love – Page 29

Why Are Men So Afraid of ‘I Love You’?

Many women have been in relationships where the man is hesitant to say those three little words that she’s anxious to hear, “I love you.”

Why do men have such an issue with saying that they love a woman, especially if they’ve been dating for quite some time and have become exclusive?

“Why are men so afraid to say ‘I love you’?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQB2VQReBgI[/youtube]

Commitment Phobia

Many men are afraid of commitment. That’s just the way it is. Many men don’t want to settle down and even when they are ready to settle down, they’re afraid of admitting it to themselves and to other people.

Society makes huge demands on men, including putting out the idea that men are supposed to be frivolous when it comes to women and date around. It can be difficult for a man, especially for a man that is afraid of commitment, to think of himself as someone who has settled down.

Many men feel that once you’ve settled down, you’ve lost your “spunk” or your sexuality and some men feel that once they settle down, a woman begins to control their lives. We’ve all heard those horror stories of grown men having curfews, and these are things that can cause a man to be afraid of telling their partner that they love them.

Societal Pressure

Many men feel pressure from society to be “manly” and feel they will be made fun of or ridiculed when they choose to share their feelings.

From childhood, men are taught that they shouldn’t share their feelings and the way society views men that do share their feelings is a hefty contributor to the fact that many men are afraid to tell their partners they love them.

A combination of societal pressure and commitment phobia are huge factors that contribute to the reasons that men don’t say, “I love you.”

What Do You Do?

If you’re a woman who’s been dating a man who hasn’t said, “I love you,” especially you have been dating him for a significant period of time, you most likely feel frustrated and at a loss. If you’re in this position, give your partner more time.

You can’t force him to love you or even to say it, whether he means it or not. Look for other ways that he might show you he loves you. Does he fill your car with gas? Does he pick up your favorite food when he runs to the grocery store?

Men show their feelings and let their partner know they love them in a number of ways, besides just saying, “I love you.” It’s possible for your partner to tell you he loves you without really saying the words at all!

Relax a little bit and let your partner show you that they love you in their own time, on their own terms. If you love your partner, don’t be afraid to say it. Just make sure that your partner doesn’t feel pressured to say it back just because you said it.

Eventually, if you and your partner become very close and end up in a long term relationship or even a marriage, your partner will tell you that they love you – even if it’s just between you and him.

10 Romantic Tips to Make Any Woman Happy

By maiaberens

Dictionary.com defines romantic as “displaying or expressing love or strong affection”. The media pushes flowers, dinners, vacations and expensive jewelry as ways to be romantic with a woman.

I have a different view of what’s romantic and I suspect any woman in a relationship for any length of time would agree. Of course, flowers, dinners, vacations and jewelry are lovely but they don’t necessarily speak to women’s three most primary needs in a relationship as described in John Gray’s Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Having worked with John for many years and having become intimately knowledgeable with the Mars Venus concepts by virtue of my job, I had several aha! moments when I learned what they the three primary love needs were for a woman.

I am in total agreement with John Gray that women need most to be cared about, understood and respected. He suggests that “when a man responds to a woman in a way that acknowledges and prioritizes her rights, wishes and needs, she feels respected”.

A man can not care, not try to understand and not respect a woman at all, and still buy flowers and think that’s romantic. It won’t cut it, guys. So, following are 10 romantic tips in no particular order of importance that will make any woman happy and show her that you care, that you try to understand her and that you acknowledge and make important her rights, wishes and needs.

Remember to do the things you promised to do – without being reminded.

When my husband remembers that he promised to fix the blinds on the weekend and goes to Home Depot to buy what he needs, comes home and fixes the blinds just as he said, I feel this as an expression of love and caring. He knows that I like the house to look nice and things to work; I feel he understands and respects my desire to have it so.

Surprise her with something you know she wants – big or small.

This is such a big deal to me that I still remember when my ex-husband came home from work one day when I was pregnant with my first child 42 years ago with a balsa wood model airplane because I had said sometime in the past that I never had one.

I remember it as perhaps the sweetest, most romantic thing he ever did for me in the 19 years we were together. He occasionally brought me flowers but it didn’t make up for all his bad, uncaring, disrespectful behavior during the relationship.

Care about how she dresses.

My husband cares about what I wear, not from a critical or fault-finding perspective, but rather from an honest, loving interest in how I want to look and how I can look my best. It’s not about a compliment although heartfelt compliments are nice.

It’s that he knows that how I look is important to me and he cares to honor that. The way he makes me feel special and complimented is by telling me that how I look will make other men envy him.

Notice when she gets a haircut or changes her hairstyle.

I love that my husband always notices when I change my hair. It means he is really seeing me and paying attention not just used to me and making me become part of his exterior flow of things seen but not noticed like how the neighborhood looks.

Choose to spend time with her when she needs to do mundane things and you could be doing something more important or more fun.

When I do errands on the weekend, my husband often comes with me just because he says spending time with me is an adventure. I love that! I enjoy his company and even feel cared about. He could easily stay home and correct his student’s papers but instead he chooses time with me.

