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Unexpected Relationship Milestones

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Meeting the parents. Engagement. Marriage. Home-buying. Having a baby. These are the turning points we think of when someone says, “relationship milestones.” However, there are other things that take place in the course of a relationship which can be considered smaller, but still important, milestones (or maybe just quarter-mile markers).

Combining Cell Phone Plans

Like it or not, most of us couldn’t live without our cell phones. It’s an important part of our day-to-day lives, something we won’t leave the house without. In a way, our phone number is an extension of our persona. When you combine cell phone plans with someone, you’re meshing your main mode of communication…and the service contract that goes with it. Once you agree to combine contracts, you are committing to stay with your partner for at least the next two years. Too early in a relationship and this can cause undue panic. It’s not buying a home or getting married, by any means. But it is a situation that makes you stop and take a moment to reflect on your relationship.

Borrowing Cars

Sure, married people do it all the time. They’re used to everything being “ours”—not “yours” or “mine”. Yet, the first time you use your partner’s car can be intimidating. Maybe your car is in the shop, or their car has 4-wheel drive and you are going to the mountains with friends. Simply asking someone to borrow his or her car can trigger anxiety. There is also your partner’s worry to consider: allowing someone to use your car sends a clear message, “I care about and trust you.” When your partner hands you the keys, they are putting an important part of their daily life in your hands. Just like with a cell phone, you’re stepping into your significant other’s zone. You’re going to change the mirrors, the seat, the steering wheel, and the radio station. Nothing says “ours” like changing someone’s radio presets.

Getting The Flu

The first time your partner hears you vomit is a special relationship moment. How will they react? How will you feel about it? When they get home from work, will they have the fortitude to help you get through the evening? You’ve been on the couch all day, only getting up to use the bathroom or take your medicine. Dirty and cranky—a good partner will overlook your condition and offer to make you some toast, while you muster up the energy to take a shower. Once you’ve made it through a virus with your significant other, you bond in a way that will prepare you for all kinds of future maladies.

Although these examples may not elicit the same responses from everyone, they are a small example of the kinds of things we all face when entering a serious relationship. While things like cell phone plans and apartment leases do speak to a certain level of commitment, they’re nothing to be panicked about. If you love someone enough to even be considering these steps, it’s probably a good sign that you’re headed in the right direction with the right person.

Falling In Love – How You Know She’s The One

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Falling in love is something that should come normally, but for some people it isn’t this simple. Loving someone requires a lot of perseverance and it’s not something you can do on a normal basis with just anyone. So how do you find the girl that’s best for you? First, you expose yourself to women by dating, attending parties and letting your friends introduce you to girls.

You don’t have to play the field, but you can be sociable enough so that you aren’t alone most of the time. Most guys buckle from pressure of being in a committed relationship, but only because they have not found the girl they will give up their independence for.

You Feel the Chemistry

Whether you’re just locking eyes or you’re exchanging a kiss, the atmosphere around you is explosive. Some men claim that they know they’ve found the woman they want to spend the rest of their life with after the first date, while some claim it took a while before they felt the magic. Regardless of how long you’ve known the girl, there will always be sparks when you exchange a kiss, a hug or you’re just talking on the phone. That’s called chemistry, or sexual tension, and that’s one indication that she’s the one.

She Likes The Whole Package

Have you ever felt the pressure to be someone you’re not when you’re out with a girl? Sometimes, it’s hardly your fault. You subconsciously know that the woman expects you to act like someone else, or her version of a Prince Charming. If this is the case with a girl, the relationship won’t progress. In fact, it might end abruptly when you can’t take the pressure anymore and act like your true self.

A girl who’s the right one for you can tolerate your brand of humor. She likes you even if you’re not trying your best to impress her.

She’s Looking At The Big Picture

One of the main indications that you’ve found a keeper is when she talks about the future with you comfortably and naturally. In the beginning of any relationship, it may seem like you mean the whole world to each other. You want so many things at once, that you feel like you’re rushing.

A girl who really loves you will look at the big picture and understand that you have your whole life together ahead of you. She won’t rush and push you into making haphazard decisions. She understands that you’re going through life at your own pace, and she’s ok with that.

It may seem difficult to find the “One” who can make you happy, but if you keep your hopes up and treat each date as special, you’re bound to find the girl of your dreams sooner than you think. Love is the sum total of different factors: her actions towards you and your reaction to her affection.

Q&A: Dating A Younger Man – Is It OK?

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A lot of peole have questions about age differences when dating. Is it ok to date a younger man or a younger woman? It depends. Sometimes age differences are a big deal and sometimes they’re not. Here’s how to know if the age difference between you and your beau is a big deal, and what you should do if it is.

Question: I’m 17 and have recently developed a crush on someone younger than me. He’s about 15. It sounds really bad when I think about it but he doesn’t look 14 or 15 at all. It’s not a serious crush but I like him enough to want to talk to him. He seems to act like he likes me, but I don’t really know if he does. Is it okay to date him even if he’s that young?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXzjftuymsQ[/youtube]

When Age Doesn’t Matter

When you and your partner are older, a large gap in age generally doesn’t matter. If you’re 65 and he’s 75, it’s not as big a deal than if you have a 10 year age gap with your partner when you’re younger. Smaller age gaps matter even less as you and your partner grow older. Age gaps when you are younger, however, matter a great deal not only because of legal issues but also because you and your partner are very different emotionally and mentally. Even a two year age difference in your teens can make a big difference in emotional maturity between you and your partner.

