• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

  • Sex
    • Sex Tips & Advice
    • Foreplay
    • Oral Sex
    • Orgasm
    • Masturbation
    • Swingers & Threesomes
    • Sex Games
    • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
    • Kissing
    • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed
    • Sexting & Phone Sex
    • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Love
    • Love & Romance
    • Relationship Advice
    • Marriage
    • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
    • Break Up & Divorce
    • Get Your Ex Back
  • Dating
    • Dating Tips
    • Date Ideas
    • Flirting Tips
    • Seduction Tips
    • Pick Up Lines
    • Online Dating Tips & Advice
    • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Sex Positions
    • Best Sex Positions For…
    • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
    • Missionary Sex Positions
    • Oral Sex Positions For Her
    • Oral Sex Positions For Him
    • Rear Entry Sex Positions
    • Side By Side Sex Positions
    • Sitting Sex Positions
    • Standing Sex Positions
    • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • Sex Toys
    • Anal Toys
    • Bondage & Fetish
    • Bullets & Eggs
    • Clitoral Vibrators
    • Cock Rings
    • Condoms
    • Dildos
    • Discreet Vibrators
    • G-Spot Vibrators
    • Lotions & Potions
    • Lubricants
    • Male Masturbators
    • Nipple Toys
    • Penis Enhancers
    • Rabbit Vibrators
    • Sex Furniture
    • Traditional Vibrators
  • About
  • Contact Us
You are here: Home / Archives for alicianightorchid

Self Pleasure – Enjoying Erotica on Your Own…

By alicianightorchid

Janie, a bachelorette, travels constantly on business. After a long day of intense sales calls, she retires to her room where she eats alone, checks e-mail, and prepares for the next day’s work.

By the end of the evening, she’s too edgy to sleep and a little lonely. She could saunter down to the lobby bar, but the thought of picking up a stranger has little appeal in today’s world of dangerous STDs.

She could call one of the men she dates from time to time, but doesn’t want to come across as needy. She could watch a pay-for-view movie ADULT movie, but doesn’t want to explain that charge to her employer.

Faced with those alternatives, she often ends the day snuggled up in bed with her laptop. She reads an erotic e-book by a favorite author. With one hand on the keyboard and the other under the covers, she gives herself some well-deserved “personal time.”

Afterwards, she sleeps like a baby.

Nathan and Bri have a great sex life, and Nathan’s as crazy in love with his wife as the day they married three years ago. Even so, he has fantasies of a threesome involving Bri, him, and another woman. In his favorite fantasy, Bri and the other woman begin kissing while he watches.

One thing leads to another and soon the women are naked on the floor, making love. After they’ve driven each other over the edge, the two women turn their attention to him.

So far, Nathan has refrained from sharing his fantasy with Bri, because he knows she’s strictly a one-man woman.

But once a week, when she’s out with her friends, he indulges himself with a box of Kleenex, a favorite lubricant, and a visit to a website featuring erotic stories about threesomes. He prefers the slow build-up and exotic settings offered by the stories to video porn’s bright lights, close-up shots, and predictability.

In the back of his mind, he harbors the hope that Bri will some day turn his fantasy into reality.

Katie and Patrick have been together for four years. They’re in a committed relationship, but Katie has come to realize that she needs more sex than Patrick.

He’s pre-occupied with starting a new business and happy with their twice a week routine. For her part, she’d prefer a trip down the “O” highway every day.

She’s not opposed to a furtive moment alone in the shower or a solitary fling on the day bed before Patrick returns home from work. But what works best for Katie is curling up in front of the fire or in the chaise lounge with a steamy period romance and a favorite vibrator.

She secretly hopes Patrick will find her books and want to see what she does with that vibrator while she reads.

Doing it by the Book

Masturbation, wanking, play time.

Call it what you like, it’s something we all do. In fact, Kinsey Institute research shows that 90 percent of all men over the age of 18 “toss one off” on a regular basis, while 65 percent of all women “rub one out” now and then.

The percentages are lower for married couples, but a Playboy survey found that 72 percent of married men masturbate, while a Redbook survey revealed that 68 percent of married women join in the fun.

Yet, when confronted with these percentages, many people are embarrassed to admit that they aren’t much different from everyone else when it comes to self pleasure.

Furthermore, even if we confess to an occasional personal dalliance, we’re likely to characterize it as a “moment of weakness.” In the words of the old “Seinfeld” episode, we take pride in being “masters of our own domain.”

