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Q&A: First Time Sex – I Didn’t Bleed. Is That Normal?

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First time sex feels different for everyone. It may hurt or feel tight, or it may feel great. You may have heard that girls bleed when they lose their virginity. Many years ago, a woman’s blood on her husband’s bedsheets was proof that his bride was a virgin when he married her. Do all girls bleed after having sex for the first time?

Question: I am a young teenage girl and recently in September I lost my virginity to a guy I didn’t really care about. It hurt a bit, but I didn’t bleed.  Recently I had sex with a guy I have been crazy about for years, and it hurt a lot worse then my first time but I still didn’t bleed. Is there something wrong with me? Or is this natural? 

P.S. There was protection used both times. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a bad person.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFbtDxltRWY[/youtube]

Not All Girls Bleed

While many girls do bleed after having sex for the first time, some girls don’t. This is perfectly normal and natural. If a girl does bleed after losing her virginity, it may be simply a few spots, but it can also be heavier like a period flow. It can last just a few minutes or a few hours, and sometimes can last the better part of a day. If you bleed very heavily after having sex for the first time, or continue to for several hours or more than a day, make an appointment to see your doctor right away.

What Causes Bleeding After Sex?

Girls are born with a protective “covering” over their vaginal openings called a hymen. Most of the time it does not cover the opening completely, but usually has a small hole in the middle to allow for menstrual flow to escape. During sex, however, the hymen is broken because a penis is generally bigger than the small hole in the hymen. When the hymen is broken, this often causes some mild bleeding and is perfectly normal. However, since not all girls bleed after having sex for the first time, there must be other ways that the hymen can break – and in some cases, it doesn’t break at all or was never really there in the first place.

Other Ways The Hymen Can Break

One of the reasons that virginity never could be “proved” by blood on the sheets after a woman has sex for the first time is because the hymen can break a number of different ways, before a girl even thinks of having sex. The hymen can break while horseback riding, a bumpy SUV ride, or when inserting a tampon for the first time. In the case of a tampon breaking the hymen, you may never know that your hymen broke because you would most likely have mistaken the blood for your menstrual flow. If you don’t bleed after having sex for the first time, it doesn’t mean that you are unhealthy or something is wrong with you. Just remember to have your annual exams and use protection during sex to stay safe and healthy.

Q&A: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Want To Lose Her Virginity

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Having sex for the first time is a big step – one that involves consent from both partners and a lot of thought on each end. If one partner wants to have sex before the other, it may pose a problem. Here’s what you can do if you and your partner don’t agree on when to take that step. 

Question: My girlfriend doesn’t want to have normal sex yet (she’s only 16 and I’m about the same age, and we both are virgins), but I really love her and I really want to give pleasure to her. Should I give her oral sex or fingering or something like that, so that she wouldn’t lose her virginity, but would be satisfied?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4ooAIEGzlw[/youtube]

Her Right To Say No

If your partner doesn’t want to lose their virginity, it is her right to say no. Even if you suggest other things to give her sexual pleasure, such as oral sex or fingering, remember that she doesn’t have to do anything that she is uncomfortable with regardless of whether she’s “technically” losing her virginity or not. If you really want to share a sexual experience with y0ur partner, ask her if there is anything that she would like and would be comfortable with. If she isn’t comfortable with something, don’t pressure her and give her some time to think about it.

Don’t Do Something You’ll Regret

If you and your partner mutually decide to have sex for the first time, or experience some other type of sexual pleasure together, think it through first. Make sure your partner really is comfortable with whatever you and her have decided to do, and isn’t doing something she’ll regret later just because you want her to. Also, make sure you’re not doing anything you’ll regret later too. Whether you’re having sexual intercourse or giving or receiving oral sex from your partner, worrying about pregnancy or STD’s.remember to be safe always. Use a condom during sexual intercourse and if she wants to give you oral sex, as well as using a dental dam when you give oral sex to her. Your first time – enjoying each other sexually in whatever way you choose – shouldn’t be about