Pay attention to anything she creates – from cookies to a book she may write.

I feel so seen and important when my husbands listens to or reads everything I write. And I write a lot. I feel like I am the best, most creative person he ever met – and it feels good. And, he even was excited about the quiche I made a few weeks ago.

Look her in the eyes and tell her what inner qualities you love about her.

Oh, she likes to hear you think she’s hot, but watch her light up when you tell her you love how she always seems to attract the nicest friends or she is the best mother or you can’t get over how organized she is in all the family paperwork and even in her thinking.

Join her – even a bit – on her quests for self-improvement whether it’s a diet or exercise program or a self-help journey.

When I want to lose some weight and I give up half and half in my coffee and my husband joins me in doing that even though he doesn’t need to lose any, I feel his support for what I’m doing and I know he wouldn’t want to have something I particularly love, when I am choosing to forgo it.

Make her feel that you would rather spend time with her than anyone else.

Need I say more?

Show care and concern for those she loves, too.

I happen to have four adult children, their three partners and two grandchildren in my family. When my husband keeps saying how much he wishes my daughter didn’t move out of our neighborhood, it’s hard to explain how I feel. It’s a complex feeling made up of love, appreciation and shades of many other things.

Which leads me to tell you that when you do these 10 romantic things for her, the benefits to you will be beyond your wildest dreams.

Did Your Marriage Fail Because Marriage is a Flawed Concept or Because You Married the Wrong Person?

By chickinheels

So… what did you LIKE about being married???

There are so many people out there who can speak on this topic. There are many of us who have had a marriage end in divorce or separation. It’s true, life DOES go on.. but how do those with ‘marriage experience’ under their belts now look upon the topic? I find the question of ‘so, what did you LIKE about being married’ to hold two-part answers..

1. What did you think about your past marriage and

2. What do you believe (now that you are armed with the expertise) about marriage moving forward?

Did You Marry The Wrong Person?

First off, if you are in the position to have freed yourself from the clutches of a marriage gone wrong you likely view the problem as being the person you chose in the first place. For whatever reason, the common theme in most dissolutions of marriage is that the two parts simply did not mix long term.

Which, in turn leads to a million other little issues or problems that eventually drive people to the breaking point. Now, this is not the same thing as putting 100% of the blame onto your ex-spouse. It is ultimately saying that perhaps it wasn’t the concept of marriage as much as the wrong person to take that path with, which is the constant most of us with ‘past’ marriages, can attest to.

Or Is Marriage Just A Bad Concept All Together?

There are those who are simply jaded toward the concept of marriage all together. That one time was enough for them. Since they did not marry the ‘right’ person to go the distance with the first time, they believe marriage is simply not for them.

They look upon marriage with disdain and feel that it is merely a trap and that most marriages either dissolve or that those who stick it out are not usually there because they ‘want’ to be. I believe, people with this point of view are not thinking outside of the box on this one. After all, if you had one bad job would you never take on another one again?

Holding onto angst and blame from a previous relationship only halts you from fulfilling any potential of a new situation. Unless, the person who holds such grief toward the concept of marriage, does not believe in the concept of commitment or monogamy in the first place. Then it’s more the idea of marriage that turns them off and not necessarily the partner.

Serial Brides & Grooms

There are also the rebounders who feel lost without having the routine of marriage as a part of their life & may even tend to become serial marry’ers! That is likely the kind of person who holds the fear of being alone above the fear of marrying the wrong person again.

I would hope, that with any bad experience you would learn from it and move forward feeling more knowledgeable then you were before having that experience. I was one of those people who always believed marriage could be a wonderful experience. Having one failed marriage under my belt now, I feel that I am wiser for it.

It has not changed my hopes for what a marriage can and should be,but it has made my future choices for a partner more well informed choices. For example, I would no longer convince myself that settling is acceptable. For me to commit once again to a marriage, I would have to be sure that every detail of the fine mix that makes for a happy and successful marriage was fulfilled and not just ‘hope’ that it would be.

And never again would I allow myself to ‘settle down’ because settling should not be what marriage is about.. I’d only ever do it again if it meant a relationship that broadened my life’s spectrum. That added to who I am, not defined who I am.

The Up Side Of Marriage

So what do I LIKE about marriage? I love having someone special in my life that I ‘want’ to do special things for. I love the thought of having a sexual compadre at my fingertips. Having someone there beside me at night. Having someone in my life that I and others recognize as being a part of what makes up my core family.

I love the idea of commitment and the desire to make a marriage something that is enjoyable, fulfilling and supportive. I love the thought of expressing my deepest form of giving through marriage. Showing the world that I have chosen this person and that they have chosen me.

One might argue that it would be easy to attain all of these things under the boyfriend or girlfriend umbrella without the process of an official marriage stamp. And this is true. Marriage is certainly not for everyone. For those who have experienced it and do not see anything that they LIKED about being married, they have the first right of refusal.

I would wonder what the hesitation would be if the person who you loved and who loved you wanted another whirl at the marriage thing. Isn’t marriage the ultimate expression of giving one’s self wholly and without doubt? No one can predict what will come of ANY relationship, married or not – just the same as no one can predict if they will get hit by a bus.

