Oral sex is undoubtedly one of the most pleasurable of all sexual activities.
With the seemingly endless amount of delightful sensations oral sex can bring, it’s a wonder why anyone would willingly say no to it.
And although some people prefer to give it, and others prefer to receive it, most people enjoy doing both – Sometimes at the very same time!
But what happens when one person in a relationship completely refuses to engage in any kind of oral sex play, and the other absolutely adores it?
Is it possible to change someone’s mind about oral sex? Is it even reasonable or moral to try?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
I’ve been married for 15+ years & would love to have my husband to try anal &/or oral sex. He thinks it’s “vile & disgusting”.
I have been around the block once or twice before I married & enjoyed these activities very much! He won’t even let me give him oral sex, which I’ve been told I’m pretty good at.
How do I convince my hubby that I want this type of activity?
–Samantha, Ohio
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnqpEqn9mvM[/youtube]
How Can I Get My Husband to Try Oral Sex?
Talk to Him Openly Without Accusing Him of Anything
The first thing you have to understand when approaching a man with a sexual critique is that his ego will surely be bruised. For most men, sexual performance and sexual technique are very sensitive topics.
Our culture places a lot of pressure on men to be good in bed, so when you, as his lover, being to question something he is (or is not) doing sexually, his feelings will probably be hurt, and he will react defensively to your comments.
This is not how you want your conversation to go.
So in order to ease your partner into an honest and blame-free discussion about your sex life, be gentle and careful about what you say.
Never start this type of conversation with “What’s wrong with you?!” or any version of that!
Instead, begin by reinforcing the fact that you do enjoy having sex with him.
A compliment regarding your last sexual encounter such as, “I think you rock! Sex was great, but I just have one question…”, should make your partner feel good about himself and more open to whatever you have to say next.
Find Out His Real Reasons for Refusing to Try It
Once you’ve established a positive rapport, ask him in a non-accusatory tone, “Why do you think it’s so disgusting?”
Listen very carefully to what your partner has to say. How you respond will completely depend on what his underlying reasons are for not wanting to try oral sex (or any other sexual activity you are disagreeing on).
Three of the most common reasons why people refuse to have oral sex are because it goes against their moral and/or religious beliefs, it brings back negative childhood experiences such as abuse, or they’re concerned about the cleanliness aspect of it.
Obviously some of these reasons are easier to deal with than others.
If your partner’s main reason for refusing oral sex is that he feels it’s dirty or unsanitary, you could offer to take a shower before trying it. Or you could try taking an erotic shower together as foreplay and slipping it in then.
This might help to dissuade some of his hygienic concerns, as well as relax him into the experience itself. You never know, once you get your partner to try it, he may never want you to stop!
Be Prepared to Accept His Sexual Preferences
On the other hand, you must be prepared to accept the fact that regardless of what you say, your partner’s opinions regarding certain sexual activities may never change – especially if those opinions are based on foundational beliefs such as religion.
Even if his reason for not doing it is as simple as he just doesn’t like it, you have to understand, appreciate, and respect that. Everyone is entitled to their own sexual preferences.
In the end your partner may never be open to oral sex, and that has to be OK with you.
Remember there are hundreds and hundreds of other sexual things that you can both agree on and enjoy together. Don’t let one or two disagreements ruin the sexual things you do both enjoy!
Consider Swinging or Swapping as an Alternative
Even if your partner is uncomfortable having anal or oral sex himself, he may be open to the idea of someone else doing those things with you.
Depending on the dynamics of your relationship, bringing in someone else to fulfill those desires may be a good option.
If neither swinging nor swapping is an option, then you’ll have to make peace with your partner’s preferences and do your best to focus on and explore those activities you both feel comfortable with.