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Tiger Woods’ Indescretions

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Tiger Woods has all but admitted his philandering ways, most recently coming out with a statement saying that he has “let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all my heart.”

It remains to be seen how everything unfolds, how many women come forward, and what exactly he’ll admit to, but for now the couple is seeking privacy, which is a prerogative we should all honor.

Why Do People Cheat?

In the November issue of The New York Daily News an article about “What Makes Men Cheat” reports that people cheat because something is missing from their lives – even though everything may appear perfect. The article mentions that just because people have mastered something – in this case, playing a sport – doesn’t mean they’ve been able to learn how to have a healthy, honest, and emotionally intimate relationship. Tiger and his wife are successful, rich and have two darling children. It’s possible that this last component may be a contributing factor for his affair(s).

When a new baby comes into the picture men lose center stage status. They might begin to feel like a neglected sibling, fighting for attention from their wife. Of course, no one wants to admit this because feeling competitive with your child or baby just seems silly. Statistics show that a set-up for adultery is created with this complex combination of feeling neglected, feeling guilty, and repressing those feelings.

How To Heal After An Affair

Reports are now surfacing that Tiger is amending his pre-nup to include an extra “payout” to his wife Elin if she stays with him for a certain length of time. Of course, I don’t believe you can buy love, but I do believe that people can move beyond affairs and relationships can heal. I discuss this concept extensively in my book, “Make Up Don’t Break Up.” If both parties are willing to reconcile, a new, healthy relationship can be built from the ground up. Healing is possible, and privacy at this time is key for the couple to sort out their complex feelings.

The Best Gift Of All

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With the holidays passing and the new year rapidly approaching, this is definitely the season for us to be counting our blessings, especially given the amount of chaos that touched so many of our lives this year. However, there is one gift in 2009 that is above and beyond all the other blessings.

A New Adventure

This generation is moving from a focus on the self to a focus on the greater community, and that shift in consciousness indicates that it’s time to redefine ourselves and prioritize according to what is most important for us as a whole. Love is reclaiming its rightful place in the center of our lives, and a new generation is joining hands to face a better future. Is there anything more exciting than the thought of us heading down that road together?

The road is not only the start of a new adventure, it’s a way for us to connect heaven and earth, our hearts and imaginations, and all of our unique gifts and wisdom. If music is what happens between the written nots, then this new collective soul of ours is composing an entirely different song. We are ready now, more than ever, to celebrate who we are and what we have fought for.

My heart is full of thanks for those who have stood beside me during this leg of the journey, as I manifest my desire to mend broken hearts and heal the wounds of suffering. I send love to everyone who has helped with this journey, and to those who have benefited from it. I send love to those who are searching for knowledge, and to those who help provide it. I send love to those who are in a difficult place, who feel frightened and alone, and to those whose hearts are overflowing with a passion for helping. I send love to those who have accompanied us here, who have written in, offered a caring shoulder, stayed with us as we have grown together, and to those who continue to strive for something higher as we head down the road less traveled. These blessings could not have have happened without your continued presence!

Because of the fantastic company I am blessed with this past year, I am really looking forward to the coming year. 2010 is going to be an exciting year for “Ask Maryanne”!

Tiger Woods – Shame On Who?

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Men have plenty of excuses for Tiger Woods’ sexual mis-steps ~ things like: “Powerful men have a higher sex drive” or, “Men are just wired that way” or, “If women don’t want their men to stray, they need to turn up the passion in the bedroom.” And I say – Pleeeeze! We all know that men do not have a corner on the hormone market; the secret’s out and the facts are in, so enough with this foolishness—if we’re looking for excuses, let’s come up with something original. On second thought, why make excuses at all?!

Let me direct your attention to what I’m calling SI: Spiritual Incontinence. Defined: a sudden swift departure from one’s internal compass, brought about by the unconscious wound of separation. SI, I believe, is a malady that most of us who live in the western world not only suffer from but, ironically, subscribe to. We know what the high road is, and choose to submit to our lower nature, to hell with the consequences. And yes, I said choose.

Choices, Choices

It’s one thing to be broke and uneducated and thus make poor choices out of ignorance; it’s another to be out of integrity and behave abominably on purpose. Maybe my view point will explain things better – I believe that people just do what they do. (And, in many cases, whatever they can get away with! Or THINK they can get away with!) Unless you are a bona fide junkie, addicted to the rush of break-up and make-up, wake up and smell the truth:

First, being famous, powerful, rich or having a penis, in general, is not a precursor to infidelity or cheating. The difference between being a cheater and having cheated is gaping. If you don’t know the difference, bone up and grow up. There is no longer an excuse for not educating yourself unless you cannot read.

Second, women who choose to be in relationship with men who are cheaters do so because we are either afraid to be abandoned or alone, are financially dependent, are defined by a man wanting or loving us, or simply do not yet honor and respect ourselves. Take note: NONE of these reasons fall into the “we actually love him and want to stand by him” category.” This is immature and romanticized. And if your man has moved from having cheated to being a cheater, he doesn’t need help. You do—get some, and some self-respect while you’re at it. You will be thrilled you did in the long run!

Getting Some Peace Of Mind

Third, do you know what one of women’s greatest strengths is? One of our greatest gifts? Our intuition. We see the red flags; we just …want what we want. We want handsome, tall, and strong/rich, powerful, and sexy/ hunky, artistic, etc., etc., guys who will sweep us off our feet and we’ll live happily ever after. We like the idea of love, not the reality. And I gotta tell you this; fantasy gets us into more trouble than just about anything. Slap yourself. Pay attention. Do your homework. Very few men turn into cheaters who were not already cheaters of some kind. The writing is on the wall—read it OR pay the price. How much is your peace of mind, your soul, worth? I’ll bet Mr-pro-golfer’s wife is asking herself that right now. Heavy price to pay, I say!