But the truth is that “humming to our own music” is a more purposeful activity than we may like to own up to. Drawings of men and women engaged in sex are among the earliest and most prevalent art to adorn the walls of caves.

The first writings on sex can be traced to ancient Chinese and Indian cultures, and the public areas of Greek and Roman cities often contained art work depicting copulation, oral sex, and self pleasure.

It’s a good bet that our ancestors were using that art work and those writings to enhance not only their sex lives with partners, but also their solo sex. And based on the current market demand for erotica and porn, it’s likely that many of us today rely on sexy stories, photos, and videos to make our private time more enjoyable.

In fact, if the e-mail and blog comments I receive are any indication, I’m pretty sure that most readers of my stories and books are of the one-handed variety.

Bottom line

Most researchers and therapists view masturbation as a common and natural activity. If we’re going to do it, why not enjoy it to the fullest? If a hot story or a sexy book produces warm and fuzzies down below or indulges a particular fantasy, why not go with it?

Masturbation doesn’t need to be shameful or guilt-ridden, it can be a celebration of our singular sexuality, purposefully undertaken and augmented with erotica we love.

Doing it Without My Partner

A question that often arises is whether it’s harmful to a relationship when one or both partners masturbate in isolation to “dirty stories.” The concern is that solo masturbation, with or without the aid of erotica, is a form of “cheating,” and we all know how damaging that can be to a relationship.

But most researchers agree that couples should not be troubled by masturbation in a relationship so long as (1) it doesn’t take the place of sex between partners; and (2) neither partner’s self esteem is lowered by the other partner’s self enjoyment.

Remember Janie, Nathan, and Katie from the beginning of this article? Janie played with herself to the accompaniment of the bookmarked sections of her favorite e-book, when she was on the road and away from boyfriends.

Nathan indulged a fantasy his wife had little interest in, but it didn’t lessen his attraction to his wife. And Katie used erotica and masturbation to supplement her sex life with her husband.

It’s hard to see how anyone’s relationship was damaged.

Bottom Line: Open communication with your spouse or partner is always the best route. Talk about your sexual desires and fantasies. Come to an understanding about what both of you need, keeping in mind that sex is a mystery and that each person’s desires are valid and unique.

Filed Under: Masturbation Tagged With: adult movies, erotica, how to masturbate, masturbation, porn

How to Enjoy Erotica with Your Partner

By alicianightorchid

Lauren and Will have been together for three years. She works at a law firm where she’s caught her male co-workers checking out her long legs and firm buttocks on more than one occasion.

Will is a commodities trader. He often leaves for the office early and returns home late. He’s known for his boyish good looks and twinkling blue eyes.

When they first started dating, Will was the one who initiated sex, the one who encouraged Lauren to try new positions and do things she never imagined good girls did. She enjoyed it more than she expected.

After they married, sex remained a centerpiece of their relationship, with Saturdays often devoted to exploring and satisfying each other’s urges and desires.

But in the last few months, their lovemaking has acquired a sameness. They’ve fallen into a pattern of straight missionary sex on the one or two nights a week that Will doesn’t fall asleep in front of the TV.

Lauren finds their couplings less than satisfactory. And she’s worried, because now when the guys at the office look, she’s tempted to look back. She’s caught herself fantasizing about that hunky fellow who exercises on his deck across the way. And the other night, she woke up from a dream about her high school boy friend, damp and flushed and too worked up to go back to sleep.

She’d like to talk to Will, but isn’t sure where to begin. She’d like inject a little spice into what’s become “same old, same old,” but is afraid of rejection. Why, the other night when she wore a new black thong to bed, Will didn’t even notice.

Maybe it’s time for a little erotica in this couple’s life.

Erotica: What’s That?

Lauren’s never been turned on by porn videos. Like a lot of women, she’s more threatened than aroused by the carved bodies, pretty faces, and practiced capabilities of the porno queens. So, popping a porn video in the CD player and snuggling up on the couch with Will probably isn’t the best solution.

On the other hand, Lauren remembers how much she enjoyed reading about sex when she was younger. She remembers being stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters she cared about in the context of stories in which she was engaged.

While it’s an overgeneralization, the distinction being drawn is between “porn,” especially video porn, and “erotica,” especially writings about sex. Researchers know that while men are easily stimulated by images of sex, women prefer reading about the down and dirty. The best news is that while men respond more quickly to visual images, they also respond to written erotica.

Especially, when it’s shared with a partner.

Finding What You Like

In an earlier article I explored how and where to find quality erotica. It’s available both online and in print. The first step to enjoying erotica with your partner is to find the flavor you like best among all the many offerings.

