Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for sex advice

Q&A: How To Fantasize Without Sounding Like A Pervert

By

In a new sexual relationship, it can be nerve wracking to share your sexual fantasies, likes and dislikes with your new partner. Will they judge you? Will you sound like a pervert if you tell them what gets you turned on? Here’s how to share your fantasies with your partner – without making yourself look bad.

Question: My girlfriend keeps asking me what turns me on. How do I say something without sounding like a pervert?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYwdCpqafPE&feature=channel[/youtube]

Accept Your Fantasies

Everyone has something that turns them on sexually. Each person has a fantasy or fetish – and some people have more than one – and what turns someone on differs greatly from person to person. There are as many sexual fetishes, likes and dislikes in the world as there are people. What turns you on is part of what makes you sexually unique, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Unless your fetish is illegal – say, child pornography – having something special (or several somethings special) that gets you hot is perfectly normal. If you accept your fantasies and fetishes as part of yourself and aren’t embarrassed by them, you’re not going to sound like a pervert when you share them with your partner. You’re going to sound like a hot, confident guy who knows what he likes and what he wants. Her attitude about it greatly depends on your attitude about it.

When Your Partner Opens The Door

If your partner has asked you to share with them what turns you on, this is an open door that you want to take advantage of. Sure, coming right out and saying to your partner, “Hey, do you like to bite during sex?” might sound strange coming out of nowhere, but if your partner asks you what you like in the bedroom, don’t be too embarrassed to tell her. She’s let you know that she wants to share fantasies with you. This is a sign that she’s more open minded about sex than you think. Take advantage of the situation and talk about what you like and what she likes. You might find that what turns you on turns her on too and vice versa!

Make It Fun

Sharing your fantasies with your partner isn’t supposed to be nerve wracking, it’s supposed to be fun! Finding out about your partner’s fantasies and sharing yours with her is part of the fun of a new sexual relationship. If you’re still nervous about sharing what turns you on with her, try playing a fun sex game to loosen you up. Adam And Eve has a great game called Sex Is Fun, and involves fun questions about you and your partner’s fantasies. Popular sex advice magazine Cosmo has also come out with a Truth Or Dare game that lets you and your partner discover the truth about each other – and get turned on by the sexy dares. However you decide to share your fantasies and fetishes with your new partner, don’t be embarrassed or scared to do so. Make it fun and exciting instead, because it’s really not as big a deal as you think it is!

Q&A: Cracking Jokes And Talking During Sex

By

A lot of people find themselves cracking jokes or talking during sex. While sex is generally “supposed” to be hot, heavy and sexy, it can actually be funny too! Is cracking jokes, laughing or talking during sex wrong? Can doing it hurt your relationship with your partner if you talk or laugh too much?

Question: Cracking jokes during sex?? So, when I’m REALLY into it, I tend to ask him, “Am I your bitch?” To which he’ll be like, ‘Yes, yes! My horny ‘lil bitch!” (Damn this is horrible putting this out here) Anyways, I just randomly cracked up a few days ago RIGHT in the middle of going at it and said, “You get the whole bitch thing right? Yeah, cause I’m always presenting myself to you like a bitch in heat.” I swear he laughed, then smacked me on the asscheek. He also says I talk WAY too much during sex. How can I help that??

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NglMOrW4I0I[/youtube]

Sex Is Supposed To Be Fun!

One of the best things about sex is that it can be whatever you want it to be. Whether you want it to be soft, slow and romantic or hard, fast and dirty, sex is all about what you make it to be. If you want sex to be fun and lighthearted, it can be that too! Sex is supposed to be a way to have fun, relieve stress and make you feel good and if you want to laugh, talk or crack a joke or two, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Of course, making sex out to be a complete joke won’t work for you or your partner though, so where do you cross the line?

Too Much Goofiness?

While it’s great to have fun during sex, laughing and making jokes can go too far if you let it. Are you always cracking jokes, or always laughing? Is sex ever serious or sexy for you? If not, you might want to try stopping the joke making, laughing and talking some of the time and try having a sweet love making session or a downright dirty one. It doesn’t matter which (or anything in between) as long as there’s no joking involved. Giving your partner a break from the laughing and joking and focusing just on the pleasure might be more incredible than you can imagine!