Sex Is More Pleasurable When You Wait

If you and your partner decide to wait to have sex and experience each other sexually, you’ve made a great decision. Waiting until you’re more emotionally mature and prepared for sex can make it more pleasurable for both you and your partner. Rushing into sexual intercourse or other sexual activities, and possibly regretting it later, is not going to give you or your partner much sexual satisfaction outside the moment. However, waiting until you and your partner truly are ready to have sex – both physically and emotionally – means that you and your partner can share a deeply sexual and satisfying relationship both in and outside the bedroom. You don’t necessarily have to wait forever though – try making a deal with your partner to revisit the discussion in 3 or 6 months. You or your partner may feel differently about the subject after spending more time with each other and more time in the relationship.

Q&A: How Do I Ask Him If He’s A Virgin Without Offending Him?

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When in a new relationship with someone, it’s tempting to ask about your partner’s sexual past, especially if you’re a virgin. Should you? Yes – it can help you know more about your partner and help assess your risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease. But it’s not exactly the easiest issue to bring up – here’s how to do it.

Question: I’m 19 years old and I’ve been dating my boyfriend, 22, for over a month and a half. I’m a virgin and I really trust him and want to have sex with him, but there are some signs that he may or may not have had sex. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me before to ask him whether or not he’s had sex but now I’m not sure how to approach him about it. How to do I ask him whether or not he’s a virgin without emasculating him and making him defensive? I really care about him and want him to be comfortable.

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qopfttqm_4[/youtube]

Ask About Sex When You’re Not Having Sex

Asking your partner about their sexual history before, during or after sex are all really bad times to talk about it. Your partner will feel pressured, uncomfortable and may not give you an honest answer. You may even translate his discomfort to mean he’s hiding something from you – and he may not be, even if he seems uncomfortable or stressed out. Make sure to ask your partner about their sexual past during a time when there’s no sex involved – for example, a good time to have this conversation would be during a casual lunch or when you’re just hanging out and relaxing. The idea here is to put as little pressure on your partner as possible. Your attitude about the situation will reflect on him – if you feel like this is a “serious” situation, he will too and he’ll probably freak.

Making Him Feel Comfortable

Making your partner feel comfortable about talking about his sexual history is the only way you’re going to get any real information. Let your partner know that it’s okay whether he’s a virgin or not, and simply let him know that you’re curious. Volunteer your own sexual status to help make him more at ease with sharing his sexual past. Don’t grill him about it and if he’s not comfortable talking about it now, don’t pressure him into giving you an answer right away. Give him time and ask him when he might be ready to talk about it. Let him know it’s not an interrogation – and don’t make him feel like it’s one either.

Why Ask At All?

Some people believe in “don’t ask, don’t tell” when it comes to sharing your sexual history with your partner and vice versa. If you and your partner are more comfortable not talking about it all together, this may work for you. But usually, getting a sexual background on your partner – not necessarily all the dirty details but just the gist – will help you get to know your partner better. Knowing whether your partner has had unprotected sex with a number of people can help you make smarter decisions about safe sex.

Q&A: Popping A Girl’s Cherry: Will It Bleed?

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When it comes to losing your virginity or even taking someone else’s virginity, there are often more questions than there are answers. Many teens and young adults want to know how bad it hurts the first time, if you can catch STD’s if you’re both virgins or if you “pop” a girl’s cherry, how bad it will bleed, if at all. Here’s what you want to know about bleeding after the first time.

Question: My question concerns popping a girl’s cherry. I’m sure you guys have heard that when a girl has sex for the first time she will bleed from her vagina. Is this true or false, and if it is true is it like a period in the sense that it can be a heavy flow or a light flow, or is the bleeding minimal?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afKdVkeL4X4[/youtube]

Bleeding After The First Time

When a girl loses her virginity, it may be painful or uncomfortable, and she may even bleed a little that night and the next day. This is separate from a girl’s period, and is not normally as heavy as a period. When a girl bleeds after the first time, it’s usually a brighter red, while a menstrual flow tends to be a little darker. After losing her virginity, she may bleed a little or bleed off and on for about a day, but a lot of blood – such as enough blood to need to wear a tampon or heavy pad – may mean she needs to see a doctor.

