Voyeurism. Watching. Peeping.
It’s not all bad…
Many people find themselves in the situation where they’re watching someone having sex, and they’re a little surprised to find out they enjoy it.
Everyone has a little bit of voyeurism in them, but what happens if you want to take it to the next level? What is okay and what isn’t?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
Living next door is a beautiful girl my age. We are both 18. We have been friends and have flirted and done other fun things. My bedroom looks over at hers. I have sometimes seen her undressing and doing other sexy things. The other night I saw another guy in her room. They were making out. The shades were left open. To be honest I would like to see her doing it. I would like to watch them have sex. What suggestions would you give for me watching them without being caught? Could she want me to see her having sex? I want to do it with her, if I see them doing it. Should I tell her? What would I say? How do I say that I would like to be with her?
-Roger, PA
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PskSciaycLg[/youtube]
Do they know I’m watching?
Most of the time, someone who wants to be watched or doesn’t care will leave their window curtains or blinds up. Chances are, this is what happened if you’re able to get a good view of your neighbor or someone else while they’re undressing or having sex. It’s actually very unlikely that they don’t know you’re watching.
Does that make it right? It depends. If you’re having to do a lot of maneuvering, such as using binoculars or there just happens to be this one spot in the blinds that allows you to get a view, it’s probable that your object of affection doesn’t want to be watched. You might want to back off, because this could get you in a fair amount of trouble.
If they’re leaving their blinds wide open and you can see them while eating your dinner, you can be pretty sure they’re doing it intentionally.
Is it okay to watch them?
If you’ve been watching someone, such as an attractive neighbor or friend, undress and possibly even have sex with another person, you’ll likely find yourself quite turned on. This is normal. We all like to watch someone have sex in some form or another. Why do you think pornography is such a successful industry? If you find that you’re interested in taking your peeping to the next level, you’re not the only one.
How can I approach them?
This can be tricky. You don’t want to start out the conversation by saying, “So . . . I’ve been watching you.” That can lead to some pretty uncomfortable situations. Just approach them the same way you would approach anyone with whom you are interested in starting a relationship. Ask them out on a date, or have coffee with them. If you really want to take it to the next level, get yourself on neutral ground with them so you can get to know them outside of their bedroom.
Can’t I just keep peeping?
If you’re intimidated by asking them out, you might be inclined to just continue to watch them from afar. This can develop into unhealthy obsessions, so this is not something you want to do.
Take a break from the peeping and find a real partner to hang out with, even if it’s not the person you’ve been watching. You’ll find that spending time with a real, live, breathing person is far better than watching someone through a window. If you find yourself unable to let go and you continue to peep, you may want to seek help.
All in all, watching your neighbor or someone else undress or have sex can be enticing and fun if they’re leaving their blinds wide open enough for you to see it. It’s perfectly fine to show normal interest in them and even ask them out on a date and spend time with them in the real world. Don’t make peeping a habit though. It can turn into an ugly habit that you can’t break away from.