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Happy Hallmark Day!

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Before all the women reading this blog get their panties in a knot thinking I am anti-Valentine’s Day by saying “Happy Hallmark Day,” let me make one thing clear . . . you’re 100% correct! I am anti-Valentine’s Day.

What’s So Special About February 14th?

I for one believe that you don’t need a special day in the middle of February (or a little past the middle with there being 29 days in February this year) to celebrate your relationship and your love . . . or to give that microchip-sized diamond pendant from Kay Jewelers. Half of you are still paying off the bills you incurred at Christmas telling your sweetheart you love them.

I personally think that Valentine’s Day should be moved to April 14th – the day before tax day. Think about the headline: “Stressed out having to send the government $20,000.00 tomorrow? Celebrate today by going to Kay Jewelers and buying a microchip-sized diamond pendant!”

Not only that, I can already see the marketing campaign. Somehow Kay Jewelers and the IRS will get together and write it off. “If you buy the microchip pendant now, you can write it off on your 2007 tax return.” I know no one is going to pass that law, though, so let’s get back to my love of Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day — Old School Style

Do you know when I loved Valentine’s Day? I loved it when I was a kid and I got to go to school with my box of Valentine’s cards to give to everyone. You know the ones I’m talking about – the ones where the whole box costs about $2.00 and contains little cards that say “Be My Valentine” coming out of Snoopy’s mouth.

You also got to hand out those disgusting heart-shaped candies that tasted like fourteen year old Tums. You remember those, right? The ones where you give them to someone, and as they eat them dust comes out of their mouth when they tell you “At least I won’t have heartburn this Valentine’s Day!” Tums really should start to put slogans on their little chalky tablets that say things like “Be Acid Free,” I like No Acid,” “Care To Swap Some Stomach Acid?” or “My Heartburn Burns For You!”

Those chalky colored heart candies had sayings on them like “Melt My Heart,” Puppy Love,” “Kiss Me,” “Sweet Talk” and the classic “Get My Drift.” I remember they made a special one based on an episode of “Happy Days” where the Fonz handed ones out that said (misspelled) “You’re the ginchiest.”

While those candies haven’t gotten any better tasting over the years, at least some people have gotten a little more creative with the sayings on them. Why not check out some more … interesting sentiments to say to your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day?

Anyway, it was really fun to go into your classroom and give out 50 valentines and bags of bad candy. That was a fun Valentine’s time.

Now what do we do on Valentine’s Day? You have to make reservations at a restaurant where they double the price of same food they serve every other day. Even McDonald’s bumps up the price (and the cholesterol count) for Valentine’s Day.

A Funny Valentine’s Story

Since we’re taking a trip down memory lane, let me tell you about one of my favorite Valentine’s Days. It was the year I opened my bar in New York City, and I was broke. Let me tell you . . . opening a bar on 28th? I had no right to do that.

So it was Valentine’s Day, I only had a few bucks, and I had to get my then girlfriend a Valentine’s gift. So I’m walking down the street and see a guy selling stuffed animal bears out of a garbage bag. I asked him how much they were, and he said a couple bucks. Since that was about all I had, I said “I’ll take it!”

I was so proud of my purchase – the bear was white and really cute. So I walk in the door with the bear behind my back and said “Happy Valentine’s Day baby! Look what I found on the way home!!”

As I’m still holding the bear behind my back, my golden retriever Jessie grabs it out of my hand in one violent motion. So I said “Jessie drop it!” She did, but she kept her eyes fixated on it. So my girlfriend Jessie (God, I’m sounding like Dr. Bob now) grabbed the bear and hugged it.

All of a sudden her face contorted and she got a look of disgust on her face. I said “What’s wrong?” She answered (holding the bear toward me) “Smell this!” Meanwhile the golden retriever’s tail is going 100 mph. I took a whiff of the bear and said “It sort of smells like the zoo.”

We made the joint (and quite easy) decision at that point to give the bear to my dog Jessie, who loved “yellow bear” until the day she died. To this day, we have no idea what animal marked that bear. We had a good laugh about it, made some dinner, and created a nice Valentine’s Day memory.

Create Your Own Valentine’s Day Memories

Now I’m not telling you to find an animal, have it pee on a stuffed animal, and then give it to somebody. What I am suggesting, however, is for you to get one of those 50-count boxes of kids’ Valentine’s cards and bring them home tonight so that your sweetheart can open up every single one of them.

You could even buy her a bag of those seventeen year old dusty heart candies with such magical phrases as “Be Mine” on them. Sometimes the “M” looked like an “N,” though, so the candy looked like it read “Be Nine” and thinking you were playing Battleship yelling “B9!”