What Causes It To Bleed?

Girls are built with a thin membrane of tissue just inside the vagina that covers part of the vaginal opening. Most of the time, a hymen does not completely cover the vaginal opening, rather, it is shaped more like a half moon, leaving the top of the vaginal opening uncovered to allow a woman’s menstrual flow to come through. However, some hymens can completely cover the vaginal opening, and some only leave a small hole. A septate hymen actually forms in the middle of the vagina, allowing for two openings on either side of the hymen. Uncommon types of hymens can make it difficult for a woman to insert or remove a tampon, and may even prevent her menstrual flow. When a woman loses her virginity, the hymen will break, sometimes causing pain or discomfort for the woman, and sometimes bleeding.

If She Doesn’t Bleed, Does That Mean She’s Not A Virgin?

Hymens can be broken through normal activities, such as sports, horseback riding and inserting and removing a tampon. If your partner doesn’t bleed even though it’s the first time she’s had sex, it does not mean that she’s had sex before and she’s not a virgin. It simply means that her hymen may have broken earlier in her life, or that her hymen just didn’t bleed much if at all when it was broken during sex. Losing your hymen doesn’t mean that you’ve lost your virginity either – you can only lose your virginity the first time you have sex, hymen or no hymen.

Are You Ready For Sex? (You Don’t Have To Be A Virgin To Answer This Question)

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Teenage girls around the world come face to face with this dilemma every day. Are they ready for sex? When is a good time to have sex? Are they prepared for the consequences of sex and are they properly protecting themselves from STD’s and pregnancy? Are they emotionally ready for sex? Usually, these questions are applied to virgins alone. Society assumes that once you have sex, you’re always ready to have sex again, whether you’re with a new partner or not. But what about those of us who have … uh … been around the block, so to speak?

“When” Not “If”

If you’re not a virgin and begin dating a new partner who is also not a virgin, the question becomes “when is the right time to have sex,” instead of “if.” You’ve probably heard of the golden ‘3 date rule’ and may have even heard of people waiting quite a bit longer to become comfortable with each other to have sex. Still, the question is never “if,” unless you’re a virgin or are with someone who is. The question is always “when.” What if you want that “if” factor back? Can you have an “if” factor, even if you’ve had sex before?

Getting The “If” Factor

You always have control over your own body. You decide when – or  if – you have sex, along with the how, when and where. So ask yourself, “am I ready to have sex?” Just because you are no longer a virgin does not mean that you are required to have a sexual relationship at some point with every person you date. Ask yourself the same questions you would if you were a virgin – for example, are you emotionally ready to handle sex again? Is your body ready for sex? Are you comfortable enough with yourself to enjoy having sex again? Do you enjoy spending time with your partner enough that you are ready to share yourself physically with them? Decide if you’re ready to have sex at all, or if you’re ready to have some sexual intimacy but without “going all the way.”

Getting Rid Of Expectations

You may be ready to have sex. You may enjoy it, no matter who it’s with, and be sexually confident in yourself. If that’s your case, go for it! But many women aren’t in that position, and because they’ve “done it” before, they’re expected to “do it” again in every new relationship they’re in. Their partners are constantly wondering if “tonight is the night” or if the 3rd date really is the magic date.

It’s time to shed those expectations and make your own rules! Each time you begin dating a new partner, consider yourself a virgin all over again if you like. Ask yourself the very same questions about sex and your partner that you did before you had sex for the very first time. Because in a way, this is your very first time too! Don’t allow men, or even your friends, to suggest that because you’re not a virgin anymore that you can’t make careful decisions about sex, or abstain from sex completely with a new partner if you so choose. It’s your body! You choose what to do with it or what not to do with it.