And fourth – and last (for now, anyway) – Do you want to stay a victim and a blamer, or embrace the path of a skilled relationship warrior goddess? Maybe it’s time to fan your inner flame, turn up the volume of your passionate heart, and say YES to what’s most sacred and NO to what is not. To deny any suitor who has not taken care to bow before the divine, honor women and children, to live by the code inscribed in their deepest core, whose life reflects this on and off the field! How about you…shame on who?

Great relationships begin within!

Best Love And Marriage Articles Of 2009

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This year, public scandals have been on the cover of every tabloid magazine and on every news channel from NBC to ABC to CNN. The Letterman adultery scandal and more recently, the Tiger Woods adultery scandal may make you wonder if there’s any possibility of having a successful marriage or relationship at all without the involvement of an affair. Even though public scandals have topped the list this year, we’ve countered them with tons of articles on how to have successful relationships and marriages, and how to avoid having an affair whether it’s a financial affair or straight up cheating or infidelity. We’ve covered just about every topic there is on love and marriage, so take a peek at our best love and marriage articles of 2009 so you can ring in the new year with a successful and loving relationship or marriage!

Whether You Are With A Cougar Or A Sugar Daddy, Here’s How To Make The Age Difference Work For You!

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Even though the social situation of men dating and marrying “cougars” seems to be a relatively new idea, it’s actually been around for quite awhile. Some famous cougar women of the Twentieth Century include Mary Tyler Moore, Dinah Shore, Cher, Lana Turner, and, of course, Demi Moore. All of them were and are very sexy, vibrant women who attracted and sometimes married much younger sexy and virile men. Burt Reynolds, who was Dinah Shore’s love for a number of years, was twenty years her junior.

The older men who marry younger women have been called “sugar daddies” because, generally speaking, older men tend to be financially stable, able to afford a lifestyle for their second or third (or fourth) younger wives that the women would not be privy to with a man their own age.

Why Age Differentiated Couples Get Together

Today, life is both more complicated and simpler for couples with a big age difference. Financial security doesn’t necessarily come with age and the stigma that used to accompany these relationships is no longer as intense as it once was. More of us find ourselves in second and third (or more) committed relationships in the course of our lives. More age differentiated couples are formed due to mutual attraction and chemistry and less as a result of his or her net worth securing another’s youth and beauty.

What all this means is that couples with a big age difference between them are more likely to have formed due to healthy reasons, like falling in love! However, the game these couples play is complex. There are certain rules that help all players involved succeed. That’s what I want to share with you today.

I come to this article a little prejudiced. My husband, Joseph, is seventeen years my senior. Of all the memorable incidents related to our age difference, the most entertaining one to share happened after we’d been married for a number of years. Sitting across from a couple we’d just been introduced to at a luncheon, I watched their faces change expression as they figured out how to label us. At first they thought we were father and daughter. Their faces clearly revealed their discomfort with the apparent incestuous energy between us! When they discovered we were husband and wife, their faces relaxed momentarily only to scrunch up again as they clearly assumed Joseph was my sugar daddy!

How To Make The Age Difference Work For You

Learn to laugh together over those who will judge you. And they will. It doesn’t matter how sophisticated your family and friends may be, the age difference will push some buttons. Let that be their problem.

Respect the wisdom that comes with the greater number of years your partner has on you. This doesn’t mean you accept condescension from them. In fact, a good way to avoid being patronized is to appreciate their life experience and what that adds to both your lives.

There will be generation gaps. Accept them. Between Joseph and me it’s pretty harmless. I love situation comedies and he can’t stand them. I like his Rock ‘n Roll favorites from the early decades while he only tolerates the soft rock I prefer from later decades. These likes and dislikes aren’t worth forcing on each other. If there is something about your generation that he or she doesn’t appreciate, you are not being rejected. Let it go.

Respect the tension that might exist between you and your parents, aunts and uncles, and family friends who are the same generation as your lover or spouse. You now operate in their field of influence, so to speak, in a way you never did before. They may or may not be comfortable with this. It isn’t worth trying to fix. Let them work out how they deal with the tension and let them handle it. A 50-year-old referring to a 48-year-old as her “daughter-in-law” isn’t the end of the world, particularly when another parent considers her a good friend. As long as they’re doing their best and not trying to offend, let them off the hook.

Choose Your Battles

There are too many easy battles on this playing field that aren’t worth fighting. You do well to observe first and for a long time, giving yourself a chance to respond later. Similar to dealing with how your parents handle it, you may have his or her grown children in your life who are your peers or even older than you. It is wise to allow all these people their processes around your union while expecting to be respected at the same time.

Making friends as a couple can be a challenge. You may find that your friends are not comfortable with your lover (or spouse) and his or her friends are not comfortable with you (especially if there is an “ex” they are fond of). Getting married doesn’t make it any easier for the old friends to get on board. There’s a risk of becoming isolated but hang in there. Do things you both enjoy that involve other people and you’ll make new friends of a variety of ages who appreciate both of you.

This list isn’t exhaustive but it will get you started in the right direction. The simple version is respect and cherish each other for the unique gifts you each bring to what is still a unique relationship. Play and have fun. Let the good chemistry between you be evident for others to witness and they will eventually release their judgment and embrace your love for each other.