love – Page 31

Why You Should ALWAYS Pay Attention to Your Inner Feelings When You Meet Someone

A friend of mine recently said to me, somewhat in awe, “I’m just discovering that energy is everything!”

Right, it is, but what does this mean, exactly?

What Is Energy Exactly?

Our energy is the frequency, or vibration, that automatically emanates from our being, and is a result of our intention. Each of us is always radiating energy. Energy operates on a continuum from extremely negative to wonderfully positive, and reflects our intent from an extremely unloving controlling intent to an extremely loving intent.

Whenever our intent is to protect ourselves with some form of controlling behavior, our energy is of a low frequency – heavy, dark, difficult to be around. Whenever our intent is to be loving and to learn about love, our energy is lighter and easier to be around. Learning to discern the differences in our own and others’ energy is very important regarding being loving to ourselves.

Understanding Energy in Regard to Relationships

Let’s take an example. Richard, 28, fell in love with Rachael, also 28, an extraordinarily beautiful woman with a winning smile. Richard is a very kind, caring and compassionate person who tends to be a caretaker. Richard believed that everyone was basically like him, kind and caring.

Richard also believed that anyone this beautiful on the outside must also be beautiful on the inside. Instead of caring enough about himself to discern who Rachael really was, Richard allowed lust to determine his decisions and married Rachael.

In time he discovered that Rachael was a really hard, cold and calculating woman, who was really in the marriage to be taken care of financially. The marriage eventually ended in a difficult divorce, with Richard losing much financially.

Had Richard tuned into Rachael’s energy instead of being dazzled by her looks, he would have quickly discovered that Rachael came from fear and neediness, not from caring and kindness. Had he been willing to go within to his own inner, feeling experience of Rachael, he would have known that she was operating from a much lower frequency than he, and was not a good match for him. Had he been willing to experience Rachael with his heart and soul, rather than his mind and genitals, he would have known that she was not for him.

Pay Attention to Your Feelings

How often do you ignore your feeling experience of someone, instead of allowing your surface experience to govern your choices? It is only your feelings that are capable of discerning a person’s energy. If you feel a kind of inner uneasiness, pay attention to it. It might be telling you to be cautious. Even if a person appears on the surface to be open and friendly, the deeper intent is always betrayed by the energy.

If the deeper intent in being open and friendly is to control, you can feel it in your body if you tune in. However, if your intent is also to control, you may not be able to accurately discern another’s energy because your ability to discern is affected by your own intent. When your intent is to learn about what is loving to yourself, then you can tune into your inner experience and discern another’s intent.

The Importance of Energy

Energy is everything. How people look, what they say, or how they behave does not really tell you anything. It is the energy behind their behavior and words that really matter. A person can say, with the softest voice, “I love you,” and the energy behind these words can be totally different, depending upon the intent.

If the person’s intent in saying “I love you” is to get something, approval, sex, money, time, attention, and so on, the energy will not feel good inside you. You might feel pulled on or even drained by the expression of love.

If the person’s intent is to share love with no agenda in mind, it will feel very good inside you. Your job is to stay open to learning about loving yourself so that you are open to learning about another’s intent. You will feel safe inside and create loving relationships when you become a discerning loving adult, instead of reacting as a needy or lustful adolescent, willing to know the truth about another’s intent and resulting energy.

Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships Without Even Knowing It?

By loveandsex

Have you ever noticed yourself falling into an ever familiar pattern of self sabotage shortly after entering into a new relationship?

Self sabotage can take many forms such as engaging in addictive behaviors (i.e. drugs, alcohol, pornography, work , etc), engaging in affairs, withdrawing emotionally, becoming irresponsible with financial matters or personal hygiene, regressing into child like behaviors where you are unconsciously asking your partner to take care of you or rescue you, etc.

Self Sabotaging Behaviors

Of course, such behaviors can only be tolerated for so long even by the most caring and loving of partners before things become unstuck and everything falls apart.

The self sabotaging partner will then feel initial pangs of grief and sadness but there may also be deeper feelings of relief as well. Why is this?

Well, largely because the self sabotaging behaviors are sourced from deep emotional hurts that the individual carries within them either from earlier relationships, and more often from early childhood familial traumas.

These emotional hurts often make the individual feel unworthy, lacking self esteem and self confidence, defective or deficient in some way (i.e. the “there’s something wrong with me” feeling), afraid of being found out by others (especially their partner), incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship for any length of time and generally fragile and anxious.

It’s Really Just a Facade

So although this person desires to be in a relationship, being fully known to their partner entails the great risk of being rejected hence they supposedly feel more in control when they themselves initiate the demise of the relationship through self sabotage.

Behaviors that supposedly compensate for such inner feelings of hurt and allow the individual to “appear together” when they first meet a new partner. However such a facade is in place to unconsciously seduce the partner into a relationship so that they can begin to fulfill a hidden unconsciously held agenda.

The facade is needed because deep down the self sabotaging partner does not believe that they are genuinely lovable.

