libido – Page 5

Q&A: Can A Woman Want Sex As Much As A Man?

One social stigma that has stuck around for years is that men are sexually ravenous, while women don’t really have a sexual appetite at all. Is this true? Are men the only ones who want sex and women just go along with it to make their man happy or to have babies? Or can women want and enjoy sex as much as a man?

Question: Is it normal for a woman to have an insatiable sexual appetite, and to be able to separate sex from emotion like a man?

–Facebook Question

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ft_-VXQm2ds[/youtube]

Yes, Women Have Sex Drives

Women, like men, have sex drives. She may desire different things than a man does sexually, such as more romance or different positions, but it is completely normal and even healthy for a woman to have a substantial sexual appetite. Some people do have a higher libido than others, but this is not related to gender in the least. Those with a low sex drive may be on certain medicines that affect libido, or may have emotional issues relating to sex. A healthy and even insatiable sexual appetite can be found in both men and women of all ages. Many years ago, women were taught that sex was “dirty” and a “wifely duty” – something that had to be done but was not to be enjoyed. Sex was not talked about during that time, because enjoying it was shameful and taboo. Men, however, were taught that women were sexual objects, to be used at their convenience. During that time, a woman’s sexuality was only recognized as existing solely to please a man. Since then, society has evolved into recognizing that women do, in fact, enjoy sex. However, it remains a myth that men have a greater sexual appetite than women.

Humans Are Sexual Beings

Every human being is a sexual being. Regardless of race, gender, sex, religion or sexual orientation, we all crave and enjoy sex. It’s the way our bodies were built. In fact, a woman’s clitoris exists only to provide her with pleasure. A clitoris does absolutely nothing else and it has no other purpose. Women were designed to enjoy sex, it’s as simple as that. Women also face the presumption that they are always emotionally attached to sex, while men have the ability to detach themselves from sexual pleasure to experience the pleasure only. Not all women have an emotional attachement to sex, and many women have sex simply for the physical enjoyment of it. Unfortunately, society still places stigmas on sex, especially on sex education and sexual enjoyment. As society grows and sex becomes less and less taboo, we will be able to express our sexuality freely and shed the social stigmas that have been forced upon both men and women.

Enjoying sex with your partner – and enjoying masturbation – is a normal and healthy part of any person’s sex life, whether you’re a guy or a gal. Having sex without an emotional attachment is also normal, and a great way to find sexual satisfaction without the emotional involvement of a relationship. Don’t be afraid to explore your sexuality to find out what you like and don’t like, and fully flesh out your sexual personality.

The Female Libido Exposed

By loveandsex

The female libido is a touchy subject – just what exactly is the female libido? Is it the same as a sex drive? How does it function, and what happens if someone has a high libido or a low one? Here are the answer’s to the questions you’re asking about the female libido, and answers to the questions you didn’t think to ask! Everything you want to know and more about the female libido and more is here – so read on!

What Is The Female Libido?

Libido refers to a person’s sex drive, and both men and women have a libido. Not surprisingly, a male libido is quite different from a female libido! (What isn’t different about men and women?) The one thing that is similar about a female libido and the male libido is that people can have high, moderate or low libidos, or sex drives, regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman. Typically, a man’s libido is highest when he’s in his late teens and early twenties, while a woman’s libido is highest when she gets a little older, typically early 30’s to 40’s. If you don’t fit inside this box though, don’t worry. Everyone is different!

Is My Libido Too Low?

Lots of things can affect a female libido – everything from outside factors such as stress, emotional issues and even childhood issues to medication and exercise. A change in your libido can be surprising – you may not have necessarily had much sexual desire before, only to suddenly find yourself interested in sex at every turn, or you may experience a lowering in your libido where you used to crave sex a fair amount of the time and now it seems uninteresting to you. If you feel your libido is low, take a look at the factors in your life that could have an effect on it. Are you on any medications that could lower your sex drive? Are you eating, sleeping and exercising enough? Are you going through tough emotional times? All of these things can lower your libido, and you might find that a combination of them are wreaking havoc on your sex life.