When One Of You Isn’t Into It

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with laughing and talking during sex. But if one of you isn’t into it, it gets old quick. You just can’t be sure if your partner is laughing at you or not and sometimes you just want sex to be sex instead of a joke. If your partner isn’t into the talking or making jokes during sex, it can damage your relationship and your partner’s sexual satisfaction if you keep it up. Think about why you’re laughing and making jokes all the time during sex. Are you unable to let go and fully enjoy sex? Are you trying to cover up for being uncomfortable or nervous during sex? If you can’t quit laughing and joking during sex (at least some of the time) it’s time to dig deep and figure out why.

Q&A: Help! My Girlfriend Does NOT Want Me To Use A Condom

By

While using a condom is a great way to protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, not everyone likes the way a condom feels. Both men and women can find condoms uncomfortable, and many find it harder to orgasm when using one. Are there other ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s?

Question: I have a problem. My girlfriend doesn’t want me to use a condom while having sex. I’m telling her that we must use it to prevent pregnancy. She is telling me that there is other ways of contraception, but she doesn’t want to have a condom in her. What other simple ways you can suggest to prevent pregnancy? And what should I do? Should I talk to her more about using a condom?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wD5nPgGfv0U[/youtube]

Why Doesn’t She Want To Use A Condom?

If your partner doesn’t want you to use a condom, try to find out what it is about condoms that make her so uncomfortable. Does she have a latex allergy and she doesn’t know it? Is she sensitive to spermicide in condoms, or does she simply not like the way that it feels? There are a number of different kinds of condoms available, including polyurethane condoms for those with latex allergies, scented and flavored condoms, textured condoms and condoms without spermicide if she’s sensitive. Try getting a “goodie bag” of condoms together (you can buy a mixed lot of condoms easily online) and suggest trying them out.

Other Forms Of Birth Control

There are other forms of birth control available, such as the pill, the patch or the shot. But none of these contraception methods help to prevent sexually transmitted diseases. Unless you are absolutely positive that you are both monogamous to each other and have had recent, completely negative STD testing results (and no unprotected partners in between), you just can’t be sure that you won’t transmit or contract a sexually transmitted disease. One of the best ways to prevent pregnancy and STD’s together is for the woman to use a form of hormonal birth control such as the pill or the patch in addition to using a condom. This double layer protection is the best way to ease your mind and let you have fun with your partner without worrying about STD’s and pregnancy.

No Glove, No Love

Ultimately, you decide whether you’re comfortable using a condom or not. Don’t let your partner pressure you into not using a condom if you don’t feel comfortable with it. You and your partner may find an alternative birth control method that works well for the both of you, but make sure it’s something you are comfortable with too. Remember though that the end decision lies with you. If you don’t want to have sex without a condom, don’t do it and don’t let anyone else tell you that you have to. There’s nothing wrong with insisting that you be safe and if your partner ends the relationship because of it, you’ll regret that a lot less than an unwanted pregnancy or ending up with a sexually transmitted disease.

Q&A: Sexually Unsatisfied – How To Tell Him?

By

Every woman deserves sexual satisfaction but unfortunately, there are many women that remain sexually unsatisfied in their relationships and don’t know how to change it. Here’s how to tell your partner that you’re not getting what you need in the bedroom – even if they don’t seem to care.

Question: My boyfriend thinks women who are sexually unsatisfied are selfish if they go out and end up cheating because they’re unsatisfied. As well, if the man isn’t giving her orgasms she shouldn’t fake it or not tell him but just sit there and deal with it! I know it’s not right to cheat, or even fake it for that matter, but what’s a woman to do if she’s not happy? What should I say to him to make him realize the world isn’t working in his favor?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_JDAlt9UI8[/youtube]

Be Patient And Encouraging

If your partner isn’t giving you sexual satisfaction, it’s important to stay patient with them and be encouraging. When they do something that you like, let them know how much it turned you on or satisfied you. Encourage them to do what you really enjoy, without telling your partner what they’re doing wrong. Men are actually very sensitive when it comes to their bedroom techniques and can sometimes be put off if you criticize them. Instead, just make sure to let him know when he does something that you really like, and ask him to keep doing it. Remember, he can’t read your mind. You have to let him know when he does something right! Be patient and give him time to start doing the things you enjoy in the bedroom.

