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Q&A: How To Get HER To Last Longer In Bed

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Sex and reaching orgasm usually take longer for girls, but what happens when SHE’S the one going too fast? Usually, it’s the guy that reaches climax before the girl, but it’s not unheard of for a girl to actually reach orgasm before the man. One reason could be that she’s faking it – or, she could just be super sensitive. If it only lasts a few minutes long, it’s time for her to learn how to last longer in bed!

Dear Dan and Jenn – I am a guy and my girlfriend and I are having sex. She can only have enjoyably have sex for about 5 to 10 minutes then have only one orgasm. She can tolerate sex for 20 minutes. I have lasted about 30 to 40 minutes in the past. What can I do to help be able to help her last longer during sex, or do I need to learn to last shorter?

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wom93rGOHRQ&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Are You Using Enough Lube?

Sex for long periods of time can be very uncomfortable or painful for a woman if she’s not lubed up enough. Even if she’s had an orgasm, she may still not be wet enough to continue having sex with you as long as you need to reach your own climax. There’s a simple solution – use more lube! If you’re not using any at all, it’s time to invest in a nice, big bottle of water based lube that is both sex toy and condom compatible. A lot of guys are afraid to use lube, or think that if they do it means they’re not good enough at it, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Enough lube makes intercourse better and helps it to last longer – period.

She Might Just Really Be Satisfied

There’s a lot of pressure on guys to be able to give women multiple orgasms, but the truth is, many girls can be satisfied with just one. This is especially true if the one orgasm she had was amazing and completely rocked her world. If it was that good, she may be too tired to continue having sex and much, much to sensitive to receive more stimulation and try to have another orgasm.

Is She Faking It?

Another possibility to look at if your girl just doesn’t go for the long haul during intercourse is she might be faking her orgasm. If you’re only able to have sex for ten or twenty minutes and she has an “orgasm” and is done, she may be trying to get it over with as fast as possible. Girls usually take longer to warm up during foreplay and longer to orgasm, so it’s really the exception rather than the norm if she’s truly had an orgasm and is truly satisfied after just a few minutes of sex.

If she is faking it, think about why. Are you failing to really please her? Are your efforts at giving her an orgasm falling short and she just wants fake it and get it over with, since she’s not getting anything out of it? This is the most common reason that girls fake their orgasms – their guys just aren’t doing it for them and they either don’t have the heart to tell them they’re not getting it right or their guys are too stubborn to listen. If you suspect that she’s faking it, communicate with her. Ask your partner what you’re doing wrong or what you could be doing better. Work with her on getting her to a place where she doesn’t feel like she has to fake it.

Teaching Her To Have Multiple Orgasms

If you sense that her orgasm is genuine and that she really is satisfied with just one, teach her that she doesn’t have to be. Extend your foreplay sessions and get her really, really warmed up. Take the time to focus on her pleasure, even before you start getting it on. Give your partner an orgasm through oral sex first, before you even penetrate with your penis.

Women are actually designed to have more than one orgasm, because they simply don’t go back down to square one after climax like a man does. They hang out in the mid-arousal stage, so they don’t have as far to go to reach climax again. Take advantage of this by focusing on your partner and her pleasure, without thinking of yourself. Give your partner a night where it’s all about her and see just how many orgasms she has!

How To Attract Women Without Saying A Word

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Body language is powerful. It can say so many things even if you don’t utter a single word. You can show that you’re happy, angry, worried or surprised. It can show someone that you’re fun, confident and approachable or it can show someone that you really don’t want to be talked to right then. When dating, it’s important to make sure you’re giving off the right body language. Here’s how to use body language to attract women!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-LUWMZlJ6w[/youtube]

Body Language Makes Up The Majority Of Our Communication

Believe it or not, words do not make up the majority of our communication with other people – body language does. Even when you’re talking about something to someone, if your body language is coming off as something different, the person you’re talking to is going to pay much more attention to that than the words coming out of your mouth.

When talking to women, it’s not about the pick up line or what you say, because you communicate so much more non-verbally. To successfully attract women, you want to be able to understand how people read body language and you want to make sure you’re able to use it to your advantage to convey the right message to women you’re attracted to.

Posture Is Key

Your posture is the first thing any girl is going to notice about you. Are you slumped over, looking like you’re not interested in talking to anyone and you’re hiding in your own little world, or are you standing tall, looking confident and conversing with the people around you? If you have poor posture, the first thing you want to do is consciously work on standing taller, with your shoulders back and your head up. You want to have an air of confidence about you that is immediately noticeable just by the way you carry yourself.

One good way to improve your posture is to work out regularly and strengthen your core muscles. If your core muscles are weak, they’re not going to be able to hold you up very well and you’ll be more tempted to slump over. If you work out regularly, you’re going to stand taller, walk straighter and appear more confident overall.