Increasing Female Libido

If your libido is low, female libido enhancers can help you to experience a more natural and healthy sex life that is enjoyable for both you and your partner. Even if you are experiencing issues that are lowering your sex drive, female libido enhancers can help counteract those issues and increase female libido and give you your sex drive – and your life – back! Some libido enhancers are herbal formulas and other formulas in pill form, and can change the levels of hormones in your body, increasing your sex drive. Other libido enhancers are put directly on the vagina, helping to alleviate vaginal dryness that women with low libidos experience, as well as dilating the blood vessels in the area to make the area more sensitive and responsive to touch. Some of the best female libido enhancing formulas are a combination of both pills and external creams or gels, and can help increase your sex drive in a way you never thought possible.

Female libidos differ from person to person and can change throughout your life, especially if you have circumstances around you that are affecting your sex drive. If you have a low female libido, you don’t have to live that way – there are many female libido enhancers on the market that can help you to experience a better, more fulfilling and satisfying sex life and help you feel like yourself again!

He’s Just Not Interested in Sex

By melody

“I’m not interested in sex anymore…I’m only 28… What is wrong that I don’t have the desire anymore?”

“I’m not interested in sex with my partner anymore, I don’t have any desire for it and I do it just for the sake of the marriage and I have to do it. I have no feelings at all and no sensation.”

“Why? Why are we so scared to say, ‘Hey! I’m not interested in sex!’ Is talking about having no desire to touch another person’s genitals so taboo?”

When she was in her 30s, Lillian* ended a relationship because her boyfriend liked sex less than she did. “He thought sex once a week was more than enough,” she recalls. “I wasn’t looking forward to having sex as much,” he says. “It was, ‘If we do it, we do it; if we don’t, we don’t.’”

“What is wrong with me? I’m not interested in sex at all and I am really bothered by it.”

Help! He’s Not Interested In Sex!

I was at a party recently with five women, ranging in age from 25 to 55 and all of these women were complaining that their husband’s are not interested in sex. They would rather play video games, work, or watch TV than make love to the woman they love. My husband’s initial reaction was, “Frankly, I’m disappointed in the American male.” But in fairness, his statement is blaming the guy for something they obviously can’t help. What is going on with these guys? And is this really as common as this party would suggest?

I personally suspect that it is just as common as this party would suggest. Out of all the couples there, only two of us wives could claim the joy of being sexually satisfied. There is a statistic out there that says something like 70% of all women have affairs, generally in their 40’s. I think I am beginning to understand the statistic. They don’t want a divorce but they don’t know how to make it better for themselves. One of my girlfriends once told me that her husband and lost all interest, and she was desperate. He told her to go out and find sex outside of the marriage and he would not care. How sad is that? They obviously love each other but have no capacity to enjoy the passion that had once filled their marriage bed.
For most of us the axiom that sex ends after marriage comes from men who are dissatisfied with the level of sexual activity from their wives. So it came as a shocker to me that this is, perhaps, more of a dominant problem for women.

Why would this be? How could so many healthy men be so disinterested in sex? After all, biology would have us believe that their sex drive is higher than women’s and they should be the ones incessantly demanding more frequent sexual encounters, but this doesn’t seem to be true!

Holding Back On Passion

What is holding back their passion? They love their wives and, I must say, the women at this party were no dogs. They were beautiful, intelligent, interesting, passionate women who were as perplexed as I was that this is a problem for their husbands. This is when I started to get really interested, because I have always said that I believe that men and women are not really so different. Men and women both need emotional intimacy to enjoy frequent, spontaneous and joyful sexual encounters. But so few of us know how to obtain that connection. The sad thing is that so many of us think we have that connection, simply because we have nothing to compare it to so we think it’s adequate.

Well, the “proof is in the pudding”. If you are not having frequent, spontaneous, joyful, sex than there is something missing in your emotional connection with your partner. Discovering what is missing has sent people packing off to therapy only to be disappointed at the outcome because underlying problems were brought to the surface and rather than resolving them the couples ended up divorced!