Talk To Your Partner

If encouraging your partner to do the things you like isn’t working, it might be time to have an honest, open discussion with them about how you’re not feeling satisfied sexually. Again, this is not a conversation where you want to be critical or talk down to down to your partner. When discussing your sexual needs with your partner, make it all about you. Don’t accuse your partner of not satisfying you – instead, tell your partner that you’re having trouble reaching orgasm and suggest some new things you want to try in the bedroom. If you make the conversation about him and what he’s doing wrong, he won’t hear a word you say.

Is It Time To Move On?

If your partner isn’t into trying to satisfy you sexually, especially if you’ve made your needs very clear in the nicest way possible, it might be time for you to sit down and think about whether you’re with the right person or not. You deserve to be happy and sexually satisfied in any relationship you’re in, and even if you’re single! You don’t have to stay with your partner out of guilt, and if he’s not making you happy sexually, you have to think about how important that is in your life. Are you willing to go without any kind of sexual satisfaction just to keep this relationship? Chances are, no. If he won’t make an effort to make sex as good for you as it is for him, it might be time to find someone who will.

Q&A: Frustrated Girl Unable To Orgasm

By

Many women have trouble reaching orgasm during sex. While some women are able to give themselves multiple orgasms or different kinds of orgasms, other women struggle to reach climax. If you’re having a hard time having an orgasm – through sex or masturbation – you’re not alone. Here’s how to overcome it.

Question: I am a healthy female & I love sex. However, I cannot pleasure myself! How can I tell my boyfriend what to do when I don’t know for myself? I have a vibrator which feels good but I can’t seem to give myself an orgasm with that, or without. I get to a point where I am right there, but then I suddenly get too sensitive to the point where it uncomfortable and I get turned off.

I have had about 5 orgasms in my life, two being with my boyfriend because he can reach my G-spot where as I can’t. The other three were long ago. How can I get my body to stop being dumb and let me have an orgasm? Please help!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bldbrev9_nI[/youtube]

Experiment With Pleasure

There are lots of different ways to stimulate yourself and lots of different ways for your partner to stimulate you. Experiment with different rhythms, pressures and positions to find what you like best. If your vibrator isn’t doing it for you, try looking for another one. Try a vibrator that allows for both clitoral, vaginal and g-spot stimulation or try one that you can use with your partner. Try different sex positions with your partner, including doggy style and woman on top. The important thing when you’re experimenting with pleasure is not to get obsessed with not being able to have an orgasm. Just relax and have fun. Enjoy yourself and let whatever happens happen.

Physical Simulation vs. Emotional Stimulation

For many women who can’t have an orgasm, it’s not purely about the type of physical stimulation that she’s receiving. For a great orgasm, a woman needs emotional stimulation as well. While this is not always the case – because many women are able to have great casual sex and reach orgasm that way successfully – a lot of women in relationships have a hard time reaching orgasm because they’re just not as emotionally connected to their partner as they need to be. Try talking to your partner. Have a good, open conversation about anything. Share opinions with each other and work towards being emotionally closer together. You’ll be surprised at how much better sex can be when you’re on the same mental and emotional page as your partner!

Don’t Give Up!

Women who struggle with reaching orgasm through sex or masturbation don’t have to suffer alone. Many women go through this and there’s help out there! Grab a few books or a DVD that teaches women the best tips for masturbation, or watch a few sex instruction videos with your partner to get a few new ideas. If you continue to have difficulty with sexual pleasure, visit your doctor. He or she can rule out any medical reasons why you aren’t able to reach orgasm during sex. You can also visit a sex therapist, who will dig a little deeper and try to discover the root of the problem to help you reach a solution. Just don’t give up! Every women is able to have an orgasm – her body was built for it.