So you see, I really don’t hate Valentine’s Day. I just think it’s more fun to be creative than to make a reservation at a restaurant. So if anyone wants to “Be Mine” for Valentine’s Day, I’ll be here.

Now let me ask all of you one question. What was your favorite Valentine’s Day and why?

6 Simple Ways To Let Your Date Know You’re Interested

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Have you ever been out on a date with someone who you really liked, but you weren’t sure exactly how to let them know that you really like them and are interested in them?

It can be hard to know how to express yourself around someone whom you don’t know very well yet.

There are LOTS of ways to let a date know you’re interested in them. You could, for instance, immediately start kissing them and have a long session of “sucking face” . . . but you don’t want to do that. While it will certainly convey your interest, it will also give them the wrong impression of you.

Clearly, then, there are better and worse ways to convey your interest to a date (with the above example being one of the “worst” options). So let’s look at some more realistic (and better!) ways that you can let your date know that you are interested.

Here are 6 great ways you can let your date know you’re interested in them

1. Lean in directly toward your date when they are talking to you.

Body language plays a huge role in what you communicate to others. This is especially true on a date, where the person you’re with will be paying a lot of attention to your body language.

So, when you’re on a date with someone who interests you, you need to let them know it with your body language. One of the best ways is to lean in towards your date. Lean in and smile. When you are leaning in, look at them directly in their eyes, so that they know you are interested in them.

2. Smile or laugh a bit when your date says something funny.

While we all know it is important to listen to what your date is saying during a conversation, it is equally important to react to things that your date says that resonate with you. For instance, when your date is saying something funny, contribute to that part of the conversation. Keep the conversation rolling when it’s on something funny and don’t change the subject.

3. When your date says something that intrigues you, comment on it.

When your date starts talking about a topic that is in an area of interest of yours, respond with questions and get more involved in that topic. Say, for instance you feel really passionate about an upcoming election and your date says “Well, I really don’t think I’m going to bother voting.” You can respond with something like “Wait a second. Why are considering not voting?”

Then let the conversation flow from there. Asking questions when a date says something relating to an area of interest of yours is a great way both to get into deeper conversation with your date while also showing them you are interested in what they’re saying.

4. Challenge them a little bit.

Challenging your date just a little bit will lead to a stimulating conversation. It shows you’re date you’re interested and engaged in the conversation, and that you’re not just a puppet who just nods and agrees with everything they say.

5. Keep your body language open at all times.

Do not fold your arms. Do not pick at your nails when you are telling a story or talking. Look at your date directly in their eyes. Don’t look in other directions. If you don’t keep eye contact, your date will not only think you are not interested in them, but that you are looking at somebody else.

6. Bring your date “into your space.”

When you catch yourself leaning back really far, lean back in towards your date. When you tell a story, be animated. Whenever you talk to your date, use hand gestures and use your body language. Face them and bring them in, holding your hands directly out in front of you. By doing all of this, you’re bringing your date in to your sphere. They will notice this too and know you’re interested.

So many things about a date are subliminal. You can listen, be a good conversationalist, talk all day long, and get along easily with people. Doing all of these things, however, may still not mean that someone with whom you are out on a date will know that you are interested in them. It is necessary to more clearly express your interest (so that a date will know you are not just being friendly).

If you struggle with knowing how to naturally and effectively show a date that you’re interested in them, then following these tips will really help you to break through many of the challenges you’ve had in the past. You will also be pleasantly surprised at how much differently those interesting dates will act towards you!

5 Phone Rules In Dating That Everyone Ought To Know

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You know, it’s funny how differently people conduct their dating life from every other aspect of their life.

Do you realize that if you conducted your dating life like your business life, that you would probably be a far more successful dater? Think about it – your follow-ups would be better, your memory would be better . . . and your manners would be better.

Not only that, but how you come across to others would be better because you would not be so emotionally-driven and attached to every single outcome.

One of the most common dating situations in which people always seem to lose their “business skills” is deciding when to return the phone call after someone leaves them a message. A lot of people seem to feel it necessary to create some super-special strategy to decide when to return that phone message. This is the most ridiculous thing in the world!

So let’s go into it so we can settle this issue once and for all. In the area of dating, when do you call someone back after they have left you a phone message?

Here are 5 phone rules that everyone should following when dating

1. Be Prompt When They’re Prompt.

If you gave out your phone number and somebody calls you within 24 hours, then you should call them back within 24 hours. There should be none of this “waiting four or five days to call” business. When someone has called you within 24 hours, that’s called momentum. It’s called momentum for a reason, and so many people in dating lose that momentum very quickly by not promptly returning phone calls.