Because sexual tastes often differ and can be quite specific, erotica is often organized by flavor or “sub- genre.” Here are some of the most common and what they mean:

Romance (Romantica)—This is sexually explicit writing involving a romantic relationship, where the guy gets the girl (or vice versa). While some of the writing remains pulpy, much of it has evolved to include threesomes, gays, and lesbians loving it up in all manner of exciting settings and situations.

BDSM—This includes stories of bondage, discipline, submission, and humiliation. Ever thought about being tied up and blindfolded, ever wondered what it would be like to be someone’s sex slave, ever wanted to call all the shots? Here’s your chance to check it out. Bring collars, whips, and cock rings to the reading, if you’re really adventurous.

Sci-Fi and Fantasy—These are stories set in places far away and a long time ago. They often involving couplings between humans and non-humans. You can also find your share of horny elves, sex-starved vampires, and craven witches.

Fetishes—Fetishes involve sexual attraction to objects or situations that aren’t normally associated with sex. Remember that guy in college who loved your feet, maybe that was a foot fetish. Like the idea of watching or being watched? Ever get caught sniffing your partner’s lingerie? Ever fantasized about having sex while dressed in latex? You probably get the picture.

Erotic Couplings—This is by far the most common sub-genre and encompasses everything a couple can do to together on this planet without chains and whips, without getting too kinky, and without necessarily falling in love. It’s hot sex with an office co-worker, the pizza boy, a professor, or even a spouse. Maybe it’s sex on a train, at a resort, or on the patio. It’s probably not that far removed from what you’re already doing—only better.

Literary Erotica—Think Hemingway on Viagra. This is erotica that engages not only your nether regions, but also your mind. It’s so well-written, your sophomore English teacher would be proud, complete with beautifully crafted sentences, quirky and alluring characters, and a strong, believable plot line. And hot, really hot sex, made all the better, because the writing is so good.

The type of erotica you and your partner choose to share probably depends on your goal. If, like Lauren, you’re simply looking to add a little zing to a sex life that’s grown a little weary, a story about a couple caught in a snow storm might be just the ticket. If you and your lover want to explore a toy fetish, a BDSM experience, or sex in the 27th century on the Planet Xeno with reptilian creatures that go both ways, you’ll want venture into other sub-genres.

Sharing the Moment

The best way to enjoy erotica together is to snuggle up in bed, on a sofa, or at the beach, and take turns reading. Maybe you light a candle, change into those silk boxers she bought you for Valentine’s Day, or enjoy a glass of wine together. For many couples the mere act of speaking sexy, forbidden words aloud can be highly arousing. Just hearing a partner describe a hot orgy or oral sex in the back of a packed theatre can cause temperatures to rise.

If you’re the reader, unleash your inner Academy Award winner. If you’re the listener, close your eyes, allow yourself to sink into your partner’s voice. And, remember, you can always put the book or story down and let nature take its course. The words will be there for reading later on.

Also, keep in mind that you don’t have to do everything you read about to have a great experience. It may be exciting to read about participating in an orgy, but you can still have plain-old vanilla, one-on-one sex, after the reading is done. On the other hand, that story about oral sex may be just what it takes to encourage him to go down on you.

If you can’t enjoy erotica in person, enjoy it a distance. One couple I know travels on business incessantly. She’s often in Los Angeles, while he’s in Newark. They like to unwind after a busy day by reading to one another across the phone lines.

A male acquaintance often e-mails snippets of stories or links to stories to his girl friend’s cell phone. It makes for great reading on the train ride home for her and a warm reception once she arrives for him.

A less technologically savvy friend slips sexy story anthologies or novels into her husband’s briefcase as he heads off to work. Now he’s reading thrillers during his lunch hour that end up giving both partners a thrill.

In the end, how you choose to share erotica is up to you. The possibilities are endless. The point is that it’s a great way to kick start a new sexual adventure or fan the flames of dying embers.

Filed Under: Porn & Adult Movies Tagged With: adult movies, erotica, porn, Relationship Advice

The Best Places to Find Erotica

By alicianightorchid

Sex researchers have known for sometime that while men prefer to seek sexual stimulation from images, women favor reading about love, romance, and sex.

Men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, while women are more likely to enjoy and be stimulated by descriptions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

The term “erotica” is often used to refer to these softer images of, and especially writings about sex.

Many women enjoy erotica on their own, which is good news in and of itself. Even better news is that couples can enjoy erotica together as a prelude to sex or as a way to explore sexual activities, fetishes, and lifestyles they’re not ready for in real life.

