s pretty unlikely. People take just about any risk imaginable for the very possibility of finding true love, closeness with another, and of course, amazing sex.

2. She just doesn’t like you that way!

While this is NOT what you want to her, it’s by far the most likely situation. You may WANT her to like you as a lover, but she only likes you as a friend.

Think back… surely at some point in your life, maybe back in school, you had someone attracted to you, but you didn’t feel that way about them. You may have liked them as a person, but you didn’t have romantic or sexual feelings about them. Now, this same thing is happening with you.

Moving On – Letting Go and Finding the RIGHT Woman for You

Hanging out in the friend zone is no way to live. She thinks you’re just being a friend – of course she probably knows very well that you want it to be more, but doesn’t want to lose your friendship. And you’re unhappy because you’re trying to make this relationship into something it just isn’t. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to her.

And by keeping her in your life and WANTING it to be more, you’re literally stopping the RIGHT woman from entering your life. It’s time for you to move on and actually find a woman that WANTS to be with you romantically and sexually, not “just friends”. Decide that you’re ready to find someone new, and open yourself to the opportunity of finding that perfect someone.

Approach other women, talk with them, ask them out, and have fun!

Friends? Lovers? Pick One! – The One That Got Away…

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So many men are afraid to approach a woman and ask her out… to make that first move.

Help! How can I escape the dreaded friend zone?

Of course, sometimes men get up the nerve to talk to women they like, but not quite to ask them out. So they become friends. And if they’re not careful, they STAY just friends… sliding down the slippery slope of the friend zone.

But here’s the real gem. Women will usually drop plenty of hints and innuendos, encouraging men to take that first step… to break the ice and ask them out. All you have to do is pay attention.

So don’t just sit there hoping for something to magically happen on it’s own. Take control of your own destiny. Talk to her and see where it goes!

Caution! Will you REALLY be happy just being her friend?

Then again, be prepared for whatever comes. If she’s not interested in a romantic relationship at the time, you have to decide if you would be truly want to be friends just to be close to her, of if it’s better to move on.

If so, then it’s worth a shot. Otherwise, do yourself and her a favor and move on. But remember, she may only be willing to be friends.

The secret – act out of love, not out of the fear of rejection

Every decision we make in life fundamentally comes down to one of two major motivators: love of fear.

When you take action, be open and completely at peace with whatever the outcome will be. Don’t dread the fact that she may possibly (for whatever reason) not be interested in a relationship with you at this time, and whatever you do – don’t be judgmental of her response. Accept yourself and her for where you are at this point in your lives.

Missed opportunities for love

We’ve all been there at one time or another in our lives. An amazing opportunity shows itself, and for some reason or another we don’t act. And by the time we decide to take action, the evaporates into thin air. That’s so frustrating!

Is that missed love opportunity gone forever?

Whether you’re talking about love, business, or money, opportunity is all about timing AND the courage to ACT. If you don’t seize the opportunity when it’s hot and fresh, then you may as well come to terms with the fact that you’re going to miss out. Chalk it up to lessons learned and wisdom gained, and move on.

BUT when dealing with people and romantic relationships, there are some exceptions to this rule. So… CAN you get her back even if you’ve missed that “right” opportunity?

Here’s a question from a man in Pennsylvania facing this very frustrating problem…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

Hello! I’m glad I stumbled onto your website since I have a dilemma of my own regarding dating. Nearly 2 years ago I became friends with one of my female co-workers. Eventually the friendship grew stronger as we started hanging out more and getting to know ourselves better. Of course, I eventually developed an attraction for this friend, but remained silent (big mistake). She dropped me many hints suggesting I should make a move and take the friendship to the next level. Unfortunately, I failed to read some of those signals and hence failed to act.

About two months later after she dropped these signals I confessed my feelings to her. Unfortunately she said that she did not feel the same way. She mentioned something about having feelings for me early in our friendship, but that the moment had passed. Of course after her rejection our friendship changed, and little by little we drifted apart. Although she made efforts to keep the friendship alive, I rejected her efforts. I figured it would be best for me to move on, and save my energy for the girl that would reciprocate those romantic feelings.

I eventually moved from the city where we met in order to pursue a higher level of education. Once again she tried to contact me, and even though I replied it was a bit of a half-ass effort (for lack of a better word) on my part. I haven’t heard from her in nearly 10 months now, and I miss her. I’m trying to convince myself that I should not be a coward and should give this thing a shot once again with a new approach. Its been nearly two years since I told her how I felt about her, and yet I still have strong feelings for her. It’s sad to admit, but I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

What should I do? Should I just cast her out of my life forever? Am I condemned eternally to the “friends zone”? How do I get out of the “Friends Zone”? What should I do this time around to win her heart? Thank you for taking the time to hear my rants 🙂 . I hope to hear from you soon.

— Nate, Pennsylvania

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDqy5Pdi9s4[/youtube]

Can You Trust Your Partner to Be JUST Friends with a Previous Lover?

