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How Having A Baby Can Affect Your Relationship

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Maybe you’ve just found out that you’re pregnant, or maybe you and your partner have been trying to decide when to have kids. Either way, it’s important to consider all of the ways that having a child will affect your relationship. Taking care of a baby is a lot of work. The stress it can cause and the time it will eat up can take a tremendous toll on you and your partner’s relationship.

That’s why it’s really important to start preparing yourself for the big changes you’ll be encountering long before your baby is actually born.

Preventing Unwanted Pregnancy

It may seem like an obvious tip, but if you really want to start out on the right foot, take the steps to make sure you or your partner doesn’t get pregnant on accident. Even though many surprise pregnancies turn out to be happy accidents, the shock of the surprise can add extra stress. Always practice safe sex if you’re not ready for a baby yet.

That’s particularly true if one of you is less prepared for parenthood than the other, or if your relationship isn’t very serious yet. Just watch one episode of Sixteen and Pregnant, and you’ll understand why it’s better to have a child that you’ve planned for with someone you truly love. Whether your pregnancy is planned or not, once you find out about it, you need to have a talk with your partner.

Allow yourselves to experience all the emotions of the moment—excitement, happiness, nervousness, etc. Openly discuss your hopes and fears and promise to be there for each other when either of you needs to talk about your impending parenthood.

Splitting Up The Parenting Duties

Before the baby arrives, be sure to discuss how you’re going to split up the childcare duties. There are so many things to deal with, from diaper changes and feedings to playtime and going for walks. If you try to balance your roles, neither of you will have the chance to feel resentful toward the other one for not pulling their weight. Of course, once the baby actually arrives, it may be hard to stick to your exact plans, but just having a rough idea of what to do will help you both.

It’s also really important that you savor the last few months before your baby is born. Take advantage of any time you have to be together in a one-on-one setting. Any romantic or passionate moments that you can enjoy now should be taken advantage of, because once the baby shows up, you’ll both be way too busy. Sex will be nonexistent for awhile, not only because a woman has to wait for a bit after giving birth, but also because you’ll both likely be too overwhelmed and exhausted to consider it.

Once you’re both feeling better and have found your baby-care rhythm, however, you should try to work some sex back in. Don’t pressure each other, but do realize that you’ll both be happier for it. You need to keep your physical connection going.

Don’t Forget To Appreciate Your Partner

You may both feel consumed by childcare, so you have to make an effort to appreciate each other. If your partner is particularly helpful with something, thank him or her. Take the time to acknowledge what a good job they’re doing with the baby. If one of you goes back to work before the other one, be empathetic to any jealousy that may bubble up.

Try to take turns watching the little one so you both get some time away from the house. Recognize the fact that you’ll both be getting way less sleep than normal, so if one of you gets snappish, the other one should try not to take it too personally. Above all, remember that your baby will be older and less dependent before you know it.

The toughest parts of caring for an infant won’t last forever, and you will eventually be able to sleep through the night, have sex, and even go on the occasional date night again. Keep a sense of humor, be kind to each other, and look forward to how much fun you’ll have when your little one gets older. Hang in there and support each other, and you may find you’re more in love than ever before.

Q&A: My Husband Says I’m Too Fat Too Have Sex With Me

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It’s not uncommon for a man to have a reduction in his sex drive as he gets older, but he may try to blame it on you. He may suggest that you are overweight and not attractive, or come up with some other reason as to why he doesn’t want to have sex with you – and it will probably end up being something that he consideres “your fault.” The truth is, however, that there are many reasons that a man can lose his sex drive as he gets older, including being a new parent among other things. Here’s how to find out the truth of the matter and whether it’s really you or something else.

Question:  My husband is 30 & I’m 20 – he absolutely seems to hate having sex! We do it about 2 times a month, IF I’m lucky! He said it’s because I need to lose weight. (I’m 5 foot 5 inches and 165 pounds) He’s really rude about it. Is there a way to get him more turned on to where he’ll want to have sex despite how I look? I just had a baby 9 months ago. I’ve tried giving him a blowjob or a handjob, but when it comes to returning the favor he just won’t do it. Can you give me any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGgJynY_sbU[/youtube]

Try To Find Out What Is Really Going On

You may be taken aback at first when he suggests that his lowered libido is a result of your being overweight, but don’t take it to heart right away. There may be other things that are responsible for his reduced sex drive that he just doesn’t know about and the only thing he can think to blame it on is the way your body looks and that he considers it “unappealing.” A change in his lifestyle – such as a new job or a new baby – could be the culprit, as well as other things like certain medications and even his diet and exercise habits. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to determine whether it really is about you or if there might be some deeper issues going on that your partner just isn’t aware of.

