Relationship Advice

Single? Take the ‘Why Am I Single?’ Love Quiz, Maybe You’ll Find Out Why…

Every once in a while, we run across something cool and want to share it with you…We came across this cool little quiz the other day.

Wondering why you’re still single? Or have you even given up wondering and just accepted being alone?

Some people enjoy spending some quality, relaxing time by themselves, you know, ‘me time’.

But that’s a very, very different situation from being lonely and alone – not having another person in your life. We’re pack animals and need that human contact, that personal presence, that comforting touch. For most people, being alone is a really depressing reality, and it basically sucks.

Well, stop it!

Take the ‘Why Am I Single?’ love quiz and maybe you’ll find out what you’re doing wrong. It’s a short, fun love quiz that may well help you find your way, or maybe find where you’re going the wrong way.

The short quiz walks you through some soul searching questions, to see what you’d do in certain romantic (or romantically related) situations. For example, how you would deal with your new love interest inviting you to meet their parents – maybe a little too early in the relationship. What would YOU do?

One particularly cool feature is that once you take the love quiz you can embed the widget (a link to the quiz) on your blog or MySpace page and it’ll show off your results along with a cutesy note.

Here are our results:

Jennifer – "I believe that any species who can’t work a toilet seat is inferior!"

Dan – "The women, they always escape"

It’s really fun and short (only 7 questions), so check it out at OnlineDating.org and let us know your results.

Why Are Men So Afraid of ‘I Love You’?

By paulcarlson

Many women have been in relationships where the man is hesitant to say those three little words that she’s anxious to hear, “I love you.”

Why do men have such an issue with saying that they love a woman, especially if they’ve been dating for quite some time and have become exclusive?

“Why are men so afraid to say ‘I love you’?”

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQB2VQReBgI[/youtube]

Commitment Phobia

Many men are afraid of commitment. That’s just the way it is. Many men don’t want to settle down and even when they are ready to settle down, they’re afraid of admitting it to themselves and to other people.

Society makes huge demands on men, including putting out the idea that men are supposed to be frivolous when it comes to women and date around. It can be difficult for a man, especially for a man that is afraid of commitment, to think of himself as someone who has settled down.

Many men feel that once you’ve settled down, you’ve lost your “spunk” or your sexuality and some men feel that once they settle down, a woman begins to control their lives. We’ve all heard those horror stories of grown men having curfews, and these are things that can cause a man to be afraid of telling their partner that they love them.

Societal Pressure

Many men feel pressure from society to be “manly” and feel they will be made fun of or ridiculed when they choose to share their feelings.

From childhood, men are taught that they shouldn’t share their feelings and the way society views men that do share their feelings is a hefty contributor to the fact that many men are afraid to tell their partners they love them.

A combination of societal pressure and commitment phobia are huge factors that contribute to the reasons that men don’t say, “I love you.”

What Do You Do?

If you’re a woman who’s been dating a man who hasn’t said, “I love you,” especially you have been dating him for a significant period of time, you most likely feel frustrated and at a loss. If you’re in this position, give your partner more time.

You can’t force him to love you or even to say it, whether he means it or not. Look for other ways that he might show you he loves you. Does he fill your car with gas? Does he pick up your favorite food when he runs to the grocery store?

Men show their feelings and let their partner know they love them in a number of ways, besides just saying, “I love you.” It’s possible for your partner to tell you he loves you without really saying the words at all!

Relax a little bit and let your partner show you that they love you in their own time, on their own terms. If you love your partner, don’t be afraid to say it. Just make sure that your partner doesn’t feel pressured to say it back just because you said it.

Eventually, if you and your partner become very close and end up in a long term relationship or even a marriage, your partner will tell you that they love you – even if it’s just between you and him.

Why Have I Lost All Interest In Having Sex?

By melody

Losing interest in sex when you’ve been in a relationship for awhile, and even if you haven’t, can be frustrating and even embarrassing. You want to experience your partner intimately and of course, your partner does too!

If you’ve lost interest in sex, how can you find out what is behind it? What can you and your partner do?

Why am I no longer interested in having sex with my husband?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY5vSyCy5VA[/youtube]

Physical Reasons

There are a multitude of reasons that a woman, or a man, can lose interest in having sex with their partner. The first issue to explore is if there’s a physical reason for this.

For example, if a woman’s testosterone level is low, she may lose interest in sexual activity. The first thing you’ll want to do if you’ve stopped finding sex enjoyable is to check with your doctor.

Emotional Reasons

Many women and men suffer physical, emotional and sexual abuse as children and even as adults. Even if these issues are past, they can affect how you feel about sex and intimacy in the here and now.

You might not even realize it! If you’ve suffered any kind of abuse and you think it’s possible that the emotional after effects of it could be affecting your relationship and your sex life, it’s time to bring in a professional.

Talk to a therapist or a counselor. They can definitely give you the tools you need to push past these emotional issues and get your sex life back on track.

Life Balance

In today’s busy world, it’s common for both men and women to get up at five or six in the morning to get the kids ready for school and go to work, and not hit the sack until it’s 11:00 or 12:00 at night. That’s quite a long day!

It’s really no surprise that by the time you and your partner crawl into bed after a hard, busy day that you would have no interest in sex. Work on your life balance and find ways to rest and relax so you can recharge your batteries.

Get a little more sleep and maybe give up an activity or two that isn’t necessary. Work together with your partner to make these changes so that you both have the energy to experience each other sexually.