Make Eye Contact

Lots of guys don’t make eye contact with girls when they’re flirting simply because they’re nervous. Being nervous when talking to girls is normal, but you really want to make eye contact. There’s a reason people say that the “eyes are windows to the soul” because you can communicate so much with someone non-verbally just by looking into their eyes for a few seconds. Practice making eye contact with other people when speaking, at work or with your friends. Get comfortable looking people in the eyes in general. Then, when you meet that girl you’re really interested in, you can make eye contact with her comfortably.

Be Upbeat And Positive

Having an upbeat and positive attitude is key to attracting girls. If you’re stiff, aren’t talking to people or are being a downer, no girl is going to want to talk to you or flirt with you. However, if you’re happy, having a great conversation with those around you and look like you’re positive and confident, you’re going to draw people into your world. Girls naturally gravitate towards happy and optimistic guys, so you definitely want to be that guy.

Be An Alpha Male

Having strength and confidence usually means being an alpha male – the guy who stands out from the pack, so to speak. Being an alpha male doesn’t mean that you’re aggressive and treat women badly, it simply means being strong and confident enough to stand out from the rest of the guys around you. Ladies automatically look for the alpha male in a group of guys – so be that guy!

Portray yourself as being self-assured and having a high self esteem. Don’t be cocky, but you also don’t want to look like you’re nervous, weak or wimpy. Girls aren’t going to be attracted to you if you look like you’re a wimp who doesn’t know how to talk to a girl. An alpha male is strong, confident and sure of himself and his ability to converse with girls. He’s not afraid of making a mistake, because if he does, he’ll laugh it off. He shows confident body language and looks approachable.

Practice!

Practice putting yourself out there and practice being an alpha male. Gradually build your self confidence over time and people will begin to see that change in you and begin to perceive you as the person you’re trying to be – a better, stronger, more confident you!

What You MUST Know About The Clitoris!

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An orgasm for a woman usually comes via the clitoris – so if you want to give her the big “O”, here’s what you need to know about her most sensitive spot.

Everyone worth his erotic salt knows that it’s all about the clit. It’s that tiny well-spring of pleasure that is so difficult to pinpoint. Every man wants to become the master of the clit. However, conquering that miniscule bulb over a woman’s vagina can be such an impossible task.

The Similarities Between The Penis And The Clitoris

Your penis is very straight forward: you touch it, it gets hard; you touch it more, and you orgasm. The reason it is so easy is that everything you need to work with is right in front of you. That is not so with a woman’s genitalia. The little bulb you see when you’re looking at it straight on is only a small portion of what makes up the clit. Most of it is internal, which is why it is so hard to figure out.

The appearance of the clitoris as a whole is quite similar to the penis; it’s just mostly on the inside. It is reminiscent in shape and function as it has both a shaft and erectile tissue. What most people think of as the clitoris is actually just the head or glans of the clitoris. If you look closely at it, the glans does bear resemblance to the head of a man’s penis, only significantly smaller. Despite its size, the head of the clit houses twice as many nerves as does the penis – which is why her orgasms are much, much better than yours.

How It’s Different

When a woman is not stimulated, the clitoris appears internally like a flaccid penis does externally. Upon arousal, it becomes engorged and erect, actually hardening like a man’s penis. The head pushes against the clitoral hood, which is homologous to a man’s foreskin. The head can be incredibly sensitive, and the clitoral hood protects it from irritation. This is particularly important if a woman is not properly stimulated, as the sebum produced by the body is what protects the clit during intercourse.

However similar in appearance the clitoris is to the penis, it reacts quite differently to stimulation. It’s easy to stimulate a penis to ejaculation. You just need to touch it. However, the clit is not an on/off switch. If you attempt to stimulate the clit before she is adequately aroused, you’re going to end up irritating her more than arousing her. In which case, it’s all over for you, pal.

Q&A: BDSM & Rape Fantasies – How To Make Them Safe And Fun

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BDSM and rape fantasies can be fun when no one gets hurt. Real rape is no joke – if you want to engage in this type of fantasy, it needs to be between consenting adults who are comfortable with pushing the boundaries. Here’s how to indulge in your BDSM fantasy without going too far.

Question: Hey guys, I am a BDSM master. I’ve had a lot of people ask me about rape fantasy sex with their partner. I’ve told them, just like an BDSM act, it has to be discussed beforehand and have a safe word chosen. Would you please do a video on this subject? Thanks!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV4jvsT8Wgk&feature=channel_video_title[/youtube]

What Is A Rape Fantasy?

