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My Vagina Is Too Small To Enjoy Sex – What Can I Do?

By loveandsex

There are many women who have never had an orgasm.

For those who have regular or multiple orgasms, this seems absurd. But for the women who truly have never experienced one, it’s a painful reality.

Fortunately, there is help on the horizon for women who want to enjoy sex with their partners and end up feeling satisfied after a climax.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

My husband and I, of 7 months, are rarely having sex.

I was told by OBGYN that I was so small in the vaginal region that I should purchase dilators to prevent tearing.  I have never torn but honestly do not enjoy sex with my husband.   We do talk about it openly and honestly, but in the end, it’s not rewarding for me, and to top it off my husband says “men never have bad sex” what a charmer.

As a good Christian wife, how can I find ways to enjoy it and or have an orgasm? never happened. Suggestions?

-Tabby, TX

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4EoyI05VyA[/youtube]

Get your doctor’s advice.

Look to your OBGYN for an explanation first.  Is your vagina too small?  Is your cervix tilted, making your G-spot harder to get to?  There are many things that your OBGYN can do to help.  If that road goes nowhere, you can always get the help of a sex therapist.

Sex therapists are wonderful. They’ll get you back on track with your sex life by helping you open up and discover both the physical and psychological reasons that are keeping you from having an orgasm.

Try new things.

Many women who have never had an orgasm admit to never having masturbated or tried a sexual position other than missionary during intercourse with their partners.  First of all, masturbation is one of the best ways to learn about your body and to learn how you like to be touched and what feels good.  If you don’t know what feels good and what will bring you to orgasm, how will your partner know?

You need to be in control so you can give your partner a few directions during the deed to help him to get you to climax.  If you don’t feel comfortable masturbating, start slow.  Start by touching yourself just a few times and go from there.  Relax. Masturbation by men and women is a completely natural thing.

Second, missionary positions rarely lead to orgasms for women so if that’s all you’ve tried or the position you use regularly, it’s a good idea to try a few new positions to figure out which one works the best.  Many women love to be on top.

They can control the speed and depth of penetration as well as gain clitoral friction to help them reach orgasm faster and have a more powerful climax.  There are dozens and dozens of different positions that you can try. Don’t be afraid to speak up and let your partner know that you’d like to do it “this way” for a change.  He’ll probably be more than happy to roll with the punches.

You can also incorporate other things such as sex toys and lubricants to enhance sexual play.  If you’ve never tried oral sex either, that can be a wonderful way to achieve orgasm and since the pleasure is focused solely on the woman, it allows her to revel in what feels good and orgasms will often come naturally this way.

The point is to experiment. If you’ve never had an orgasm, don’t continue doing the same thing you’re doing, hoping that one will come along someday.  Mix it up, try new things and see where they take you.  If you find a good position or a good toy to use, make note of it and use it more often.  Experimenting and trying new things in the bedroom is all part of a healthy sexual relationship, so give it a shot!

Filed Under: Sex Tips & Advice Tagged With: female orgasm, how to have sex, masturbation

How to Get a Woman to Masturbate on the Phone With You – Phone Sex for HER Pleasure

By david

Khiem and I are walking right now with Yakub, and we’re hanging out and doing what we call a “brainstorm day.”

Well, actually they both goofed off on some weird internet sites for a little while which they didn’t share with me and they downloaded things to my Mac which sort of scares me a little bit, but at least I’ll have some fun entertainment when I get home.

But we were all hiking and talking, and they were asking me, “What are the secrets of how to get her to masturbate for you on the telephone?”

Now, I’ve been somebody who has absolutely enjoyed the benefits of phone sex even before women got to enjoy the benefits of the Blackberry-vibrating phone sex! How to get a woman to masturbate for you on the phone is really very simple.

Use what you know

First, you have to call them late at night. Let’s say you’ve been emailing this woman back and forth. You’ve been flirting in emails back and forth, and maybe you’ve had a couple of phone conversations, and she tells you she’ll be around that night for you two to talk.

What you need to do in that email or text message is ask, “How late can I call you? I want you to be really cozy and comfortable when I call, so you’re not thinking anything about the day.” Then she’ll tell you how late you can call.

So then you call her that late – 11 o’clock at night. She’s in bed, she’s wearing her little jammies, and you start conversing with her. You talk to her about emotions, about anything that has to do with a deep topic. Because remember sex for a woman starts in her mind. You need to connect with her.

You can’t get on the phone with her and say, “So what are you wearing right now? Do you want to masturbate with me on the phone?” No! It’s about connecting.

Phone sex foreplay

Picture it as foreplay – or phoneplay! What you need to do is just talk to her a little bit, get to know her a little bit, make a comment on something you guys have shared together – maybe this is like the first or second phone call, and you’ve learned things about her.

Maybe she’s told you that she really loves deep conversations. You can say to her, “Man, I really love deep conversations with you. I love to get to know you better.  It’s so much fun. I’m enjoying exploring you. I’m enjoying penetrating your mind.” When you talk in very subliminal sexual ways, it will make her very sexually turned on.

