Love & Sex Answers

Today's #1 Love & Sex Resource

You are here: Home / Archives for loveandsex

What Are The Side Effects Of Oral Birth Control?

By

Oral birth control is a very popular form of birth control and is often used alone or with other methods (such as condoms) to prevent unwanted pregnancy. However, oral birth control isn’t for everyone. There are a number of side effects that go along with taking it, ranging from a little weight gain to more serious side effects such as stroke and decreased libido. Here’s what you want to know about oral birth control and its associated side effects.
Question: I was wondering if you could do a video on the side effects of oral birth control. By this, I don’t mean what we normally hear like weight gain and possibility of a stroke (if you smoke while on the pill), but I mean the stranger side effects like loss of sex drive, insomnia, and depression! I know it didn’t even strike me that the pill could cause these things, so I’m betting other people don’t know either. So if you could make a video to help inform woman of some of these strange side effects, I think that would be really great! Thanks!
–YouTube Viewer
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6LZWM6KXuDk[/youtube]
Quick Birth Control Facts
  • Oral birth control is 99.9% effective against pregnancy when used correctly – that means, taking it at about the same time every single day.
  • It does not prevent STD’s of any kind, including HIV, AIDS, chlamydia, herpes, etc.
  • Antibiotics and other medicines will reduce the effectiveness of birth control.
  • Women on birth control should not smoke due to increase in rare but very serious side effects.

Common Birth Control Side Effects

There are many side effects that are caused by oral birth control, ranging from very mild side effects to more serious ones. Some women who take birth control won’t experience any side effects at all, others may experience some side effects that aren’t bothersome, and others may experience very serious and uncomfortable side effects that may mean they need to discontinue using the medication.

  • Nausea
  • Weight gain
  • Sore or swollen breasts
  • Spotting between periods or lighter periods
  • Mood changes
  • Decreased sexual libido

More Serious Birth Control Related Side Effects

While most of the side effects that are related to birth control aren’t serious, some of them are and require immediate medical attention. These side effects are more rare, but they can happen. Every woman who takes birth control should be aware of the more rare but serious side effects of the medication so they can contact their doctor as soon as possible if they experience any of these more serious side effects.

  • Abdominal pain
  • Chest pain
  • Visual disturbances such as blurred vision or spots or flashes in your vision
  • Mild headaches or severe migraines
  • Swelling and aching in the legs and thighs

Other Forms Of Hormonal Birth Control

You may think that the “pill” is the only form of birth control that has side effects, but quite the opposite is true. Many popular forms of birth control contain the very same mix of hormones that the pill does! Other forms of hormonal birth control can be even stronger than some pills and can produce similar but stronger side effects than the those associated with the pill.

  • The Ortho Evra patch
  • The Nuva ring
  • Mirena – the hormonal IUD (intra-uterine device)
  • Depo-Provera injection and other birth control injections
  • Hormonal implants
  • Plan B – the “morning after” pill

Barrier Methods

While oral birth control is among the most popular ways to practice safe sex, it is not the only way. Oral birth control doesn’t protect against sexually transmitted diseases, but some other methods of safe sex (called “barrier” methods) do.

  • Condoms – protects against STD’s
  • Female condoms – protects against STD’s
  • Copper IUD
  • Diaphragm
  • Cervical Cap
  • Spermicidal sponge, foam, cream or film

Talk To Your Doctor To Find Out If Birth Control Is Right For You

Always talk to your doctor to find out whether or not oral birth control or other forms of birth control is right for you. Your doctor can help explain to you why you should or should not take birth control, and will tell you how to use it correctly so it is most effective. Some women should not take birth control at all, because the risk of side effects are too great. Your doctor will look at your entire health history to determine whether or not hormonal birth control is the right choice for your health and lifestyle.

Who should not take birth control:

  • Women over 35
  • Women with a history of blood clots
  • Women with a history of heart or liver disease
  • Women with a history of breast or uterine cancer
  • Women who have experienced undesirable side effects from birth control previously

Sexting: How To “Revivify” Her Best Experiences

By

Sexting is an extremely powerful tool that you can use to heat up your sex life with your partner almost instantaneously! If you want your lover to be ready for sex with you as soon as she gets home from work, try these sexting techniques to revive her favorite sexual experiences with you – so you and her can live them all over again!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHr-GkDxPP4[/youtube]

Get Her Turned On Quickly

This sexting technique is one you want to use when you want to get your partner turned on quickly so she’s ready to pounce on you as soon as you both get home from work. It’s not one you want to use to create a long, drawn out romance – this is going to turn her on like a blowtorch! The key here is to find out what her best sexual experience is with you and get her to re-experience that through the descriptive language you’re going to use in a text.

