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Will Friends With Benefits Work?

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Sex can be hard to come by if you’re not in a relationship – so can you be in a “friends with benefits” arrangement? Will it work?

Does a “friends with benefits” arrangement ever work? That is to say, can it stay purely friendly and sexual? I’m thinking of “diving in” with one of my best guy pals. I think we’d be a hot match in bed but I don’t want to lose his friendship.

What She Said:

A “friends with benefits” agreement can work, with some trust and communication. It can definitely provide a fun outlet for sex while you both wait to meet people with whom you’d like to get serious.

Will It Take An Emotional Toll On You?

Hot sex is awesome – and good for you! However, emotional health is an equally important component. If your best guy pal is into taking the leap, make sure to have a talk to set physical and emotional boundaries. What those will be are up to the two of you, but here are a few suggestions.

Practice Safe Sex

Getting sexually involved with someone is always a big deal, even if you plan to keep it casual. Ideally this means getting tested for STD’s before becoming physical, as well as using protection once you embark on this new part of your friendship. You’ll both have to take emotions into account as well. You’ll want to discuss how much you’ll be hanging out, if there will be calls in between, as well as rules for dating other people.

Reserve The Right To Change Your Mind

You’ve said you don’t want to lose his friendship, so be sure you’re clear why you want to turn your connection sexual. If you’re secretly looking to fall in love, this is the wrong way to go about it. How will it feel when one of you meets someone else? If the thought of him with another girl makes you catch your breath, hold off on the casual sex and ask him out on a proper date.

If you’re truly attracted to him with no emotional undertones, you’ve got a clearer situation on your hands. Having sex with someone, especially over a period of time, usually creates emotional attachment. Be aware of this and check in with yourself often. If you feel you’re in the clear emotionally, go have fun!

What He Said:

Sure, it works. For a while. FWB is like a milk carton, it is only good for a while, then it will expire and go bad. You have to throw it out before then. Trouble is, FWB doesn’t have an expiration date clearly posted on it, and a milk carton does. Know that this is for the short term and quit while your ahead.

It Might Get Weird

If you don’t end it early, one of you will develop feelings for the other and thus kill the whole FWB arrangement, and then it will get weird. Or one of you will find a serious relationship partner outside the FWB situation you’ve got and the other will get jealous.

Have An Exit Strategy

You can do this, just not for very long. Have ground rules and a firm exit strategy in place before you enter the bedroom and you should be fine. If you don’t, you’ll pay for it. Sure, it may be an awkward conversation, but well worth it. Sure you can drive your car without insurance, and you might not get in an accident, but what if you do? Do the leg work first. You’ll be glad you did.

How A Girl Can Hook Up With A Guy

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Dating is one thing, a one night stand is another. Here’s how to get with a man without bringing home a bunch of baggage.

What She Said:

Dress sexy, show up, flirt and ask him, “Your place or mine?” – repeat.

Dressing Sexy Will Do The Trick a

I’d find four more examples, but this pretty much does the trick every time. It’s not that men are simple creatures by any stretch – but if a woman shows up somewhere with the goal of hooking up, chances are she’s going to find some takers. This is especially true if she’s at a club or bar.

Think About Safety

If you’re a woman looking to hook up instead of dating, please consider safety first. Given the nature of one-night stands, fact of the matter is that you’re probably not going to know this guy very well. Getting laid is fun and there’s no reason why a woman shouldn’t be open about needing/wanting sex.

However, one night of fun is not worth an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. If you’ve got the expendable income, a hotel can be a sexy place to meet – as well as making it neutral territory. If you’re going to his place, take your own car and let a friend know where you are.

Set Boundaries

Make sure to communicate and set the boundaries beforehand. Let him know condom use is a must. Don’t want to wake up and have to brew this guy coffee? Tell him it’s not a sleepover; odds are he won’t mind. You’re calling the shots, so make sure to get what you want and have fun. And, just like I advised the guys, the easiest way to hook up is be cool, honest and respectful.

