Relationship Advice

Can You Get Your Ex Back With The Law Of Attraction?

One of the Biggest Law of Attraction Mistakes

The Universal Law of Attraction (LOA) is a very powerful force in our everyday lives. As human beings, we are very powerful attractors and can use this wonderful, God-given, power to attract or manifest more of what we want in life simply by paying attention to where we place our focus, thoughts, and desires.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make with the Law of Attraction is trying to control another person. For example, picturing your ex-taking you back is actually a form of trying to control his or her actions and feelings. You simply can’t control how another person feels or acts, only how you react to their feelings and actions.

Here’s a question from Barry who’s not quite sure how to apply this powerful concept in his own life…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I’ m a 23 years old Taiwanese boy who goes to school in Vancouver BC. When I was 16, I met a girl in Taiwan. Pretty soon after we met, I had to leave Taiwan to return to school in Vancouver. We started a long distance relationship. She met another man in LA, and she overlapped me and him for a while. This was very heartbreaking for me, however I had no doubt in my mind about wanting her back. However, last year (after a 6 year relationship) she broke up with me again for the same reasons.

Since I have read The Secret, I understand the Law of Attraction is to focus on what you want, pretend this is really happening, and accept the fact that it is going to happen. After we broke up, I often pictured the scene of her begging me to take her back again, but I understand that you can never change another person with the Law of Attraction. Is it best me to just move on?

Thank you so much for your time.
–Barry

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5YjwTfNxCM[/youtube]

Focus on What You Really Want

Rather than focus on your ex and getting him or her back, focus on what you really want in a relationship and a partner who is good to you and loves you in return.

You need to stop focusing on your ex…

I know that’s hard but you really have to stop and think about the kind of relationship you do want, but not necessarily in terms of your ex or any particular partner. Focus only on your ideal relationship.

Think of a radio. It has many different stations. To tune into a radio station, you dial up a specific frequency on the dial. As soon as we turn our attention to this certain frequency, it begins its journey to us. We start to experience that radio station. If we want to change it, we simply tune into another frequency.

To change something you no longer want in your life, simply tune in to a different vibration (frequency or radio station) — tune into something that you do want! And whatever you do, don’t dwell on what you don’t want – or you’ll keep getting more of it!

Focus on Your ‘Perfect’ Partner

Visualize the perfect partner for you and focus on what you want to experience together. Focus on how a happy relationship makes you feel. What do you do together? How do you feel when you’re together? What does your life look like with this person?

The Law of Attraction is neutral. You are like a living magnet. You get what you think about, whether wanted or unwanted. So only give your thoughts and focus to what you want!

Stop Telling the Universe HOW to Do It’s Job

Don’t tell the Universe, or God, or Spirit, “how” to give you your dreams or to achieve what you want.

Focus instead on what you want and then choose to be happy with or without it (i.e. your ex). You have to let go of control and trust that the Universe, or God, truly wants all of your dreams to come true. If you’re a parent – think about what you want for your children. It’s not misery and suffering. You want your children to be happy and live a wonderful, fulfilling life. That’s what your creator wants for you as well.

When you focus only on this one particular person, its like telling the universe how to do it’s job. When you say that you only want to be happy if it can be with a specific person, you’re telling the universe that if it doesn’t happen with this particular person then ‘I don’t want it!’. What you have to remember is that this specific person has their own wants and desires, and they may not match up with yours.

Be open to whomever comes into your life, under whatever circumstances. Don’t worry about how it’s going to happen. Let go of your ex and the right person will come along for you. You just have to be looking for them and open to meeting them. You can’t do this if you’re still hanging on to your ex.

The Law of Attraction is working in your life right now, whether you are aware of it or not. You are attracting people, situations, jobs, and much more into your life this very minute. Stop and answer this: what are you thinking about right now?

Focus only on what you want. And give no energy to the things that you do not want.

The Top 10 Relationship Success Secrets That Everyone Ought to Know

By lisa

As a couple’s therapist, I’ve seen a myriad of relationships styles.

People who come in for counseling are clearly looking to change something they see problematic in their partnership. The problems range from the relatively benign tweaks in communication to serious pain and trust violations due to infidelity and all sorts of issues in between.