A rape fantasy, in the right context, is actually just a domination/submission role play game. Some people enjoy being dominant over their partners while others enjoy being submissive. When you have a couple where one partner wants to dominate the other and the other enjoys being dominated, you can have a lot of fun with BDSM play.

Domination and submission is actually incredibly popular, although a lot of it stays underground for fear of being judged on sexual preferences. Rape is forced sex, and a rape fantasy is where you pretend to force someone to have sex or pretend that you’re being forced to have sex. It can be fun and enjoyable if it’s under the right circumstances and safe for everyone involved.

Communicate With Your Partner

While communication during sex is important no matter what you’re doing, it becomes essential when you’re doing something that is so far towards the edge of what is okay and what isn’t okay. You want to make sure you’re on the same page with your partner about what crosses the line and what doesn’t, because if the line is crossed, someone can get hurt, even if neither partner meant for it to happen.

Talk to your partner about what is okay and how far you can go, while also discussing where you don’t want to go and how far is too far. Talk about it beforehand – don’t wait until you’re doing it to say “Hey, I’m not sure I like that.” You and your partner both need to know exactly what you can do and what you can’t do before you ever get started. This is one of those situations where you don’t push the envelope past what you and your lover previously agreed to.

Also, make sure you’re with someone you trust. You don’t want to be acting out a BDSM rape fantasy with someone you just met at a club – because it very well could turn into real rape or you could get hurt. Make sure you and your lover both know and trust each other well before engaging in any activity of this nature.

Come Up With A Safe Word And Gesture

During any BDSM act, it is important to have a safe word or gesture prepared in case one partner wants the play to stop immediately. If it hurts, or you’re getting scared and just aren’t into it anymore, it’s important that you have a word you can say that lets your lover know that all play needs to stop right then and there. A safe word is something you don’t say very often, especially not in the bedroom.

“Stop!” or “No, don’t, that hurts!” are very bad safe words, because for doms and subs, this type of language is actually erotic. A safe word can be anything like, “purple pony,” “fried tomatoes,” or “Troy Aikman” – anything that you wouldn’t normally use in a sexual conversation is perfect. That way, your partner knows you want to stop ASAP.

A safe gesture is also a good thing to decide on before trying out a rape fantasy, especially if you and your partner enjoy using gags of any kind. A gag will prevent someone from speaking, so although they may be shouting “purple pony!” to try to get you to stop, it may only come out as gargled moans – which can be erotic if you’re a dom. So choose a safe gesture as well. It could be flipping the bird or the Vulcan salute – anything that can’t be confused with random movement of the hands. If your partner sees you make the gesture, they need to stop immediately, just as they would with a safe word.

How Do You Get Started With A Rape Fantasy?

Even if you’re experienced in the world of BDSM, it’s generally not a good idea to jump right into a rape fantasy. This is definitely something you want to start slow with, and work your way up. Start with some light domination, or a little bit of bondage and then gradually work your way up to more bondage and restraint, while adding in sexual language that is suggestive of pretend forced sex. You can also find your boundaries this way – going slow and working your way up to bigger things will allow you to find out if you’re comfortable with something or not before really diving head first into it.

What To Do If It Goes Too Far

Even though you’re just pretending, it can be really easy for a rape fantasy to go too far, too quickly. Don’t ever be afraid to use your safe word or gesture, and don’t be afraid to stop. Don’t think that your partner likes it so you should keep going – if YOU don’t like it or it’s hurting YOU, it’s important that you stop the play right away! You can always try again later if you really want to.

If your partner uses the safe word, make sure you’re the one stopping. That’s where trust comes in during BDSM and rape fantasies – you have to trust that your partner will stop immediately if the safe word is used and your partner has to trust that you’ll do the very same.

Real Rape Is No Joke

Although it’s perfectly fine to enact rape fantasies and play pretend when you’re with a partner you trust, real rape is not a joke! It doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, gay, straight, male or female – if you’re forcing someone else to have sex or sexual contact against their will, it is rape! If you have fantasies or feelings about actually raping someone against their will, talk to a counselor. Seek help, because these are not safe or natural feelings to have. You could hurt yourself or someone else, and get in a lot of trouble in the process. If you’ve flirted with the idea of actually raping someone, talk to a counselor right away!

Using The Power Of Scent To Get Her To Fall For You

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Seduction isn’t about just the eyes and ears – you can use the sense of smell in the seduction of a woman as well. In fact, smell plays a powerful role in getting a woman to be attracted to you – if you stink, she’s not going to want to be near you! Alternatively, if you smell absolutely delicious, she’s going to want to get closer to you. Here’s how to get a girl to fall all over you – with smell!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBzSpCMuNZE&feature=relmfu[/youtube]

Why Smell Is So Important In Seduction

If a woman doesn’t like the way you smell, she’s not going to date you. It’s really very simple, although it may not even be a conscious decision for her. She may not know that she’s not attracted to you because of the way you smell – she may just not know why she doesn’t like you at all. Or, she may know that your aroma turns her off and she’ll be just as happy finding someone else to date, because you’re not doing it for her. Whether she realizes it or not, the way you smell plays a big part in whether you’re actually going to get a date or not.

