Self Sabotaging Behaviors
Of course, such behaviors can only be tolerated for so long even by the most caring and loving of partners before things become unstuck and everything falls apart.
The self sabotaging partner will then feel initial pangs of grief and sadness but there may also be deeper feelings of relief as well. Why is this?
Well, largely because the self sabotaging behaviors are sourced from deep emotional hurts that the individual carries within them either from earlier relationships, and more often from early childhood familial traumas.
These emotional hurts often make the individual feel unworthy, lacking self esteem and self confidence, defective or deficient in some way (i.e. the “there’s something wrong with me” feeling), afraid of being found out by others (especially their partner), incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship for any length of time and generally fragile and anxious.
It’s Really Just a Facade
So although this person desires to be in a relationship, being fully known to their partner entails the great risk of being rejected hence they supposedly feel more in control when they themselves initiate the demise of the relationship through self sabotage.
Behaviors that supposedly compensate for such inner feelings of hurt and allow the individual to “appear together” when they first meet a new partner. However such a facade is in place to unconsciously seduce the partner into a relationship so that they can begin to fulfill a hidden unconsciously held agenda.
The facade is needed because deep down the self sabotaging partner does not believe that they are genuinely lovable.
The hidden agenda is about allowing the “handicapped” partner get the care, soothing and love they need to feel whole and OK about themselves. Unfortunately this not what was bargained for by the relatively more healthy partner and so when it becomes apparent that they have been deceived the relationship begins to falter.
So How Can This Be Remedied?
Well, in my view the only way to effect any real and rapid change in this situation is to help the self sabotaging partner release their emotional pain once and for all from within.
As a former psychiatrist it was my experience that psychotherapy cannot do this. It was this awareness that led me to develop an entirely new and revolutionary approach that goes beyond what most therapists call “therapy”.
This new approach, called the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP), is a process that helps to effectively clear the “hard drive” of your unconscious of any old traumatic memory that is holding you back in your life. The process is such that when the memories are released old negative self sabotaging behaviors associated with them also spontaneously dissolve without any extra effort on your part.
This releases one and helps to build self worth, self confidence, self esteem, a feeling of OK’ness about one’s self, boosts energy, healthy and leads to healthy relationships.