Even if you’re busy, call the person back promptly to let them know that you’re busy and tell them you will connect with them in a few days when your schedule settles down. To wait four or five days to return a phone message, however, to me is simply rude. You would never do this in your business life, yet that is what so many people do in their dating life.

2. If They Waited, You May Also Wait.

You’ve given your phone number to someone, and that person waits four or five days to call you. As far as I’m concerned, when that happens you are entitled to wait four or five days to return that person’s call. That person did not make you a priority, and they played games.

Although the person decided to call you, what they were likely actually doing during those four or five days was debating whether they wanted to call you. This shows lack of interest. I know that when I get a woman’s phone number and I wait four or five days to call her, that I’m really not that interested in her and I really don’t care whether or not she calls me back.

3. It’s OK To Call Right Back.

If someone calls you promptly after you’ve given them your phone number, then you should call them back within 24 hours – but it is even perfectly fine to call them back the same night they call you. It doesn’t look desperate. It looks like you actually have manners, that you’re someone who pays attention to detail, and that you’re someone who respects other people’s time.

Think about this for a second. When someone calls you, they are taking time out of their day to talk to you. So it is not only “ok,” but really simple courtesy, to acknowledge this with a promptly returned phone call. This is something we do in business every day without ever thinking twice about it, but we don’t do this in our dating life because we conduct it with emotionally-based decisions.

4. You Can’t Manipulate Someone Into Liking You.

So many people think there needs to be some “strategy” in making the decision when to return someone’s phone call. They’ll think things like “Oh, let me think when I should call them back. Should I wait four or five days so I’ll seem busy and not too available? If I call back today will I seem desperate?” It doesn’t work that way!

This is simply a matter of courtesy and being a mature adult. If someone called me in my business and left me a message about wanting me to coach them, I will call them back as quickly as possible NOT because I’m desperate for business but because I respect the fact that the person took the time to contact me.

Playing games and trying to make someone think certain things about you (like that you’re busy or not desperate) by waiting to return a phone call will NOT make someone more interested in you than they would otherwise be. All you will accomplish by doing this is to make the other person think you are rude and uninterested.

5. Being Busy Is No Excuse.

So many of us are busy being busy. As busy people, we get how busy everyone’s life can be. Returning a phone call and leaving a voicemail message, though, takes only about 15 to 30 seconds. Returning a call to let the person know that you’re busy and will call them in a few days takes barely a minute.

It’s better to return the call promptly and let them know you’re busy and will call them in a few days after things settle down (with work, kids, or whatever it might be), then to put the phone call off and to think about it. The longer you wait to call somebody back, the less likely it will be the person will still have the interest in you that they had in the first place.

These are all tips that you should follow in navigating the phone calls you receive from someone you’re newly dating. These tips are equally applicable to men and women, and the rules contained in them apply to both sexes. So remember to follow these rules, and when someone calls you – call them back!

How to Get a Woman to Masturbate on the Phone With You – Phone Sex for HER Pleasure

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Khiem and I are walking right now with Yakub, and we’re hanging out and doing what we call a “brainstorm day.”

Well, actually they both goofed off on some weird internet sites for a little while which they didn’t share with me and they downloaded things to my Mac which sort of scares me a little bit, but at least I’ll have some fun entertainment when I get home.

But we were all hiking and talking, and they were asking me, “What are the secrets of how to get her to masturbate for you on the telephone?”

Now, I’ve been somebody who has absolutely enjoyed the benefits of phone sex even before women got to enjoy the benefits of the Blackberry-vibrating phone sex! How to get a woman to masturbate for you on the phone is really very simple.

Use what you know

First, you have to call them late at night. Let’s say you’ve been emailing this woman back and forth. You’ve been flirting in emails back and forth, and maybe you’ve had a couple of phone conversations, and she tells you she’ll be around that night for you two to talk.

What you need to do in that email or text message is ask, “How late can I call you? I want you to be really cozy and comfortable when I call, so you’re not thinking anything about the day.” Then she’ll tell you how late you can call.

So then you call her that late – 11 o’clock at night. She’s in bed, she’s wearing her little jammies, and you start conversing with her. You talk to her about emotions, about anything that has to do with a deep topic. Because remember sex for a woman starts in her mind. You need to connect with her.

You can’t get on the phone with her and say, “So what are you wearing right now? Do you want to masturbate with me on the phone?” No! It’s about connecting.

Phone sex foreplay

Picture it as foreplay – or phoneplay! What you need to do is just talk to her a little bit, get to know her a little bit, make a comment on something you guys have shared together – maybe this is like the first or second phone call, and you’ve learned things about her.