  • When did this start?
  • Have you always had the same weight-to-height ratio or have you recently gained?
  • Have you always had sex just a few times a month, or is this something new that has started happening?
  • Did you just have your first baby?
  • Is he having job stress or other types of stress in his life?
  • Has he started taking medication of some kind?
  • Is he eating a healthy, nutrient rich diet?
  • Is HE exercising and maintaining a healthy weight?

Talking To Him About It

It’s important to talk to him about what is going on in your sex life (or lack thereof) but picking the right time and place is absolutely essential in getting through to him. Don’t try to talk to him about the issue right after you’ve either had sex or you’ve initiated sex and he’s declined. You also don’t want to do it when he’s stressed out, like right after work or when the baby is fussy. Hire a babysitter, set aside some time for you and your partner to go to dinner and initiate the conversation in a casual and non-critical way. The best way to get through to your partner about what is really going on with him is to avoid being critical of him and what he says. This can be difficult because he’s coming at you with accusations that can really hurt your feelings, but try your best to maintain a level head or the only thing that will come out of it will be a huge, ugly argument. If you can’t work through these issues on your own, consider couples counseling. Find a counselor that you and your partner are both comfortable with and talk to them about the problems you and your partner are having. A good counselor will not blame either of you for what is going on (because let’s face it, the blame game will get you absolutely nowhere) and will help you and your partner find the tools to change what you need to change in your relationship to have a better sex life.

Changing Your Body

If you’ve just gained weight from having a baby, relax a little and be confident that your body will return to its normal size and shape if you maintain a healthy diet and exercise plan. If you’ve always been overweight though, consider taking what your partner is saying to heart (at least a little bit). It may be hard to hear, but being overweight just doesn’t make you unappealing to him, it also places hazards on your health. Overweight people are more at risk for high blood pressure and heart disease, as well as diabetes and other life threatening conditions. Consider losing weight for you. Think about how great you’ll feel afterwards! There are lots of ways to lose weight, but one of the most fun ways is through sex. Perhaps if you tell your partner about some new sex positions that you’ve learned help lose weight, he’ll be interested in joining the cause!

Sex During Pregnancy – Is It Safe?

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Sex during pregnancy is a touchy topic. Pregnant women may be afraid that rough sex will hurt the baby, while men may be just plain weirded out by the idea of sharing his sacred space with another being. So will sex during pregnancy hurt an unborn child, or do you have the green light to make like rabbits until the baby’s born?

Body Changes During Pregnancy

A woman’s body goes through huge changes while she is pregnant and everything feels different. Her breasts may hurt, her vagina may feel swollen or she may feel too tired to have sex at all. On the other hand, she may be rearing and ready to go! She may be more aroused than you’ve ever seen her before and it will be all you can do to keep her from tackling you when you walk in the door. A woman’s vagina will increase the amounts of lubrication it produces during pregnancy, and may make sex feel better for both you and her than before she got pregnant. Some women who have never had orgasms before or have struggled having multiple orgasms report that they were able to while they were pregnant simply because of the increased blood flow to the vaginal area. So sex can be great during pregnancy, but is it safe for the baby?

Don’t Worry About The Baby

During the first trimester, the baby is small enough that pretty much no amount of thrusting is going to harm it or dislodge it from its comfy surroundings. The second and third trimesters are a different story, but not because the baby is in any real danger. The bigger a woman’s belly gets during pregnancy, the harder it can be to find sex positions that are comfortable and pleasurable for both you and your partner. As far as physically hurting the baby goes, it’s pretty much impossible in a healthy pregnancy. The amniotic sac and uterine muscles protect the baby regardless of which stage of pregnancy she’s in. The baby will definitely feel movement and may even enjoy it (say, being rocked to sleep) but you’re not going to poke its eye out with your penis.

When NOT To Have Sex During A Pregnancy

That said, there are some instances in which you should avoid having sex while you’re pregnant. First off, if your doctor says no sex, it really means NO SEX! Your doctor has his or her reasons for putting a stop to sex during your pregnancy and they’re to keep your baby safe. Usually, this happens if there’s something going on in the pregnancy that isn’t normal. For example, if you have a history of premature babies or going into labor early, you may want to avoid rough sex or sex at all. If your water has already broken or you are experiencing bleeding, definitely don’t have sex and see your doctor right away. If you’re concerned that it might not be safe for you to have sex with your partner during pregnancy, ask your doctor. He or she can either put your fears about sex during pregnancy to rest or let you know that you really do have something to be concerned about.

Sex Positions To Use When You’ve Got A Big Belly

Sex during the second and third trimesters is tricky, because your growing belly can definitely get in the way. Finding sex positions that are better for pregnancy isn’t hard, but it can require some experimentation. Doggy style is a favorite of many pregnant couples, but can be painful if he thrusts too hard. You can also try woman on top or spooning, which keeps your belly out of the way but still allows you to experience pleasure from sex.