Most guys make the biggest mistake: a woman is talking to you late at night, you’re having an emotional conversation and you’re connecting, and the guy will immediately ruin it by saying, “Are you wet right now?” Or “You know, my cock’s hard.  You want to feel it?”

You don’t want to say that! What you have to assume is that she’s already turned on. What I like to do is use very subliminal language. “I’m having so much fun connecting with you now.”  That’s foreplay in her mind. “I’m having a great time learning about you.” “Wow, I wish I was sitting right there with you right now, seeing your eyes during this conversation” That’s another thing to say to her…

Or say, “Oh my God, did we just have like a kiss moment?” when you are talking about something. There’s a pause, and you both feel it. Then you need to get a bit more daring. Say, “Did we just have a kiss moment?” and she’ll say, “Well, yeah, I think so!” Then you can say, “Alright, let’s play true confession. If I was there right now, what would you want to do?”

And then she’ll tell you. If she feels comfortable, she’ll say, “Oh, I really want to kiss you and touch you right now.” You can say, “Touch me? I barely even know you! How do you know I’ll even let you?” You want to be a little bit playful.

Then she’ll say, “Oh come on. What do you want to do?” And then you tell her.

What I always say over and over again is, “If I was there right now, I would look deep inside your eyes. I would kiss you. I would look at you, and I want to feel your energy. I want to look and see what I stir up inside you after I kiss you.”

How to know when she’s getting into it

All of a sudden, she’ll take a deep breath, and say, “Really? Tell me more.” So then you tell her more! “I’m a very passionate person, and I love to explore a woman’s body, but only after I connect with her mind and her soul,” and then describe what you’d love to do to her.

What I do is do it very subliminally: “Right now, if you were standing in front of me, I would LOVE to look at you after I kissed you and see how hungry your eyes are. I’ll know just by the look in your eyes how I want to proceed with your body. I’ll know what I want to do next.”

You’re taking control at this point. You’re painting a picture. Most men don’t paint that picture – they paint a picture of weakness. You are basically telling her, “If I was there right now,  this is what I would do to you.”

Then, at that point, you have to judge her temperature. You can ask, “Well, do you want to hear more?” 99.9% of the time, she’s going to say of course! At this point, you want to be very subliminal in what you say to her. You want to say things like, “After I’m done kissing you, I would take a look and I know your body would be talking to me, and I know exactly what I would do. I would start at your neck…” and describe it.

“I would start at your neck, because I want to taste your skin in my mouth.” Use very explicit terminology: “I would then take my mouth and kiss every inch of your body, tasting every bit of you, and feeling your energy and the way you react” Use those terms. Not once do you ever say, “I want to spread your legs and lick you like an ice cream cone!” It’s all very subliminal.

At this point, you tell a story.  It’s all about how you tell that story . “Man I would just take you, flip you over, and kiss your back from head to toe,” and listen to the way that she is breathing. If she starts breathing a little bit heavier, or sighing a little bit or if she says, “Tell me more” and her voice is getting very breathy, it might even seem like she’s out of breath at this point. She might having short little bursts of breath, and saying, “more, more more…”

More, more, more

Then you can say to her, “Alright, if I was standing there, what would you do to me?” and allow her to describe it now. The thing about sex, and what a lot of men don’t do because they don’t understand how sexual women really are, is give women a chance to express their sexuality. Women are very sexual creatures.

You want to give women a chance to express their sexuality by saying, “Tell me what you would do for me.” Let them tell you and react to it! React positively. When she tells you the things she wants to do, say, “God I love that.” Encourage her a little bit more. A lot of times, her ex-boyfriend or ex-lover didn’t allow her to do those things – she didn’t feel that sexy around him.

The reason why she is exploring this with you over the safety of the phone is that she is trying to figure out who you are. She already has a fantasy about you in her head, so allow her to talk about that fantasy. And every time she says something great, say, “Oh man, that is so hot,” or, “Wow! That would feel so good,” or “I’m yours. You can do that!” And then just add some stuff to it so it becomes this conversation.

Then, at that point, when she is describing things, not only have you turned her on, but she’s turning herself on. You are allowing her to talk about her inner fantasies. At that point, you can say to her, “Let me ask you now, how wet are you?” She will say, “Very.” You then say, “I want you to feel yourself right now, and then describe to me how wet you are. Describe what it feels like in your fingers.”

Her reaction?

Many times she will say, “Oh I’ve been touching myself the whole time!” You ask, “You’ve been touching yourself?” And then you take total control. “Really. I want you to touch yourself some more, and I want to hear you. I want to hear what you’re fantasizing about right now. I want to hear your passion for me. I want to listen. I’m going to talk you through this. I want to listen to what you are burning for right now…” and allow her to talk.

Keep asking her, “What are you doing?” and she’ll tell you what she is doing! Encourage her. “Oh, keep doing that, I want to hear you cum. Cum for me baby, come on.” And then she’ll ask you if you’re touching yourself.

Whether or not you are watching ESPN or touching yourself is your own prerogative, but you say that you are touching yourself. Hopefully you are enjoying the phone sex, and actually having phone sex with her.

This is the way that you get a woman to have phone sex.