Maybe she’s told you that she really loves deep conversations. You can say to her, “Man, I really love deep conversations with you. I love to get to know you better.  It’s so much fun. I’m enjoying exploring you. I’m enjoying penetrating your mind.” When you talk in very subliminal sexual ways, it will make her very sexually turned on.

Most guys make the biggest mistake: a woman is talking to you late at night, you’re having an emotional conversation and you’re connecting, and the guy will immediately ruin it by saying, “Are you wet right now?” Or “You know, my cock’s hard.  You want to feel it?”

You don’t want to say that! What you have to assume is that she’s already turned on. What I like to do is use very subliminal language. “I’m having so much fun connecting with you now.”  That’s foreplay in her mind. “I’m having a great time learning about you.” “Wow, I wish I was sitting right there with you right now, seeing your eyes during this conversation” That’s another thing to say to her…

Or say, “Oh my God, did we just have like a kiss moment?” when you are talking about something. There’s a pause, and you both feel it. Then you need to get a bit more daring. Say, “Did we just have a kiss moment?” and she’ll say, “Well, yeah, I think so!” Then you can say, “Alright, let’s play true confession. If I was there right now, what would you want to do?”

And then she’ll tell you. If she feels comfortable, she’ll say, “Oh, I really want to kiss you and touch you right now.” You can say, “Touch me? I barely even know you! How do you know I’ll even let you?” You want to be a little bit playful.

Then she’ll say, “Oh come on. What do you want to do?” And then you tell her.

What I always say over and over again is, “If I was there right now, I would look deep inside your eyes. I would kiss you. I would look at you, and I want to feel your energy. I want to look and see what I stir up inside you after I kiss you.”

How to know when she’s getting into it

All of a sudden, she’ll take a deep breath, and say, “Really? Tell me more.” So then you tell her more! “I’m a very passionate person, and I love to explore a woman’s body, but only after I connect with her mind and her soul,” and then describe what you’d love to do to her.

What I do is do it very subliminally: “Right now, if you were standing in front of me, I would LOVE to look at you after I kissed you and see how hungry your eyes are. I’ll know just by the look in your eyes how I want to proceed with your body. I’ll know what I want to do next.”

You’re taking control at this point. You’re painting a picture. Most men don’t paint that picture – they paint a picture of weakness. You are basically telling her, “If I was there right now,  this is what I would do to you.”

Then, at that point, you have to judge her temperature. You can ask, “Well, do you want to hear more?” 99.9% of the time, she’s going to say of course! At this point, you want to be very subliminal in what you say to her. You want to say things like, “After I’m done kissing you, I would take a look and I know your body would be talking to me, and I know exactly what I would do. I would start at your neck…” and describe it.

“I would start at your neck, because I want to taste your skin in my mouth.” Use very explicit terminology: “I would then take my mouth and kiss every inch of your body, tasting every bit of you, and feeling your energy and the way you react” Use those terms. Not once do you ever say, “I want to spread your legs and lick you like an ice cream cone!” It’s all very subliminal.

At this point, you tell a story.  It’s all about how you tell that story . “Man I would just take you, flip you over, and kiss your back from head to toe,” and listen to the way that she is breathing. If she starts breathing a little bit heavier, or sighing a little bit or if she says, “Tell me more” and her voice is getting very breathy, it might even seem like she’s out of breath at this point. She might having short little bursts of breath, and saying, “more, more more…”

More, more, more

Then you can say to her, “Alright, if I was standing there, what would you do to me?” and allow her to describe it now. The thing about sex, and what a lot of men don’t do because they don’t understand how sexual women really are, is give women a chance to express their sexuality. Women are very sexual creatures.

You want to give women a chance to express their sexuality by saying, “Tell me what you would do for me.” Let them tell you and react to it! React positively. When she tells you the things she wants to do, say, “God I love that.” Encourage her a little bit more. A lot of times, her ex-boyfriend or ex-lover didn’t allow her to do those things – she didn’t feel that sexy around him.

The reason why she is exploring this with you over the safety of the phone is that she is trying to figure out who you are. She already has a fantasy about you in her head, so allow her to talk about that fantasy. And every time she says something great, say, “Oh man, that is so hot,” or, “Wow! That would feel so good,” or “I’m yours. You can do that!” And then just add some stuff to it so it becomes this conversation.

Then, at that point, when she is describing things, not only have you turned her on, but she’s turning herself on. You are allowing her to talk about her inner fantasies. At that point, you can say to her, “Let me ask you now, how wet are you?” She will say, “Very.” You then say, “I want you to feel yourself right now, and then describe to me how wet you are. Describe what it feels like in your fingers.”