When Age Does Matter

Age differences matter a lot when you and your partner are young. For example, if your partner is 15 and you are 20 or even 25, age gaps are a big issue. Even small age gaps, such as your partner being 15 and you being 17 can be a problem. First, think about the legal issues that come up when you date a younger person, especially if you’re bordering on 17 or 18. The laws differ from state to state, but dating a younger person could get you slapped with a statutory rape charge even if you and your partner are only a year or two apart.

Dating Without Sex

If you really want to date someone younger than you, or if you’re the younger of the couple, you can still date – without sex. To avoid getting into trouble, simply focus on getting to know your partner. Go on group dates to the bowling alley or to the movies, or go out to dinner together. Talk about your favorite things, things that mean a lot to you and encourage your partner to do the same. Really get to know each other to find out if you really want to take this relationship to the next level when you and your partner are old enough to legally be intimate with each other. Remember that there are more ways to be close to someone than through sex. Hold hands, hug and cuddle with each other without having sex. Nowadays, even sexting and sending naked pictures of yourself to your partner’s phone can get you into trouble if your partner is under 18, so be extremely careful. Practice patience until legally, you’re both ready.

Q&A: How To Cope With A Long Distance Relationship

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Long distance relationships are on of the hardest things to handle when you find someone you’re really into. If they’re moving away or you are, or if they’re in the military, facing being away from your partner for an extended period of time is nerve wracking. How can you make the most of your long distance relationship?

Question: Dan and Jen, I really need your help! I’ve found the most amazing guy, and we are currently in a serious relationship. The problem is that he’s in the Navy, and will be shipped out in only a month and a half! He keeps assuring me that he’ll never let me go, but it frightens me we might ‘slip apart’. Do you know how I can cope with him leaving?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4gLLV6FNu8[/youtube]

Stay In Contact Any Way You Can

In this day in age, it’s easier than ever to keep in contact with someone over long distances. Cell phones with text, picture and video capabilities will help you feel connected to your partner when you’re away from him physically. Send him a picture of you at the movies that says “wish you were here” or “thinking of you.” Videotape important moments and send them to him. You can also use video chat and instant messaging on your computer to have longer conversations that can even seem like you’re together in the same room. You can also use cell phones, text and video chat to keep each other as sexually satisfied as possible with racy emails or dirty sexts.

Communicate With Each Other

Being completely open and honest with each other at all times during the long distance relationship is absolutely essential to keeping the relationship stable. Often, keeping things from your partner or even telling little white lies can snowball and create a big rift between you and your partner. Tell your partner how you’re feeling and encourage him to do the same. Talk about how you’re going to handle it when the need for physical contact arises and you two aren’t together. Talk about how you can make the situation temporary and make plans in the long term to eventually be together in the same place.

See Him As Often As Possible

One of the biggest reasons that  a long distance relationship don’t work out is that it can be difficult for one or both partners to make plans to see each other in person very often. Take some time to try to work out how often you and your partner can feasibly travel to see each other and try to make plans to do so as much as you can. Physical contact – with or without sex – is an important part of keeping the flame alive in your relationship. If you and your partner don’t make the effort to see each other over several months, it makes it easier for you and your partner to start drifting apart. With time, effort and honest communication, you and your partner can make the long distance relationship work until you can have a real relationship with each other.

Q&A: Relationship Trouble – Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

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Relationship problems can come in a variety of forms, and they differ greatly from relationship to relationship. Some relationship troubles can be worked out, but other, more serious issues can pave the way to a breakup. How do you know if your relationship problems can be fixed or if you just need to walk away?

Question: Hi Dan and Jenn. I need help with my relationship. I have a big problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been together over a year now and the problem we have is getting worse. I’ve told him how I feel and how much what he does hurts me and makes me feel insignificant, and when he says he’ll stop it, he does it again and again. The three main problems are:
1. He doesn’t talk or text for long periods of time because he’s too busy playing computer games.
2. He regularly shouts over top of me or interrupts me when I’m speaking, whether it’s a serious situation or not. I can be crying my eyes out talking to him and he will still do it.
3. Finally, he sometimes shouts at me, and not just raising his voice, he really shouts loudly, my parents worry about it and ask if I’m okay, and it honestly does frighten me sometimes.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mLcFPKR8Ec[/youtube]

He Won’t Change

If you’ve talked to your partner about the behavior that bothers you, especially if you’ve mentioned it more than once and communicated to him clearly how you feel, and he refuses to change, it’s time to consider the fact that he probably won’t ever change. You can’t force someone to change their behavior, you can only talk to them about how it affects you and hope that they see how much better the relationship can be if they change their ways. If he won’t change, the only thing you can do is change yourself. You can change how you react to his behavior, but stop and think before you do. Do you want to be ignoring his behavior forever?

Respect Yourself

An abusive relationship isn’t always one where one partner physically hits another. A lot of abuse is verbal and emotional. If you stay in an abusive relationship – no matter what kind of abuse you’re living with – you’re doing yourself a disservice and disrespecting yourself. Many times, if your partner can’t or won’t change his ways, you’ve got to take a stand for yourself. If he won’t respect you, you have to respect you – or who will? Don’t rely on other people to treat you with respect. Treat yourself with respect and don’t stand for any kind of abuse, be it physical, sexual or verbal and emotional.

You Deserve A Happy Relationship

No matter what you think or what your partner may tell you, you absolutely deserve a relationship that makes you happy. If you aren’t happy with who you’re with now, it’s time to find someone you are happy with. Life is too short and your time is too precious to spend it being unhappy with someone who refuses to respect you and be respectful to you. While no man can “make” you happy, you don’t have to be miserable with someone who treats you poorly. If your current relationship isn’t giving you what you want, it’s time to walk away. Take some time and think about what you do want in a relationship and start looking for that.