You’re standing in a bar. Across from you is a beautiful woman.
You make eye contact and smile. She smiles back and decides to come over. She gets closer and closer.
You suddenly get a tight little knot in your stomach; anxiety from not knowing what will come next. Now she is standing in front of you. Your heart is racing.
You barely manage to get out the words, “Uhhhh Hi.” She says “hi” back with a look of intrigue. As she begins to speak, you begin to doubt.
You wonder what she’s thinking. How could this beautiful woman possibly be interested in me?
After a brief moment of small talk, the woman walks away. You begin to wonder, what the hell just happened?
You can’t help but feel rejected. You obsess over what could possibly be wrong with you. The next thing you know, several hours have gone by and you’re a big pile of anxiety.
What turned her off?
So what repelled this woman? It could have been any number of things. Was it your breath? Your insecure body language? Your shortened height? Your hideous disfigured face? The thing is, you will never know what drove this woman away. This is the unknown variable of attraction.
Variables of attraction
There are many variables in a person that determines whether they are attractive or not. There have been volumes written about the science of attraction. Even many of today’s top dating gurus are constantly seeking ways to decipher the process of attraction. However, with centuries of research and much discussion, there always seems to be one thing, one variable, that consistently makes a person attractive – confidence.
To be free from doubt; to have belief in yourself and your abilities. This is confidence.
Why confidence matters
You can have any number of physical flaws but if there is one thing you must have, it is confidence. People call it by different names but it all stems from the same meaning. For example, pick up artists call it “inner game”. Self help guru’s call it the “Law of Attraction.” Athletes call it “the zone.” It’s all the same; to truly believe in yourself and your abilities.
If you ask any woman what she looks for in a man, you’ll almost always get “confidence” as one of the answers. It’s something that we all know yet few of us utilize. Why can’t everyone simply be confident and attract the person of their dreams? Because confidence isn’t something you get over night. It’s something that needs to be built over time.
How do I achieve confidence?
We generally achieve confidence in ourselves when we experience success. You start with a small success, move on to achieving a bigger success and so on. It’s a snowball effect. You can’t start off by making a super giant snowball from the start because you will probably fail. If you start with a little snowball and continue rolling it, you can turn something that was little into something big. Little successes lead to big successes. Each success gives you more and more confidence.
This is true in attraction. If you’ve never approached a woman before, then you probably won’t have the confidence to take home a perfect ten the first night you go out. You shoot for a small success first, persistently trying until you achieve it, then you move on to the next step in the process. Start with approaching, then building rapport, then seducing. Once you have had success with all of these, then you will have confidence, and this will cause attraction.
Persistence leads to success. Success leads to confidence. Confidence leads to attraction.