Filtering through all of this, I’ve identified ten characteristics of successful relationships. These qualities are integral parts of a healthy relationship foundation and I believe increase the chances of weathering the storms that life inevitably dishes out.

The Top 10 Characteristics of Successful Relationships

The ten characteristics are as follows and are in no particular order:

1. Friendship

Couples who have a strong friendship have staying power. They not only love each other but genuinely like each other as people. They enjoy hanging out together. They might even consider each other their “best friend.”

2. Humor

Partners who can make each other laugh tend to be good at de-escalating conflicts when they do arise. It’s the great mood lightener. I’ve noticed the use of funny nicknames can be an indicator of great fondness for one another. The names often stem from a “you had to be there” moment from the beginning of their relationship.

3. Communication

As obvious as this may seem, many couples are not very good at it. Those who are able to openly express their feelings in an emotionally safe environment typically deal with situations as they come up and avoid burying frustrations which always have a way of coming out at some point.

4. Chore Sharing

Those who divvy up the household or parenting responsibilities in a way that is mutually agreed upon way are less likely to hold resentments about what they perceive as “unfair.” Each participates (albeit maybe begrudgingly) and both contribute to the relationship in this way.

5. Sexual Intimacy

Couples who have their sexual needs met… or at least have negotiated a reasonable compromise if their levels of need aren’t compatible, feel taken care of by the other. Some are highly active, engaging in lovemaking multiple times a week and others are content with far less. There is no “right” or “wrong” amount. However, often times a negotiation is needed to make sure no one feels neglected by the other.

6. Affection

Partners who stay in physical contact in some way throughout the day have appeared to be the happiest ones. These moments don’t need to necessarily lead to sexual intimacy but are rather easy ways to say, “I love you,” without the words. These moments can be invaluable, especially these days when everyone seems to be racing around to get “somewhere.” Whether it’s a hug, kiss, swat on the rear, tussle of the hair or a sit on the lap, these acts of affection keep couples connected when life gets crazy.

7. No “Horsemen of the Apocalypse:”

This is a term coined by a famous couples researcher named John Gottman (www.gottman.com) who claims to be able to predict divorce with incredible accuracy. His “four horsemen of the apocalypse” are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. His research has shown that couples who demonstrate a high level of these in their relationships are in big trouble.

8. Mutual and Separate Friends

Partners who socialize with other couples and also maintain separate friendships have greater balance in regards to honoring themselves as individuals, within the relationship. This leads to more self satisfaction which translates to relationship satisfaction.

9. Reliability

Most of us want follow-through with our friendships and our partners. If couples do what they say and say what they do, they create an atmosphere of comfort in knowing their words mean something to the other.

10. Relationship Vision

It’s interesting the number of couples I’ve seen who don’t seem to have the big picture of their relationship in mind. Where do they see themselves in ten years? What are their relationship goals? Couples who have created a relationship vision for themselves know where they’re going as they’ve planned it together. They get joy out of reaching for their goals as a team and are less likely to be derailed by surprises down the line.

Commitment Issues… And Another Woman!

By loveandsex

I think we’ve probably all been in, or have known someone in this situation…

You meet someone really great, you have a lot in common, you have so much fun together, you really click. There’s just one little problem. He already has a girlfriend! The particular type of man that I’m referring to says that leaving the other woman. He just won’t say when. He tells you to hold on, it’ll be worth the wait and you’ll be together soon.

Here’s a question from Marie who is in this exact situation.

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I met this man online a year ago. I flew out to spent a few weekends with him knowing that he had a girlfriend. He keeps telling me he’s going to end it, to hang on that it’ll be worth it… But the last time I was there, he couldn’t tell me how he feels about me. So I said “OK,it’s time to walk away”, but now he keeps calling and texting me. I don’t get it. He’s all I think about. He’s 51 and never been married and I’m not 20 any more! Please, it’s driving me crazy. I really like this man. We have fun, laugh a lot, and really have a lot in common. So what’s the problem? Oh, I might add that he’s still on the same dating site where we met. I know because I go on to chat with others while I wait for him. Thanks for any truthful advice you can give.

