Trying new things in your sex life is healthy, and in many cases, even encouraged.
Some people tend to find a few things they like, such as anal sex, and may incorporate this into their sexual activities regularly.
Sometimes, however, you’ll find that after kids or other things that some things become uncomfortable or unbearable.
What happens if you become unable to perform you or your partner’s favorite sex acts due to one or more reasons?
Dear Dan and Jennifer,
My husband loves anal sex… we used to have it a lot (several years ago). Now it is extremely painful for me. I have been diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and have a couple external hemorrhoids from having children. We have tried taking it easy, tried using fingers first and LOTS of lube.
How can I get over the horrible pain so he will be happy? I don’t know what else to do. Can you help me? PLEASE!!!
When it becomes uncomfortable…
Many people enjoy different activities during sex. This can range from S & M to anal sex to foot fetishes to anything your imaginations can dream up.
As long as you both enjoy it and you are both being smart and safe, there’s nothing against having fun and enjoying new and different things with your partner!
Good things can’t last forever though, and you may find that some of the things you once enjoyed doing have become uncomfortable and even painful. For example, if you and your partner really enjoy having anal sex, but after children it becomes painful for you to do so, you and your partner may become frustrated.
Just what do you do if you and your partner’s favorite activities become something you aren’t able to do anymore? Do you stop? Do you grin and bear it?
But they like it…
Even if something in particular is uncomfortable or painful to you, if your partner likes it a lot, you might be inclined to let them continue and just suffer through the pain. This is not something you are obligated to do! Not only is it extremely uncomfortable for you, it might even cause you harm in some way.
If you have had surgery or have had children and there are some physical reasons that keep you from enjoying your partner in the same way you once had, talk to your doctor about how safe it is for you to continue doing so. Don’t be embarrassed! They’ve heard it all before!
If you continue, you may find that it’s not just painful, it’s downright dangerous and could cause your body further damage. Your doctor can tell you what is safe and what isn’t.
Finding something else…
While you and your partner may be disappointed at first, if you truly love each other and care about each other, you’ll find more new and exciting ways to give each other pleasure.
There are a million and one things out there that two people can do together to share each other intimately and sexually, and if you continue to try new things and work different elements into your routine, you’re bound to find something else that turns you and your partner on. Don’t give up!
They won’t let it go…
Every once in awhile, there’s someone who just won’t let it go. They may want it anyway, even if it hurts you or may cause your body damage. Rest assured, this person isn’t worth your time! You have the right to say “No” and if something hurts you, you don’t have to do it.
There are plenty of other fish in the sea that will respect your boundaries and respect you if you choose to no longer participate in an activity that makes you uncomfortable.