Using Sensual Language

Telling your partner about your best sex experience again through text will only turn her on if you use descriptive, sensual language. Simply stating, “Remember that day at the lake where we had sex in the water and you had multiple orgasms?” is not enough to spark her imagination and get her thinking about the details of what happened. When you choose the language your going to use when you’re sexting your partner, select descriptive words. Instead of saying, “I loved touching your breasts,” you could say, “It makes me so hard to slide my hands over your soft, supple breasts.” This, in essence is dirty talk – but this is what is going to light your lover’s imagination on fire.

3 “Magic” Words To Use When Sexting

In addition to choosing sensual language when sexting your lover, you also want to use these three “magic” words that will help her to subconsciously remember and re-live the experience you’re talking about with her.

  • “Remember.” By using the word “remember,” you’re telling her brain to literally dredge up the memory from wherever it is stored.
  • “Imagine.” While men need visual stimuli to get turned on and start thinking about sex, a woman can do all of this with her imagination. By using the word “imagine” when writing sexts to your lover, you’re flipping the “on” switch to her imagination. Her imagination is much more powerful than anything you can say or write!
  • “Feel.” By using the word “feel” in your narrative, you’re signaling her brain to tell her body to get involved in the fantasy. Subconsciously, she’ll actually start to physically feel sensations similar to those she had when she actually went through the experience with you.

Use A “Curiosity Text” To Get Her Attention First

Before jumping right into describing your favorite sexual experience together in a text, it’s important that you get her to engage her first. Use a curiosity text to get her interested in what you have to say, so when you actually do start using the descriptive language, she’s totally focused on the words she’s reading.

A curiosity text is an opening line you’ll use to get her attention and get her thinking about what you’re going to say. Great examples of curiosity texts include:

  • “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you….“
  • “Do you know what I’ve been thinking about?”
  • This has been driving me crazy all day….”

The key here is to spark her imagination and get it going. She’ll wonder exactly what you’re thinking about and it’s pretty much guaranteed that her curiosity will win over and she’ll text you back asking you what it is that is driving you so crazy! This is where you start in with describing your most amazing night together to her!

Why Describing A Sexual Encounter You’ve Already Had Is Better Than Making Up A New One

If you’re a particularly creative guy, you might be wondering if it would be just as effective to describe to her a fantasy or something that hasn’t happened yet. While this can turn her on, it’s definitely not as powerful as choosing a sexual encounter you’ve already had together.

The reason this works so well is that she’s actually remembering what she was feeling during that time. How it felt to have your hands all over her body….your tongue on her clitoris….you get the idea. You’re basically turning your best sexual experience together into “girl porn” and making it her hottest fantasy. Don’t be surprised if she starts thinking about it again and again after you use this sexting technique!

What is Fisting? Is It Safe?

By

Rough sex takes on an entirely different meaning when it comes to fisting. Fisting is a sexual activity that is gaining in popularity, but there are still lots of questions that surround it. Is it safe to do, or should it be avoided? Are there ways to make fisting safer? Here is what you want to know about fisting and how you can make it as safe as possible.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNqhONOINag[/youtube]

What Is Fisting?

Fisting is considered to fall within the “BDSM” category of sex acts and simply put, it is the act of putting the hand, all the way up to the wrist or forearm, into the vagina or rectum. This is most easily done by forming the hand into a “duck bill” shape where the thumb and all the fingers meet (resembling a duck bill) for easier insertion. Then, the fingers can be moved into a fist shape or wiggled around once the hand is inside.

Fisting can be done alone during masturbation or during sex with a partner to create unique sensations for both men and women.

Is Fisting Safe?

