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What To Do When Your Sex Drive Plummets

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Your sex drive is something you want enough of – if you’re not in sync with your lover’s sex drive, your relationship suffers. Try this if your sex drive’s low.

On a general scale, men tend to want sex more than women. Now, this isn’t always the case, but for the most part men want sex whenever they can get it. Men have been characterized in movies as being horny all the time, drooling over a damsel in distress. But what if you’re a guy who doesn’t want sex? What if the last thing on your mind is having sex with your wife, girlfriend or the hot girl who cashes your paycheck every two weeks?

Low sex drive in men is more common than you may think. Men who do experience low sex drive tend to make excuses saying things like “I’m just too tired” or “I’m not really in the mood right now.” This can put a strain on any relationship leaving their partner feeling inadequate.

For women, a boyfriend or a husband that doesn’t have high sex drive can affect their ego. They might think that they’re not good enough in bed or that they have something wrong with them physically that is turning the guy off. Although this might be true in some relationships, for the most part it’s not.

The problem with low sex drive is the fact that it is completely subjective. If you pair a man who wants sex once every week with a woman who wants sex four to five times a week, you might think that the guy has low sex drive. Sex drive is relative. If both of you only want sex twice a year, then you have good compatibility. The worst thing you can do is start comparing yourself to other couples.

Medication, Alcohol & Drugs

There are a lot of causes for low sex drive in men. One of them is medication. If you are on anxiety medication, anti depressants or anti psychotics, you will probably feel a lower libido than most men. This is a side effect of the medication. If you feel like you want to give your libido a boost, talk to your doctor about switching prescriptions or weaning yourself off of the meds. If you abuse alcohol or drugs you can also feel lower sex drive.

Busy Lives

Keeping busy is a huge part of having a lower sex drive. Problems at work or a new child can be stressful on the sex drive of a man. If you’re not getting enough sleep or you have experienced some kind of loss, sex is probably the last thing on your mind. One way to get through a lower sex drive during a busy life is to make time. Set a schedule for sex. Even though this might take some of the romance and spontaneity out of it, you can choose a time when you will be rested and not focused on anything else.

Relationship Issues

Another cause of low sex drive in men is an issue with the relationship. If you are not happy with your partner, you’re obviously not going to want to have sex with them. Trust can be a huge issue. If you feel like your partner is hiding something from you or that they could possibly be cheating, the thought of having sex with them is going out the window. Counseling and talking out the problems in your relationship is the best way to get over this. You must feel completely comfortable with your partner and sex makes your vulnerable. Having the support to be yourself in the bedroom and talk out your desires will make the sex better and give you a boost where needed.

Low Testosterone

The testosterone level in men will drop as they get older. If you are over the age of 40, you will start to lose about 1-2% each year after that. Low testosterone is defined as having less than 300 nanograms per deciliter in your blood. This can lead to low sex drive, mood swings, sleeplessness, ED and fatigue. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you should have your testosterone levels checked with a medial professional.

Treatment

Lower sex drive doesn’t have to be a curse. There are a lot of ways that you can treat it. Exercise is on the best ways to relieve stress. When you eliminate stress from your life, you will feel better about yourself and the relationship with your partner. Running, playing a sport or doing aerobics are great ways to boost your sex drive. If you have low testosterone in your body, there are a lot of gels and patches that can be implemented. These will release testosterone into your blood stream and give you more sex drive.

Sex Tips: What Is Sexual Programming?

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Sex tips are how to’s and what to do’s, but what if you looked deeper into it? Understanding your own “sexual programming” may be all the sex tips you need.

What comes to mind when you hear the word “SEX”? What pictures flood your head? What positions do you see, what sounds do you hear? How far will you go in its name and what are your boldest, darkest fantasies? How about your most embarrassing bedroom moments? Recall the best hump you’ve ever had. Who were you with?

Then imagine the one person on this planet you absolutely want to do it with. What would that be like?

Think about these things.

What Is “Sexual Programming?”

Your answers form part of your Sexual Programming (SP). Every idea, picture, expectation about sex is part of your SP. Our Sexual Programming is essentially what we think about “SEX.” It is a collection of beliefs, conditioning, and how it has remained or evolved over the years.

You have your own sexual ideas, sexual biases and therefore your own personal SP. You didn’t come into this with zero knowledge or expectation of what we’ll be talking about. Heck, you may even have a whole bag of techniques and a wealth of experience.

So let me ask you: How much do you consciously know about your own Sexual Programming?

Knowing Your Own SP

The problem with many people, and not just guys, is that they are too focused on sex tips and don’t have the vaguest idea about their SP’s. They don’t know what they want, not having taken the time to really think about it. For sure they want lots of hot sex. But ask them “What kind?”, and they start stuttering the details.

