I’ve noted before that more and more women are making more than their partners and spouses, and although statistically in many jobs, men still make more than women, the balance of monetary “power” in many relationships is shifting. So how is this balance holding up in the recession? Turns out, it’s shifting even more toward women as their status as breadwinner continues to become more and more prevalent. According to a New York Times study. over the passed year – as companies from Citibank to GM announced massive layoffs, 82 percent of the people getting laid off have been men. It won’t be long before women become the majority of the American workforce.

Is This Good News?

This can be both good and bad news. It’s good because more women being primary money-makers is an opportunity to finally disprove the outdated idea that supporting a family is a man’s job. But on the other hand, for many, this isn’t what they had in mind. Being forced into a breadwinning role because of far less-than-stellar circumstances is probably far from what most women had in mind. Making more than a partner because the partner is out of work is not really something positive.

CNN.com talked to a few women who know about these pros and cons first hand. One women laments that now her boyfriend of 17 years has become needy, saying, “We haven’t gone out to a restaurant since and are buying store brands at the market. He’d never admit it, but he’s become more needy. When I’ve had a stressful day at work, it’s hard to come home and be upbeat and supportive.”

Another woman blames the recession for her breakup, as her boyfriend had to relocate to find work: “Between September and January, my boyfriend has been laid off four times. He applied for tons of jobs in Los Angeles, but got zero response. Then he posted his resume in Boston, where he’s from. He got 10 calls quickly. We decided it was best for him to move back to Boston. The recession has split us up.”

Yet another working woman explains how the duties have shifted to her stay-at-home spouse: “My husband Paul is now responsible for keeping the house clean, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, taking our son to practices, helping with homework, plus walking the dog.”

Communicating With Your Partner Is The Key

I’ve always stressed in my practice and with my patients, the power of non-judgmental communication, or what I call “Smart Heart Dialogue.” This type of communication is even more important now, when egos are fragile, stress abounds, and tempers are short. It’s important that each person give the other a place in which they can be honest and – just as importantly – a place where each person knows the other is going to take their honesty to heart. What good is a conversation if no change comes from the concerns voiced? It’s crucial to have constant, two-way communication, but each person must also be committed to making reasonable changes if necessary and compromising when applicable.

A young woman with the pen name “Lulu Taylor” has written a novel about the love triangle between a mama’s boy, his lover, and his mother. It is called “Stop the Mama’s Boys” and is a response to the number of grown men who live at home with their mothers out of financial necessity but who also have what she calls an “unnatural” relationship with their mothers. She makes a good point. She says, “Nature did not intend for a boy to remain a boy. And, if you have a man still living at home or in a position where his mama is still making decisions for him … well … that’s a problem. Do women want to marry boys or men?”

When Moms Interfere

Lulu has witnessed mothers who dramatically interfere in the romantic lives of their sons, not totally unlike the mothers on the reality series, “Momma’s Boys.” As a relationship coach who specializes in the romantic challenges facing mama’s boys and daddy’s girls, I have a more hopeful outlook, I think, on the phenomenon. I also see a wider variety of mama’s boys than Lulu does. As a single young woman, she comes from a part of society that is dealing with the phenomenon in the dating phase of relationships with interfering moms getting the upper hand. I see it more in established marriages and partnerships where it has very little to do with an interfering mom and a lot to do with the dynamics between husband and wife.

Whereas Lulu’s perspective has her naming the sins of the mothers, I assert that mama’s boys are not created by mothers alone. It has as much, perhaps more, to do with the physical, mental, and emotional absence of fathers.

Fathers Play An Important Role Too

When as a teenager a boy doesn’t move from the sphere of influence of his mother to the sphere of influence of his father (where the father can pass on to the son generations of masculine potency), it is because the invitation was not delivered by the father. Moving into his father’s masculine sphere is an invitation only a man can extend. Mothers cannot. They do not have the masculine potency to give to their sons.

Furthermore, the young man’s choice to remain his mother’s son is born of love and loyalty to an entire family system. It isn’t born of his mother alone. Chances are she is a daddy’s girl whose parents are a mama’s boy and a daddy’s girl. Chances are his father is a mama’s boy whose parents are also a mama’s boy and a daddy’s girl. The loyalty to be like the rest of the family runs deep. If mom was abandoned by her husband and/or father or mother, then the mama’s boy feels chivalrous in his efforts to take care of her by remaining her boy.

Yes, there has been an explosion of mama’s boys in the last several generations. But for every mama’s boy there is a daddy’s girl ready and willing to take care of him. The problem is that the dynamics between the young lovers set the woman up to compete with his mother and they set the man up to compete with her dad.

What To Do If You’re The Lover Of A Mama’s Boy

The couple, if they are willing to be self-disciplined about it, can take care of this together by reminding themselves they are neither each other’s parents, nor are they each other’s children, refusing to step into those roles even as each of them attempts to seduce the other to step into the roles!

They do not have to go to war with the mother. They can gently and steadily release her by looking to themselves 1) as the creators of their own reality, 2) as the containers of their respective masculine and feminine energies, 3) by looking to each other as two equal adults in love, and 4) getting assistance whenever necessary with each of those three things!

I was fascinated by the fact that at Lulu’s site, www.stopthemamasboys.com, she offers her book in a plain black cover so that you can read it at your leisure wherever you like without being embarrassed or given a hard time for it. This is a sensitive issue. I remember, particularly when I was single, resenting people feeling they could comment on what I was reading (or what book I was purchasing) – such an invasion of privacy! I had the same the dilemma when my husband and I published our self-help book for mama’s boys and daddy’s girls! We took those words out of the title all together and expressed the dynamics instead. It’s called “Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart.” We too wanted people to feel comfortable buying our book and reading it in public without being harassed!

As I’ve said before when it comes to mama’s boys and daddy’s girls, men taking care of the women and children in their lives and women getting things done in the world is good stuff and nothing to be ashamed of! The dynamics can cause tension in a marriage that can lead to divorce. But, as I hope I’ve shown in this article, there is hope for restoring the marriage to a yummy, passionate, satisfying place that can last a lifetime!