When done properly, fisting can theoretically be safe and even enjoyable for both the giving and receiving partner. However, doing it properly is the key to making sure fisting doesn’t cause bodily harm or damage. Here’s how to keep fisting safe and fun:

  • Go slow. It’s very important that you go very slow when inserting the hand and wrist into a vagina or up the rectum. Going to fast may cause extreme discomfort or pain for your partner, and it may also cause some of the delicate vaginal or anal tissues to stretch too much and tear.
  • Use lots and lots of lube. Water based lube is best for easy clean up, but silicone based lube can be used as well. Do not attempt to try fisting yourself or your partner without a very generous amount of lube! Without lube, you can pretty much guarantee it won’t be comfortable for your partner and the risk of tearing goes up dramatically without the proper amount of lubrication.
  • Don’t use a “pumping” motion. You want to move your hand around during fisting, without taking it all the way out and pumping air into the vagina or rectum. This can cause air embolisms, which can be very dangerous and even cause death.
  • Allow for lots of warm up time and foreplay. When a woman is fully aroused and excited after foreplay, her vagina will relax more, making it easier to insert larger objects.
  • If it hurts, stop!

Fisting The Anus

Fisting the vagina is much safer than fisting the anus. Vaginas are very elastic and made to stretch and accommodate very large objects, because they are designed to give birth. A baby’s head is much larger than a fist, so you can rest assured that after fisting the vagina in a safe way, everything will go back to its normal size and shape.

That said, the rectum is not designed to accommodate objects as large as a fist. Even if you use lots and lots of lube, fisting the rectum can cause pain, discomfort at best and tearing or bleeding at worst. Repeated fisting of the rectum will change the size and shape of the anus, possibly leading to the need for adult diapers in the future because the anal sphincter has lost enough elasticity that it can no longer keep waste inside.

How To Make Anal Fisting Safer

While anal fisting isn’t considered a “safe” sexual activity, there are some things you can do to make it as safe as it can be.

  • Start small and work your way up. Start with small anal sex toys, such as tiny butt plugs, and work your way up to the bigger stuff.
  • Have a “safe” word. If it hurts too much, your partner will use the safe word so you’ll know to stop immediately.

Other Safety Tips To Consider

While taking the above steps to make fisting safer, here are some additional things to think about before you get started.

  • Trim your fingernails. Scrub underneath them and trim them, so there are no sharp corners, hangnails or dirt underneath.
  • Consider using a latex glove. Keep your hands clean and your partner’s anus or vagina bacteria free by simply slipping on a latex glove before fisting.
  • Never use a “numbing” lube. If it hurts, you need to feel it because that means you’re going too far! If you use numbing lubes, you may tear or bleed without realizing it.

How To Get Over A Nasty Breakup

By

Going through a terrible breakup can affect you in so many different ways. If you were the person that did the dumping, you may feel guilt over hurting someone that you cared about. Perhaps you had to breakup because your S.O. did something to really hurt you, and so you’re upset that it had to come to this.

Examine Your Post Breakup Feelings

If you were the one who was dumped, you may have been taken by complete and terrible surprise. You could be reeling from the shock of things, wondering if you did something to bring on the breakup or not. If you believed that this particular person was the one, many of your core relationship beliefs could be quite shaken.

You may be wondering how you could’ve wrongly thought you chose the right person. You might even be questioning your ability to trust people again. If you fixate on all of this, you can easily spin into a downward spiral of loneliness and depression. You owe it to yourself not to let that happen. Do your stint of grieving, and then do your best to move forward.

Give Yourself Time To Grieve

No one will blame you for wanting to camp out at home eating ice cream and throwing back a drink or two post-breakup. Give yourself a couple of weeks to indulge in your sorrows, and then start trying to move on. Activate your support system. Your friends and family love you, and they will be happy to help comfort you in a time like this. Surround yourself with people that you know will cheer you up, and you’ll be reminded that you’re a person worth caring about. They’re not going to judge you if you need to cry, sulk or even set up a dart board with your ex’s face on it.

Get Some Support

Ask one or two specific friends to be your breakup point people. You know how people who are in AA have a sponsor? If they feel like they might go get a drink and fall off the wagon, they reach out to their sponsor and that person gets them through their rough spot. You breakup point person or people should do the same thing for you.

