Perhaps it is because I don’t have a daughter to give advice to, but sometimes I think back to the girl I was in my teens and twenties and long to give her the counsel I now have available from this forty-something perspective. Yesterday, I ran across something a man wrote that captures advice I would give. I think the advice strikes a more golden chord because it comes from a man. So, I want to share it with you today.

You Deserve It!

If you are a woman reading this, do pay attention because you are worthy of this counsel! Whether you are single or in a relationship, you deserve to be treated with care, love, and adoration. In a word, you deserve to be cherished. If you don’t know this about yourself, you may be in the habit of acting out in ways that get you disrespected and abused. Or you may be in the habit of surrendering to disrespect and abuse because you don’t value yourself enough to insist on better treatment. The advice I am about to give through a poem a man wrote is best received the better you love yourself.

If you are a man reading this, the advice I will quote from this man is like a magic key. You treat the woman you love this way and, if she loves herself enough, she will respond in such a way that you might feel you don’t really deserve her. But if you treat her this way, you do deserve her! Just keep on loving her.

What Kind of Man
By Colin Martin

Find a man, who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
Who calls you back when you hang up on him,
Who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat,
Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the man, who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats,
Who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on.

A man who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares
And how lucky he is to have YOU.

A man who turns to his friends and says, “That’s her…”

Why Do People Get Into Relationship Trouble?

The number one reason people get into relationship trouble is because they do not love themselves enough to have standards of behavior that protect them from being hurt. People who love themselves command respect. It doesn’t mean they never get hurt. But attracting abuse and chronic hurt either doesn’t happen or doesn’t occur for very long with those who love themselves. Their love runs deep enough that they are able to practice the tough love that sets good boundaries. They are able to practice the tough love that sets good examples for how to live and love.

Think about Colin’s poem today. If you are a man, does it apply to your marriage or romantic relationship? If you are single, can it apply to you the next time you fall in love? And will it apply six months, a year, six years later?

If you are a woman, can you believe down to your pretty toes that you are deserving of such affection? When you believe it, you will attract it.

I’m raising my glass in cheers to you, hoping it is so.

Have you ever spent time with somebody with whom you look forward to spending every minute? You know, in life it’s so interesting how we date and date and date and date even more – all in an effort to find that someone we look forward to hanging out with and with whom we want to spend every minute.

Have you ever spent twenty-eight hours with somebody and it felt like one minute? Twenty-eight hours in which the conversation never ceased to stop? Twenty-eight hours in which the excitement kept building and where the connection kept getting stronger as each minute passed?

The Best Gift

Life is a gift. It’s time all of you started accepting the gift of life, because when you do what will happen is that you will actually start to meet people who are going to blow you away. When you’re open and you’re being honest, that is when you’re going to find someone who is also open and honest and then life is just going to seem to mesh.

You will be on the same page with this person about everything you think and feel. It’s amazing when you spend twenty-eight hours with somebody, and when they leave all you want to do is start another twenty-eight hours with them all over again. You don’t want that person to leave. You just want them to stay.

Of course we all have responsibilities in our lives. We all need to work. We all have things we need to do. We need to make money. We need to see our friends. We need to see our family. When someone leaves you after spending twenty-eight hours together and all you can think about is getting to spend twenty-nine (or even thirty-six) hours with them the next time you see them, however, you are in the midst of something amazing.

It’s about building. It’s about desire. It’s about experiencing someone so much that when they leave, you think about how amazing your time together was and look forward to more. That is what chemistry is all about.

The Chemistry Of Love

Chemistry is about connecting with somebody on every level, and having a very peaceful feeling as you connect with them. It’s is knowing that whatever you say is safe. It is knowing that whatever you’re feeling, they are on the same page with you.

Every word that is said and every moment that is exchanged is building a memory. It’s building things the two of you can talk about in the future. It is the foundation of a relationship.

The first few months you are hanging with someone is building the foundation for what you hope will be an amazing relationship for a long time. So for those of you who are dating someone new, enjoy every moment and every memory because those memories and moments are precious.