A woman is going to get an impression of you based on the aromas around you – the way you smell, the way your house smells and the way your car does. These aromas are going to impact her and impact the way she feels about you, so you want to learn how to use this to your advantage and make it work for you!

Building Your Own Signature Smell

Seduction involving smell doesn’t necessarily mean you need to dump a bottle of cologne all over you and wait for the girls to come running. Sure, the deodorant commercials say that’s what will happen, but it very rarely does happen like that. What you need to do is work on building your own signature aroma – a smell that is uniquely your own.

  • High quality aftershave. Don’t buy the cheap stuff, and make sure what you’re using doesn’t conflict with any of the other aromas you’re using.
  • Practice good oral hygiene. Brush your teeth often, floss and use mouthwash. Carry mints or gum with you for those moments you need to freshen up. There’s nothing worse than for a girl to go in to kiss a really cute guy and be put off by nasty breath.
  • Use good deodorant. Find one that works with both your natural body chemistry and smell, but also one that controls your sweating. If your sweat breaks through your deodorant, consider an anti-perspirant. If it breaks through the anti-perspirant, look for a stronger formula!
  • Wash your hair. Yes, that “just rolled out of bed” look is hot right now, but you can achieve that look with a little bit of hair wax or pomade without your hair stinking like smoke from a bar or like fried food from the restaurant you were at. Use a clean smelling shampoo.
  • Make sure your clothes are clean. Keep up with your laundry, and use a good smelling detergent and fabric softener. You don’t want your partner to lean in and smell your shirt during a hug and wonder how long your shirt has been laying on your bedroom floor. Make sure your clothes smell good too!

Make Sure Your Space Smells Good

So you’re fairly sure that you can be a master of seduction with aroma because you’ve covered all the bases when it comes to yourself. You’re showered, shaven, deodorized and wearing a dab of that cologne you know drives women crazy. You’re good to go, right? Nope. What happens when you bring a girl you meet home, in hopes of having sex? Does your space smell as great as you do? Is your space ready for seduction too?

  • Clean up the clutter. A little clutter is fine, but if you have old Chinese take out boxes still hanging out in your trash from a few days ago, your entire place is going to stink like old Chinese food. Clean your apartment up for the most part. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but the dirty underwear has to go.
  • Clean the bathroom. The bathroom is something she’ll probably use while she’s there, so you want to make sure it’s acceptable for a woman to use. That means wipe down the sink where you shave, clean the toilet (if she’s drunk and has to worship the porcelain altar at your place, you don’t want your partner to have to stick her face in a toilet that isn’t sparkling clean. You weren’t ready for this girl to see that side of you, were you?) Make sure your shower is clean and smelling fresh too – hopefully you can get invited into the shower with your partner for a nice round of shower sex!
  • Use candles and incense. Sure, it may seem girly, but it will make all the difference in the world to a woman. If she walks in and it smells clean and fresh, or even warm and spicy, she’s going to be a lot more turned on than if she walks in and it smells like…well, a man’s dirty house!
  • Clean out your car. If you’re going to be picking her up for a date, or she’ll be in your car at all, make sure there aren’t old burger wrappers hanging out in the backseat. Give it a good vacuum, and hang a few air fresheners from the rear view mirror. If you smoke in your car, stop! Make sure your car doesn’t smell like an ashtray, or you’ll never be a master of seduction.

Do Things With Your Partner That Involve Aroma

So now you smell great and your place smells great. It’s time to start thinking about seduction with different aromas when you take your lover out on a date. When planning a great date, think about all the different ways you can use aroma for seduction. Take your lover to a restaurant where the food smells divine and make a point to smell your food and comment on how great it is before digging in. Take your partner wine tasting where you both can enjoy the bouquets of the wine.

When getting your lover a gift, go for candles, perfumes or lotions that smell fantastic. Take it one step farther by doing some research on aromatherapy and what smells trigger what emotions. For example, men respond really well to the smell of pumpkin pie and lavender, while women really enjoy the smell of chocolate and sandalwood. Also, some aromas arouse and excite, while others relax and calm the mind. Choose an aroma that goes well with what you’re planning to do and get it in a warming oil, a candle or a stick of incense. If giving your partner a sensual massage, make sure you have a great smelling massage oil to use!