Sexual Programming determines how one goes about the act. If it’s just a libido-quenching affair for you, you’ll have no qualms with one-night stands (and definitely won’t call the next day.) If for you it’s something sacred, you might be a virgin waiting for your equally virgin bride. You can be the former or the latter, and everything in between.

SP not only guides your actions, expectations and rationalizations, it defines your experience – that’s how powerful it is!

Reprogram Yourself

If the ideas, thoughts and feelings you have about sex aren’t ideal, it’s time to reprogram yourself. A poor SP can lead to an unsatisfying sex life, no matter how many sex tips you read about and utilize. You can reprogram yourself a number of ways:

  • If you were abused as a child in some way, seek help. This most certainly is part of your SP and can drastically reduce satisfaction in your current sex life.
  • Research sex tips. Arm yourself with the knowledge of how to please a woman and how to please yourself.
  • Communicate with your partner about your sex life, what you want and what they want.
  • Be open minded to new things and new possibilities.
  • Be confident!

 

 

Q&A: How To Get HER To Last Longer In Bed

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Sex and reaching orgasm usually take longer for girls, but what happens when SHE’S the one going too fast? Usually, it’s the guy that reaches climax before the girl, but it’s not unheard of for a girl to actually reach orgasm before the man. One reason could be that she’s faking it – or, she could just be super sensitive. If it only lasts a few minutes long, it’s time for her to learn how to last longer in bed!

Dear Dan and Jenn – I am a guy and my girlfriend and I are having sex. She can only have enjoyably have sex for about 5 to 10 minutes then have only one orgasm. She can tolerate sex for 20 minutes. I have lasted about 30 to 40 minutes in the past. What can I do to help be able to help her last longer during sex, or do I need to learn to last shorter?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wom93rGOHRQ&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Are You Using Enough Lube?

Sex for long periods of time can be very uncomfortable or painful for a woman if she’s not lubed up enough. Even if she’s had an orgasm, she may still not be wet enough to continue having sex with you as long as you need to reach your own climax. There’s a simple solution – use more lube! If you’re not using any at all, it’s time to invest in a nice, big bottle of water based lube that is both sex toy and condom compatible. A lot of guys are afraid to use lube, or think that if they do it means they’re not good enough at it, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Enough lube makes intercourse better and helps it to last longer – period.

She Might Just Really Be Satisfied

There’s a lot of pressure on guys to be able to give women multiple orgasms, but the truth is, many girls can be satisfied with just one. This is especially true if the one orgasm she had was amazing and completely rocked her world. If it was that good, she may be too tired to continue having sex and much, much to sensitive to receive more stimulation and try to have another orgasm.

Is She Faking It?

Another possibility to look at if your girl just doesn’t go for the long haul during intercourse is she might be faking her orgasm. If you’re only able to have sex for ten or twenty minutes and she has an “orgasm” and is done, she may be trying to get it over with as fast as possible. Girls usually take longer to warm up during foreplay and longer to orgasm, so it’s really the exception rather than the norm if she’s truly had an orgasm and is truly satisfied after just a few minutes of sex.

If she is faking it, think about why. Are you failing to really please her? Are your efforts at giving her an orgasm falling short and she just wants fake it and get it over with, since she’s not getting anything out of it? This is the most common reason that girls fake their orgasms – their guys just aren’t doing it for them and they either don’t have the heart to tell them they’re not getting it right or their guys are too stubborn to listen. If you suspect that she’s faking it, communicate with her. Ask your partner what you’re doing wrong or what you could be doing better. Work with her on getting her to a place where she doesn’t feel like she has to fake it.

Teaching Her To Have Multiple Orgasms

If you sense that her orgasm is genuine and that she really is satisfied with just one, teach her that she doesn’t have to be. Extend your foreplay sessions and get her really, really warmed up. Take the time to focus on her pleasure, even before you start getting it on. Give your partner an orgasm through oral sex first, before you even penetrate with your penis.

Women are actually designed to have more than one orgasm, because they simply don’t go back down to square one after climax like a man does. They hang out in the mid-arousal stage, so they don’t have as far to go to reach climax again. Take advantage of this by focusing on your partner and her pleasure, without thinking of yourself. Give your partner a night where it’s all about her and see just how many orgasms she has!

Low Sex Drive – How Can A Woman Get Her Libido Back?

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The libido changes in lots of ways throughout life, for both men and women. A low sex drive can mean a lot of things for a woman, especially after giving birth. Here’s how to figure out why she has a low libido and how to revv up your partner’s libido again after the baby is born.

