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Long Term Relationships: How To Keep The Romance Alive

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Long term relationships are the hardest relationships in which you can help the the romance stay alive. But whether you’ve been together for one year or fifty, it’s important to make sure that there is some element of romance in your relationship. Life often intervenes in the form of work, children, and other stressors, but you can’t let that stop you from dedicating time to your significant other. You may not be able to date with the frequency of your early relationship days, but a little effort here and there can go a long way toward getting your spark back. That’s important, because boredom and disconnect can lead to arguments, and have been the end of many long term relationships.

Having Romance Takes Effort

You might not have the time to spend on your long term relationships that you once did, or perhaps you’ve just grown complacent as the years have passed on. That doesn’t mean you should just throw in the towel. Instead, make the best of what time you’ve got. It might sound cliché, but establishing a date night once every few weeks can be a big help. Once you’ve got a date and time picked out, come up with a really fun date idea. Think back to your favorite dates when you were first together. Did you have a particularly great time that night you went bowling? Was there a restaurant you used to love going to that you stopped visiting once you had kids? Recreating an old date not only shows your sweetie how thoughtful you are, but it can also put some spring back into your step. You’ll remember all of the best parts of your early days, and that will put both of you in a great mood.

Other Ways To Keep The Love Alive

Planning the occasional date isn’t the only way to help your love stay alive. Regular physical affection is important, too. Never underestimate the power of impromptu hand-holding, hugging and kissing. It may be a small gesture to momentarily rub your partner’s shoulders after they’ve had a rough day, but it shows you care. Human beings need physical contact with other human beings, and making that connection will make both of you feel happier. Plus, you never know when a shoulder massage or particularly good kiss will lead to more. Sex is a very important part of long term relationships or marriage. If you feel that you and your significant other have had less and less of it lately, take action. Even if you’re feeling a little tired, attempt to go for it anyway. Usually once things get rolling, you’ll find you’re not so tired anymore. The more often you do it, the more often you’ll want it, and vice versa. Therefore the best way to have more sex is to stop fretting about not having it, and just start doing it again. Talk to you partner, too. Mention that you’d like to start spicing things up again, but do so in a non-accusatory way. Nine times out of ten, they’ll be glad you brought it up.

Loving Gestures

Aside from showing physical affection and working dates back into your routine, there are other ways to make sure your long term relationships stay interesting. Small but thoughtful gestures show your significant other that you’re thinking of them. Bring home flowers or a bottle of good wine for no particular reason other than to show you care. If your sweetheart’s had a bad day, offer to engage in one of their favorite activities together. If that means watching their favorite terrible movie, just go with it. Demonstrating your support and love is worth two hours of viewing a bad film. That can be all it takes to remind your S.O. of why they fell for you in the first place.

Ultimately, if you’re willing to put in a little time and effort now and again, you can make things interesting for years to come in your long term relationships. Do your best to remind yourself of everything you love about your partner, then use your actions to remind them of why they love you. That’s the best way to light up the fires at the home.

7 Ways To Rekindle His Interest In You And Your Relationship

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Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’t have the magic and romance that it once had? Scared this may affect or eventually end your relationship? You’re not alone. Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result, can also cause the loss of the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place. Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to reignite that magic!

1. Send Your Partner A Unique Gift At Work

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write “I Love You” inside a heart. Next, get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner’s workplace, such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so they receive it in the middle of a busy day. Your partner will feel so surprised when she opens the letter, thinking that it will be something boring that she needs to do for work and instead finding the picture you drew saying that you love her!

2. Become Kids Again

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. Push your partner on a merry go round, or go skating at the skating rink. Grab an ice cream cone as a treat, or play a game of Monopoly at home if it’s raining or the weather isn’t nice. Doing anything that you used to do as a kid with your partner will often bring back happy memories from their childhood as well as yours and make you both feel giddy again.

3. Have Fun With Water

On a hot summer day, buy two large water pistols and take them to the beach with you. If you can’t get to the beach, head outdoors to your very own backyard! Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight. You can also do the same with water balloons or even just the water hose! You’d be surprised at how much fun you can have when you’re acting like a kid again and how turned on you both will be when you’re soaking wet and panting for air!

4. Bring Back Another Childhood Memory

Contact your partner’s family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. For example, if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. If he always enjoyed a trip to the toy store, take him and let him buy anything he wants. Your partner will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what they always wanted or enjoyed doing as a child.

5. Organize A Picnic In Your Backyard

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, sandwiches, chocolates and champagne. Put them in a picnic basket and head outside. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up at the sky together. You can do this during the day or at night, depending on whether you want to be looking at clouds or stars. You can go to the park too, but if you have a fairly private backyard, you don’t have to worry about people catching a glimpse of you and your partner if you start kissing or decide to get a little frisky.

6. Show Your Partner You’re Grateful For Them

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find it, with a note on it saying, “thank you for coming into my life.” You can also do this with a box of chocolates, a card or anything else that your partner would think is special. Doing small things for your partner on a regular basis is a great way to let them know that you love them “just because.”

7. Spice Up Your Sex Life

Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try new sex positions, learn to give your partner a sensual massage before or after sex,  or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love. Give her oral sex if you don’t do so very often, or make the night all about her and her pleasure. She can also do this for you too on a different night! Better sex means a happier, closer emotional relationship too.

Sex On The First Date – Does That Mean The Relationship Is Doomed?

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Many people credit the indescribable, nebulous cause of “chemistry” with their initial attraction to their partner. But typically relationships built on nothing more than what amounts to intense physical attraction have a reputation for tapering off or ending abruptly. But a new study finds that people whose physical relationship progresses quickly prior to developing a deeper connection based on intimate knowledge of the other person may actually last just as long.