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So your partner claims to be just friends with a previous lover…

Fact is, it’s only natural to continue to have feelings for your ex even after the break up. But what happens when your partner remains good friends with their ex? Is it possible for them to be ‘just’ friends or will they be prone to ‘slippage’?

Is this really possible? Should you trust them?

We feel that love is not finite and that it’s very possible to love many different people for different reasons. We love our children, our parents, our friends, and our pets. We love them all dearly, but in slightly different ways.

So, yes. We do think it’s possible for your partner to remain friends with their ex girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. There’s nothing wrong with this as long as there are no secrets about the relationship. Your partner should be completely open and honest with you about their feelings and where they stand.

How can you address the jealousy monster?

Even with full disclosure, there’s bound to be some jealousy from either their previous partner or from you. In today’s society, many treat their partners like they own them, telling them who they can talk to, where they can go, and when… The best way to combat the jealousy monster in this situation is open and honest communication and lots and lots of reassurance.

What if you suspect that there’s more than friendship going on?

So you’ve been completely flexible and trusting, but you have this nagging feeling that there’s more to this friendship than meets the eye?

If you believe that your partner is playing the friend card to hide an affair, you should trust your instincts. Trust but verify. If your partner is hiding things or seeing an ex behind your back, that’s a problem.

Try talking to them in a non-confrontational manner. They may just be afraid of your reaction. But if talking doesn’t work, it’s time to realize that they may be more than friends. At that point, you’ll have to make some hard decisions about your relationship.

Here’s a question from Olivia who’s in this exact situation.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I have been with my boyfriend about 2 years. We both are deeply in love. He is kind of guy who knows how to love women and make her happy. He is also very kind, friendly and loyal.

The problem is he had a relationship with his ex for about 7 years, where they lived together. Now she moved in other country, but she often asks him for help. He always does it for her. At the beginning I never cared, because the way he behaves shows me that he is really in love with me.

But recently I found out that he sends his ex her favorite magazine via E-Mail weekly. He scans the article and sends it to her. Now I am really doubting if he really get over his ex… And I don’t know if it is appropriate to ask him again if he didn’t get over her 100%, to which I guess he would say definitely no. I really need your opinion! I only worried that he is too nice to say no to women.

— Olivia (Germany)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aC1FsAiEUd4[/youtube]

Ultimatums – The Fastest Way to End a New Relationship

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How soon can you get your new love to say “I Love You”?

You know the feeling… you’ve been dating for months, and he still won’t say those magical little words. How frustrating! Why are so many men (and some women for that matter) so afraid to say “I love you”? Is it really so hard?

Is he unsure about you, or just afraid of commitment?

Of course that leaves you wondering… is he really ready to give himself fully to you, or is he holding back? Is he doubting himself, or worse, is he doubting you?

Or is he just afraid of commitment? But you still have to wonder why that is.

How can you know he’s really over his ex wife or girlfriend?

In the end, you want to feel that he’s completely over the other woman – his ex wife, girlfriend, etc – and wants only you. And it’s only natural to want to hear those words from him, to want that reassurance that he feels the same way you do.

But how do you make him say it without damaging your relationship and even breaking up? More importantly, SHOULD you insist he say anything at all?

Should you demand to hear “I Love You” – or else?

Drawing that line in the sand sometimes feels like a good idea – a last hope of security and stability – but it can often backfire. Many couples break up every day just because they get too hung up on the terms they use to define their relationship, on saying certain words, etc.

Fact is, every relationship is unique, because every person is unique. When we try to put relationships in a firm box, we often end up disappointed, and sometimes we end up alone…

Love by any other name?

If you are generally happy in your relationship, how about trying to live your life one day at a time, enjoying the wonderful time with your partner, and not worrying about what to call it.

Be sure to read the question, then watch the video and leave your thoughts below.

Here’s the full story…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My boyfriend and I just broke up after a year long relationship. He has been struggling getting over his divorce. He had been in divorce preceding when we met and separated for a year at that point.

When we started I said “I don’t think you are over your ex-wife, get back to me when you are.” He said he “didn’t want to lose me and he wanted to try.” He tried I guess.

I of course fell in love over the year. In Feb. I told him I need to be with someone who was in love with me and could say it. I gave him 2 months time to think about it. He said he didn’t want to lose me but he didn’t know how long it would be before he could love someone, and didn’t want to lead me on and waste my time.

I am devastated. He says I have many qualities he wants in a partner and I’ve done everything right. We are just in different places and he needs to get over the divorce alone. He says he hasn’t written me off and I wasn’t a rebound, but i feel he has and that I was. Have I lost him forever? And what can I do to NOT lose him?

I am trying to move on but i feel I have made the biggest mistake and lost the best guy. He wants to be friends, I can’t handle it and i am petrified to go into the friend zone. I just don’t want to lose out. What’s should I do?

– Ann from California

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nz5FHHrLmKs[/youtube]