Discord With Your Partner

If you’ve been with your partner for awhile, and in some cases if you’re in a new relationship, you might not be feeling emotionally safe or connected with them. Contrary to popular belief, sex and intimacy has everything to do with feeling emotionally connected and safe with someone.

If you don’t feel connected and safe, it’s likely that you’re not going to be interested in sharing yourself sexually. You can help bring your relationship together so you can have a better sex life by doing a number of things. If your relationship is really distant, you can consider seeing a relationship counselor or a therapist.

You can also start by talking to your partner and sharing yourself with them. Take time out of your day for each other! You’d be surprised at how many men and women feel like they’re roommates rather than partners with their partner after awhile. Taking time out to spend with each other is something that can really help bring you together sexually later on.

How To Manage Money Issues in a Loving Relationship

By laurieweiss

When “money” is a couple’s issue, is there any way to get past it and still have a loving and supportive relationship, especially if every other aspect of the relationship is strong and loving other than the ways of looking at money (particularly in tough times)?

This money question from Jenny describes a problem many couples face. Money issues can be especially intense because money discussions are usually about much more than just money.

When Money Becomes an Issue

In tough times the money issue comes up because it represents a very basic need—security. When you feel threatened your normal rational way of functioning often becomes very primitive.

Your basic emotional instincts take over without their normal restraint. Therefore, the number one rule is to NOT discuss money when you are scared about not getting what you need. It’s very hard to be rational when you’re afraid and you can’t solve anything when you feel that way.

What You Can Do Differently

A couple of things you can do differently is to have some money talks when you’re feeling calm and connected. You can try these questions to stimulate a different kind of conversation. They’re based on Transactional Analysis (TA), a system for understanding, predicting and changing behavior that was developed in the 60’s.

TA explains that you act in at least 3 distinctly different ways. One, your Child Ego State is emotional. Another, your Parent Ego State is driven by and expresses rules you believe are necessary and important. The third, your Adult Ego State operates rationally and makes assessments and predictions based on information.

In computer terms, you can open any of three different programs and use them to address the problem. Some programs provide answers that are more practical than others, but each program gives you a “correct” answer based on it’s own system.

Questions to Ask

These questions are designed to discover the answers those six different programs the two of you are coming up with about money issues. Once you can see how complex this information really is, you can begin to sort it out instead of just arguing about it.

How would each of your parents tell you to solve the problem? Include step-parents or any other important parent figure as well. (Parent rules)

What would each of your parents do (have done) if they needed to solve this problem themselves? (Parent models that may become rules for you)

What would you do if you could do exactly what you want to do and nobody was watching and you didn’t have to answer to anybody about what you did? (Your own Child)

What are your resources and what are your options? You have this information when you stop to think about it. (Your Adult)

What’s Next?

Once you answer these questions, your solution may seem obvious. If it doesn’t, try brainstorming options. Then label each option as to whether it comes form your Parent or Child or from your realistic Adult Ego State or program.

Many couples I work with have come up with different solutions to money issues. I can’t tell which would be best for you without knowing more about the problem. Having this conversation should get you started. The answer may become obvious once you learn about all the different impulses each of you has and sort them out together.

You can use this information about your own Parent, Adult and Child programs to understand what happens in your relationship, one sentence at a time. Just for example, what happens when the Parent of one of you talks to the Child of the other?

The Brain/Credit Card Connection and Your Relationship

By drbonnieeakerweil

You are likely carrying around an emotional connection, and therefore, baggage, you didn’t even know you had. It’s a connection between your brain and your credit card debt; between your thoughts and feelings and why and how you spend money. It helps explain your views on money and debt and why you react to these things in certain ways.

Knowing about these connections and your money patterns won’t excuse you from financial problems you might face, but you can help nip these problems, and any repercussions they might have, in the bud.

I call these brain/money connections the Biochemical Craving for Connection.” It starts when stress causes thrill-seeking behavior. The stress can be linked as far back as childhood but can also be due to recent pain or emotional distress.

The thrill-seeking behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities.

You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down. At the same time, these indiscretions give you another kind of high and the cycle starts: Give into sexual or financial pressure to help relieve stress, feel a “high” for a moment, then return to stressful feelings about the situation. Eventually, the only thing that can help your problem is the problem itself!

Areas in the Brain That Communicate With Each Other

There are several areas in the brain that communicate with each other to influence emotion. When it comes to dealing with extreme behaviors such as addiction, infidelity and poor decision making, these areas may be involved:

*The limbic system is made up of several structures that work together to control emotion, hormonal secretions, moods and pain/pleasure reflexes.

*The hippocampus is a structure within the limbic system and plays a role in emotion. If this area is damaged, it can reduce your ability to distinguish safe and dangerous situation, leading you to seek out situations that may FEEL safe, but in reality, aren’t. Things like sexual affairs or financial infidelity.

*The ventral striatum and the nucleus accumbens help process satisfaction and happiness. These areas are also associated with assessing risk reward and gratification. When these areas aren’t functioning properly, people may get involved with addictive behaviors leading to things like gambling, affairs, etc., in order to stimulate pleasure responses.

For people struggling with things like debt and/or financial infidelity, it’s helpful to figure out if these areas of the brain are coming into play. It’s also helpful to figure out what types of stressors may have triggered the Biochemical Craving for Connection in the first place so you can deal with the root cause.