Where Do I Find It?

Sex stories and novels are easy to find. More challenging is finding quality erotica. By this, I mean erotica that is well-written, with interesting characters, fascinating plots, exotic settings, and really hot sex.

Here’s a guide to finding the really good stuff.

Print Anthologies

Every year, several wonderful print anthologies featuring erotica are published. The most popular of these are “The Best of the Best American Erotica” edited by Susi Bright and “Dirty Girls: Erotica by Women” edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. If you’re worried about buying these books in a public bookstore, all it takes is a credit card to purchase them confidentially and without embarrassment online.

I recommend these anthologies as a good place for couples to begin. They tend to include a sampling of various types of stories including literary, humorous, romantic, and really dirty erotica. You can read various styles and authors to see what really turns you on.

E-Books

Another highly popular source of erotica is e-books. E-books are electronic books, which range from story to novel length. They can be purchased online, typically for a fraction of the cost of print books, downloaded and read on your computer or e-book reader. While taking a laptop to bed with you might have much appeal, some e-book readers are no bigger than a cell phone. You can even acquire “read-aloud” software, so that the words are spoken in a voice you select, allowing for hands and mouth-free enjoyment, should that be of interest to you.

There are several sources of e-books. Ellora’s Cave is one of the more successful e-publishers and sells its books, organized by author and genre, directly from its website. Fictionwise is a virtual warehouse of e-books. You can find erotica titles simply by searching under the key word “erotica.” Lulu is another virtual warehouse offering self-published print and electronic media. Because the work is self published, authors aren’t required to meet anyone’s standards but their own, so quality of packaging and content is a concern. Again, a search under “erotica,” or a particular author’s name, will provide you with a wide variety of choices.

Free Erotica

If you want to experiment with free erotica, before laying out the cash for a purchase, there are plenty of options on the Internet. The most popular site is probably Literotica. This site offers both readers and writers of erotic stories and audios the opportunity to share their work and enjoy that of others amateur authors. The upside is the huge number of stories to choose from and a rating system that allows you to choose from the most popular stories in each sub-genre. The downside is the inconsistency of quality—it ranges from poorly-written anecdotes of the writer’s personal sexual experiences, to really excellent and well-written stories that should have made the print anthologies.

Clean Sheets and the Erotica Readers and Writers’ Association are other free websites. Unlike Literotica, where anyone can post stories, the stories appearing on these websites are selected by editors on their merits. New stories appear monthly, plus both sites maintain archives of previously published work. Another personally favorite site for free stories is Desdmona’s Erotic Stories Contests. Desdmona, the publisher of a highly-regarded “pay-for-erotica” site, Ruthie’s Club, sponsors contests once a year. The contests attract some of the best erotica authors working today.

Once you’ve looked around a bit, chances are you’ll find one or more authors you really like. Many erotica authors including myself maintain websites and publish erotic stories, blogs, and/or essays about sex on their personal sites. You’ll discover that your favorite authors also have their own favorites and provide links to these other authors.

There is plenty of really good sex writing out there. Why settle for anything less than the best?

Filed Under: Porn & Adult Movies Tagged With: adult movies, erotica, internet porn, porn

Porn vs. Erotica: What Women Really Want

By alicianightorchid

This story is intended for mature audiences only.

Ever wonder why most women hate porn? Then you’ll want to keep reading.

Michael and Chloe go to dinner. The food is sex on a plate—rubbed and grilled, sauced and drizzled, earthy and sea-scented. The wine is warming, causing her face to glow, his ears to buzz.

Afterwards they hit that new club uptown and listen to some great live music. They dance the salsa, swirling and humping, pelvises pressed together in a slow grind. In the car they snuggle close. Fingers entwine, tongues swirl. Hands play on thighs and breasts. Fabrics strain.

By the time they reach home, he’s tenting his trousers. She’s damp and giddy. He struggles to get the key in the door. She presses her hard nipples into his back and fumbles with his belt buckle. She’s ready to be swept off to the bedroom, entered and ravished. He reads the signals differently, thinking this might be the night to try something new.

While she’s in the toilet, he flips on the TV, slips in a CD (“Horny Teenage Tailgunners”), and cues it up. She hears it before she sees it. “Yeah, yeah, give it to me, give it to me.” He pats the sofa next to him. On screen, under bright lights, a heavy-chested tanned man with a penis the size of a baseball bat plunges into a woman from behind. She’s as blonde as California, sports size DD breasts, rock hard abs, and an ass and legs to die for.

