love – Page 37

Help! I’m A Booty Call AND The Sex Is Lousy!

Booty Call: “Calling someone or meeting with them purely for the sake of having sex“.

Have you ever been a booty call? Would you recognize if you were?

We all like to think that the person were seeing loves us, or at least likes us a lot. It’s really heartbreaking when we realize that we’re worth nothing more than sex to them.

Even if it’s great sex, it can still be heartbreaking to realize that you’re only a Booty Call…

When the sex is bad, it’s enough to make you go insane!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’m 48, widow, dating a 58 years old guy who’s been married 32 years for 7 months now. Sex isn’t great but I really like – love him. Am I nuts?

We work for an airline and I see him every week. He has shared his past affairs with me. His wife has a million dollar inheritance, he hates her but the money is important. He keeps saying that he wants me…but while in Paris, when I confided that I felt like I was falling in love with him…he said he wasn’t as “into” me, as his past affairs….? However, as soon as we arrived back in the States, he wanted me to stay with him in his hotel… I said no and went home….. HELP!!!

— Chris, VA

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsVS5gOuNts[/youtube]

Can You Say Booty Call?

So, here’s this guy who supposedly likes you, but ironically, the only time he calls you is for an out of town rendezvous to have sex. This is the definition of a “Booty Call”.

You may think you’ll love this guy, but it’s time for you to realize that you are only one thing to him… you are his Booty Call. PERIOD!!!

There’s only one piece of advice that we can give you. DUMP HIM! NOW!

Love is a two way street. Waiting for this guy to turn around and start loving you back is a complete waste of your time.

Make Room For A Two-Sided Relationship

It’s time to make room in your life for a two-sided relationship.

We all deserve someone who will love and respect us in return. There is absolutely no reason to waste your time with someone who is only using you. And this guy is obviously using you…

Now, having said that, if you don’t mind being a Booty Call and meeting this guy simply to have sex, then that’s fine, but recognize it for what it is…

In this situation however, the sex isn’t even that good.

This guy is obviously a total loser. He’s staying with his wife because she has a million dollar inheritance. You’re not his first affair. He’s just lame.

So run, run like the wind!!!

3 Tips to Help You Get Over a Break Up – Quickly!

By jason

Love is a complex concept that philosophers, scientists and romance novelists have struggled with for centuries, if not a millennia.

Is it a metaphysical experience that blends the attraction of souls to one another (ala “soul-mates”), or is it a human ability to sense pheromones and is therefore a bodily function?

Whatever the explanation may be, love is a fact and we all want to receive it.

Givers of Love

Some people are natural givers. They enjoy showering attention, love and care on those who are around them.

They show love from their words, physical actions and gift-giving. Givers have an inclination to be very empathetic to the ones they love. Everyone has the ability to be a giver. In essence we ALL give, we just do it in different ways.

Receivers of Love

Receivers do not automatically “take” – a common stereotype. We are all receivers in some way. Everyone enjoys feeling love and attention. Receivers naturally receive more than they give. They naturally tend to crave attention from those around them.

Are You a Giver or a Receiver?

We all experience love in different ways, as givers and receivers.

As men, many of us are have an inclination to be receivers. Think about the world around us, about how our culture is geared toward making men into receivers of love and affection rather than givers.

We get used to receiving. Most men are conditioned to be receivers and many women are condition to be givers.

When You Stop Receiving Love…

Nothing in this world can be matched with giving and receiving love. It can make time slow down and make a few seconds last for hours when you are together.

When you are apart, a day can feel like a week. In many ways it can be addictive, to feel and enjoy that love you have been receiving. Like a drug you can become dependent upon it.

Somewhere in the past we’ve all been there. That point where we can tell the relationship has changed.

She has stopped giving, you have stopped receiving, or vice versa. Something is different. You can’t put your finger on it, but it’s obvious things have changed.

Do you panic? Do you feel your heart pound in your chest and your ribs compress around your lungs?

Do you analyze it all and look for all of the signs of break up?