In an analysis of relationship surveys, University of Iowa sociologist Anthony Paik found that average relationship quality was higher for individuals who waited until things were serious to have sex compared to those who became sexually involved in “hookups,” “friends with benefits,” or casual dating relationships. However, having sex on the first date wasn’t to blame for the disparity.

Does Sex On The First Date Mean A Doomed Relationship?

According to Science Daily, “When Paik factored out people who weren’t interested in getting serious, he found no real difference in relationship quality. That is, couples who became sexually involved as friends or acquaintances and were open to a serious relationship ended up just as happy as those who dated and waited.”

“We didn’t see much evidence that relationships were lower quality because they started off as hookups,” said Paik. The study judged quality by asking participants the extent to which the person loved their partner, the relationship’s future, level of satisfaction with intimacy, and how their lives would be different if the relationship ended. According to the answers, the study administrators were able to deduce that although sexual involvement wasn’t to blame for the lower quality scores for relationships initiated as hookups.

Paik points to selection: Certain people are prone to finding relationships unrewarding, and those individuals are more likely to form hookups. The question is whether it’s the type of relationship that causes lower quality or whether it’s the people,” he said. “The finding is that it’s something about the people.”

People who are involved in hookups are likely predisposed to engage in short-term relationships, therefore they’d be unqualified for the parameters of this study which looks at long term relationships. Starting a sexual relationship prior to discussing important compatibility issues can spell disaster and pain in the long run – in part two of this article, I look at how to avoid overcommitting to a relationship sexually by taking time to ask important questions about each other’s background.

Internet, Love And Marriage

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It may be hard to believe that there are any households out there nowadays without internet connectivity, but there are, and if you’re single and living in one of them, you’re less likely to be in a relationship. After all the feedback we hear on how the internet can hurt our relationships, it may seem counterintuitive but the data is there, at least for now.

Does The Internet = A Greater Chance At Finding Love?

A new study shows that adults who have Internet access at home are much more likely to be in romantic relationships than adults without Internet access. And it’s not just because people spending lots of time on the internet are meeting their significant others there, although that factors in. In addition to finding that people are more likely to be in romantic relationships if they have Internet access in their homes the study revealed that the Internet is the one place that gaining importance as a place where couples meet. This study, called “Meeting Online: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” proves that Internet access has an important role to play in helping Americans find mates.

“With the meteoric rise of the Internet as a way couples have met in the past few years, and the concomitant recent decline in the central role of friends, it is possible that in the next several years the Internet could eclipse friends as the most influential way Americans meet their romantic partners, displacing friends out of the top position for the first time since the early 1940s,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University and the lead author of the study.

How To Keep It In Check

This should come as no surprise, as most of us have a desire for connection with someone else – as well as a readily-available internet connection! But online dating can be played out in a negative way if we’re not careful, through what I call the bio-chemical craving for connection. I discuss this more in my book, Make up Don’t Breakup – which encourages a healthy view interaction within our selves and with our partners. It can become a particular factor in people who are used to constant stimulation and change – much like what we see on the internet!

This craving starts when stress causes thrill-seeking behavior. This behavior can be in the form of financial or sexual conquests and infidelities. You’re looking for ways to self-medicate and to help calm stress levels down.

So no matter where you meet your significant other – online, in person, through friends, wherever – keep in mind that all the search for constant stimulation is great in our culture and can cause stress and thrill-seeking behavior. Of course, this craving can be harnessed for good as well as evil! Instead of allowing the desire for companionship and intimacy take you to thrill-seeking behavior that results in a “high” and then a crash, turn the desire into a search for healthy relationships.

Eat, Pray And Love Your Relationship!

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With Eat Pray Love hitting theaters, I suspect there’s a lot of soul-searching going on. The movie is based on the book of the same name which focuses on the author Elizabeth Gilbert’s round-the-world journey to seek out enlightenment and peace after her divorce. It’s reported that her publisher paid her an advance which helped to finance the trip and there’s no doubt that would sweeten the pot and help make such a trip doable.

Most of us probably won’t see an advance that enables a trip like that but there are plenty of things you can do to ensure enlightenment and peace without leaving home. And since my area of expertise is relationships, here are a few tips to keep things happy on the home front – and to help ensure the only round-the-world excursion you’ll take is one for fun and relaxation, with your significant other by your side!

Make The Most Out Of Your Relationship

  • Don’t over-ride emotion. Sure, it can seem easier to just sweep heated discussions or uncomfortable communications under the rug but sooner or later things will resurface. Opting not to talk about things will likely lead down a road you don’t want to be on; one where you end up in a knock down drag out fight, or one where you’re pushed apart and possibly even enter into an affair.
  • Instead, learn to fight fair. The idea is to provide a safe place where each person can feel comfortable talking about their fears and frustrations. These types of habits can be the glue that helps to create passion in a relationship, even during and spite of disagreements and conflict.
  • Know your “Imago.” Imago is the imprint that makes you who you are – your background, upbringing, friends, job history, education and so forth. But it’s also the “image” of what your’e looking for in a partner. As you transition through life changes with your significant other, a big part of making that transition successfully comes from the way you deal with stressors as a couple. Being aware of how YOU deal with these things (your imago) and acknowledging your partner’s imago helps to forestall any preconceived notions or assumptions. It all comes back to being honest with yourself and your partner!
  • Have an affair – with your own partner! People are looking for novelty, for that dopamine high we get when we try something new and adventurous. Unfortunately, many people sacrifice a relationship they’ve worked hard to build on the quest for that high. There are ways to recreate these feelings with your partner, eliminating the need to look outside your relationship. You know those feelings you had when you first met? That’s the newness and excitement you’re looking for. Bring new elements into your relationship, and help yourself fall back in love with your partner.