Q&A: Does A Woman’s Vagina Get Looser After Having Babies?

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A woman’s body goes through several monumental changes when she becomes pregnant and has a baby. Not only does she have mood swings and weird food cravings, she’s also going to have larger breasts and – eek! – a looser vagina if she gives birth naturally. Is this something that is permanent or is everything going to go back to normal?

Question: Is it true that the more babies a woman has had the less pleasure she feels from sex, because she is ‘loose’?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zG0J3fxWei4[/youtube]

Does Everything Go Back To Normal?

While some women take longer to “bounce back” after having a baby than others, almost every woman’s body returns back to normal after having a child. The breast size will reduce after she stops breastfeeding, and the vagina will firm back up in the months after she’s given birth. A vagina does stretch a great deal when accomodating a the size of a baby, but the skin and tissue down there is very elastic and most of the time will return to it’s normal size and shape after everything is said and done. This certainly doesn’t happen right away, however, and it may even take several months to a year before her body is fully back to normal.

How She Can Take Care Of Herself

Exercising and eating a healthy diet is one of the best things she can do to help her own body return to normal as quickly as possible. To help her vagina return to normal after birth, she can regularly do kegel exercises. Kegels involve squeezing the PC muscles (the same ones used to stop the flow of urine) and holding them several times in a row. The PC and pelvic floor muscles are what are weakened during pregnancy and the birthing process, so exercising them regularly will help them firm up. Remember to follow all doctor’s orders for exercise, diet and sex after pregnancy. Most doctors recommend waiting at least six weeks after a natural, uncomplicated birth to release a woman for exercise and sex. This time frame may be longer if the birth was complicated or a c-section was performed.

Will Some Changes Be Permanent?

Typically, no. A woman’s body is designed to be with child and to give birth – it’s a completely natural process. The biggest changes you may notice after a woman gives birth are that she carries weight in different places than she did before or is heavier now, but of course, exercise and a healthy diet will help some with that. Her breasts may be a little saggier, but then again, gravity affects most women at some point in their lives! A woman’s vagina may be very different after giving birth if she had an episiotomy or tore during the birthing process. An episiotomy is where the skin between the vagina and anus is cut to make more room for the baby, and the incision is stitched up afterwards. Some doctors will repair vaginal tears and some won’t, depending on the doctor’s preference and the severity of the tear. This may change the way her vagina looks and feels, but it won’t stop her or you from receiving sexual pleasure and more often than not the changes are small and easy to overlook.

Q&A: Help! My Girlfriend Does NOT Want Me To Use A Condom

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While using a condom is a great way to protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, not everyone likes the way a condom feels. Both men and women can find condoms uncomfortable, and many find it harder to orgasm when using one. Are there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s?

Question: I have a problem. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom while having sex. I’m telling her that we must use it to prevent pregnancy. She is telling me that there is other ways of contraception, but she doesn’t want to have a condom in her. What other simple ways you can suggest to prevent pregnancy? And what should I do? Should I talk to her more about using a condom?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD5nPgGfv0U[/youtube]

Why Doesn’t She Want To Use A Condom?

If your partner doesn’t want you to use a condom, try to find out what it is about condoms that make her so uncomfortable. Does she have a latex allergy and she doesn’t know it? Is she sensitive to spermicide in condoms, or does she simply not like the way that it feels? There are a number of different kinds of condoms available, including polyurethane condoms for those with latex allergies, scented and flavored condoms, textured condoms and condoms without spermicide if she’s sensitive. Try getting a “goodie bag” of condoms together (you can buy a mixed lot of condoms easily online) and suggest trying them out.

Other Forms Of Birth Control

There are other forms of birth control available, such as the pill, the patch or the shot. But none of these contraception methods help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are absolutely positive that you are both monogamous to each other and have had recent, completely negative STD testing results (and no unprotected partners in between), you just can’t be sure that you won’t transmit or contract a sexually transmitted disease. One of the best ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s together is for the woman to use a form of hormonal birth control such as the pill or the patch in addition to using a condom. This double layer protection is the best way to ease your mind and let you have fun with your partner without worrying about STD’s and pregnancy.

No Glove, No Love

Ultimately, you decide whether you’re comfortable using a condom or not. Don’t let your partner pressure you into not using a condom if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You and your partner may find an alternative birth control method that works well for the both of you, but make sure it’s something you are comfortable with too. Remember though that the end decision lies with you. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, don’t do it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you have to. There’s nothing wrong with insisting that you be safe and if your partner ends the relationship because of it, you’ll regret that a lot less than an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with a sexually transmitted disease.