What To Do If Your Partner Has Problems Connecting With You Sexually

If your partner is struggling with their desire for sexual connection there are some important things you MUST do:

1) Have them get a physical (this is important for both sexes but VITAL for men as Dr. Oz says, “The penis is the ‘dipstick’ for physical health” and it’s often the first indicator of a problem)
2) Make sure hormone levels are where they need to be for you to feel desire. (I have suffered from low desire my whole life and found out a few years ago my Testosterone level was WAY off).
3) Start educating yourself about communication, connection and intimacy. There are many good sites online that will help you transform your intimacy (www.thisisgreatsex.com is but one)
4) Stop taking it personally. This is not about you having failed your partner or your partner having failed you. It is simply that you both need to take ownership of the problem as a couple. It’s a relationship problem you can solve together.
5) Understand that men are just as sensitive emotionally as women are and we all carry with us baggage from our pat that impacts our sexual desire and our ability connect emotionally

Having exciting, frequent sex with your partner is not just good for your relationship, its also good for you. Your health and emotional well-being are greatly enhanced by engaging in satisfying sex. It’s not a secret any more that if you want to keep your relationship alive you have to work at it. If the sex is not alive then there is something amiss in the relationship and there is no one to blame, only work to be done. The good news is that it’s not something that takes years and years to do and it’s an exciting thing to participate in even if you don’t get immediate results. Cement your future, your relationship and your health by making sure that his, or her, passion is reignited.

What ME a Sex Addict?

By melody

Only a few of us think that the way we participate in sexual activity is addictive, but often the beginnings of sexual addictions show up in covert ways that we may miss if we are not attentive.

I just spent three days at a symposium on addiction and the speakers there reminded me of just how ubiquitous sexual additions are in our society.

Most of the time I tend to think of men as the ones harboring secret sexual addictions but, of course, women are just as subject to sexual addictions as men. We really are not that different, are we?

The Truth About Sexual Addiction

Strangely, most sexual addictions have little to do with sex, other than the fact that the behaviors take place in the context of sexuality. Exhibitionism is really about wanting to feel the power of having shocked someone. Pornography is about fantasy.

Most of the others, like sadomasochistic fetishes are all about regaining a sense of power and control. Strangely enough, even the avoidance of sex can be a “addictive” behavior according to Maureen Canning of the Meadows Treatment Center.

As a wife who avoided sex over the course of many years of my previous marriages, this one got my attention. I was, as many women are, quite able to enjoy a courtship and “honeymoon” phase of an active and athletic sex life during the beginning phases of my relationships.

But, as the relationship moved out of the fantasy stage and into the reality of a real, day to day set of interactions, sex disappeared. It didn’t disappear because my husband wasn’t interested. No, it disappeared because I became angry and disgusted with his continuing to be happy with sex as the lifeblood of our relationship.

Once we were married I think I expected our relationship to magically blossom into a real intimate connection. Never mind that I had no clue how to do that. But I was certain it was my husband’s fault because HE was such an angry, avoidant, workaholic.

Certainly I was the innocent victim of his deliberate withholding of time, attention and kindness. So, I withheld sexual contact from him because I was so angry with him. I never thought of it as being addictive behavior.

But if you re-frame how you think about what addiction is, you can easily see how it really is an addictive process. As Maureen Canning says, most sexual addiction is really about power and control.

I was clearly attempting to get a sense of power in the relationship by moving into the Self-Protective withdrawal position. I put up barriers to prevent myself from feeling vulnerable to his angry, avoidant behaviors. I did this in an attempt to get power and control over feeling like his Victim…

Sexual Anorexia

How many wives do this? I asked Maureen if she new of any other resources for information about this form of addiction she calls “Sexual Anorexia” and she directed me to a book by Patrick Carnes. I have not yet gotten a copy of the book but I do think it’s fascinating.

A lot of unhappy husbands will probably relate to this scenario. Maureen talked about the “offending” quality of this behavior. I have to admit I never would have thought of myself as doing any “offending” by this behavior, but I was clearly damaging my relationship.

The word offending does bring up legal or even criminal meaning, but one simple definition is “wrong”. And it was indeed “wrong” of me to withhold sex in order to meet my own power and control needs.