The hidden agenda is about allowing the “handicapped” partner get the care, soothing and love they need to feel whole and OK about themselves. Unfortunately this not what was bargained for by the relatively more healthy partner and so when it becomes apparent that they have been deceived the relationship begins to falter.

So How Can This Be Remedied?

Well, in my view the only way to effect any real and rapid change in this situation is to help the self sabotaging partner release their emotional pain once and for all from within.

As a former psychiatrist it was my experience that psychotherapy cannot do this. It was this awareness that led me to develop an entirely new and revolutionary approach that goes beyond what most therapists call “therapy”.

This new approach, called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP), is a process that helps to effectively clear the “hard drive” of your unconscious of any old traumatic memory that is holding you back in your life. The process is such that when the memories are released old negative self sabotaging behaviors associated with them also spontaneously dissolve without any extra effort on your part.

This releases one and helps to build self worth, self confidence, self esteem, a feeling of OK’ness about one’s self, boosts energy, healthy and leads to healthy relationships.

Understanding The Difference Between Getting Love And Sharing Love

By drmargaretpaul

The feeling of love is the very best feeling in the world, even better than sex or ice cream!

The Bible states in 1 John 4:16 that “God is love.” When our hearts are open, the love that is God comes into the physical body and fills us with the delicious feelings of joy and peace. Love is always available, as available as the air we breathe.

Yet most people do not go through their days filled with love, joy and peace. Instead, they feel empty and alone, and often turn to various addictions (such as sex and ice cream) to fill the emptiness and aloneness.

Filling the Void With Addictions

One of the addictions many people turn to is the addiction of getting love from others. Coming from the belief that people, rather than our Source, are the source of love, they try in various ways to gain control over getting love from others.

Through physical appearance, accomplishments, niceness, compliments, cuteness, being funny, threats, anger, irritation, and blame, people try to manipulate others into giving them the love, attention, and approval they need. Sometimes this works for the moment, but like food or sex, it is only for the moment. Trying to feel filled through others is an exhausting way to live.

Other people try to get filled through the giving of love. The problem here is that unless you are first bringing love into yourself and then sharing your love from a full place within, the giving of love becomes just another manipulation to get love.

This is caretaking; giving to get. I can tell you from personal experience, since this was my major addiction, that caretaking does not to lead to feeling fill up with love, peace and joy. Rather, it leads to feeling drained, used and resentful, since rarely do others give back the love you hope for.

A Circle of Love

The highest experience in life with another person is the sharing of love. A circle of love is experienced when two or more people are sharing love from a full place within.

We are full of love within only when we have a spiritually connected loving adult self who is intent on taking loving care of ourselves. When our intent is to take full personal responsibility for ourselves physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, organizationally, and relationally, then we feel loved and safe inside.

Intent Opens the Door

Our intent to support our own highest good opens the door to connection with Spirit and the love that is God fills our hearts and souls. This deeply peaceful and joyous feeling can then be shared with others whose hearts are also open to loving and learning.

The sharing of love is truly an amazing experience. It can happen in person or over the phone. It can happen in letters or email. Time and place are irrelevant. God as love is an energy that can be experienced from any distance. Each of us has the opportunity to be messengers of God when we do our inner work and become able to share love with others.

Getting Love, Sharing Love

The ego wounded self in most people does not understand the vast difference between the getting of love and the sharing of love. Because getting a bit of love from someone feels good, the ego thinks that the best feelings come from getting love. Until you have the experience of bringing God-that-is-love into yourself, you do not realize that loving yourself brings far greater joy than getting love.

And until you are loving yourself, you cannot experience the even greater joy of sharing love with others. There is no addiction, no drug, no food, no experience, that comes close to the incredible joy of feeling the love-that-is-God within and sharing that love with others.

If you have never had the experience of sharing love, you may not realize what you are missing. Sometimes it may seem hard to be motivated to keep doing your inner healing work if you have never experienced the joy of loving yourself and sharing that love with others.

I hope you keep in mind that only by doing your inner work will you ever be able to experience the greatest experience on the planet; the sharing of love!

Struggling With Power And Money In Your Relationship?

By drbonnieeakerweil

In spite of feminism’s best efforts, in spite of our determination otherwise, decades of clearly defined gender roles can simply prove hard to undo, and women today may still be fearful of their wealth and power.

Subconsciously (or, even consciously) they don’t want to outshine men, because they know that men can feel obsolete when they’re no longer the breadwinner. In traditional gender roles, men may be more defined by money, therefore when they’re not the one bringing home the biggest paycheck, it can weigh on their ego.

Sometimes, it’s not only men who are conflicted when their role as breadwinner comes into question. Often, women are uneasy about this circumstance, if only subconsciously.

Money conflicts in relationships

The most common way these feeling manifest themselves in a marriage or relationship where the woman is making more than, or has just as much professional responsibility as, her male counterpart, is through conflict that centers on money.

No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, there are tips and tricks to keep in mind in order to help minimize these struggles. Even if you’re still early on in a dating relationship and you’re unsure of who makes more, it’s nice to have these ideas in the back of your mind just in case the situation arises.

Money shouldn’t be the most important thing in a relationship, or in life, but it is often the most PROMINENT cause of struggle, even among friends.