— Marie

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO8klHdq2Dw[/youtube]

Dump him – he’s stringing you along!

I’m usually flexible on these things but on this one I say… “Dump him” – he’s stringing you along. That’s all it is, he is playing you like a fiddle. Leave now before it’s too late. Obviously he wants you around to boost his ego and to get a little on the side.

One of the most difficult things we can face in a relationship is deciding when to cut our losses and simply walk away. And at this point you’re on the losing side… So it’s time to move on and make room for the right person to come into your life.

Make room for the right person to come into your life.

While you’re holding on to this man, you’re preventing the right man from coming into your life. Let this one go and create room in your life for the right person. Find the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with and who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

Trying to start a new relationship over a long distance is hard enough without the added complexity of another woman and his obvious commitment issues.

He’s never been married and his current girlfriend is there all the time. He’s not likely to leave her – she’s a sure thing – and what’s more she got there first. That’s a rough one… He may be be coming up to see you all the time and truly enjoying your time together, but you have to see that he’s not putting any effort into this. If you just want to play around and have some fun that’s one thing, but it sounds like you want a relationship. And if that’s true, then he’s not the guy for you.

You may not be 20 anymore, but you’re not dead either.

Don’t make decisions out of fear that the clock is ticking or the fear of being alone.

Just take one day at a time and live your life in a joyful and fun way. The right person will come along for you. Whenever we feel that we NEED something, we actually create more ‘need’ and push away the things that we think we need. Choose to be happy either way!

It is easy to say that I’m getting older so why not settle for this guy. He’s not that horrible anyway…

That sucks! That’s not the way to do this. “Oh My God I need to land somebody before I get any older so we can grow old(er) together. Don’t think thatway… Your only 47 – that’s still young! If you settle for this guy and he turns up to be a real loser, guess what? Now you’re 57 and you’ve spent 10 years of your life waiting for this guy to change. Don’t do that. You’ll only regret it later.

As long as you cling to the wrong guy, there’s no room in your life for the right one who treats you with the love and respect you deserve.

Move on and live your life, one day at a time… You are worthy of love and you will find the right man for you!

The Secret to Lasting Romance: How Subtlety Could Save Your Relationship

By phil

You can’t really blame some modern men and women for rolling their eyes at the idea of old-fashioned romance. The phrase brings to mind antiquated images of dramatic gestures, overly poetic assertions and a sort of starry-eyed obliviousness that most contemporary lovers find pretty silly and unrealistic.

The classic knight-in-shining-armor story can make for a fun diversion occasionally, but prevailing wisdom has for the most part left old-fashioned romance for dead; a charming but absurd remnant of times when people were less worldly and more gullible.

Real Romance is Subtle, Not Flashy

But is real, lasting romance truly dead in the modern world, or has a cynical pop culture just made us all think that romantic relationships are on the decline? Here’s a newsflash that thousands of couples who are in a long-term, monogamous relationship have already figured out: old-fashioned romance is as present today as it ever has been… and the theatrical, melodramatic type of romance you see in movies and read about in books never really existed in the first place.

That’s not to say that romance isn’t a very real, very powerful force that can open up amazing new avenues of contentment for couples. But the real power of old-fashioned romance has always been in its subtlety and consistency… not in the ridiculous, over-the-top gestures that pop culture wants you to think constitutes being romantic.

In fact, the very reason that some people think old-fashioned romance is dead — because they just don’t see it around them all the time — stems from the fact that real romance, by its nature, is a very private, very unpublicized affair. And ironically, the flashy, truckload-of-roses type of romantic gestures that modern media wrongly promotes as yesterday’s norm is exactly the type of stuff that can quickly lead to the end of a relationship if you depend too much on it.

Are You Trying to Promote Your Relationship… Or Yourself?

Don’t get me wrong; dramatic productions that declare your love for another person can be wonderful. But anyone who thinks that proposing to someone on live television will produce an unbreakable relationship is sorely mistaken. Bringing your sweetheart a truckload of flowers on one special day is fine, but real old-fashioned romance is better illustrated by bringing them one flower once a week for the rest of your life.