What He Said:

Umm….seriously? You need help with this? No you don’t. You have a vagina. That means you can get laid anywhere, any place, any time.

Say whatever you want. At the end of the day, it’s a man’s world in every way, except when it comes to sex and dating. Women hold all the cards here. If you want to go get laid, just go into a bar and wait. That’s it. Granted you will have to choose from the guys who approach you, so that may not result in you going home with the guy you want, but you can guarantee that you will go home with someone.

Ask A Man Out

If you really want to up the odds and ensure you go home with the person you want, go up and hit on the guys yourself. Guys love that and it rarely happens. Go up to the hottest guy in the bar and tell him you want him to take you home. Now. Be very up front that this just sex and he won’t be dating you or meeting your friends or family. You’re not bringing him home for inspection. You’re bringing him home to have sex.

Have Him Spring For The Room

There’s really not much else to it. If you just want to have sex, it’s best not to give him your number until after you’ve done it (that way if it’s bad he can’t contact you) and it’s probably best to have him spring for a hotel room somewhere. Basically, you need to be as secretive as the CIA when just randomly hooking up with dudes, because a lot of things can go wrong or turn south in these situations and you just want to limit the risk as much as possible.

Top 5 Ways For A Guy To Hook Up With A Girl

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Dating is tough – sometimes you just want to hook up and get some instead of going through the dating process. Here’s five suggestions on how to get a hook up.

What She Said:

  1. Buy her drinks. (The goal is tipsy, not passed out.)
  2. Give her lots of attention and flatter her.
  3. Proposition her directly – she might be so shocked by your honesty that she may take you up on it.
  4. Hit the dance floor at a crowded club and see what happens…
  5. Attend a raging party with the “hook up” goal in mind and start scoping the crowd.

Buy Her Drinks

Honestly, alcohol is the most common component in a one-night stand. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you are aware that alcohol lessens inhibitions. But here is where you absolutely need to pay attention – you’re looking for girl who is getting tipsy because she also WANTS to get laid. This must be mutual. You’re looking for a fun night – you don’t want to add “date rapist” to your resume. Seriously.

Compliment Her

Be clear with your hook up. Have the balls to be a man and act responsibly. If you’re not looking for anything serious, let her know up front. It’s not sexy to take advantage of someone emotionally – it’s gross. The fact that you’re both going to use condoms should be a given – you most likely won’t have time to run out and get an STD panel. This is one night – not something you want to live with for the rest of your life, in virtually all aspects.

Be Confident, Respectful And Honest

What’s the best way to hook up? Be confident, be respectful and be honest. If you can’t be any of those things, please do women of the world a favor and masturbate at home with some lotion and this month’s Playboy.

What He Said

  1. Great chocolate
  2. Hang out at male strip clubs/gay bars
  3. Hook up websites
  4. Bars, bars, bars
  5. Honesty

Chocolate Is The Female Viagra

Great chocolate is female Viagra. Period. End of story. All you need to do is find out whether she likes light or dark and then seek out the best, most expensive and amazing chocolatier in your city. Get her a piece or two. Hand it to her and insist she eat it there right in front of you. Watch the look on her face (that’s the face of her having a food orgasm for those of you keeping score at home), then just try not to fuck up the rest of the date until you get home that night, assuming there is a rest of the date after that.

Frequent Gay Bars

I have a friend who is hugely successful hooking up with chicks and he only goes to gay bars and male strip clubs. Why? Do the words “shooting fish in a barrel” mean anything to you? Women love gay bars because they feel safe, their guards are down, but they’re also going to get drunk and horny, and a Chippendale dancer is man’s best friend. Those women will lose their minds over those hard bodies and then they’ll want something else hard and you’ll be there to give it to them.

There are a plethora of adult websites, such as Adult Friend Finder. Put up a profile and go to town.