Her reaction?

Many times she will say, “Oh I’ve been touching myself the whole time!” You ask, “You’ve been touching yourself?” And then you take total control. “Really. I want you to touch yourself some more, and I want to hear you. I want to hear what you’re fantasizing about right now. I want to hear your passion for me. I want to listen. I’m going to talk you through this. I want to listen to what you are burning for right now…” and allow her to talk.

Keep asking her, “What are you doing?” and she’ll tell you what she is doing! Encourage her. “Oh, keep doing that, I want to hear you cum. Cum for me baby, come on.” And then she’ll ask you if you’re touching yourself.

Whether or not you are watching ESPN or touching yourself is your own prerogative, but you say that you are touching yourself. Hopefully you are enjoying the phone sex, and actually having phone sex with her.

This is the way that you get a woman to have phone sex.

Not only that, but once you have phone sex with her, real sex is right around the corner. There is no waiting, no games, no playing, NOTHING. Once they’ve played with you on the phone, they want to play with you in person. You have something to go on.

The next day you text her and say, “Oh man, I’m going to make you beg tonight again. I’m going to make you beg!” and she’ll say, “Oh please don’t make me beg! When are we going to see each other?” And she’s going to beg, because you’ve gotten inside her head.

You have gotten inside her mind, and you’ve gotten inside her soul, like most guys haven’t done.

And that’s how you have great phone sex!

Why You’d Be Crazy To Get Married Before You’re 30

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Marriage in your twenties is for the birds!

Marriage and Me

I never talk about marriage… Not that I’m against marriage, nor am I commitment phobic . I’ve been married. It lasted three years and one day. It was basically like a lease. At the end she still had low mileage, that “new wife smell,” and she still looked great when I returned her to the dealership. She was like a certified pre-owned Lexus.

Now this is not the part that will offend you – it’s this next part that will get under your skin.

Twenty is Too Young!

For those of you who got married in your twenties, I think all of you got married too young. Yeah I know: “I want to be a young mommy,” or “I want to be a young dad.” But a young mom and a young dad still have no idea who they are as a person.

Get to Know You

If you’re a woman, you really don’t know who you are until you’re thirty. And, sorry guys, but if you’re a man you really don’t know who you are until you’re at least thirty-five to forty. This would make all of you old dads and older moms – not exactly Warren Beatty old but older and, may I add, wiser. Now I could go online and grab you a bunch of statistics about divorce rates and everything else, but why bore you with statistics that you can research on your own.

What it All Means

This would also mean that families would be smaller and the worlds population would slow down to something more manageable. This is not an Al Gore thumping blog post but we are running out of key resources in the world and a few less kids would really help the issue.

From all my years of coaching, I have just found that women don’t really know who they are until they’re thirty. Your twenties are all about finding yourself. And as for men, we’re just way too immature until we’re at least thirty-five to forty.

I’ve recently emailed all the women I’ve dated in my twenties . . . all 700 of them 🙂 I sent them an email that said:

Thanks for the Experience!

“Thanks for the experience. You were great. I was a self-centered asshole. You met me during my player years and, yes, you were just a notch on the belt. But now that those years are over [my real age you readers will never find out!], I’ve matured into a really good man. Let me know if you’d like to reconnect as a friend or on a deeper level. David”

Now this isn’t some Neil Young or Bruce Springsteen song, nor did I really write this email. And I really don’t think I dated 700 women…I might have, but who knows, and who remembers? The important thing is toembrace what you did and grow from the experiences you had.

The Bottom Line

But the bottom line here is this: To make a marriage successful, you have to know who you are first. None of this Jerry Maguire ‘you complete me’ crap. Enjoy your twenties. If you’re in your twenties right now, enjoy dating but enjoy the time getting to know yourself more. Also, don’t rush a family and the condominium on wheels (for those of you who don’t know what that is, that’s the overly obnoxious SUV – Yes, I live in California and yes I hate Hummers . . . though I do enjoy an occasional hummer).

So, take the time to get to know yourself before you get in that minivan. Because to have true love, you have to find true love with yourself first. For those of you over thirty who are in a marriage, you know exactly what I’m talking about here.

Last But Not Least

Just one last thing … I’m all about the biological clock, but can you at least wait until your late twenties to pound out the puppies and get married? Give yourself a few years to get to know who you are as a person. You’ll make a better wife and you’ll make a better lover. Because I’ve got to tell you that there is nothing more fun in bed than a woman over the age of thirty. I tell all my friends that they can have all the women in their twenties. I’m all about the hot sexy cougars.