Thanks to the in-your-face, self-indulgent nature of today’s diverse media, a whole new generation has……

emerged that thinks that romantic relationships are only validated if affection is shouted over the airwaves or witnessed by millions. But that kind of flashy, public flaunting isn’t what old-fashioned romance is all about.

Real romance is quiet, patient and consistent. When people go out of their way to show the world how romantic their relationship is, it’s usually themselves they’re trying to promote.

Let Them Think Old-Fashioned Romance is Dead!

So, is true, old-fashioned romance dead in the world? Well, by today’s pop-culture standards, the answer is yes. You won’t see much real, durable romance on reality television shows or splayed out on a blog for web surfers to dissect. Truly romantic people take satisfaction from romance itself, not from bragging about it. And because real romance is about long-term commitment and dedicating yourself to a relationship that can frequently be difficult, not many people in the immediate-gratification crowd will want much to do with it.

But that’s just fine; for those of us who have added old-fashioned romance to our lives, the reward comes in subtle, wonderful ways every day. And the fact that those rewards are private and unpublicized make them even better. Let the pop-culture crowd think that old-fashioned romance is dead. Romantic relationships will continue to blossom all around them, unnoticed, just like they have for thousands of years.

Rock Star Syndrome – Are You In Love With Him or the IDEA of Him?

By loveandsex

Every little girl grows up wanting to be a beautiful princess. So is it any wonder that young girls are so attracted to rock stars, movie stars, and pop idols?

After all, they’re waiting for their gorgeous prince to ride in and rescue them, after which they’ll fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. And in today’s world, these guys are the closest thing they’ll find to a prince.

She thinks it’s true love. But what happens when this young woman figures out she’s not going to be his princess… and then realizes he’s got a princess in every city?

Here’s a question from a lady in Jamaica who’s enamored with someone famous and exotic, but she’s afraid she’s going to make a mistake taking their relationship too seriously and having a baby with him!

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

I am currently seeing someone who is part of an entourage of someone who is famous. I’m not expecting much from the relationship because I know he has girls throwing themselves at him daily. But, he brings out a certain side of me that I didn’t know existed – I feel ‘free’ when I’m with him.

The last time we were together he asked me a very shocking question. He asked if and when I’m ready to have a child if I would have his child. I really do not know what to do about this crazy relationship.

I try to stop from thinking about him but I am unsuccessful. Is something wrong with me for wanting this type of man?

— Shauna, Jamaica

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBFvWk8dKGI[/youtube]

Embrace How You Feel. There’s Nothing Wrong With You!

It’s OK to feel absolutely any way that you feel. Always embrace your feelings and accept them, but also understand where they’re coming from.

Being enamored with someone who has a life you can only dream of is very common, and there’s nothing wrong with it. Just understand this adoration for what it truly is.

Do You Love Him or the IDEA of HIM?

He says he loves you, and you say you love him.

But the most important thing is to separate the man from the overwhelming essence of freedom, power, and glory. Love the man, not the clothes, the cars, the money, the fortune, the fame. That’s his life, not yours. And it can end as abruptly as it started.

Having a love affair with his image will only leave you empty and feeling cheated when it’s over.

Can You Have a Family with a Man Like This?

Sure you can, but only if you’re fully ready and willing to be a single mom. The free spirit that so attracts you today is NOT “settle down and have a family” material; quite the contrary. Sure there are exceptions, but it normally doesn’t work that way.

You want a family and children with this man? Great. Get together and stay together for a few years. Get married, or not, whatever your preference, and figure out if your love is true. But get close, live your lives together, and then decide if you still truly want to be together for the long run. Only then should you consider bringing children into the world together.

Before that time, you have no way to know if he’ll be around. You’ll still be guessing, but at least it’ll be an educated guess.

How to Set Your Expectations

Is it possible to be in love with someone like this? Absolutely!

But be wary of setting expectations until you fully understand the situation. Base your plans on what is truly there, not on wishful thinking and excitement.

By all means enjoy your life and your times together, and have great fun. And let the relationship grow and evolve at it’s own pace. Don’t try to “lock it in” with marriage or (much worse) by having a child.