If you’re tempted to do something that will only make things worse, they will help come to your rescue. Thinking of calling your ex and trying to get your ex back? Call your breakup point person instead. If you’re contemplating driving by your ex’s place, consult your breakup point person first. They’ll help talk you out of it.

Getting Some Fresh Air

The other key to breakup recovery is that you’ve got to get out of your house. You might have to drag yourself off the couch, but once you’ve left the house, you’ll be surprised at how nice it is to get out there. Just being out and about running errands can be enough to remind you that life goes on, even after a particularly awful breakup.

You should also try throwing your energy into other areas of your life. Maybe you’re not exactly kicking butt in the romance arena, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a superstar at work. Try finding a new hobby, too. This works particularly well if there is something you’ve been wanting to try, but put off doing because of your now-ex.

For example, if you wanted to start taking Spanish lessons, but you were saving the money you could’ve spent on classes for a vacation with your S.O., sign up for a class. You’ll be learning something new that interests you and sticking it to your ex all in one. You might even meet someone new in your lessons. Distracting yourself with new hobbies and your friends’ help will have you smiling again in no time. Just don’t let negativity drag you down, and you’ll be feeling a lot better before you know it.

What To Do If You Find Yourself In A Controlling Relationship

By

Relationships are often all smiles and happiness in the beginning, but after spending some time together and becoming more comfortable with each other, your partner may start to get a little controlling. What do you do if your significant other is trying to change you or control the way you act or dress? Why are they doing it and what can you do about it?

Question: What do you in a controlling relationship? My girlfriend told me I had to change to fit her after over a month in a relationship. It’s like she wants me to get my pretty boy swagg on or its over!

–YouTube Viewer

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXkgd7KrVDA[/youtube]

You May Have Acted Or Dressed Differently When You Started Dating

When people begin dating someone, they tend to want to make a good first impression. You may have worn nicer clothes, styled your hair, put on cologne or even acted a little differently when you first started dating your girlfriend, but now that the relationship has progressed, you have relaxed a little bit in how you put yourself together.

This is a natural development in relationships as two people get more comfortable with each other, but the caveat here is that your partner may have been more attracted to the person she met when you two began dating. This may become an issue in your relationship, because your girlfriend may feel like you’re not who you said you were. You can either step up and be that person, or you can move on and connect with someone else by showing her the real you.

She May Have Been More Forgiving Of You In The Beginning

Another thing that people do when they first start dating each other is they tend to be a little more forgiving of their partners’ faults and the things they do that are annoying or frustrating. You may be dressing and acting the same as you were in the beginning of the relationship, but your girlfriend may have held her tongue about what she didn’t like about you, or she may not have noticed at all.

As she became more comfortable with you, she felt more comfortable telling you about the things you do that annoy her or bother her, such as the way you dress or put yourself together. Unfortunately though, unless you’re okay with hearing all about your faults all the time, you might be headed for a break up.

She May Have Thought Of You As A “Fixer Upper”

Women love to “fix” their men. It’s a fact of life. Your girlfriend may have started dating you with the idea that she would “fix” what she didn’t like about you to make you fit her idea of a “good boyfriend.” While this is something that many women do, it can definitely lead to relationship problems. It’s definitely not fair to you for your partner to go into the relationship thinking she can “fix you up” into someone she feels is appropriate for her lifestyle. Not cool!

You Deserve To Be Loved For Who You Are

No matter who you are, what you look like or how you act or dress, you deserved to be loved for who you are – quirks, faults and all. Don’t think that because a woman wants to control or change you that you have to go along with it. If you are comfortable and happy being who you are, find someone who will love that person as much as you love yourself.

That said, if your significant other is pointing out faults and flaws that need to be changed for you to be a better person – such as dealing with intense anger issues or drug or alcohol abuse – you may want to listen to what she has to say. Ultimately though, it’s your decision to change and better yourself and that can only happen when and if you’re ready.

Be Honest With Her

Whether you want to try to work the relationship out or simply want to move on, be honest with your partner about how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Be careful not to be critical of her, but let her know how much it hurts you to feel like she’s trying to turn you into someone you’re not.

Let your significant other know that you’re not going to change who you are for them and they need to accept you “as is” with all of your faults and quirks – because they have faults too! No one is perfect! If they’re not on board, it’s time to move on to someone who will love and accept you with no questions asked.