Question: My question is, since my wife gave birth 18 months ago she is never in the mood, EVER. Now I work midnights and take care of the baby during the day to save on daycare costs. During that time at home, I cook, I clean, I do laundry and of course take care of the baby. I do this because I know her job is stressful and she works hard and the last thing she wants to do when she comes home is cook and clean. I thought all of that might help, but it didn’t. How can I help her get her get her libido back??? Thanks for the help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05kCQ4BqVkY&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Why A Woman’s Libido Might Change

There are a million different reasons a girl might experience a change in your lover’s libido, whether it’s a decrease or an increase. Usually it boils down to hormones. Throughout a female’s life, the levels of hormones in the body, such as estrogen, differs greatly. She may have a rampant sex drive at a younger age, only to experience a drastic decrease in libido during the aging process and the levels of hormones in the body begin to change. This is especially true right after giving birth. The good majority of the time a female experiences a change in libido, a change in hormones is what is responsible.

Communication Is Key

Make sure that you actually have an open line of communication with your partner about what is going on in your relationship, especially when it comes to sex – or the lack of it. Your partner may have no clue how you feel about the situation if you’re not talking to her – so make sure you’re actually communicating about what is happening.

Physical Reasons A Female’s Sex Drive Can Decrease

If your partner just isn’t feeling good and isn’t feeling like having sex, it may be time to make an appointment with her doctor. There are several purely physical reasons that a girl might experience a decrease in libido, such as:

  • Changes in hormones
  • Having a baby, especially if it was a difficult birth
  • Significant weight gain
  • Taking certain medications, especially anti-depressants and anti-psychotics

Emotional Causes For A Reduced Libido

Aside from physical factors, there are also lots of emotional factors that you need to consider when trying to find the root of a female’s lack of libido.

  • Being tired or exhausted from work or taking care of kids
  • Lack of time together as a couple
  • Lack of emotional connection
  • Lack of confidence and feeling unattractive, especially after having a baby or gaining weight
  • Depression or anxiety

A Word On Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a serious issue that can happen after a girl has a baby, but it can be difficult to spot, since it’s normal for women to feel a little down after giving birth – this is most commonly referred to as the “baby blues.” However, when it becomes serious, it can be dangerous to leave it untreated. If you suspect that your partner may have postpartum depression, don’t judge or criticize. Show your partner love and support, but make sure to see a doctor immediately. Serious postpartum depression can cause a woman to harm herself or the baby, which never ends well. Symptoms of postpartum depression can include:

  • Lower libido than before the baby
  • Loss of appetite
  • Insomnia
  • Intense irritability and anger
  • Overwhelming fatigue
  • Lack of joy in life
  • Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
  • Severe mood swings
  • Difficulty bonding with the baby
  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Thoughts of harming herself or the baby

What You Can Do To Fire Up The Libido

If you’ve ruled out some of the more serious reasons that your partner might be experiencing a decrease in libido there are a few things you can do to try to get that spark back into your sex life.

Plan A Date Night

Often, after having a baby, everything becomes all about taking care of the baby. There’s very little time left for you and your partner to actually spend time together away from the baby and reconnect. You need to remember why you’re a couple in the first place! The baby will be just fine with a babysitter or grandma and grandpa while you and your partner go on a date. Stay in touch, but remember that you need to take some time for the two of you.

One of the most important aspects of planning a date night is that a girl doesn’t usually have the opportunity to dress up, do her hair, put on makeup and go somewhere when she’s a full time mother – especially if there’s a full time job involved. Giving your partner the opportunity to feel like a woman again can work wonders!

Romance Your Partner

You may just be missing that element of romance that used to exist in your relationship but doesn’t anymore. Most of a female’s arousal is actually mental, and for a girl to feel sexual, she must be completely relaxed. Draw a nice bubble bath and pour your partner a glass of wine (if the baby isn’t nursing). Give your partner a massage, or buy a gift certificate so she can go get one.

Focus Your Attention On Your Partner

Remember that for a woman to feel important to you and valued by you (which is necessary for a lady to want to be come sexual with you), she has to feel like you’re paying attention to her and value what she has to say. Talk to your partner one on one, with the television off. Ask questions about how she feels and what she thinks, and then actually listen to the answers!

When You Do Have Sex

When you and your partner actually do have sex, it’s very important that you focus on her pleasure – and make sure your lover has an orgasm too! Worship your lover’s body and make her feel sexy in the way you touch and look at her. Give your partner oral sex and let her have an orgasm first, and even more than once if you can!

If She’s Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm

Many women have trouble reaching orgasm, especially after having a baby. After giving birth, things may be a little sore, or may just feel a little different down there. Don’t be afraid to bring in some props like arousal gel or warming lube. Of course, lube is especially crucial for sex after having a baby, because you can really hurt the sensitive tissues down there if the vagina is dry – which is more likely after giving birth.

7 Ways You Can Increase Your Sex Drive NATURALLY!

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Sex doesn’t always stay hot, especially in a steady, long term relationship. But that doesn’t mean you have to get an Rx from your doctor just to be able to have regular sex with your partner. Medications like Viagra and even herbal remedies can leave you with unwanted side effects. Instead, boost your libido NATURALLY with these 7 tips.