Bars in general are where girls go to hook up, go there, and do a lap. On that lap, make eye contact with every girl. If they break away, don’t bother. If they keep eye contact, it’s on.

Be Honest With Her

Chicks dig honesty. If you tell her straight up you just want some ass, you’re giving her the gift of choice. She can take it or leave it, but there’s no illusions about what the choices are. She will like that. That may mean she likes your brains out or not. But put it out there. It’s her choice.

Top 5 Places To Meet A Great Girl

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Dating around is easy – but finding the right woman isn’t. It’s easy to strike out and find someone that you THINK is great, only to find out a few dates later that they’re not exactly who you thought they were. You really want to meet a great woman and see where it goes, but where do you begin?

What She Said

  1. Zumba classes
  2. The library
  3. Coffee shop
  4. Grocery store
  5. Happy hour at a wine bar

A Zumba (Or Other Exercise) Class

Want to get your groove on? Try a Zumba class! That’s where all the fit chicks will be dancing in tight-fitting workout clothes. You’ll stand out in a sea of ladies – and women dig a man with enough balls to enroll in a dance class. Bonus – you’ll be getting in even more shape!

The Library

Meeting a woman at the library is one of the older dating tips, but it’s a good one. It means the woman you have your eye on is probably well read, which can lead to an intellectual connection. While “book smart” might not be number one on your list, think of it this way – most women connect intellectually and emotionally before hitting the sack. Besides, if you’re looking for a girlfriend and not just sex, you’ll be happy knowing you’ve found someone you can talk to.

A Coffee Shop

Ah, coffee shops – the liquid matchmaker of our modern times. Starbucks is probably indirectly responsible for helping create as many babies as they are non-fat vanilla lattes. Hanging at your local caffeine peddler’s place is a great way to read the Sunday paper – and scope out potential dates.

The Grocery Store

Most people are creatures of habit and this is where the grocery store comes in. Given our hectic schedules during the workweek, most folks finding themselves usually doing their food shopping at the same time each week. This give you the opportunity to chat with a crush in the soup aisle until it’s time to make your move and go out on a date.

Bars

Once again, bars are more known for one night stands than long-term unions – but there are exceptions to every rule. Hard alcohol usually means “party time,” while a wine bar generally indicates civilized sipping. Meeting up over a glass of wine is a great way to relax and get to know someone. Once again, most creatures of habit tend to frequent the same Happy Hour each week, which gives you the opportunity to get to know someone over repeated run-ins.

What He Said

  1. Educational classes
  2. Fitness classes
  3. Yoga Retreats
  4. Eat, Pray, Lovebook club
  5. Subway

Educational Classes

Chicks dig learning, more so than guys. For women, life is a journey. For men, it’s a destination, so if you’re into learning (or can fake it) you have a natural in with women. One of the best dating tips is to take a class in something you might be interested in or that a woman you’re attracted to might be interested. You’ll be good to go.

Fitness Classes

Men go to the gym. Women go to classes at the gym. Big difference. You’ll see a totally different group of people in those fitness classes than you will walking around the weight room, which by definition is a sausage fest. Go, become a regular and then you’ll get credibility (she’ll think you’re really into that class as opposed to being the creepy guy just going to classes to pick up chicks that you are). Use that credibility to strike up a conversation and boom! You’re in.

A Yoga Retreat

Yoga retreats have a pretty standard 90% women to 10% guys ratio. You’re on vacation, her stress, worry and inhibitions are back and home, what happens on retreat stays on retreat…you do the math.

Eat, Pray, Love Book Club

Eat, Pray, Love will get you a woman. Period. I’ll explain, while on a yoga retreat (where I learned the 90/10 rule), every woman was talking about how that book changed their lives (it’s literally a cult, that book), so when I got home I ran to the book store and bought it and started reading it, and carrying around with me so I could sneak in a few pages wherever I went. Women were stopping me left and right. They couldn’t believe I was reading this book (NOTE: you will need to actually read it. It won’t work otherwise, and these women WILL quiz you on it). Buy it, read it, and it’s on.