What men can do if their significant other makes more money…

*Validate what she does professionally, since that is a big part of who she is, and she no doubt wants your support!

*Focus on the positives of your situation. You may have more free time, more entrepreneurial possibilities and freedom to take more financial risk

*Encourage her if she’s traveling for work or working late hours. Don’t contribute to the guilt she may feel

What women can do…

*Be his biggest advocate concerning the role your partner has professionally and in your relationship.

*Be discrete. Don’t brag about your earning power. This is something that should be done no matter WHO’S making more!

*Discuss money, but in the context of shared goals. Acknowledge that his paycheck is also helping you reach these goals

What to do together…

*Take turns paying the bills so it doesn’t feel like one person has the “financial upperhand.”

*Prioritize

*Negotiate

*Discuss any resentment immediately

*CREATE moments for fondness and appreciation.

Everyone struggles

Married AND single people struggle with these things and it can be hard for women who tend to have society telling them two very different things.

1). They are encouraged to pursue their dreams, but 2). are sometimes made to feel guilty if they outshine men or chose their career over “traditional” feminine roles. This creates problems not only for the women themselves, but for their significant others as they try to relate to the woman in their lives.

Men and women, ingeneral, have different approaches to acquiring power and money, so it becomes even more important to take the tips above to heart and to communicate with your partner to avoid sliding into any type of revenge behavior or financial infidelity.

Why Don’t We Ever Make Love Anymore?

By drmargaretpaul

I cannot tell you how often couples complain to me that they rarely make love. These are generally people who love each other, who enjoy being together and often have fun with each other. Yet they don’t have sex. Why does this happen so often?

Sexual arousal, especially for most women, comes from emotional intimacy and connection. While many men can have sex purely from physical desire, many women need emotional intimacy and connection to feel physical desire. While many men might love it if their wife would suddenly start to fondle their penis, many women feel violated when their husband grabs their breasts, crotch, or butt.

Gender Differences About Touch

I often hear from the woman I work with, “I just feel groped and disgusted when my husband grabs my breasts. Why doesn’t that turn me on? Is there something wrong with me?”

Many women do not feel drawn to touch or be touched in a sexual way until the feeling of love is flowing between them and their partner. Yet women have been trained to believe that they should respond sexually in the same way men do, and often feel inadequate when they do not feel turned on by the things that turn on men.

Hazel and Daniel were struggling with this issue of lack of sexuality. Just before their counseling session with me, they had a fight because Daniel fondled Hazel’s breasts while she was dressing in the morning, and then got angry when she didn’t like it.

Hazel had often expressed to Daniel that what turned her on was the deep kissing that resulted from emotional intimacy. Yet, even though Daniel said he wanted to make love, he would not intimately kiss Hazel.

Why?

As we explored the issue, it became apparent that neither Hazel nor Daniel felt safe with intimacy. While they loved each other, their fears of rejection and engulfment made them feel unsafe with each other.

When Hazel got critical, Daniel took it personally, and was unable to set loving limits against being controlled by Hazel. He would get angry and withdrawn, which would trigger Hazel’s fears of rejection.

Both Hazel and Daniel were afraid that if they were emotionally intimate, they would give themselves up to avoid rejection. Keeping the emotional distance felt safer than risking losing themselves or losing the other if they did not give themselves up. Yet sexuality could not flow without the loving feelings that come from emotional intimacy.

Be Conscious Of Your Intent

The problem was that neither Hazel nor Daniel were conscious of their intent most of the time. In most of their interactions, both of them were unconsciously protecting themselves from rejection or engulfment, rather than consciously thinking about what would be loving to themselves and each other.

Because their intent was to protect themselves, they were often trying to control how the other felt about them while at the same time protecting against being controlled.

Each would respond to the other’s rejecting behavior with their own rejecting behavior, anger, criticalness, blame, withdrawal, resistance. Each would attempt to control how the other felt about them by not telling their truth, not taking loving care of themselves.

Each were handing the responsibility for their feelings to the other and then getting upset when the other did not do what they wanted. Neither were showing up as loving adults to take care of their own feeling in loving ways.

Relationship Safety

While it may seem roundabout to deal with a lack of lovemaking by focusing on one’s intent, this is exactly what needs to happen.

Until both Hazel and Daniel become conscious of their intent and start to choose the intent to learn about loving themselves, instead unconsciously choosing the intent to protect/control, they will not create the inner safety necessary for intimacy. Until they practice taking personal responsibility for their own feelings, they will continue to fear rejection and engulfment and protect against it.

You cannot have the joy of sharing love and passion while protecting against loss of self and loss of other. Love and passion do not flow when you are trying to control and not be controlled. As long as protecting against rejection and engulfment is more important than loving yourself, you will not create the inner safety necessary to create relationship safety.

Relationship safety creates the arena for love and intimacy to flow, leading to the physical sharing of love that occurs when people are deeply connected.

You cannot change what you do not know you are doing. When noticing your intention, to protect/control or to learn about loving yourself and your partner, becomes your highest priority, you will begin the process of healing your sex life.