I am the type who tends to never give up on something I believe in. My first marriage ended yes, but part of the reason for that was my continued belief that a HAPPY marriage was possible and settling was never an option. Perhaps marriage to me is the ultimate expression of giving everything that I have to one person and hoping that the one I’ve chosen would do the same for me. And that’s… what I LIKE about marriage.

How To Increase Sexual Attraction In An Existing Relationship Using Only Your Eyes

By leejenkins

When it comes to romantic relationships, one important aspect is to ensure that sexual attraction is always there. The sexual desire in a relationship slowly fades over time, and make a once hot, burning sex life into a dull, passionless one.

Don’t let this happen! There are many ways to sustain sexual desire in a relationship and one of the most potent ways, yet often less used tactic, is proper eye contact.

Eye contact can means so many things, especially for women. For one, it can mean that you love looking at her, which softens the heart of most women I know! It can also mean that you’re self-confident. A man who looks straight into a woman’s eyes without any hesitation oozes self-confidence and many women like this in a man.

Deep and meaningful eye contact can also simply mean lust. For example, just when you have guests at home or out on a party, make eye contact with her from across the room.

Nothing shouts “I want to make love to you now” more than a hard look of longing from across a crowded room!

And the great thing about proper eye contact is that it is effective is building sexual tension and attraction no matter how long two people have been in a relationship.

Here’s how to do it:

Not-So-Open Eyes

Open your eyes till they’re only 75% open. You want to look like you’re looking lovingly at her, not mentally willing her to undress in front of you!

On the other hand, having your eyes open too slightly will make her think you’re probably sleepy and just about to doze off. 75% is the look you want to achieve.Eye contact at this rate will be the “come hither” look you see most often in the movies.

The Head Tilt

During eye contact, lower your head slightly. This “look” or “pose” conveys that you’re sexually interested in her. Tilting your head upwards is a sign that you’re looking down or belittling her and she won’t like that. Tilting your head to low gives the impression that you’re not self-confident and she won’t like that either. So lower your head just a little for maximum sexual attraction effect.

Keep Your Blinking Frequency In Check

When making eye contact, don’t blink a lot. But if you must, try to blink slowly. Blinking too much means you’re nervous, or worse, she may think you have an eye muscle disorder, and that’s not really sexy is it?

Also, because you’re conveying nervousness from excessive blinking, that nervous feeling is going to be passed onto her and she’ll start to feel nervous too.

Don’t Lose The Staring Contest!

Ok, it’s really not a “staring contest” when it comes to building sexual attraction. But the idea is whenever your eyes meet, absolutely do not break eye contact until she initiates the break!

Three things here: one, subconsciously, she’ll get the impression that you’re a man who likes to be in control and so this will make her think that you’re “The Man”; two, maintaining sexual contact means you are REALLY into her; and three, long, hard, and deep eye contact conveys a certain “dark side” about you.

For some reason, many women love that.

Now that you know how to increase sexual attraction with eye contact, wouldn’t you like to take that to the next level?

Be Sure Your Relationship is Built on Real Love, Not Sympathy…

By loveandsex

When does love get confused for sympathy? Well simply when one has only received attention or caring, which they then interpret as "love", from others as a result of they’re being ill, depressed, or compromised in some way.

In other words they draw the "love" to themselves only when they take on what is a compromised position in their life.

Why It’s Bad

Unfortunately this can set in motion a behavior pattern where the individual feels this is the only viable way they can elicit "love" from others. I keep placing the quotations on the word love because clearly what is being received is not love at all.

Instead it is likely driven by feelings of sympathy that the individual unconsciously attempts to evoke in others .

In doing so they have accomplished two things.

First, they have adopted a victim like stance in relation to others. This is equivalent to making themselves appear helpless and believe themselves to be such.

Secondly by doing the above they have attempted to make others feel responsible for them in a somewhat underhanded or manipulative manner. They feel this is necessary because they’ve never experienced receiving love in any other way thus, deep down believe themselves to be unlovable. In this they a sense an emptiness that must be filled in the only way they know how.

A Recipe For Destruction

Unfortunately this is a recipe for destruction of their relationships as others begin to tire of their repeated efforts to "steal" some "love".

This pattern is commonly experienced in many relationships and in some cases has become the foundation upon which they are formed. It’s also a big reason why many relationships fail.

So what can be done about this problem?

Well, first one must recognize that it exists.

Next one must recognize its destructive nature on their relationships and their lives.

Finally one must make a choice to release this destructive pattern and reconnect to the well spring of love which lives right inside them.

It may surprise you that indeed one of the reasons one feels disconnected from this inner source of love is because of the existence of programmed early memories of the kind mentioned earlier i.e. of getting "love" when down.

These memories keep one disconnected from one’s inner love thus making them feel the emptiness inside that compulsively drives the destructive attention seeking behavior.

By releasing the memories this program becomes extinguished easily and rapidly and the emptiness is replaced with feelings of self love, wholeness, completeness and a sense of OK’ness.