There will be a time when you will no longer see that person for twenty-eight hours and will see them all the time. You’ll be so entwined in each other’s lives, and you’ll get there naturally. You’ll get there because each twenty-eight hour period is building the desire to spend more time with each other, to get to know each other better, and to experience more and more of each other.

A Real Connection

Connecting with another soul on a deep level like this is amazing and is the best feeling you could ever have, because it’s a connection with no thought process that is 100% natural. That feeling is something that is really going to last and which will really build into more intense feelings.

I think the greatest thing you can have in life is being so content with yourself and so happy, that you are able to truly think about someone else and how you feel about them. I must admit that it’s addicting, and it’s an addiction that everyone needs to feel.

What are your thoughts on this? Are you dating someone about whom you feel this way? If you are dating someone and you don’t have this feeling about them, then you need to move on because this feeling is one that we all need to experience.

There is no other feeling you should experience with someone, because if you’re not feeling this way it means that you’re not connecting with that person on enough of a deep and soulful level. It’s all right if you discover you’re not with someone for whom you feel this way, because you can feel confident that if you move on that there is someone out there waiting for you with whom you will experience this feeling.

If you believe that this type of connection with someone is possible, it will show up. When it does, you need to embrace it because that person could be the love of your life. You’ve got to embrace every little moment of it, because the more you do the better it becomes.

I had something interesting come up while I was just talking to a client. Actually, he’s a future client and a really good guy. His name is Tony, and I really want to dedicate this blog to him.

I’m dedicating this blog to Tony because I think we’re at the same point in our lives. Even though we are not particularly close in age (he’s 39 years old and I’m 46 years old), I believe he and I are at the same point in our lives when it comes to the kind of connection we want to have with women.

Tony and I had a discussion about how we want more than to “just connect” with women, because we’ve already had that with women. We also want more than to just have sex with women, because we’ve already done that with women. It’s about looking for something more than these things.

Connecting With Your Partner

It’s about connecting with someone on an emotional level so deep that you’re able to really let go of everything you ever wanted to be, to feel and to experience. Life should be all about doing that.

Not only that, but being in love is something that you need to celebrate every day. You need to celebrate being in love.

You need every single day to tell the person you love that you love them. You need every single day to share your thoughts, your feelings, and your emotions with the person you love. If you don’t, then you’re not celebrating your love.

When it comes down to intimacy, you have to really forget about everything you’ve ever done in the past. You need to forget about everything your body has learned, and then totally succumb and give yourself to somebody else.

Learn new things. Feel new things. Experience new things. By doing that, you are going to be able to achieve levels of intimacy that you’ve always craved and desired.

Getting Out Of That “Programmed” Way Of Thinking

A lot of people in life are very programmed. Sexually, for instance, if you ask a man or woman what they like they will tell you … but what they are telling you is really what they have liked up to that point. Where they are with you at that moment is not just what’s happened in the past.

Being with you is something that’s totally new and different. So you need to take old information into consideration while also moving forward learning new things, because in life celebrating your love is really all about experiencing and sharing new things every day with someone.

You want to celebrate that love by not always expecting things to be the same, and by being open to whatever the other person brings to the table. This pertains to all areas of your relationship.

One of the greatest ways to do this with your lover is to try something new or do something different with them every week. So, for example, let’s say that there is something that is part of your sexual routine every night (maybe it’s the position, that you always give oral sex, or that they always perform oral sex on you).

In that situation, one day a week you instead could spend time trying other things. You could spend time just touching each other in different ways, teasing each other in different ways, learning to do things in different ways or exploring each other in different ways.

Exchanging Roles Can Keep It Exciting

Outside of the sexual context, maybe you’ve taken on certain roles in the relationship that you could exchange. If your partner has been the person who always calls first, for instance, then try reaching out and being that other person by texting them first thing in the morning.

The bottom line is that you really need to do things that are going to celebrate your love every single day in new and exciting ways. It took so long to find this person and to realize what this person was going to be in your life. Why, then, would you do anything except celebrate that love every single day?