If you do, you’re not alone. Everyone feels grief at the end of a relationship. Dealing with it and focusing on what to do, and not why, is a good way to help yourself through it.

Grief is a Natural Response

The grieving process will undoubtedly come into affect; you may feel hurt, angry, more hurt, more angry, seething with rage at one minute and balling your eyes out the next.

It’s important to remember that you are not alone, you aren’t the first person to have your heart broken and you won’t be the last.

Many of the most stout individuals can delay their grief, postpone it, and it will come back to smother them. Feeling grief is natural. Prolonged grief can turn…

Prolonged grief can turn into depression so think about how long you have been grieving and if it affects other aspects of your life.

Focus On “What” and Not On “Why”

The devil is in the details. Focusing on the “why” will happen.

Why did I not do this, or why did she not do that?

Trying to understand the why of breakups and why feelings change is like expecting yourself to understand what love is.

If you don’t know “why” you will focus on yourself.

What did I do? What COULD I have done? These aren’t the “whats” we are looking for. We are looking for “What can I do to move forward?”

Here are a few pointers and things to keep in mind to help get passed a break up.

3 Tips to Help You Get Passed a Break Up

1. Remember Grief is Natural.

You’re not less of a man (or woman) if you feel pain. We’re human, we have emotions and feelings. Welcome to the top of the food pyramid.

2. Get the Support You Need

Ask yourself, “What can I do to feel supported?”

Contact your friends and family and let them in. Nothing shows love like opening up to your loved ones and letting them help you. At our weakest we can be at our strongest.

3. Stay Busy and Productive

Ask yourself, “What can I do to stay busy?

Sitting around and moping can be tedious and affect your health.

Get out and exercise, take yourself out to a movie, go see a friend. Don’t sit and feel sorry for yourself, stay active. Exercise will increase your health and will make you feel better.

Love can make you feel immortal. It can also hurt. That is the other side of the coin.

Think about “what” you can do with yourself after a breakup instead of “why” the break up happened.

Look at how you can love yourself and rely on yourself and not the love of another person. In the long run, you are all you really have control over.

Are You Really In Love Or Just Wearing Blinders?

By melody

What is a “Fan”?

A “fan” is someone who sees something in someone else that they admire and to which they are overwhelmingly drawn.

They see the object of their admiration as someone who is above the rest of us.

The word “fan” comes from the word “fanatic”, which means a person who expresses “extreme zeal, piety, etc.; goes beyond what is reasonable; zealot” (according to yourdictionary.com)

What is a zealot?

Being a zealot “implies extreme or excessive devotion to a cause and vehement activity in its support” (again, from yourdictionary.com).

What is the Difference Between Being a “Fan” (i.e. Zealot) and Being “In Love”?

According to freedictionary.com being “in love” means “deeply or passionately enamored”.

So what does “enamored” mean?

Freedictionary.com says it’s “foolish or unreasoning fondness”. Hmm, sounds a lot like “excessive devotion” doesn’t it? In fact, one of the words used to describe “devotion” is “zeal”!

One of the things I’ve learned about “fans” from clients who are public figures is that “fans” cannot see the object of their zeal as human beings. Fans tend to project attributes to the object of their zeal that are super human. They expect the object of their zeal to be perfect and incapable of anything less than kind, loving, mature, and “godlike” behavior.

So if being a fan is identical to being “in love”, what does that say about the “in love” state?

When we are “in love” we are really incapable of seeing the object of our “excessive devotion” as anything less than perfect. We attribute them with “godlike” qualities, just like a fan does. We expect them to be everything we need them to be.

We expect them to live up to our every expectation and display superhuman qualities. We blind ourselves to their imperfections or we dismiss them as unimportant. Our tendency is to see the object of our “excessive devotion” with eyes that filter out their flaws.

Have you ever known someone who was “in love” with someone that you could clearly see was bad news? Their “excessive devotion” prevented them from being able to clearly see the other person.