Drink A Glass Of Wine

A huge reason for any decrease in sex drive for both men and women is stress. In fact, it could definitely be argued that stress is the number one cause for a lack in libido, whether sudden or gradual. A glass of wine or two before hitting the sheets with your partner will help you relax and forget some of the stresses of the day, which is an important part of getting your body and mind ready for sex – especially for women.

Wine also has healthy antioxidants in it that are essential for sexual function – however, it is important that you don’t overdo it on the wine. If you don’t like wine, grab a brew (beer has a few benefits of its own) but stay away from the hard liquor. Don’t have more than one or two drinks, or you may end up making your libido even lower and men who have had too much to drink tend to have problems getting or keeping an erection.

Quit Smoking (If You Smoke)

Smoking cigarettes can deeply affect your sex life, much more than you think it would. Both men and women can experience a reduction in libido due to smoking, most notably because nicotine is a vasoconstrictor – meaning that nicotine causes blood vessels all over the body to shrink. Since reaching orgasm is pretty dependent on blood flow to sexual organs for both guys and girls, smoking cigarettes can either make a person just not feel like having sex (because less blood is getting to the genitals) or have trouble getting to climax.

Smoking cigarettes can also lead to blockages in the arteries of the penis, leading to problems with erectile dysfunction. If you’re a woman who smokes, reaching orgasm can be near impossible, especially for those women who have smoked for many years. Also, women who smoke take longer to conceive when trying to get pregnant than non-smoking women. Do your sex life a favor and put your cigarette out.

Get A Professional Massage

Again, stress is a huge contributor to a decreased libido. Getting a professional massage – whether you’re a man or a woman – can boost your libido by allowing you to de-stress and relax. It also helps physically relax your muscles and even the simple act of being touched by another human being can be enough to re-awaken your body and your sex libido.

If you’d rather have a more erotic massage before having sex, you probably don’t want to book an appointment with a professional masseuse. Instead, light your favorite scented candle, put on some soft music and massage your partner (or have them massage you). Focus on relaxing their body and mind before you let your hands wander to the naughty areas and you get started with foreplay.

Boost Your Self-Esteem

If you have a low self esteem and don’t like the way you look, you’re definitely not going to want to get naked with your lover as often. If you’re really down on yourself (and you may not even realize it), think about what it is you don’t like about yourself. Are you overweight? Would you rather have a more toned stomach or tighter thighs and glutes? If that’s the case, go exercise! Exercise will not only help you get in shape and raise your self esteem, it will also pump powerful endorphins through your body that actually help contribute to sexual arousal all by themselves.

You can also boost your self esteem with simple things like a spray tan, a haircut, a new outfit or even a Brazilian wax. Think about what you could do personally to build your own self esteem, go do it! You’ll notice that you feel more confident afterwards and feeling great about yourself leads to great things in the bedroom!

Have A Heart To Heart With Your Partner

Women need to be emotionally and physically turned on to really want to have sex. If a woman isn’t feeling emotionally connected to her partner, she’s not going to want to have sex with him as often, if at all. If there are relationship issues at all, they definitely could be contributing not only to your partner not wanting to have sex with you, but you’ll also feel less like having sex if you’re fighting with your partner.

If you’re having relationship problems, sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with them. Go to couples counseling if you need to. Forgive things that you need to forgive and see your partner’s point of view. Do what it takes to work out your issues and when you do, you’ll notice a huge jump in how often you have sex – and how good it is!

Try Yoga

Yoga, like any exercise, will help promote  blood flow to your body – including those parts responsible for great sex and excellent orgasms – and increasing blood flow throughout your body will heighten your libido in a number of ways. You’ll feel better and have more energy for sex, you’ll feel more confident and sexy, you’ll be more flexible and can get in different sex positions, and overall you’ll feel better all over.

If yoga isn’t your thing, try Pilates or even simple stretching exercises. If you’re not an active person, just start walking. Walk to your mailbox and back, and make it a little farther each time you go. Committing to exercise will help you feel healthier and sexier, and will help improve your sex life more than you would think!

Check What Medications You’re On

There are lots of medications that can contribute to a low libido or even problems having an orgasm or getting and keeping an erection. However, it’s hard to tell which medications may be contributing to your sex problems and it can be especially difficult to narrow down the culprit if you’re taking more than a few medications – and this even includes herbs and supplements! If you’re concerned that a medication you’re taking might be contributing to a low libido or erectile dysfunction, make an appointment with your doctor. Never stop taking any medications without checking with your doctor first!

Some medications that cause sexual dysfunction aren’t going to be ones that you can come off of – like heart disease, mental health and diabetes medications. If this is the case, talk to your doctor about your alternatives. However, if you ARE able to get off one or more medications that are known to reduce sex drive, you’ll notice a jump in your libido!