Anal sex is a very intimate act for women. They are allowing someone to enter the “forbidden zone” of their body, which is a huge deal. That’s why it requires a certain level of trust and a lot of communication. She is not going to agree to do it unless
she is one hundred per cent sure that it will be all right, that you know what you are doing and that she is not going to feel pain.
You have to play your cards right and don’t leave her any room for complaining. Simone de Beauvoir explained it better: “Sex pleasure in a woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken.”
If you want to get her to agree to it, you must start small, step by step, seducing both her mind and her body. Tease her to the extent that she can’t take it anymore and she’s the one begging you to do it.
1. Stimulate her mind
You’re probably wondering what goes on through that pretty head of hers while she’s looking at you, indecisive and troubled. Reading a woman’s body language can be tough, Steve Martin made quite the funny joke about it: “You know that look women have when they want sex? Me neither…”
However, there are a few things that you can do to break that cold “no” and that dead silence. You just have to be persistent, calm and methodical. First of all, fix the breach in communication. Talk to her about analingus, if it’s a blurry thing for her or if she doesn’t even heard of it beforehand. Explain your reasons for wanting it, share your deepest desires and fantasies and ask her to tell you what she thinks about it.
You can start by discussing the subject in general, maybe mentioning that a couple of your friends are doing it and it turned out to be a successful venture for them. Tell your girl details, read together articles about it, and then move to asking how she feels about you two giving it a try.
Don’t force an answer on the spot, if she’s not ready. Let your girlfriend meditate on the subject on her own, or with friends, for a couple of days, then demand an ultimatum. Then, talk to her about any fears. After extensive interviews with women all over the country, I have come to the conclusion that, besides the pain factor, most women are simply worried about the mess.
The idea that the whole act could become a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for them. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell good that they can’t accept the fact that you will consider them dirty.
Try and subtly bring that up, assuring your girl that there is no problem from your part and that you will never judge negatively when it comes to this aspect. Tell her that you could never consider her dirty, and that, in fact, dirty is not even the right word to use in this context, because anal sex is not dirty, but kinky.
2. Stimulate Her Body
The most common mistake that men do when they decide to try anal sex with their girlfriends is that they proceed without proper preparations. My secret? Extended foreplay! I have developed a three day routine that is meant to “desensitize” a woman’s derriere and help experience anal sex as she should: an act of pure pleasure. Here’s what you have to do:
Start with a sexy shower together. Kiss, stroke and massage her body with all the nicely scented lotions she has in the bathroom. Take time to truly connect through the power of tactile orgasm. When you hear your girl moan with pleasure, reach on the buttocks and massage, stroke and knead the muscles until they relax.
Gradually move your fingers to the space between the cheeks and allow your fingers to slightly pass over the anus, without inserting anything! Give a deep kiss and let your girl finish the bath alone.
Surprise your girl with a good dose of oral sex. As she becomes more aroused, apply a generous amount of water-based lubricant to your index finger and begin to gently massage her anus.
Start with long, slow strokes, and as your tongue is caressing her clitoris, move your finger in circles around the opening of the anus. After a couple of minutes of anal massage, begin to gently push your finger against the opening of her anus with steady pressure.
Now that she’s ready and eager for more, it’s time to start slowly inserting your well-lubed finger. After warming her up with the steps described above, insert an inch or two of your index into her anus. While she breathes deeply, start to move your finger around in small circles.
If she’s not objecting, you can start moving your finger in and out, simulating intercourse. Re-apply lube every time it’s necessary. I usually advise couples to stop here, but if she’s eager for some penis action (or a sex toy, maybe!), you know what to do!
Once you’ve completed both courses of stimulation, mental and physical, there’s no reason for her to object anymore. If she’s open minded and curious about the multi-faceted aspect of her own sexuality, she’ll have no reason to no want to try it. After all, as I have told you before, women want it just as badly as men.