What then is the impact this has on our “relationship” with the object of our “excessive devotion”?…

Being “In Love” is Not the Same as Being in a Relationship

In fact, as with a fan, when you are “in love” there is not really a relationship yet! There is potential for a relationship, but being “in love” is not yet a relationship.

In my experience, being “in love” is a kind of hypnotic state. We transfix our attention on someone so wholeheartedly that we hypnotize ourselves into seeing what we want to see in the other person. That doesn’t mean that this other person doesn’t really have many great traits, but it does mean that we can only see what we want to see in this state.

And it feels really good to be the object of this kind of adoration. Ask any rock or movie star, they love the zeal of their fans. It’s what motivates them even through periods of slumps in their careers.

The feeling of being adored is addictive. We love that feeling and want to keep it. Often this is why people rush to get married before the “in love” state wanes. It’s an altered state that feels exciting; the zeal feels wonderful.

Being “In Love” is Not the Same as Being Intimate

But being in the “in love” state is not the same thing as intimacy. Intimacy literally means: “in to me see”. Being “in love” requires not really seeing the other person, but instead seeing what you want to see, in the same way a fan sees the object of their zeal.

Intimacy is a process that takes time and courage.

It takes letting down walls and revealing both appealing truths about oneself and the unappealing ones. And more importantly it requires a willingness to see the other’s true self.

When we are “in love” we avoid seeing what we don’t want to see. In intimacy we strive to know more about our partner, we risk that we will see things we don’t like. With intimacy we allow our partner to be flawed, and still loveable. With intimacy we allow ourselves to be seen, trusting that we are loveable even with all our foibles.

The “in love” “fan” state cannot tolerate this kind of reality. “Excessive devotion” cannot exist when our vision is no longer clouded with illusions.

In order to become intimate we have to become disillusioned. We have to lose the illusions we maintain in order to be “in love”.

Then we can experience intimacy and a deeper, inclusive kind of love that allows our partner (and ourselves) to be imperfect.

The Secret to Lasting Romance: How Subtlety Could Save Your Relationship

By phil

You can’t really blame some modern men and women for rolling their eyes at the idea of old-fashioned romance. The phrase brings to mind antiquated images of dramatic gestures, overly poetic assertions and a sort of starry-eyed obliviousness that most contemporary lovers find pretty silly and unrealistic.

The classic knight-in-shining-armor story can make for a fun diversion occasionally, but prevailing wisdom has for the most part left old-fashioned romance for dead; a charming but absurd remnant of times when people were less worldly and more gullible.

Real Romance is Subtle, Not Flashy

But is real, lasting romance truly dead in the modern world, or has a cynical pop culture just made us all think that romantic relationships are on the decline? Here’s a newsflash that thousands of couples who are in a long-term, monogamous relationship have already figured out: old-fashioned romance is as present today as it ever has been… and the theatrical, melodramatic type of romance you see in movies and read about in books never really existed in the first place.

That’s not to say that romance isn’t a very real, very powerful force that can open up amazing new avenues of contentment for couples. But the real power of old-fashioned romance has always been in its subtlety and consistency… not in the ridiculous, over-the-top gestures that pop culture wants you to think constitutes being romantic.

In fact, the very reason that some people think old-fashioned romance is dead — because they just don’t see it around them all the time — stems from the fact that real romance, by its nature, is a very private, very unpublicized affair. And ironically, the flashy, truckload-of-roses type of romantic gestures that modern media wrongly promotes as yesterday’s norm is exactly the type of stuff that can quickly lead to the end of a relationship if you depend too much on it.

Are You Trying to Promote Your Relationship… Or Yourself?

Don’t get me wrong; dramatic productions that declare your love for another person can be wonderful. But anyone who thinks that proposing to someone on live television will produce an unbreakable relationship is sorely mistaken. Bringing your sweetheart a truckload of flowers on one special day is fine, but real old-fashioned romance is better illustrated by bringing them one flower once a week for the rest of your life.