Michael’s flushed and horny. Chloe’s threatened, wondering why he’d want this woman instead of her, wondering why he couldn’t just ask for anal sex, if that’s what he really wanted.

Hands on her hips, she admits she was pretty turned on by the first two paragraphs of this article, but finds the porn video more repulsive than sexy. She spins on her heel and heads to the bedroom, locking the door behind her and vowing to herself to dye her hair, get a boob job, and lose ten pounds. He’s left alone with a raging erection, wondering why she’s so uncool.

Images versus Writing

This vignette highlights a basic difference in men and women that both sexes can benefit from understanding.

Sex researchers have known for sometime that while men prefer to seek sexual stimulation from images, women favor reading about love, romance, and sex.

While men are likely to be turned on by the sight of strange couples and threesomes cavorting on staged sets, many women feel threatened by the carved bodies, pretty faces, and the practiced capabilities of the porno queens.

While men are willing to settle for scenes of disembodied sex organs colliding together under bright lights, women are more likely to enjoy and be aroused by depictions of sex between characters they care about in the context of stories in which they’re engaged.

Marketers have long taken advantage of these differences. They realize that men buy and consume most of the porn on the Internet and on video and target their offerings to males. Publishers of sexually explicit stories and novels, on the other hand, target female readers. The most successful and widely read stories and novels are those involving strong female protagonists engaged in romantic relationships. The sex takes place in the context of those relationships.

Porn versus Erotica

Some explain the differences in men and women’s tastes by saying that men prefer “porn,” while women prefer “erotica.”

In this sense, “porn” means hard core images of professional and attractive models performing stylized sex for pay—think “facial,” “double-penetration,” “deep throating,” “fisting,” and “money shot.” It’s these conventions and stylized images that many women find threatening and demeaning rather than stimulating.

By contrast, “erotica” refers to softer images of, and especially writings about, sex. The characters may be model-attractive, but are just as likely to look like ordinary people. Erotica may be explicit in its depiction or description of sex, but is just as likely to involve the more mundane sex almost of us are lucky to enjoy once or twice a week.

Erotica, in its written form, ranges from raunchy Penthouse Forum anecdotes of frat house sex to literary erotica complete with beautifully crafted sentences, fascinating characters, and zingy plots.

What it Means for Couples

First, women who aren’t turned on by a porn video shouldn’t feel inadequate. They should have the confidence to share their feelings with their partners. Men should respect what their female partners tell them and understand that it’s probably not personal.

Second, men looking to stimulate their female partners or encourage them to try something different should recognize that they’ll probably have better luck with an erotic story than a porn video. And while it’s no secret that men get turned on by sexually explicit images, they’ll also find themselves just as excited by stories and novels about sex. It just takes a little longer.

Finally, women curious about sexual activities, positions, fetishes, or life styles they might not be ready to explore in real life may find it easier to read about such things than watch a pornographic video clip. Women seeking sexual stimulation on their own will likely respond more favorably to a hot story or novel than a gaudy and bawdy porno film.

Bottom line: Couples should discuss what works best for them, keeping in mind a basic difference between men and women. Words work best for women, while images are preferred by men.

Filed Under: Porn & Adult Movies Tagged With: adult movies, erotica, porn

Sex & Intimacy Topics

  • Sex Tips & Advice
  • Foreplay
  • Kissing
  • Oral Sex
  • Orgasm
  • Masturbation
  • Sex Games
  • Bondage, Fetishes, & Fantasies
  • Porn & Adult Movies
  • Anal Sex
  • Erectile Dysfunction / Last Longer In Bed

Love & Relationship Categories

  • Love & Romance
  • Relationship Advice
  • Marriage
  • Infidelity, Cheating, & Affairs
  • Break Up & Divorce
  • Get Your Ex Back

Singles & Dating Categories

  • Date Ideas
  • Dating Tips
  • Flirting Tips
  • Pick Up Lines
  • Seduction Tips
  • Online Dating Sites & Reviews
  • Online Dating Tips & Advice

Sex Position Categories

  • Best Sex Positions For…
  • Deep Penetration Sex Positions
  • Missionary Sex Positions
  • Oral Sex Positions For Her
  • Oral Sex Positions For Him
  • Rear Entry Sex Positions
  • Side By Side Sex Positions
  • Sitting Sex Positions
  • Standing Sex Positions
  • Woman On Top Sex Positions
  • About
  • Contact

Copyright © Your Name All Rights Reserved. Reproduction without express permission is prohibited.

Accessing this website acknowledges your agreement to the Terms of Use • Advertising & Affiliate Disclosure