Not only that, but once you have phone sex with her, real sex is right around the corner. There is no waiting, no games, no playing, NOTHING. Once they’ve played with you on the phone, they want to play with you in person. You have something to go on.

The next day you text her and say, “Oh man, I’m going to make you beg tonight again. I’m going to make you beg!” and she’ll say, “Oh please don’t make me beg! When are we going to see each other?” And she’s going to beg, because you’ve gotten inside her head.

You have gotten inside her mind, and you’ve gotten inside her soul, like most guys haven’t done.

And that’s how you have great phone sex!

Filed Under: Sexting & Phone Sex Tagged With: female orgasm, foreplay, how to masturbate, masturbation, orgasm, phone sex

Think Masturbation is Wrong? Here’s The REAL Truth…

By christproerotic

This is how messed up my understanding of faith and sexuality was as a believer in Jesus. In order to show myself worthy and approved, in order to make sure I can present myself pure before God, self-love was not an option for a believer because it was seen as a sin against God.

Masturbation means I see something (or someone) to cause my loins to stir and thus touch myself; this means I violated the “fornication” code of having sex outside of marriage and violating God’s plan for me.

The message against masturbation

I can’t remember if I became a believer first, masturbated first, or both, but I think after reading some Christian books and hearing teachers from the pulpit come heavy against sexual issues I got the message very clear. If you are to a believer of honor, then you are to keep yourself sexually pure till marriage.

I tried not to touch myself down there. Not to masturbate or think of pleasing myself because it’s evil, of course. My will power (unfortunately) was like one Cosmo Kramer who was the first to loose “the Contest” against Jerry, Elaine, and George on the Seinfield series.

Then again, that could be a good thing.

But is It really wrong?

You see after many tears, many times mentally and spiritually beating myself up, I soon realized maybe masturbation is not a bad thing after all. My human sexuality teacher recommended Betty Dodson’s book “Sex for One.”

Man! Talk about an eye opening theory about the practice; she even had pictures and the whole nine yards.

But the thing that won me over to the “Touch Myself” club was a letter from a Pentecostal woman from Cincinnati, Ohio. She wrote how she felt guilty for years due to the church world she lives in, but because of the book it opened her eyes and mind. Now she knows God won’t shoot her down for touching herself.

“Well if she can do it and find inner peace, why not me?” I thought.

The truth about loving yourself

I realized a few things along the way to enjoy masturbation and keep things in perspective:

Many believers look at Onan as the reason why masturbation shouldn’t be part of a believer or non-believers life. If the passage in Genesis is looked at closely you can see it wasn’t masturbation in the sense of giving pleasure to ones self. God struck down Er because of his wickedness. After that happened, God asked Onan to fulfill the duty of his brother and continue the gene line by lying with his widow Tamar.

In what could be dubbed “the costliest money shot of all time” Onan “spilled his seed” so Er’s family line wouldn’t have an offspring. So Onan lost his life over the betrayal.

Tradition and retribution

Somehow tradition–or the fear of God’s retribution–latched on to this story as a way to keep many men (or women) from masturbation. So please, for the love of truth, stop blaming Onan as the one who messed up masturbation. Blame it all on tradition and for a wrong-headed approach to understanding to what self-love is all about.

The real truth

All the myths about masturbation–blindness, hairy palms, madness, neurotic disorder, etc.—are not true. Next!

We all masturbate throughout our lives. From the time we are babies till we are old and gray, masturbation is one of those things that makes us human. To deny it is both comical and tragic at the same time.

Frequency of self-love ranges from several times a day to every other day to a few weeks to none at all (unless one suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder). But normally, you are fine if that’s all you do with yourself.

God will not condemn you for having a sexual thought let alone if you are touching yourself over a sexual thought. You might have problems if you are thinking about possessing someone you know doesn’t belong to you.

But if a person turns you on, or an image, or a sexual thought and you just have to express your normal desires you are feeling then enjoy the time with yourself.

Masturbation is good for you!

The health benefits are huge! You can find out what turns you on and causes orgasm to releasing some sexual tension by masturbation. Also, it helps with sexual dysfunction due to the inability to orgasm, prostate health for men, relieves menstrual cramps, eases headaches, causes one to sleep, and promotes well being with the chemicals released during orgasm. Hmm, the benefits outweigh the myths. Did I mention it’s the safest sexual practice of them all?

The last thing about masturbation we need to touch on as Christians is the guilt factor. Again, if you feel you have the freedom to enjoy this practice without any guilt whatsoever weighing on your mind then enjoy.

Too many times believe everything our preachers and teachers say instead of studying for ourselves–with scientific fact and research–whether a practice is beneficial or not.

The information we have today is very accurate as opposed to the myths we discussed earlier. I have come to realize I have more issues about dealing with the things coming from my heart than self-love. Let all the ravers and ranters from the pulpit scream all they want. Masturbation is as good of a time as one person can with themselves.

Not that there’s anything wrong with it.

(Note: Thanks to Betty Dodson for their info and pick up a copy of her landmark book Sex for One: the Joy of Self-Loving)

Filed Under: Masturbation Tagged With: abstinence, masturbation, premarital sex

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