Thanks to the in-your-face, self-indulgent nature of today’s diverse media, a whole new generation has……

emerged that thinks that romantic relationships are only validated if affection is shouted over the airwaves or witnessed by millions. But that kind of flashy, public flaunting isn’t what old-fashioned romance is all about.

Real romance is quiet, patient and consistent. When people go out of their way to show the world how romantic their relationship is, it’s usually themselves they’re trying to promote.

Let Them Think Old-Fashioned Romance is Dead!

So, is true, old-fashioned romance dead in the world? Well, by today’s pop-culture standards, the answer is yes. You won’t see much real, durable romance on reality television shows or splayed out on a blog for web surfers to dissect. Truly romantic people take satisfaction from romance itself, not from bragging about it. And because real romance is about long-term commitment and dedicating yourself to a relationship that can frequently be difficult, not many people in the immediate-gratification crowd will want much to do with it.

But that’s just fine; for those of us who have added old-fashioned romance to our lives, the reward comes in subtle, wonderful ways every day. And the fact that those rewards are private and unpublicized make them even better. Let the pop-culture crowd think that old-fashioned romance is dead. Romantic relationships will continue to blossom all around them, unnoticed, just like they have for thousands of years.

Rock Star Syndrome – Are You In Love With Him or the IDEA of Him?

By loveandsex

Every little girl grows up wanting to be a beautiful princess. So is it any wonder that young girls are so attracted to rock stars, movie stars, and pop idols?

After all, they’re waiting for their gorgeous prince to ride in and rescue them, after which they’ll fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. And in today’s world, these guys are the closest thing they’ll find to a prince.

She thinks it’s true love. But what happens when this young woman figures out she’s not going to be his princess… and then realizes he’s got a princess in every city?

Here’s a question from a lady in Jamaica who’s enamored with someone famous and exotic, but she’s afraid she’s going to make a mistake taking their relationship too seriously and having a baby with him!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am currently seeing someone who is part of an entourage of someone who is famous. I’m not expecting much from the relationship because I know he has girls throwing themselves at him daily. But, he brings out a certain side of me that I didn’t know existed – I feel ‘free’ when I’m with him.

The last time we were together he asked me a very shocking question. He asked if and when I’m ready to have a child if I would have his child. I really do not know what to do about this crazy relationship.

I try to stop from thinking about him but I am unsuccessful. Is something wrong with me for wanting this type of man?

— Shauna, Jamaica

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBFvWk8dKGI[/youtube]

Embrace How You Feel. There’s Nothing Wrong With You!

It’s OK to feel absolutely any way that you feel. Always embrace your feelings and accept them, but also understand where they’re coming from.

Being enamored with someone who has a life you can only dream of is very common, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Just understand this adoration for what it truly is.

Do You Love Him or the IDEA of HIM?

He says he loves you, and you say you love him.

But the most important thing is to separate the man from the overwhelming essence of freedom, power, and glory. Love the man, not the clothes, the cars, the money, the fortune, the fame. That’s his life, not yours. And it can end as abruptly as it started.

Having a love affair with his image will only leave you empty and feeling cheated when it’s over.

Can You Have a Family with a Man Like This?

Sure you can, but only if you’re fully ready and willing to be a single mom. The free spirit that so attracts you today is NOT “settle down and have a family” material; quite the contrary. Sure there are exceptions, but it normally doesn’t work that way.

You want a family and children with this man? Great. Get together and stay together for a few years. Get married, or not, whatever your preference, and figure out if your love is true. But get close, live your lives together, and then decide if you still truly want to be together for the long run. Only then should you consider bringing children into the world together.

Before that time, you have no way to know if he’ll be around. You’ll still be guessing, but at least it’ll be an educated guess.

How to Set Your Expectations

Is it possible to be in love with someone like this? Absolutely!

But be wary of setting expectations until you fully understand the situation. Base your plans on what is truly there, not on wishful thinking and excitement.

By all means enjoy your life and your times together, and have great fun. And let the relationship grow and evolve at it’s own pace. Don’t try to “lock it in” with marriage or (much worse) by having a child.