A Subway Restaurant

Hanging out at a Subway is one of the surprisingly good dating tips that help you meet a woman and see what’s she’s into. If she orders a foot long, let her pass. If she orders the six inch, it’s on! Seriously though, if you’re trying to meet women, set a goal of talking to twenty hot chicks a day and don’t go to sleep until you to. Do that for a week. Pretty soon you’ll see the obvious: hot chicks are everywhere. You don’t have to worry about going to a specific place. It’s always on.

Top 5 Places To Meet A Great Guy

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So you’re a girl and you’re prowling the dating scene. You want to find yourself a great guy, but where do you go? How do you find him without losing your mind?

What She Said:

  1. The Gym
  2. A Sports Bar
  3. The Library
  4. A Farmer’s Market
  5. Through Friends

The Gym

The gym is a fun place to meet men. It instantly shows that you’re both into taking care of yourselves physically – and being physically fit usually leads to a healthier frame of mind. A gym membership also gives you the opportunity to run into the guy you’re crushing on. Perhaps you’re in the same spin class or are hitting the treadmill at 6 PM everyday. It’s a great opportunity for flirting.

A Sports Bar

A bar might sound like a no go – but I find a sports bar to be a great place to gather socially. There’s a reason to be there, as well as a community spirit in watching a game. Most guys are sharing pitchers of beer instead of shots – not always the case, of course. But loosening up over a few brews is a little more civilized than tequila shooters. This is you looking for a mate – not Spring Break. Much like the gym, frequenting your local sports hangout during football season gives you reason to run into your crush again and again.

The Library

I’m a fan of a guy with smarts – thus the library is a favorite haunt when on the hunt. In this day and age of endless media, Kindle and iPads it’s nice to share camaraderie with someone who still appreciates holding literature in his hands.

A Farmer’s Market

A Farmer’s Market is usually held on the same day of the week during the season – which, once again, provides the opportunity to seek out your gentleman crush on a regular basis. Plus all that organic produce is good for you!

Through Friends

While the set up via friends can be rife with complications, it’s also been known to create love matches as well. Besides, it’s free – unlike an online dating service, which doesn’t come with friend-approved references. Ultimately, the best way to meet a great guy is to be a great gal. Be happy with who you are and the right guy will most likely gravitate towards you. Don’t be afraid to take chances in the meantime!

What He Said:

Let me start out with where NOT to find a guy: through your friends. Yes, yes, I know. Jenna recommended it, but for my money, finding a mate through a friend is like borrowing money from (or loaning money to) a family member: it always ends badly.  It’s best not to add that dimension to your relationship. That being said, the top five places to meet a guy are:

  1. The Gym
  2. Hardware/Grocery Stores
  3. Classes
  4. Online Dating Sites
  5. Sports Bars

Gyms & Sports Bars

The gym and sports bars are by their definition, sausagefests.  Yes, I know women go to the gym, but they take classes more than they work out. Dress like as hot as possible in the most flattering workout clothes you can find, and your set. Sports bars are even easier. Just get yourself a jersey and the tightest jeans you can (they should make your butt look ah-mazing), grab a beer and wait. Men will be all over you.

Hardware/Grocery Stores

Home Depot and other home improvement stores are great to meet guys. You don’t see many women there, and if they are there they are with their mates. Go in and look clueless and ask a hot guy for help. The same goes for any store, really. Grocery stores, anywhere. Just ask a guy for help and you’re good.

Classes

Classes are a great place to meet guys. Figure out what kind of guy you want and figure out what he might be interested in and take a class in that and you will have an organic reason to talk to each other and you might even get put into a study group!

Online Dating Sites

Online dating sites are great! I know, I know. There are a lot of creepy guys out there, but the odds on most online dating sites work in your favor. You just put up a profile and pick and choose who you want to meet.

Trust me, if you consistently put yourself out there, you will find someone!  Enjoy the process!