But don’t you offending men take heart at this either, because addictive relationships generally require two addicts. The partners to the Sexual Anorexic are obviously the “Co-dependant” in the relationship and just as addicted in their own way. One partner is generally a “Sex Addict” and the other is the “Sexual Anorexic”. Both are just opposite ends of the spectrum from the other.

The more classic “Sex Addict” is the one who gets a sense of power and control by engaging in some form of sexual activity. Of course, the sex act itself is mood enhancing and can be a way to alter an unhappy mood.

Where Is The Real Problem?

Sex is not meant to be about power and control or even mood enhancing. Sex is supposed to be intimate, passionate play with your partner. Any other covert use for it is “wrong” or “offensive”. If passionate play is not how either of you experience your sexual relationship, then there is a problem.

So What Do You Do If You Are Using Sex Addictively?

First of all you have to just recognize that you are using sex (or your sexual power as in Sexual Anorexia) in a way that is harmful to your relationship. Once you recognize what you are doing you have to stop the offensive behavior and deal with the feelings that are buried underneath the behavior.

This can be a simple but uncomfortable process, or it can be a complex and debilitating one. If you begin the process of eliminating your sexual addictive behaviors and find yourself feeling overwhelmed. Don’t hesitate to call a professional because, like any addiction, if it is severe enough it can be life threatening.

No joke, the feelings underneath the sexual addictions can be very intense and lead to severe withdrawal symptoms. Take care of yourself as you open your eyes to how you may have been unwittingly causing harm to your relationship.

Not Having Enough Sex? Here’s The Secret To Increasing Her Sex Drive

By cynthiaperkins

One of the most common points of conflict for couples in a long-term relationship is the loss of sexual desire for the woman.

The loss of sex drive for women may occur for a variety of reasons, some of which may be physiological, but putting all those aside for another conversation, it may surprise you to learn that what I hear from many of the women I work with in my practice is that one of the primary causes for loss of desire is unmet needs.

As they tell me their story, they are not usually aware it’s their unmet needs that is the culprit of their dilemma, but it is what we uncover as we explore their situation further.

Why Women Lose Their Sex Drive

A great deal of women lose their sex drive for one very simple reason she is not enjoying the sex. When sex is not pleasurable for the woman, she responds by withdrawing and shutting down sexually. Think about it, would you want to have sex if it weren’t satisfying?

Sex is not enjoyable for many women, because not only are her sexual needs not being met adequately, but neither are her emotional needs and for the woman, both are equally important.

Why aren’t these needs being met, you ask? Because many men and women alike don’t truly understand what it is a woman needs.

A lot of couples are not aware that the sexual needs and biological responses of men and women are quite different and it is essential that they understand these crucial differences to have a sexual relationship that is equally satisfying for both partners.

Increase Her Sex Drive by Increasing Her Pleasure

Solving her sex drive problem should be a joint effort. It should not rest on his or her shoulders alone. However, if you’re a man reading this page I’d like to make you aware that there is a simple solution to keeping her sexual desires alive that is totally within your control. Take matters into your own hands and make sex irresistible for her.

Dazzle her by focusing on her needs. Blow her mind by getting to know her body better than she does. Help her expand her horizons to places she’s never gone before and you’ll be viewed as an amazing lover that she deeply appreciates. Once she sees how enjoyable sex can be, she’ll become more willing to explore and be adventurous.

She doesn’t know what she’s missing, but once she discovers it with you, she’ll be grateful that you took her on the journey and this will strengthen her bond with you. Coach and encourage her to express her needs to you and show you what is pleasurable for her.

Deepening The Connection

Fill her emotional needs by deepening your connection with her. Make her feel special, appreciated, valued and important outside the bedroom as well as inside. Shower her with affection and give her adequate foreplay,

When sex is more satisfying for her, it benefits the man as well. She’s going to be more willing and even eager to give you pleasure in the way you desire, such as more oral sex. She’ll be willing to have sex more often and you may find that she’ll even be the one initiating it.

Phrases like "I have a headache," or "I’m too tired," will no longer be part of her vocabulary. Your sexual adventures will be more satisfying for both of you. When you share a strong sexual bond that is mutually satisfying, it keeps your sex life fresh and exciting, prevents your love from eroding or diminishing and you develop a stronger and more fulfilling relationship all around.